#background lamp

[fallen-stars13]

Hi! I'm star or Talyn and I'm the co-author of the Unsure Sanders Sides Human AU. I don't have the amazing art skills Unsure has but I consider myself a pretty alright writer. I took this scene where Virgil asks Roman out and made it a story. I plan on doing more fics like this one ♡

Boyfriends? Boyfriends.

Virgil was triple checking his packing list for the week at Pattons for christmas break, groaning in frustration when he realized he couldn’t remember if he packed enough pants. “Roman?” he called, maybe a second pair of eyes would help. He had asked Roman to come to Topangas to help him pack but Topanga and her endless conversational skills and energy had roped him into a conversation about the Wicked movie.

Roman excused himself from said conversation and went to the guest room that had become Virgils room. He leaned against the doorway and looked at the clothes all around the room. “Are you planning on moving in?” he joked, being an absolute hypocrite as his own suitcase was no lighter.

“Shut up” Virgil laughed, throwing his favorite stuffed animal at Roman. Roman had gotten him the stuffed racoon on their first date, he had named her Coon. “Shes coming with us.” he informs the other as if Roman would ever doubt Coon traveling with Virgil. He nodded as Roman tucked her under his arm.

“I don’t think Patton would mind if you moved in, Topanga would miss you though” Roman moved closer “Do you have everything you need stormcloud?”. When Virgil responded he wanted to go over the list again Roman couldn’t help but laugh “Virgil, Patton has a washing machine and it’s not like we’re travelling far no matter what you packed it’s enough.” Regardless he set the raccoon on the bed, going through everything Virgil had packed. “I’d say throw in some extra socks and maybe another pair of pants and you’re golden”

Virgil quickly gathered up those items before taking a deep breath and looking at Roman “Can we talk before we go” he asked with anxiety dripping in his tone. Roman of course felt nervous at the phrase but nodded and smiled. Virgil took another deep breath and stealed himself. "So you know how we all like... act coupley with eachother? Like we're not strangers to cuddles or goodbye kisses or whatever?" when Roman nodded he continued on. "Do you... could we like"he sighed and started over "I want to be your boyfriend. I don't mean like no more affection with Patt and Lo I just mean like... I want specifically to be yours"

“You want to be mine?” Roman asked with a smile leaning a bit closer towards Virgil. Unable to hide his immediate giddiness. “I wouldn’t mind being your full time Prince Charming” He says eagerly. He noticed Virgil looking at him as if he was joking and continued on. “We’d actually, like, be dating! Like I could call you my boyfriend and I’d it be true and we’d go on dates and finally I’d have the perfect excuse to kiss you”

Virgil sighed in relief and looked up at him “You already kiss me” he joked and closed the suitcase.

“I know but now I’d be kissing the cutest boyfriend in the entire world.” Virgil couldn’t help but roll his eyes a bit as Roman spoke. “I have the best boyfriend in the world” he said as he zipped up Virgils suitcase for him. “Come on. Lets go to Patts.” he led his now boyfriend downstairs to the car.

[candied-peach]

ao3: “seize up” rating: T warnings: prinxiety, background lamp, seizures, crying genre: hurt/comfort description: Virgil has a bad, bad day. ( day 14: “Just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom, you realize you’re standing on another trapdoor.” — Marisha Pessl, Night Film @tsshipmonth2020 )

Virgil blinks, staring around his room with fuzzy, unfocused eyes. His entire body hurts, and there are tear tracks down his cheeks. He traces one of them with shaking, disbelieving fingers. His thoughts are thick with fog, his head throbs, and his brain feels like someone has set it on fire. What happened?

Staring at the video still playing on his laptop instantly provides the answers, as it's flashing worse than a rave at three in the morning. He immediately slams the cover of his laptop down, wincing and hoping it doesn't provoke another seizure.

"Fuck," Virgil whispers, his tongue clumsy. He feels like shit. It's not fair. He had nightmares last night. He already had a migraine brewing. His boyfriends are all out today, so he's home alone. The day has been awful, and it's not even over yet.

He rubs his forehead with a hand that feels like lead weights have been attached to it. It's hard for him to attach any meaning to any thought that drifts by. He shouldn't be alone. He doesn't want to be alone. A fretful look appears as tears begin to fill his eyes again. He wants to get out of the chair (he's amazed he stayed in it in the first place), but he can't seem to get up yet.

"Love? Are you okay?"

Virgil turns his head, surprised to see Roman standing there, a worried look in his eyes. He's still wearing his jacket, although he's unzipped it all the way.

"Hi," Virgil says, managing a little wave, then bursts into tears. Roman gently tugs him up and away from the chair, swinging him up in his arms and carrying him to the bed.

"What happened?" Roman asks, gently smoothing Virgil's hair back from his forehead and peering into his eyes. Roman's own eyes are soft with concern.

"I saw a music video," Virgil mumbles. "It was...it was bad."

"I'm sorry," Roman says, cuddling him tighter and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I got done early, so I came home to see you."

"'m glad," Virgil mutters, burying his face in Roman's chest as Roman cards his fingers through Virgil's hair. It feels nice and soothing, and it makes the tears start to slow. His eyes still hurt, but that's okay. That can be dealt with later.

For now, all Virgil wants to do is cuddle his boyfriend and wait for his body to let him feel better.

[breathybunni]

Accidental stimulation/virgin with Logincality

“

Ship: Logan x Roman x Patton (background LAMP) I’m doing virgin Logan because I can and also top virgin rights lol

It was innocent, he was sure. There was no way Patton would be purposefully riling him up in front of everyone else. Logan shifted uncomfortably under Patton, hands resting on the smaller’s hips as he pushed him further forward and away from his increasingly interested cock.

Patton looked over his shoulder at his boyfriend, a look of concern on his face. He was always a little worried he was hurting whoever let him sit in their lap, whether that be Logan or Roman. Reassured by Logan’s small smile and gentle kiss to his cheek, Patton relaxed back onto his chest and continued watching ‘The Princess Bride’.

As the night continued, Patton ended up back on top of Logan, who let out a shaky exhale when the shorter shifted again. He rested his forehead on Patton’s shoulder and wrapped his arms more securely around the cheerful man’s waist. Patton turned his head and gently pressed his lips to Logan’s temple.

Roman looked over to his boyfriends fondly before turning to their fourth. “I think the nerd’s getting tired,” he informs. Virgil, half asleep himself, glanced to where the other two sat and nodded. “Think you can make it through the movie, L?” he inquired.

Logan nodded without making any other noise in fear of letting out any sounds that made his boyfriends aware of his predicament.

The movie was almost over when Patton shifted just so and Logan let out a soft whine. That caught all three of his boyfriends’ attention as they looked to their now pink-colored love. Patton shifted again, with intent this time, and Logan tightened his hold on the other with a shaky inhale. The three of them looked at each other and Virgil stood up, pressing a kiss to Roman’s lips before giving one to Patton as well. With gentle hands, he guided the flustered Logan to look at him. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he reminded softly before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Once he pulled away, he headed upstairs.

Once their too-tired-for-sex boyfriend left the room, Roman scooted closer to Patton and Logan. He rested a gentle hand on Logan’s shoulder and received a warm cheek against the back of his fingers. “Do you want to do anything, mi amor?” he asked gently. Once he got a nod in response, he carefully pulled Patton into his own lap instead to give Logan room to breathe and think. “What do you want to do?”

Logan looked to his boyfriends shyly before messing with the pant legs of his unicorn onesie. “I would like it if,” he hesitated for a second and looked away to try to calm himself enough to think somewhat clearly. “Patton would ride me.”

Patton blushed at his words and turned to Roman, who gave him a gentle smile before turning back to Logan. “Would you like me to stay or leave?” Upon receiving a quiet “stay”, he rested a gentle hand on Logan’s knee. “What would you like me to do?”

Logan looked back up at him again and his fingers tightened around the fabric between them. “I’m not sure..” Patton smiled at the shy man in front of them before turning to Roman. “I could help,” he supplied. Roman seemed to get the hint. The two had done plenty of stuff before together and had started to do similar things with Virgil once he was comfortable enough in their relationship.

The intellectual looked between the two in front of him and swallowed. He had a feeling he’d be in for a long night.

He was right, of course, and he knew that as he watched Patton bounce on his cock. His vision blurred with an unfocused gaze as he watched the smallest bury their boyfriend’s cock in his throat. Roman had his hand laced into his hair as he carefully fucked Patton’s face, his own face towards the ceiling as deep groans fell from his lips.

Logan whimpered and Patton’s hands carefully teased at his nipples, testing what he did and didn’t like as this was his first sexual encounter with his boyfriends. It was not as if he didn’t get aroused, it was more he didn’t seek his boyfriends to help him take care of it, too engrossed in his work and studies.

Roman pulled back to let Patton breath, dipping down to kiss Logan and gratefully taking in the uncoordinated kiss from the man below him. He pulled back and smirked fondly at the nerd’s face. Glasses askew, eyes glossed over, face flushed prettily. “You’re beautiful,” he praised softly, earning a small whine.

A sharp moan caught both of their intention, their gazes turning towards Patton as he shuddered and halted on Logan’s cock while clenching around its base. He had been trying to avoid hitting his prostate on Logan’s cock, knowing that once he did, he wouldn’t be able to keep it up.

