Have Courage and Be Kind!
So it’s all over, the decorations are down, the New Year has settled and another year is here with the promise of making it a great year ahead of us!
Christmas was very different this year, for a start, in case I haven’t mentioned it before, I’m a Mother! Which means I don’t get to act like a complete child anymore, because now I have a child.
I wanted to do the best I could for Ivy for her First Christmas so I invited her Dad to spend Christmas Eve with us overnight so that he could be there for her first Christmas morning and I think it was the right thing to do. It was lush! He spent a lot of time here throughout December and it was a nice comfort.
Although, now it’s over and I’m back to reality, I know it wasn’t real. Playing happy families over the festive period was really nice and seeing how happy Ivy was with us both there together, getting to cuddle Mummy and Daddy at the same time, laugh with us both, eat dinner all together, all of it, she loved it and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it too.
It’s hard to switch back to how things were before, barely speaking to each other, no physical contact, definitely not sitting down to dinner as a family, but we need to. The very fact that it made Ivy happy, means she’s aware of our actions and the last thing I want is to confuse her. I’ve confused myself enough. On the other hand, stopping something that clearly makes her happy is hard too!
Nothing is ever straight forward is it!
Along with that, because her Dad was here, I didn’t see my Sister and nieces at all on Christmas Day which impacted me more than I expected, after all, they are my ‘happy place’ along with Ivy so it made Christmas feel a bit strange! And then in a good strange way, my Dad really surprised me by not only joining us happily for Christmas Dinner at my brothers but also by being absolutely amazing with the kids! He’s never really shown a big interest in his grandchildren, but since I had Ivy, he’s totally different. He loves her and she loves him too, she’s all smiles for Grumpy Grandad. That in itself was a nice Christmas present.
My other lovely present was Ivy walking Ten steps on Christmas Day! At exactly Eleven months old! What a clever little sausage! She is growing up far too quickly!! It scares me!!
New Year’s Eve came and went, like every other day, no alcohol or partying for me! And until today, Four days into 2019, I haven’t had any alone time to reflect and plan. My New Years resolution is to be kinder to myself, no more saying Yes to things I don’t want to do, no more putting myself down in how I look or how I parent or how I am. In the words of Cinderella’s Mum, ‘have courage and be kind’. And I’m adding on ‘to yourself’ at the end.
I have so much to be happy about and although my anxiety is through the roof lately as I deal with more changes of going back to work in a different role, Ivy starting nursery which so far, she hates and getting back to “normal” on the Ivy’s Dad front, the happy things outweigh it all!
I have a beautiful healthy clever loving little girl, a nice home, wonderful friends and an amazing family, I am starting 2019 looking at the positives and being grateful for each and every one of them!
Happy 2019 people, let’s make it a good one!