happy deathversary, bonnie and frank!
i am still shattered. the thoughts below were written the day after the finale of htgawm aired, and to be honest, nothing has changed. i miss my traumatized murderers everyday. you especially, my bonbon. i hope you're enjoying the hot showers wherever you are now.
Thinking of how Annalise survived that day and the rest of her years when her two ride-or-die for decades literally took their last breath in her arms, 20 seconds apart.
Did she refuse to let Bonnie’s body go when she’s already being taken away from her embrace? Did Tegan help her arrange their funeral? I’m sure she did. What did she make the both of them wear? Did she include butterflies to make Bonnie happy? Did her eulogy include how much she loves them and how much they loved each other? How she somehow knew they would end up together? I’m sure it was beautiful. Were they cremated and part of their ashes were put in a small urn necklace for her to wear? Or buried next to each other where she visits them when she feels lonely? How did she clean up and sort the Winterfino house? What items did she keep to remember them? Did she keep at least one cardigan of Bonnie to smell it when she misses her? She didn't want to keep any of Sam's things but she didn't love Sam the way she loved Bonnie and Frank.
Everyone's been saying how the death of these two sets Annalise free from a lot of things. How she can now enjoy a life without crime, guilt, and the constant worrying for them — but she was the one who pushed them to the edge, their overflowing love for her made them the person they've become. They've always felt like they have to pay her in whatever way because she took them in and gave them a sense of what a family should be. Sometimes she asked for it, sometimes she didn't, but she knows. She knows and she will always have a cloud over her head having the knowledge that these unhinged lovers didn't die for each other but for her.
They're codependent, the three of them, in every sense of the word. Bonnie and Frank could've ran to Oregon, Annalise gave them a chance to do it, but both of them knew they would never have peace not knowing if she's safe or not. They could never take losing her. Bonnie and Annalise almost lost Frank but they comforted and kept each other grounded. Frank and Annalise did everything just to keep Bonnie alive (how ironic is this now 😭) because at the end of the day, she's their baby. Imagine Annalise losing both of them in one go, no one prepared her for it. She imagined them being there in her funeral, not her arranging theirs.
Annalise will never not love and think of them. She would always have what ifs of what could've been if they're alive, if their kids would have green or brown eyes, if they're brunette or blonde. Bonnie and Frank's photos should've been there during her memorial, no one was ever there for her more than them.
Years later, when she closed her eyes and went, I'm sure she was comforted knowing she'll probably see them both again. The same comfort Bonnie felt when she passed in Annalise's arms, and the same comfort Frank felt when he passed in Bonnie's arms. Full circle.
Endgame in the afterlife.