Roman hummed and gave Logan one more kiss before getting onto the couch behind Patton and gripping his hips. Getting the hint, Patton attempted to start impaling himself on Logan again, Roman helping to guide him and hold him up. The taller pressed searing kisses across Patton’s throat. Logan was watching the two watch with as much intent as his brain would allow as his breath caught in his throat when he realized both of them were watching him as well.

Caught in the surprise and arousal of it, his hips bucked up and his cum was milked out of him as Patton, shuddering with a soft whine, clenched around him. Roman held Patton still, not wanting to overstimulate Logan. Eventually, he slowly pulled their freckled boyfriend off of Logan and into his own lap.

“Are you ready, baby?” He asked Patton softly.

Patton nodded, feeling like he was burning as Logan’s cum slipped down his thighs. The searing only intensified as Roman pushed his cock into the mess that their boyfriend had left for him and it forced a whimper out of him.

Roman shushed him gently, letting Patton calm down just enough to have even breathing before he firmed the hug he held the smaller in and lifted him up just halfway of his cock before beginning to fuck up into him.

Logan watched as Roman snapped up and Patton moan out high in his throat. He bit his lip as his cock twitched with interest, but he knew he was too spent to try to join in again. Instead, he gently took Patton’s hand in his and pressed a gentle kiss to his knuckles.

“Lo- Roman- I’m,” Patton fought to get words, but with each thrust, Roman fucked his vocabulary from his lips.

“Go ahead baby,” Roman said, holding him with one arm as his now freed hand began teasing at Patton’s cock. “Show Logan how pretty you look when you cum.”

“What about,” he clenched around Roman as he tried to hold out on his impending orgasm. “What about you?”

Roman chuckled breathily and squeezed Patton’s cock in playful retaliation. “I’m right behind you.”

“Promise?” Patton asked softly, knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop as the wave built higher and higher.

“I promise, baby,” Roman pressed a gentle kiss to his jawline. “Look at Logan.”

Patton peaked his eyes open and looked over at their boyfriend, who was staring straight at him with a tired but hungry gaze. It sent him over the edge, Roman catching his cum in his hand so that they wouldn’t have to clean the floor once they were done.

True to his word, Roman only edged at overstimulating Patton once he was adding his own cum to the mess already inside of their smaller boyfriend.

[im-an-anxious-wreck]

Fuzzy Logic

AO3 link

Summary: Fuzzy logic: It is employed to handle the concept of partial truth, where the truth value may range between completely true and completely false.

Fuzzy logic is based on the observation that people make decisions based on imprecise and non-numerical information. ~Wikipedia

Logan has been Logic for as long as he can remember, and was even before his active memory starts. 

But Logic… Logic is becoming fuzzy. He feels… ah, that's the problem, isn't it? He feels. 

The lines between who he needs to be, and who he wants to be blur, leaving him alone, angry, and afraid.

If only he could just do away with all of these pesky and unwanted emotions, he'd finally be what everyone wants him to be. 

But even if he could, would they finally accept him? Or would they not care and leave him to fade into the background?

Warnings: Logan has unhealthy ideas about emotions, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, cursing, Remus makes a few poop jokes, it starts back in the past but soon jumps back to the present

Perspective/main character: Logan

Side/secondary characters: Janus, Roman

Appear: Patton, Virgil, Remus

Mentioned: Thomas

Romantic relationship: Logince

Platonic relationships: Loceit, background LAMP, eventual DRLAMP

Word Count: 11,520

Link to my collection of TSS fanworks

-

Creativity had been so mean to Logic today and Logic just couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why.

Sometimes he'd be almost nice to Logic, but then other times… like today, he'd say such just truly awful things.

Perhaps Logic kept accidentally doing something to upset Creativity, but if he didn't even realise that he did it, or what he was doing wrong, then how could he even fix it?

Why didn't Creativity like Logic anymore? Why was he acting this way?

Logic finally stopped walking when he was in a hallway far away from where the others were, and sunk down, arms wrapped around his legs as he pulled them to his chest.

Stupid flip-flopping Creativity. Stupid Kindness just pretending that it was okay and nothing was wrong. Stupid Lies for saying that Creativity didn't mean it, he obviously did.

Actually, the only person who Logic wasn't mad at in some way, was Fear. He was the only other person who would even acknowledge that something was up with Creativity. And while Logic knew that Kindness and Lies also knew something was amiss, they just didn't let Logic in on it.

Just because Kindness and Lies were older than the other sides didn't mean they could just keep them in the dark. What if Logic could help? He was pretty good at problem-solving and thinking of things other people hadn't. 

If only they'd let him help. Then maybe Creativity wouldn't hate him… then again maybe it really was something Logic had done. Maybe this was all his fault.

Tears began to run down Logic's face as he sniffed quietly. At least he was still pretty good at crying quietly. He was always too emotional, and Creativity was right, he really needed to toughen up. His tears ran faster.

"Hello, little Logic." Lies seemed to appear out of nowhere and crouched down next to the quietly sobbing and hiccuping Logic, startling him out of his thoughts. "Why are you crying?"

"None of y— your bis— business."

"Ohh, I see. Well, in that case, can you tell me a reason why you aren't crying?"

"Wh— what?" Logic glared at Lies. "That does— doesn't even make s— sense."

"Like, you aren't crying because your hoodie is blue."

"What? Of c— course 'm not. Your mind t— tricks won't w— work on me!"

"I… I don't think I'm quite explaining this right… I meant, if you don't want to tell me why you're crying, just tell me something, like a fact or what not."

Logic's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Why?"

"To distract you."

Logic frowned. "Don't l— lie to me.

"No, little lamb. That's actually why. I'm trying to distract you to cheer you up. I wasn't lying. You like it when people are straightforward, right?"

"...Yeah. Least then n— no one can pretend to be my friend."

"Ah, I see."

"What…" Logic looked at Lies and tilted his head. "What do you see?"

"Mm? Oh, it's an expression, means I understand. I can follow your line of logic, little Logic."

" 'M not very good at bein' Logic though."

"Hmm, well, I think you're doing a good job. Besides, it takes time to learn and grow, and even then people still make mistakes."

"Even… even you and Morality?"

"Even me and Morality."

"Actually it's Morality and I…" Logic couldn't help but wince at his correction. People didn't like to be corrected. Creativity especially never liked to be told he was wrong, in any capacity. Even when Logic was just trying to help.

But Lies just lightly chuckled. "You're right, so it is. Thank you for correcting me… Oh! Little lamb, why are you crying again?"

"S— sorry!" Logic furiously wiped underneath his eyes. "I guess 'm just not used to people thanking me for correcting them. I didn't mean to make a big deal out of it though! I… I apologize for crying."

"Oh, no, little one. You don't need to apologize! Especially not for crying."

"But… 'm not supposed to have feelings. Creativity said I didn't. And he's right, I… I don't." 

Lies frowned. "Oh, is that what he said?"

"Yeah. Said I couldn't possibly care about him or any— anyone 'cause I don't have feelings so he's not m— my friend."

"Oh, my dear. I'm so sorry he said that to you. That wasn't okay. I'll have a talk with him later."

"You… you will?"

"Of course. Just because you sometimes struggle with processing and showing your emotions doesn't mean that you don't have them."

"I… oh."

"He's been acting up quite a bit lately… well, more than usual. But still… I hope he's doing alright."

"Maybe when you talk to him, you can ask if something's wrong and if you can help."

"Mm, that's a good idea. Thank you, little Logic.

"I'm not little…"

"No, I suppose you're not. I'll stop calling you that then."

"No! I mean, I didn't say you had to stop… not that I want you to call me that! ...Necessarily. But like, if you wanted to… I guess that'd… that'd be okay or whatever."

"Alright, thank you for telling me, little Logic. Now, I have a very important question for you…"

Logic straightened his posture. "Yes? How can I help?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like a hug."

"O— oh, um… do you want to give me a hug? I— I can even do a chore for you to make up for it!"

Lies' eyebrows knit together over his concerned eyes. "What? Make up for what?"

"Having to hug me, of course. I know it's not easy to listen to my annoying voice, let alone having to touch me… but I— I can be useful, if you let me."

"Oh! No, that's not… Logic, you don't need to make up for or earn physical contact. I'm offering because I want to. Not because I want you to owe me!"

"Oh… really?"

"Yes, really."

"But… I— I still could. To make it worth your time."

Why did Lies look so sad? "You don't need to make it worth my time. You're already worth my time, little bear. Have you ever heard of intrinsic value?"

"Intrinsic value?" Logic felt his glasses slide up his face as he scrunched up his nose. "I don't think so, what's that?"

"Well, intrinsic means belonging to a thing by its very nature; and I presume you know what value is?" At Logic's nod, Lies continued, "So when I say you have intrinsic value, I mean you have value just for existing. You have worth just for being you."

"Oh… I didn't know that."

Lies didn't reply to that, he just hummed and looked down at Logic. "Do you still want a hug?"

"I… if you want to…"

"I do, or I wouldn't have asked."

"Well, in that case, I— yes please."

Lies gently wrapped his arms around Logic, the touch heavy and burning, but nonetheless comforting. Tears prickled at his eyes again as he rubbed his nose on Lies' shoulder.

Logic decided that he liked hugs. Maybe, if he was good enough, Lies would give him another one someday.

Logic shut his eyes and just focused on the feeling of Lies arms around him, and the scent of lavender that seemed to all but cling to Lies clothing.

