Secrets only Artemis and Butler know
From birth to now (because they’re the original duo)
Artemis’s first friend was Butler, and he was also his favorite person as a toddler. Butler still has the huge collection of the drawings Artemis made stored safely away in a metal box with a lock on it along with the first blanket he ever used, for historic purposes obviously.
For the first ten years of his life, Artemis flat out refused to wear winter clothing for the cold weather so he was often given in his mother’s coat and Butler’s gloves that were too big for him. Butler has a photo of him overflowing in fur and scarfs that were not made for little necks like his.
The one time Artemis’s mission failed was because he got an intense need to take a shit half-time through a chase (which slowed him down even more than usual), so Butler abandoned the chase to guide him to the nearest public toilet. Artemis gave up on the mission and just reported the guy they were chasing to the authorities through his phone while sitting on the toilet.
Artemis has a girl’s number written in the back of his maths workbook, and is completely embarrassed of it. Butler has no clue on how it got there in the first place since he goes to an all boys’ school.
Butler tied his shoes for him until he was 9 years old. It was only after Artemis Sr. found out that his son finally learned a how to tie a knot.
Weight training for the space mission was an absolute nightmare for Artemis, he would start dying after 5 reps. It did not help that Butler started him off with 20kg dumbbells.
Artemis is extremely picky about the way food is arranged on his plate. Butler is very aware of all of this but it is a nightmare to eat with Artemis at a restaurant. The menu HAS to have pictures attached to the dish otherwise Artemis will complain when it arrives and it doesn’t meet his standards.
Butler has seen all of Artemis’s weird phases that he learned off the internet without supervision and sometimes thinks about them while watching Artemis work. If only Artemis could talk about aliens almost being propaganda and having a plan to come to Earth and conduct experiments on specifically gerbil rats
Arty passes out on the floor in his study at least twice a month, Butler just carries him to bed.
Butler makes coverups so that Artemis can do his weird sneezes in peace. He pretends not to hear them sometimes so that Artemis doesn’t scramble for explanations.
Artemis scored 43/50 in a math quiz during 5th grade and threatens Butler to not leak his most shameful moment till this day. Butler could not care less.
It took a shameful 12 months to get Artemis to like caviar as a 2 year old. He would just keep spitting it out. Just feeding him as a baby was not his best skill, Juliet would sometimes do it for him.
Artemis pretends he never recovered the memory of learning Butler’s first name. But Butler knows he’s lying.
Butler gave up on trying to teach Artemis to make simple dishes on his own when he walked into the kitchen to find Artemis eating just the ingredients to a sandwich and spring rolls.
Artemis is almost like every kid. He only studies the night before the test and refuses to sleep.
And he doesn’t drink coffee, just pure caffeine powder. Butler is worried. (Mrs. Fowl will not be happy about this.)
Alright those are all of the ones I can think of right now. I’m so not gonna score good on my science final because of this (Already messed up my social studies final) but it’s okay guys we can get through this! Should I write more about Baby Artemis? I feel like I would mischaracterize him 😭)