The comforting smell and touch faded as a feeling of familiarity washed over him. Hadn't this already happened befor—

Logan's eyes snapped open, body still except for the rise and fall of his chest. He was… ah, in his bed, because it'd been a dream. Just a dream.

In fact, it'd been his first memory, well, the first memory he could remember… it'd been quite some time since he'd dreamed about it again. 

He had really liked to be by Lie— Janus' side, at least until the two splits, first of creativity, then of 'light sides' and 'dark sides'.

It was at times like this that Logan couldn't help but wonder how differently things would've been if he'd gone with Janus, Virgil, and Remus when the Mindscape split.

Ultimately he hadn't gone. He couldn't even really remember why. But it didn't really matter, because when it came down to it, he hadn't gone.

Recently, the 'dark sides' had been slowly, but surely being accepted back into the main Mindscape, and it brought up some rather painful memories. Even if they hadn't been painful at the time.

No, the pain came later, soured by harsh words and nights spent cold and alone.

Old all but forgotten memories and feelings clawed at Logan's throat. It hurt, everything hurt, emotions figuratively swirling around in his chest.

But it was fine because today… today was the day.

Logan allowed himself a small smile as he got out of bed to get dressed for the day.

He'd finally found the switchboard for his emotions. After searching for months, he'd finally, finally found it hiding amongst the multicoloured memory strings.

Logan opened the door to his memory room, only stopping for a moment to admire all the different colours. 

He had to be very careful as he weaved his way through them. They weren't as thin as normal strings, instead being more so that of violin strings, but still, one wrong misstep, one stumble could do irreparable damage and break a string, causing the memory to be lost forever.

He'd actually discovered the switchboard the evening before, but had been summoned by Thomas before he could get a proper look at it. And after that, he hadn't really wanted to make the rather nerve-wracking trek among the strings again just yet. Plus, a good night's rest beforehand had seemed like a good idea.

Of course, that dream had made him feel— no. He wasn't going to think about that right now. Besides, he was fixing the problem.

He didn't need to worry about old feelings if he didn't have feelings.

He'd always claimed he didn't feel, but now… now he could actually make it true.

Logan gently stepped around a few more memory strings and found himself in the small open space between the strings he'd discovered the day before. 

In the middle was a metal panel held up by nothing, and was at a bit of an angle and floating at about elbow level. Perfect for user interaction, Logan noted.

Along the panel, there were eight switches, their design that of common light switches, and under each one was a label. Happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, fear, emotional attachment, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction.

The sexual attraction switch had been broken off and was stuck in the off position. Huh, that explained quite a lot.

Well, Logan certainly didn't need sadness or jealousy, so he flipped them off, making a strange coldness run through his chest.

Why had he ever felt jealous of the others freely expressing their emotions? Ah, it was working. Good.

The strings around him shifted, little bits of green and larger bits of blue fading to white.

Rather interesting how the mind could associate different emotions with certain colours. Although, as he thought about it, he was pretty sure he'd started associating emotions with colours when Roman had made him watch Inside Out on three separate occasions in the same week.

Happiness and romantic attraction weren't necessary, the smallest bit of yellow and a lot of darkish pink fading. That… that had been a lot of pink.

Logan… Logan hadn't been in love… right? He… he definitely would've known… probably.

Well, no use dwelling on it.

Let's see… emotional attachment? That was unnecessary, he could work alongside his fellow sides without being attached to them. They really were more like coworkers than friends, and especially in comparison to family.

The floor started to tilt a bit. Perhaps he'd switched them off a bit too quickly.

Logan was… pretty good at handling his anger. Well, not really, but with the other emotions out of the way, it would most likely be easier to manage. Besides, with how efficient he would be, he'd have more time to work on things like that.

That just left fear. 

Although, perhaps he should leave fear on as well. Thomas had been quite reckless without anxiety, and who's to say that Logan wouldn't act similarly. 

Then again, wouldn't leaving any switches on defeat the purpose?

Well, he could do a test run, and if he needed to turn the rest off later, he could.

Plus, with how light-headed he was feeling at the moment, flipping any more switches right now didn't seem like a good idea.

Satisfied with his accomplishment, Logan sunk out in search of breakfast. Perhaps eating could, at least partly, help quell his dizziness.

-

The day had… not been going well.

He'd spilled coffee all over himself at breakfast, torn his favourite book, 

He'd even yelled at Roman for setting down his cup too hard. If Roman wasn't such a good actor, Logan thought he might've cried, if they way Roman blinked rapidly and quickly changed the subject were anything to go by.

Controlling his anger had been a lot harder than he'd originally thought, but that had nothing on his fear.

He'd just been walking down the hallway when Virgil accidentally snuck up on him and absolutely terrified Logan. He had to retreat to his room for a few minutes to calm his fast breathing, racing heart, and uncontrollable shaking.

It was now late evening, everyone relaxing on the U-shaped couch after supper. 

After Logan jumped at something on-screen for what must've been the eleventh time, Roman sighed.

"Logan, this isn't even a scary movie. What's got you so jumpy?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah," Virgil said. "We don't buy that for one minute."

"Why won't you tell us? Is it something we did? If you'll just tell us, we can fix it." At Patton's concerned, yet disappointed look, Logan's chest constricted with anxiety.

"It's nothing any of you have done. As I said, truly, nothing is wrong."

Virgil raised an eyebrow. "What, are you Janus now? You don't need to lie to us, Logan."

"Quite right, Nerdy Birdy. If you'll just tell us what's wr—

"I said nothing is wrong!" Logan exploded, anger bubbling up in his stomach to mix with the anxiety.

"Dude, what the fuck is up with you?" Virgil asked. "You've been angry and anxious all day! If something's up, let us know. We're here for you. Maybe we can help with whatever's going on, or at least just be there for you. Talking about it can really help more than you'd think."

"No, that's… that's alright. I'm fine. Nothing… nothing's wrong. Today was a fluke. Tomorrow will be better. I— excuse me." Logan stood up. "I think I'll retire early tonight. Good evening."

"...Sleep well, kiddo."

After Logan walked to the bottom of the stairs, he looked back to see a mix of concern and confusion on everyone's faces.

"Sweet dreams," Roman hesitantly said.

"I—" Virgil sighed. "I hope you feel better tomorrow, Lo."

"Thanks, I uh, I hope so too."

-

Logan looked down at his emotion switchboard.

He'd been so foolish. 

What had he been thinking, leaving some emotions on? He couldn't be cold and calculating logic while all he'd been was angry and afraid.

Well, he'd tried his test run, and it hadn't worked. At least he could fix this mistake.

He flipped anger off and stumbled, only just able to catch himself on the panel as tears dripped down his cheeks. Oh, he was crying. 

But wasn't sadness off? Ah, yes, It was. But then what— ah, fear. He was afraid.

Afraid of what? Everything? That didn't seem logical.

Maybe… maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Emotions, as painful as they could be, had helped him understand the others before. 

He needed to consider how this might negatively affect his fellow sides.

But… they didn't care about his feelings, so why should he consider theirs.

A few more tears ran down.

They only cared when his knowledge was useful, when it aligned with what they were saying. Only if he could back them up, could 100% agree with them, would they even want him around.

His emotions were getting in the way of his usefulness. And if he wasn't useful… no one would want him. They'd made that abundantly clear.

The only person who'd ever actually loved to hear Logan talk, whose affection wasn't dependent on how useful he was, who'd actually cared about him… was Janus.

But after what Logan had said to him years prior, it's not like he could exactly go to him and beg for help.

Even just the thought of just how upset Janus' expression had been, sent fear through his chest and nausea through his stomach.

No, he couldn't ask that of Janus. He wouldn't. It wouldn't be fair, not after all Janus had done for him, only for him to throw it back in Janus' face.

He… he couldn't go back, not to all the painful emotions that threatened to overtake him at any moment. That kept him up late at night, constantly wondering why his best wasn't ever good enough.

He couldn't go back, so the only way left was to go forward.

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

He flipped the last switch off, standing to his full height, and admired the pure white strings around him. Objectively, they were quite aesthetically pleasing to look at.

He took a deep breath, the weight in his chest finally gone, as he wiped away the last few tears.

He hadn't quite expected numbness to be so… pleasant? He'd quite expected numbness to be nothing. But this… this was something else. 

He just felt content. No worries, stress, or jealousy.

He felt just fine. He'd even go as far as to say he felt good.

He couldn't help but be curious as to how his fellow sides would react. They'd finally gotten what they wanted. He could be the cool and calm logic that didn't care if they disregarded his emotions, because he didn't have them anymore.

He could do his work more efficiently, and help the others when necessary.

He could finally become what he needed to be.

-

Logan rose up in the kitchen doorway just as Patton turned from where he had taken some bacon out of the oven.

"Oh, hey, Logan!"

"Good morning, Patton."

"Morning! You want some toast?"

"If you don't mind."

"Not at all! I'm already making some for everyone else. Oh, I already started the coffee by the way."

"I'm actually going to get some juice, but thank you." 

"Oh… um, okay! That sounds like a good idea."

After he poured himself a mix of orange, apple, and cranberry juice, Logan sat at the dining room table, nodding to Virgil and Roman.

"Oh, shoot!" Patton exclaimed from the kitchen, turning to look at Logan over the open bar that divided the kitchen and dining room. "I'm afraid we ran out of Crofters. All we have is Smuckers."

"Alright, that's fine, Patton. Thank you for looking."

"So you just want it plain, right?" Patton asked as if the answer was obviously going to be yes.

"Oh, I meant Smuckers was fine. But you don't need to go to the extra trouble if you do not wish to."

"What." Roman looked at Logan incredulously. "What do you mean 'Smuckers is fine'??"

Virgil rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Dee. That's such a big mistake. How'd you even fuck up that bad?"

"I'm not Deceit."

"...Oh. I— but you… you're not?"

"I'm not."

"Okay, who broke Logan?"

Logan raised an eyebrow. "I am not broken, I just don't have a preference of what brand the jam is."

"I… okay. That's… weird but sure."

"We live in strange times indeed," Roman agreed.

After Patton finished laying the food out on the table they all began to eat.

Partway through the meal, Virgil turned to Logan and said, "Hey, I'm glad you're feeling better. You seemed a bit… stressed yesterday."

"Ah, yes, I was. Apologies. Fortunately, however, I am doing much better today."

"That's good to hear, kiddo. You wanna talk about what happened yesterday though? We should make sure that that doesn't happen again, or at least that you don't have to go through it alone."

"No, I don't particularly wish to talk about it. But for your curiosity's sake, I will say that I had made a mistake that left me angry and anxious. But you needn't worry about it happening again. I've resolved the issue."

"Oh… well, that's good. I'm glad you could fix the problem at least." 

Logan nodded. "I am as well."

-

Having no emotions had greatly improved Logan's efficiency and he'd already finished the day's work, even going so far as to work on the next day's work. But he'd gotten stuck when his thinking had drifted to the darkish pink that had coloured part of his memory strings before he'd turned his emotions off.

If there was one thing the lack of emotions hadn't gotten rid of, it was his natural curiosity.  And he was quite curious who he had been in love with.

Despite working on tomorrow's work early, he still wanted to get it done in a quick and efficient manner, and he couldn't do that if he was still thinking about who he'd had a romantic attraction towards. So the obvious answer was to, via process of elimination, think of who it had been. Then he wouldn't wonder anymore and could focus and finish his work.

He knew it wasn't Patton… or Janus for that matter, both for the same reason; Logan had seen them both as an almost… parental figure of sorts.

He'd rather enjoyed doing experiments with Remus in the Imagination, but they hadn't gotten all that close yet and besides, the idea of them dating just didn't sound quite right.

It also wasn't Virgil, Logan wasn't sure how he knew, but he did.

Which left… Roman. Ah, it had been Roman, hadn't it?

He supposed that made sense, Roman was charming and thoughtful… objectively speaking, of course.

Something flickered through Logan's chest, and he gasped as he put a hand there, clutching at his chest.

What was— no, it… it couldn't… he wouldn't let it. 

Both emotional attachment and romantic attraction were trying to come online, but Logan had worked way too hard to just give up now. 

He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, pushing the feelings down with the exhale.

After a moment's pause, he reopened his eyes and firmly nodded once to himself.

There, issue solved. Now he could focus on his work again.

"Hey, Logie bugger bear!" Remus exclaimed as he rose up in Logan's room, startling Logan out of his thoughts.

Logan swung his office chair away from his desk where he had been unsuccessfully trying to work and looked at Remus. "That's not my name, but if you wish to use a frivolous nickname, it's no difference to me."

"...What? You don't even care?" Remus frowned. "You're supposed to blink in confusion, and I should see the system error in your eyes, and then you say something about how illogical the nickname is and how it doesn't even make sense, and that your name is Logan, not whatever weird shit that my brain came up with."

"Ah, yes. That is how I reacted in the past, but it actually doesn't bother me anymore."

Remus sat on Logan's bed, Logan turning with his chair to face him. 

"Okay, what's wrong?" Remus asked with uncharacteristic seriousness.

"Why do you assume something's wrong?"

"Logan, I annoy people all the time so I have to know when I've gone too far."

"So?"

"So, I know when something's up. And something is definitely up with you. What's going on?"

"Oh, well, if you'd really like to know, I turned off my emotions for efficiency."

"You what!? Why?"

"Well…" Logan adjusted his glasses. "They were painful, becoming a problem, and interfering with my work, so I flipped them off."

"You… you just flipped off your emotions?"

"That is correct."

"Wow… I am definitely not the one who knows how the fuck to help, but like, is there something I can do to help you?"

"Ah, I appreciate the offer, but nothing comes to mind. However, if it's an open offer I can let you know if I do think of something."

"Oh, yeah. Just whenever. Oh, especially if you need drugs."

"Why… why would I need drugs?"

"I don't know, why do people need anything?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Yep," Remus said, popping the 'p'. "Oh! I just remembered why I came here."

Logan folded his hands. "Ah, what can I help you with?"

"When are you gonna… wait, does no emotions mean you don't like Roman anymore?"

"Ah, I wasn't aware that you knew I was attracted to Roman, but you are correct. I turned off romantic attraction along with my other emotions."

"Oh… oh, shit. Well, this isn't right at all."

"What do you mean? I wasn't aware of any moral ramifications."

"No, not moral, plus you know I don't care about morals, unless it's to break them." Remus giggled before sobering up again. "But no, I mean you can't live like th— okay, well, actually I suppose you can live like this, but you really shouldn't! Like, just getting rid of all your emotions does technically help, I guess, but that's not really good for you. You… you should probably find better ways to deal with them. Keeping them inside isn't good, but just turning them off instead isn't the way to go about this."

"But why not?"

"Wh— why not? You— because, you like, need emotions to do the thing!"

"Do… the… thing? Remus, I don't know what you mean."

"Hmm… okay, like, what's something you think having no emotions can help you with?"

"Well, for one thing, I can be objective as there's no emotions to get in the way."

"Hmm, okay so like, objectivity is not really much good out of context. Like, there is so many ways that emotions can like, help with your thinking and make it make sense or whatever, you know?"

"I suppose that makes a bit of sense, but this is still the best option available to me at the moment."

"But how do you know it's the best when you don't have any emotions for context!?"

"That… I did make this decision before I took them away though... but then again, would I not also not be able to objectively know this was right because the emotions would get in the way of being objective? If I can't be objective to know if the emotions would get in the way, but I can't have the emotions on because then they mess with the objectivity, then how can I know which option is best?"

"Exactly! You just don't know."

Logan blinked in as much surprise as an emotionless person could. "What?"

"You're too deep in it to know one way or the other. You need other people to help. You need people like… like Janny to help you know what to do in this case. I really don't know what the fuck I'm saying." Remus huffed. "Janny would be so much better at this, damnit. Oh, hey! That's a good idea. Can I summon him and tell him what a bad decision you made?"

"I don't know why you asked, you're usually more impulsive, but it's still appreciated. You may summon him if you would like."

"Well, it is your room. Anyway, Janny! Get your snitties and snake butt… snutt, if you will, in here!"

Janus rose up in the middle of the room, a half-annoyed, half-amused look on his face. "Yes? Oh, hello, Logan."

"Greetings." Logan turned his chair in between Janus and Remus so he could look at both of them as necessary. "Remus seems to think there's an issue."

Janus turned to Remus. "Oh?"

"Well, Logan turned off his emotions and is trying to be a robot! And not just like he's not expressing them as much, but like, he literally turned them off. Do you see what might be 'oof, Logan, noooo' about that?"

Janus raised his eyebrows. "He what?" Janus squinted at Logan. "You what?!"

"I don't understand why it's a big deal." Logan adjusted his glasses. "But yes, I turned off my emotions. They were hurting me and preventing me from doing my job from the detached and logical standpoint that it requires… that I require, for that matter."

"Oh, Logan." Janus furrowed his eyebrows. "I really have fallen down on my job, huh?"

"Wha—"

"Do you got this?" Remus interrupted Logan. "I'm supposed to go bother Patty poop right now, but I can stay if ya need me to."

"If Logan doesn't mind, then I don't either."

"Not at all. As long as you don't disturb my work, you're free to come and go as you please."

"Wait, really? You don't mind if I come around more?"

"I don't mind. The offer had been open for some time, but I apparently hadn't made that clear to you. Apologies."

"Oh, I— okay. Well, I'll come bother you later then. Yeah, okay then. Thanks, and uh, see you later."

Janus waved as Remus sunk out.

"What did you mean when you said that you've been falling down on your job?" Logan asked as soon as Remus had disappeared.

"Well, it couldn't be that it's my job to take care of everyone. I'm Thomas' self-care, and that includes all of his sides."

"Oh… I do not think you 'fell down' on your job. You can't help people unless they let you."

"Mm… but what about now? Would you let me help you now?"

"I… do not think I need help, but if you want to and can prove that I do need it, then yes. I will let you help me."

Janus sighed in —what Logan hoped was— relief.

"Alright, that I can do… hmm, do you remember the time leading up to when you turned them off? Do you remember how you were feeling, or at least what you were thinking?"

"Of course. I have an excellent memory. I had been feeling alone and emotionally tired for a very long time, but I realised that if I could turn off my emotions then I wouldn't have to deal with that. Plus, now I won't be angry at anyone, I won't be sad or upset. I have no fear or worries. I just am. I can finally think objectively and with so much more mental clarity than ever. The emotions were hindering me from doing what I had to."

"Your emotions weren't hindering you, however, not being able to process and work through your feelings was. I know you've always struggled with identifying and processing your emotions, but there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with letting other people be there for you. There's nothing wrong with you, Logan.

"You've convinced yourself that your emotions are needless and just get in the way but, Logan, they are a part of you. They greatly affect your worldview. And yes, it may really suck to have to deal with emotions sometimes, but you can't have the good without the bad. 

"You don't need to be perfect, Logan. You have intrinsic value, remember?"

Logan's face had become almost ashen with Janus' words, but he still managed to shakily nod.

"Good, because you do have value, and it's not because of what you can do and what you've done. It's because of who you are. I care about you because you're you, not just when you do your job. You're enough, just you, emotions and all. You're enough."

"Oh… I— I think my e— emotions are trying t— to come back." Logan felt a tear roll down his cheek.

Janus kneeled in front of Logan. "It's alright. Let them come back. I'll be here to help you with them, I promise."

Logan sniffed, trying and failing to hold back his tears.

"I wasn't here for you before," Janus continued, setting a hand on Logan's knee. "But I am now and will continue to be. You don't have to go through this alone, Logan."

"Okay," Logan whispered. "I— okay, if you're s— sure, then… okay."

"Of course I'm sure. You just let it out, I'm right here." Janus opened his arms as Logan all but collapsed into them, sobbing uncontrollably. 

A little pang of shame shot through Logan's chest, but it quickly faded.

Janus seemed to, for better or worse, actually want to help Logan process his emotions, he actually cared about Logan. Not just what Logan could do for him, but for just existing.

It was a vaguely familiar concept, but after the burden that Logan had been shouldering, it was a very welcome one.

Janus carefully stood up and helped Logan, who was still clutching onto Janus like a lifeline, to his bed. He took off Logan's glasses, setting them on the nightstand before pulling back the covers and tucked them both in.

After Janus got them situated, he began to run his fingers through Logan's hair, making him all but melt into the touch.

"You know I— I don't think that… that it actually took them… um, my emotions away," Logan said, voice only just above a whisper, and tone almost confession-like. "It just suppressed them. When they came back it felt rather like the figurative dam broke. I think… I think the switchboard is gone, which is… probably for the best. Especially if I f— feel bad and would be tempted to at least flip a few off. But it's gone… and that's good. It— it is."

"Yes, it really is." Janus pushed back some of Logan's hair that was getting in his eyes. "It's for the best. It may take some time to fully understand that, and it may be difficult, but you're not alone. You have all of us to help you through it."

"Thank you," Logan murmured.

"And thank you for letting me help you." Janus gently pulled Logan closer as they fell into a comfortable silence.

Drowsiness clung to Logan's mind but he didn't fight it. He knew Janus was there and would continue to be there to help Logan in the future. He didn't need to fight this or anything alone because he wasn't alone anymore. He could actually ask for help now.

The last thing Logan remembered as he drifted off to sleep, was the sound of gentle humming and a soft warmth surrounding him.

-

Logan really didn't feel ready for this conversation, but highly doubted that having more time to dwell on it would make him feel any better. 

Waiting actually seemed to be making it worse. He'd only been awake for a few hours, but the further into the day it got, the more anxious he became. He'd even taken up pacing across his room in an attempt to calm himself down.

That morning Janus had suggested that this conversation would be a good idea, but had also suggested that it could, and maybe should be after a few days. Logan had only just gotten his emotions back the evening before, after all.

But Logan had said that the longer he waited, the more antsy he'd get, and he was certainly correct, all but figuratively bouncing out of his skin.

Ugh, why did he even need to discuss his emotions with Roman, Patton, and Virgil again?

No, he shouldn't think like that. He knew why, it was important. They needed to know what was bothering him and how to help if they wanted to. Janus had helped him understand that, even if it was hard to remember.

This wasn't just his burden anymore, but it wouldn't be a burden to them if they chose to take it, or if they didn't want to, for that matter.

It was almost hard to believe that they might actually want to help him, but of course, he really shouldn't be getting his hopes up. If they wanted to, then good, but if not… it wouldn't be pleasant, but it'd be their choice.

It would be their choice if he was allowed to express his emotions. Of course, it would make it difficult if they didn't all pick the same thing, but it could be done. He just wouldn't express any emotions around whoever didn't want him to, and if anyone was alright with him occasionally showing them then he could when it was just them.

He couldn't help but wish that at least one of them would be alright with it, hope figuratively clawing at his throat despite his efforts.

Patton probably would, at least the happy ones. He tended to push down his own negative ones so Logan supposed it would make sense if Patton wouldn't want Logan to show sadness, anger, or jealousy.

Virgil might be alright if Logan was a bit anxious, but then again, Virgil was already anxious enough without having to deal with Logan's as well. But, he hadn't reacted negatively to Logan expressing a bit of happiness in the past, so perhaps he'd also be alright with Logan being at least a bit happy.

But Roman… Logan had no idea where Roman would figuratively stand in the matter. He had been a bit nicer lately, although Logan had mistaken it for mocking, but looking back, it was most likely supposed to be teasing and playful banter. Logan always had a bit of trouble telling those apart.

He knew Janus —at least seemed to be— more than alright with Logan expressing emotions with him, but they were as close as they'd once been, and certainly not as close as Logan was with Roman, Patton, and Virgil.

Logan was pretty sure that Remus would be absolutely thrilled if he showed emotions of any variety, and would probably encourage them, especially if that meant he thought he had a chance to make Logan angry now. Not that Logan would let him… well, again anyway.

So, best-case scenario, they let him express any happy feeling, and he could occasionally be sad with Janus, anxious with Virgil, and angry around Remus.

Worse case… they'd be disgusted by his request and with him, so he'd be alone again. 

Logan did his best to repress a shudder.

He really hoped it wouldn't turn out that bad, but if it did, he needed to be prepared. After his emotions came back it was more difficult to suppress his emotions, and especially his tears, so he was really hoping to get through this conversation without crying.

Logan finally stopped pacing to stand by his desk and sighed. Janus was supposed to be getting the others together in the living so Logan could talk to them, but it seemed to be taking longer than he thought it would. Perhaps Janus knew Logan needed a moment to get his thoughts in order, or perhaps it just took a bit of time.

Logan was just about to heavily consider just rising up to see what was taking so long when Janus finally rose up. 

"They're in the living room. Do you want me to be there? If not, don't hesitate to summon me if you need anything."

"I… this is— thank you, but you needn't concern yourself with…" Logan cleared his throat. "I mean, you don't have to be there, if… um…" 

Janus hummed. "You're welcome, but are you sure? I don't mind going, even just for emotional support… which, incidentally, is what this conversation is supposed to be about."

"I… it might be… nice, yes. But the question we should actually be asking is, do you want to go?"

"I… perhaps, and besides, since Remus invited himself, it'd be rude..."

"For you not to be invited?"

Janus gave a small laugh. "I meant it'd be rude for me to not at least babysit him, but that works as well. And I must say, I'm rather curious as to how it goes." 

"Ah, well, if you wish to come with me, then please do. It would be a bit… comforting to have you there."

"Alright. Oh, and, if you don't feel too tired afterwards, are we still going to have our typical Tuesday tea?"

"Of course. Is there something you'll want to discuss in particular?"

"Yes, if it goes well, I'd like to talk about Roman."

"Roman?"

"And more specifically… your feelings for him."

"Ah, very well. We'll meet in the library when we're done then."

"Good, and… good luck."

Logan nodded once before they both sunk out and rose up in the living room.

…

"Logie bugger bear!" Remus exclaimed from where he was sitting on the coffee table next to Virgil.

"That is… both endearing and disgusting."

"Thank you! That's what I was going for." Remus happily wiggled in place. "That's a much better reaction to it than last time."

Logan rolled his eyes as he sat down next to Roman, Janus sitting beside Patton. 

Patton said something to Janus but Logan didn't quite catch it as Roman said, "So, what's this about? Janus was frustratingly vague as usual."

"You'll find out when I tell everyone."

Virgil raised an eyebrow. "Damn, Jan's rubbing off on you."

"As if you didn't steal your eyebrow raise from Jan-Dee-Lyin'," Roman sassed.

Virgil choked out a laugh. "Okay fair, but that nickname. Shit, Princey, I think that's your most clever so far." He repressed more laughter. "How'd you even know his hair poofs up when he sleeps? Like when he first wakes up and hasn't combed his hair, he looks like a little puffball."

"Oh my Zeus, does it really? I didn't know that! That was just luck on my part."

Janus looked over from where he'd been chatting with Patton and attempted to frown, but a small smile was gently tugging at his lips despite his efforts. "Puffball? Y'all better not be talking about me."

"What? Us? Talking about you? No! That's… that's our least favourite thing to do," Virgil joked.

"Uh-huh… I definitely believe you."

"If it was socially acceptable, I'd eat dirt!" Remus declared out of the blue.

"Wha— Since when do you care about what's socially acceptable?" Roman asked incredulously.

Virgil scoffed. "He doesn't, and besides, I have literally seen him eat dirt before."

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed. "That's not fair. You eat worms in yours!"

"No! No, that's not the same thing!"

Patton blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry, you've eaten WHAT?!" 

"No! Dammit, Remus." Virgil turned back to Patton. "Re means I eat dirt and worms like the dessert."

Roman giggled, having caught on. "You eat dirt and worms for dessert? Ew."

"No! No! That's not what I said. I mean chocolate pudding, crushed Oreos, and gummy worms."

"But where is the dirt and worms in that recipe?" Logan jokingly asked.

"...You gays are insufferable, you know that?"

Everyone laughed, Remus downright cackling.

It took a moment for everyone to calm down, but when they finally did, Janus asked, "Oh, Logan, wasn't there a reason for us all being here?"

"Ah, yes, there was. Thank you for the reminder, Janus." Logan adjusted his glasses in an attempt to stall for a moment. "Well, I thought it might be… important to have a conversation about… my emotions."

"Or lack thereof," Roman muttered.

Janus made to disagree but Remus was faster, smacking the back of Roman's head as he said, "You fuckwad. Logan definitely does have emotions and you saying he doesn't is part of the problem!"

"Oh, sorry."

Remus nodded once seriously. "Okay… Logan, you may continue."

"I— thank you. Um, as I was saying… it has come to my attention," —Logan glanced at Janus and Remus— "That I haven't been handling my emotions in a healthy way. I had… well, does everyone remember the day before yesterday when I was quite angry and anxious, and then was numb yesterday?"

At everyone's nod Logan continued, "Well, that was because, in an attempt to be truly emotionless, I literally turned off my emotions. I had left anger and fear on and quickly realised that wasn't working out, so I turned them off as well. Remus and Janus talked to me about how having turned off all my emotions wasn't a good idea and was, in fact, harmful. I now have all my emotions again and so I would like to apologize for any trouble I've caused."

"Awww, Logan!" Patton exclaimed. "You haven't caused any trouble and you don't have anything to apologize for! If anyone should be apologising it's us. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and that we weren't here for you like you clearly needed. We noticed that something was up, but we really should've tried to help you more!"

"It's alright, Patton. Everyone did the best they knew how, and besides, you can't help someone who doesn't want help. Everyone tried their best to assist me in whatever way they could but I didn't let you. That's not your fault. I truly don't think that I would've accepted help from any of you three at the time."

Janus hummed in agreement. "You three, through no fault of your own, were just a little too close to the issue, so Remus and I —the outsiders, if you will— were able to get through to him as we were removed from the issue enough to help him look at this more objectively. It wasn't necessarily anything you three did wrong, but rather the outside view, combined with being there at the right place, and at the right time."

"I see…" Roman said. "Well, I'm glad that Remus and Janus were able to help you, even when we could not. I've been very unprincely and rude to you, and so for that, I want to apologize. I'm sorry for every hurt and sorrow I've caused you, for every sad thought and sleepless night, and for anything that I haven't even thought of. And I do hope you'll accept our apology, or if not, you'll at least give us a chance to do better in the future."

"Yeah, what everyone said," Virgil agreed. "We fucked up, but damn if we ain't gonna do our best to do better."

"Good, if that's the case, then I accept all three of your apologies, given that you three do make an effort not to always push my emotions aside."

"Of course!" Patton exclaimed. "We're gonna listen to you, like we should've been doing all along."

Roman nodded. "Yes, Patton's right. Not only shall we do better, but we shall also be better!"

"We're gonna look out for you, Logan," Virgil promised. "Like you always have been for us, even if we didn't always listen."

It didn't happen very often, but Logan was actually —figuratively— at a loss for words. They actually… they actually wanted to do better, and even if they needed a reminder sometimes, Logan knew that they actually meant it. They actually wanted to do better.

After realising that Remus had been suspiciously quiet for quite a while now, Logan looked over at him expecting to see chaos or something of the sort, but instead, he was looking very thoughtfully and serious, and occasionally would look at a person for a moment before nodding to himself once or twice. Logan didn't know what Remus was looking for in each person, but he seemed to be finding it as Roman, Patton, and Virgil were all approved.

Remus brightened up quicker than one could flip a light switch and clapped his hands together loudly. "Okay! That's that then. You're all forgiven, so you can stop looking like someone died now."

Virgil snorted. "Dude, you're the one that smells like it. Deal with your B.O. and then we'll talk."

"Well, at least I don't look like a raccoon!"

"Well, you look like a trash panda!"

"Thank you!"

Roman rolled his eyes. "Girls, girls, you're both pretty… Can I go home now?"

"Ah." Logan adjusted his glasses. "A Megamind reference, good choice."

It was quiet for a moment.

"...You know what, I really am glad y'all got your heads out of your asses!" Remus mused. "I was getting real tired of watching y'all just ignore Logan. Like yeah, at first I wanted to see how much it'd take for Logan to have an outburst, but he was just sad and depressed and that was depressing!"

Janus hummed. "I agree, it was difficult to watch the bright and easily excited Logan turn dull and boring." Janus' eyes darkened as he sent a pointed glare at Roman, Patton, and Virgil. "And if any of you ever, ever let that happen again… I can't even describe in words how badly I'll chew you up."

"Yeah! We're gonna eat you if you're mean to Logan!"

Virgil hid a snort behind a hoodie-paw.

"No." Janus sighed. "Remus, that's not what I meant."

"Aww," Remus pouted. "But cannibalism!"

"Remus, we've already talked about this."

Remus whined before sighing and slipping Logan a quick wink. "Yeah, I guess so. I just wanted a nibble though!"

"I— um…" Patton looked around confusedly and rather worriedly. "He's joking, right?"

Remus grinned maniacally as he turned his head at an unnatural angle to look at Patton. "Wouldn't you like to know, Goody-Two-Livers?" Remus' smile dropped. "But seriously, hurt Logan and we'll bust your kneecaps."

"Oh, that's a good song," Roman said. "But in all seriousness, I really hope it won't come to that. We're gonna make sure it won't come to that. Never again."

Logan felt his eyes figuratively soften. "I really appreciate that. All of you, really and truly, I appreciate your promises. Whether that's to do better or to make sure the others do better, thank you… ah, but perhaps let's not bust anyone's kneecaps in. I think telling them the issue and giving them a way to fix it would work much better."

"...You didn't say I couldn't eat them though!" Remus happily exclaimed.

Logan pursed his lips. "You may not eat anyone either."

"Damn. Not even a nibble?"

"Not even a nibble."

Virgil awkwardly cleared his throat. "Um, I know the three of us are going to work to do better, which we'll certainly want to talk more about later, make a game plan and all that, but… I was just wondering if you two," —Virgil glanced between Janus and Remus— "Have apologized to Logan too."

"Oh—" 

Janus was cut off as Virgil rushed to continue, "I know we've been shitty and dismissive of Logan for much longer and worse, and you two haven't been as bad, especially because like, y'all have only recently been coming over more, and aren't— er, weren't? um, weren't as close to Logan… but I just thought that maybe… I mean—"

"No, you're correct, Virgil," Janus agreed.

Logan blinked in surprise. "I— well, Janus has not exactly apologised, but he has made a promise to do better going forward as well, and that's enough for me."

"I— no, Virgil's right. I need to swallow my pride and apologize. I've hurt you, granted unintentionally, but I've still caused you pain all the same." Janus looked into Logan's eyes, an unusually open expression on his face. "So for that, I am truly sorry and have every confidence and intention to make amends and do better, be better for you."

"Oh… I—" Logan blinked rapidly a few times. "Thank you for the apology and I whole— figuratively —heartedly accept." Logan softly added, "Thank you."

Janus' shoulders and expression relaxed as he gave Logan a small and brief smile.

"Mm, Loganberry Finn, I'm so sorry too!" Remus half whined, half exclaimed. "Well, not for the shrunken to the head, that was funny, but for everything else! I antagonized you a lot, and that was really unfair to you, so I'm sorry too. I've been mean to you and not in a safe, sane, and consensual way."

"I appreciate and accept your apology, Remus. Thank you."

"You're welcome!" Remus exclaimed as he began to wiggle around, still sitting on the coffee table. "Oh! Do you want a really gross and disturbing mental image?"

"No, thank you."

"Aww," Remus pouted, but relented with a sigh and an, "Okay."

Logan shook his head —dare he say— fondly at Remus before looking around at everyone again. "I would just like to say, thank you to everyone for this. I know this conversation wasn't quick or easy —or even finished as I'm sure we'll be talking about this more in the future—, but it was important and long overdue."

"And thank you for trusting us with this," Virgil said. "Thank you for telling us that we failed you… and thank you for letting us fix this and make sure that it doesn't happen again."

Patton hummed in agreement. "Yeah, kiddo! That was very brave of you."

"As brave— no! Braver than a prince!" Roman exclaimed.

Logan tried not to let his face warm at the compliment and comparison, but he was pretty sure he failed. Roman seemed to always know how to make Logan feel light and giddy, or perhaps that was just Logan's romantic attraction towards Roman —figuratively— talking.

Logan cleared his throat. "Thank you, I wouldn't be here without all of you. And yes that includes some bad things, but it has a lot of good as well."

"I'm very proud of you. Alright, ugh, all this honesty…" Janus scrunched up his nose in playful disgust. "I'm not glad we were able to have this conversation and don't hope things only go upwards for you from here."

"Ah, thank you, Janus. I hope the future holds good things for all of us."

Vigil rolled his eyes. "Oh, there's Jan's sarcasm. I was wondering where it'd gone or when it'd show up. You trying to get your sarcasm quota in for the day?

"What! Me? Being sarcastic? Never."

…

After the freeing but tiring conversion in the living room with everyone, Logan and Janus went to their library.

They each sat in an armchair across from the fireplace, the end table between them already had their steaming cups of tea on it.

"So," Logan began, "You wanted to talk about Roman."

"Yes. And I am, of course, in no way rushing you, especially considering how much you've been through and grown recently, but I still think you should tell him soon. Perhaps not now, but soon. There's no harm in taking a few months to collect yourself… however, if you're just waiting because you're afraid, either of his answer or how it will change both of your futures… I implore you to also think about how well it could turn out."

Logan adjusted his tie. "But he might say no."

"And he might say yes, you just don't know. And you won't know until you ask."

"Oh. I… but I just, there's no way to know and that… that really bothers me." Logan dropped his voice to just above a whisper, "What if he does say no though?"

"Hmm, even if he said no and it was awkward for a while, you'd still be good friends. Do you think Roman would be a jerk or not want to be your friend anymore just because you have romantic feelings for him?"

"...No."

"Exactly. He of all people should understand how little control you have over that, he is the side in charge of Thomas' romantic feelings after all. You can't choose or know how Roman will react. You can only choose your words, actions, and how you react, nothing else."

"Is…" Logan adjusted his glasses. "It's common to be… worried when faced with an unknown situation, correct?"

Janus' expression softened. "Yes, it is. The unknown is quite a mystery, yet fascinating. The unknown can seem quite frightening, and in a way it is, but it's also vast and sometimes surprising, and I for one tend to look forward to seeing what's to come. I embrace the unknown… I embrace the future, even if the past or present isn't all I'd hoped it to be, there's still the future to discover."

"Oh… that is… quite an interesting take on it. I rather like that way of thinking. Thank you."

Janus smiled at Logan. "I'm glad you've found something in it as I have."

"So… you really think I should… confess to Roman?"

"I— I'm not saying that you have to tell Roman about your feelings for him, and, of course, you shouldn't rush it, but I would ask that you consider it. That's all."

"I… I will consider it."

"Thank you." Janus shifted to make himself more comfortable before changing the subject, "Now, how was your reread of Anne Of Green Gables?"

-

Logan couldn't sleep, Janus' words about talking to Roman and telling him that Logan was romantically attracted to him swirling around his head.

Logan could tell Roman the next day— er, later that day, Logan realised after looking at his clock. 

Perhaps he should wait a few days to tell Roman, but the anticipation was making it difficult, and now that he was thinking about it, all he wanted to do was tell Roman and finally know how he'd react and what he'd say.

Logan sighed. If he was going to have yet another big emotional conversation, he really needed to get some sleep.

Roman had been so supportive the day before, but what if he hated or was disgusted by Logan's romantic feelings? 

Sure, he'd most likely be nice about it, but the fear was still there and keeping Logan awake. 

What if Roman couldn't even stand to be in the same room as Loga— no. Logan didn't do 'what if's. 

It was one thing to think of some possible scenarios, or even theorise about how the person might react, but only in a moderate amount.

'What if's could so easily send someone down a counterproductive mental spiral, and Logan didn't, couldn't go down that figurative path.

It wasn't helpful and was, if anything, harmful. He needed to remember that he couldn't control every variable, there was no way to know for sure how it would go, except to just wait and see. He needed to relax.

Actually, what he really needed more than anything was sleep, but it really didn't seem like that would come anytime soon.

Logan sighed, feeling how his mouth and throat had dried out.

Well, he certainly couldn't sleep with a dry throat.

…

Logan walked into the already lit kitchen and wondered if someone had forgotten to turn the light off before they went to bed. He had barely stepped two steps in when a throat clearing from his right startled Logan.

"Hey, resident nerd. Not able to sleep either?" Roman asked, a glass of water in his hand.

"Hello, Roman. And no, I couldn't."

Roman took a sip of his water. "Come to get a drink, or maybe steal a cookie or two from the cookie tin?"

Logan huffed amusedly. "Technically the cookies are for anyone who lives here, so considering I live here and therefore have permission, it wouldn't be stealing."

"Touché."

"I'm just getting a glass of water," Logan said as he grabbed a cup from the cabinet and filled it from the sink.

"You, uh…" Roman looked away, nonchalantness seeming a bit forced. "You doing okay?"

"I am… doing better. A bit emotionally exhausted, if I'm being honest. But I'm doing better."

"Well, that's good." Roman drained the last of his water, setting the cup by the sink, and as he walked through the kitchen doorway, he called out behind himself, "Well, guess I should go try to sleep again."

Logan quickly finished his drink in the same manner and hurried after Roman. "Ah, wait, Roman."

Roman paused at the bottom of the stairs and turned to Logan, eyebrows raised. "Yeah?"

"Could, um, could I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Er, should we sit down?" Logan was stalling and he knew it. 

"Sure," Roman easily replied.

They sat down, Logan fiddling with his tie in a desperate attempt to calm his nerves.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I— it's nothing bad, I just…" What if Logan could get Roman's reaction before even telling him? Sure, Roman was a pretty good actor but Logan had known him for both of their entire lives. Surely he could get some sort of useful information. Besides, there was no harm in hypotheticals, right?

"You just?" Roman prompted, making Logan blink in surprise.

"Oh, right. Um, I could use your assistance with something."

"Oh? What can I help you with?"

"Well, I… I'm in love with a side!" Oops, there went the hypothetical idea, as there was absolutely nothing hypothetical about an outright confession. Oh, well. Logan would just have to improvise.

Roman stared at Logan for longer than Logan expected, before a smile that Logan could swear didn't meet Roman's eyes lit his face.

"Oh, that's wonderful, Logan! Have you come to me for romantic advice? Which would make sense, I am the romantic side, after all."

"Ah, yes, I have actually."

"So who is it?"

"I'd… rather not say just yet."

"Alright, that might make it a bit more difficult for me but it's just whatever you're comfortable with."

"Thank you, I… I really appreciate you not prying."

"Of course, Logan. So what type of advice do you need? And do they know you like them yet?"

"No, they don't know. And I… I was wondering how to approach them with the topic of my attraction to them. It's been there… for a while but I only recently realised what it meant."

"Okay, so the goal is to get them to fall in love with you!"

"Not exactly. I… I, of course, would be… sad if they didn't reciprocate the feelings, but I want them to know that they don't have to feel the same way. I just want them to be aware of my attraction and then if they want me to try and make them fade, then I can do so, or if they… if they somehow returned them… but I'm getting ahead of myself. I— the point is, I'm not going to try and make them fall in love with me. They either do, don't, or are willing to try, and I shouldn't try to interfere with their decision."

Roman gave a small, almost proud smile. "That's very noble of you, you know?"

"How so?"

"Well, just the acknowledgment that they might not feel the same way, and not wanting to force them into anything… I'm sure they'll appreciate it. Everyone here cares about you, so whether or not they feel the same way, I know it'll mean a lot to them."

"I…" Logan dropped his voice to just above a whisper. "I think they will too."

Roman gave Logan another one of those weird 'I'm happy for you but also upset' smiles. "So, what's your plan then? And how can I help?"

"I don't exactly know. I… well, I hadn't exactly planned to ask for you for advice tonight. It just… happened."

"Ah, that's perfectly understandable, Logan." There it was again. Roman had called Logan by his name for the third time. 

What had Logan done to upset Roman so much? Maybe Logan should hurry up and just get the information he needed.

"But, perhaps a pointer or two about what to say would be helpful."

"Oh! Yes, of course! So, first, you make sure they know that they don't have to reciprocate or even have an answer right then. They may need time to process and think about it. Second, don't beat around the bush."

Well, Logan had certainly failed that already.

Roman continued, "They're just going to be confused and waiting for whatever it is that they know you're waiting to say. Just tell them. And third, well, this isn't actually a point but, I wish you luck, whatever happens. You can do this, Logan." 

"I should… stop beating around the bush and go ahead and tell them?"

"Yes."

"Alright, so… Roman you in no way have to reciprocate or make any decisions right away, but you should know that I have romantic feelings for you."

Roman's expression was rather pinched as he answered, "Yeah! Just replace the Roman with the person's actual name, and then yep, just like that!"

Roman was decidedly a disaster gay. How much more explicit could Logan even get?

"I did use the person's name though?"

"No, you said Ro— wait. You… but— and… what?"

"It's alright, just take your ti—"

"You— but— how did you… did my brother put you up to this?" Roman asked, although his tone gave away that he didn't think that was the case and was just in shock.

"No, Remus didn't put me up to this."

"You… you actually have romantic feelings for… me?"

"Yes, I really do. I am romantically attracted to you, Roman."

The widest smile crossed Roman's face, his beaming grin making Logan's heart speed up and face warm.

"By Zeus' beard, really?! You like me too!?"

Logan raised an eyebrow amusedly. "Yes, I really d— 'too'? You… feel the same way?"

"Yes! I have for a while now, but have been too nervous to say anything." Roman looked down in shame. "I kinda started to ignore you to try and get the feelings to fade but they didn't, and all that came from it was you feeling like your worth was set upon what you can do, and you feeling alone. And that really wasn't how I should've handled it, so… I'm sorry. I really am, Logan."

"Oh, oh wow. I— thank you, Roman. I forgive you. And my… the reasons for turning my emotions off aren't all on you, alright? I should've gone to someone and told them how I was feeling long ago."

"Hey, it's not on you either. We— I should've made it more clear that you could come you me if you wanted or needed to. It was a two-way thing."

"Hmm, in that case, how about it's a bit everyone's fault, and also not anyone's fault."

"That… yeah, that sounds good. Because like, we all could've done something to help, but we also didn't know then what we do now. That sounds like a good compromise."

"Exactly! That's what I thought as well."

Roman's mouth twisted into that odd-looking smile again, rather like a sick sheep. "You like me. You actually like me."

A feeling bubbled up in Logan's chest as he only just avoided gigging. "That's been established, my dea— er…" Logan had just… he hadn't even asked! What if Roman h—

But Logan needn't have worried as Roman's grin only got impossibly wider. "Awww, cute and nerdy! You just used a nickname for me!!"

"I—" Logan adjusted his glasses. "Apologies for not asking first, it just slipped out."

"It's okay, I don't mind! Quite the opposite actually. I really like nicknames… my love?" Roman raised an eyebrow questionatively.

Logan was quite sure he was blushing now. "I also, um, am appreciative of nicknames as well."

"Oh, excellent! In that case, I'm going to use them a lot then, my beloved."

"R— Roman, please."

"Aww, are you getting flustered, my beautiful dearest?"

"Mm, perhaps," Logan said as if his cheeks weren't aflame.

"Is it a bit too much?" 

"Hmm, not quite yet, but soon, I believe."

"Alright, I'll lay off a bit. There'll be plenty of time to make sure you know how pretty and smart you are later."

Logan pursed his lips in loving exasperation. "Roman."

"Sorry! Sorry! I suppose it's just that now that I can actually say what I'm thinking to your face, it just comes so naturally. But I'll chill now… is— um, I mean..."

"Yes?"

"You don't have to say yes, but… can… would it be okay if we hugged? It's okay if not! Just thought I'd ask?" Roman pitched his voice up at the end, making it sound like a question, despite the sentence not seeming like it on its own.

Logan felt his expression soften. "Yes, I'd rather like that." He opened his arms as Roman tucked himself against Logan's chest.

"Thanks."

"And thank you as well."

Roman looked up at Logan in surprise. "What for?"

"Just… for taking this so well." Logan began to run his fingers through Roman's hair. "For being here… for being you."

"Oh my gods, you're so sappy! Like in a good way though."

Logan smiled softly. Maybe this whole emotions thing wasn't so bad.

Granted there would be many downs, but as long as there were ups to go with them, as long as Logan wasn't alone anymore, he could do this.

And do it he would, for he'd have his recently expanded famILY to help him whenever he needed — or even just wanted—, and to Logan, that was more than enough.

~The End~

No reposting, likes are nice, and reblogs are very much appreciated! | Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @someoneiwasnt

[ambersky0319]

It Does Hurt

Requested by anonymous! I didn’t technically do the entire prompt but I really love where I ended it, so... hope you all enjoy anyway!

Pairings: Past Anxceitmus, Current Dukeceit and LAMP, up to interpretation if they're platonic or romantic!

Prompt: “If you’re happy then okay.” - Deceit after Virgil tells him that he hates him and never wants to see him again, and just angst digging into how Virg has been hating on Deceit and Remus to cope with cutting them out of his life and how that has made Deceit feel on top of losing a friend

Warnings: Implied past verbal abuse, Unsympathetic Virgil, no happy ending, lmk if I need to add anything else!

Masterpost 

--------------------------

"I hate you both! I hate you so goddamn much! First you, Deceit, not only stopping me from revealing myself to Thomas for the longest time but then just popping up and impersonating a part of my family? And you!" Virgil shoves a finger into Remus's chest, causing the side to stagger back. "You had absolutely no right to hurt Roman! Or give Thomas all those horrific thoughts! Neither of you should have shown yourselves to Thomas, neither of you should have stepped foot near my family!"

Deceit holds out a hand to stop Remus from lunging at Virgil once Virgil had quieted down. Tears were in Remus's eyes, and he stared at Deceit, silently begging to let him throw just one punch, just one. But Deceit shook his head.

He knew it was pointless, after all. If they hurt Virgil, there was no doubt Virgil would summon one or all of the other sides to fight off Deceit and Remus. And Virgil believed every word he was saying. As angry as Deceit was, how angry he wanted to be, it also wasn't worth the energy.

Virgil was not worth the energy.

He took Remus's hand, giving it a light squeeze as Remus deflated, hugging himself with his free arm but squeezing Deceit's hand deathly tight with the other.

"If you're happy, Virgil, then okay."

Virgil stared at him, anger still evident on his face but a hint of confusion appeared. "What?"

"If you are happy, then okay." Deceit repeated, and he held himself higher. "If you're truly happy with them, then fine. We do not wish to break apart your family, we had only been appearing to check on our past family member, but..." Deceit took a deep breath. "But, if that's not what you want, then we'll stop showing up."

Deceit tugged Remus closer, pulling him into a hug. Remus buried his face in Deceit's chest, on the verge of breaking. Because Virgil had been yelling at them for a long time now, insulting them, and it was finally settling in and the hurt was going to hit Remus like a flood.

"I suggest you leave, Virgil." His tobe was void of all emotion. Deceit could deal with his own feelings later, Remus took priority. He held Remus tighter. "Now."

Virgil looked as though he wanted to argue more, to continue shouting, but Deceit glared at the embodiment of anxiety. "Just go!"

He sunk out, and Deceit crumbled to the floor with Remus. Deceit pressed a kiss to the top of Remus's head, pulling the creative side into his lap and holding him as close as he could.

"It's going to be okay, Rem. Better even, without Virgil."

"You can't lie, Dee, that it doesn't hurts." Remus mumbled, coughing slightly into Deceit's neck as he continued to cry. Virgil had pushed just right to get him to crack.

"I didn't say it doesn't." Deceit whispered, and that was the end of that.

--------------------------

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[quillfics42]

@mariniacipher

hi, i saw u asking for prompts, and! how about the loving lo-lo au, logan remembering their proposal, or a certain anniversary, and Softness Ensuing?

Logan’s memory was fragmented at best. There were times when he could remember an entire day clearly, and times when that same day slipped out of his fingers like water, leaving him only frustrated and with the barest recollections of recollecting. 

As such, his husbands didn’t really expect him to remember trivial things like anniversaries or first kisses. They’d done it all with him a second time too, in order to give him the full experience. No one wanted Logan to feel like he was missing out just because he couldn’t remember all that had happened. The only one he really nad nailed down was their wedding anniversary, which was only fair since they’d only had the one wedding and it was after the accident. Theoretically they didn’t need to celebrate the others anyway, so it all worked out. 

That didn’t mean that Roman was going to miss a day of spoiling his husbands, of course, just that it would be “just because” until someone else noticed otherwise. They’d been together for roughly eight years now, though, how was he expected to avoid giving the day the ceremony it deserved?

That morning, he made certain to wake up first, even jetpacking Patton on the far end of the bed in order to keep his alarm from stirring the others. As gentle as could be, he placed a kiss on each of his husband’s foreheads and got up, tucking the blankets back around Patton and giving him one more kiss for being such a cute sleeper. 

He crept down the stairs softly, grinning to himself as he reached the kitchen. So far so good! Now all that was left was making breakfast aka: heart-shaped pancakes with strawberries, blueberries, and chocolate chips! A Sanders house classic that he had invented himself last night. Of course, he wasn’t the… cleanest cook, but as long as he cleaned as he went it would be fine! 

***

This was not fine. He’d spilled batter all over his recipe so even though he was halfway done, Roman was utterly lost on how to make pancakes in the perfect heart shape! Not to mention that three additives seemed to be more than recommended which meant that the batter itself was more berries and chocolate than actual batter. 

Roman bit his lip and was just about to cave in and pull out a cookie cutter when he heard someone else enter the kitchen. He turned to see logan, sleep rumpled and groggy, standing in the doorway. 

“R’man?” He mumbled, slurring a little. “Wha’ you doin’?”

Roman pouted a little. “Well I was making breakfast but now I suppose the surprise is ruined!”

“S’pi’ise?” Logan blinked at him slowly. “...F’r the ann’vers’ry?”

“Well it’s not for any-” Roman stopped mid-sentence and stared at Logan, eyes wide. “What anniversary do you mean?”

Logan thought for a moment, squinting. “...’s June twenty sixth. The day of our first date. ...Right? Our first first date?”

Roman beamed at him. “Yes! Yes that’s right. We all went out to dinner.”

Logan nodded lazily. “You looked very attractive…”

Roman chuckled and walked over to him, pecking his cheek before guiding him to the table to sit down. 

“You were even prettier.” He murmured. “I will admit, I didn’t expect anyone but myself to remember, which is why I was taking the chance to spoil you all. But since you did and since you’re still as adorably groggy as humanly possible, I’m going to make you an extra special pot of your favorite coffee. In addition to the warm pancakes you’ll have first pick of.”

Logan let out a soft, sleepy cheer and kissed Roman’s cheek. 

“Love you.” 

“I love you too, mi pequeño búho soñoliento.”

“Wassat?”

Roman chuckled. “I’ll get you your coffee, mi amor.”

[sociallyawkward--fics]

Hey hey hey, check out this drabble that my good friend @accidentally-a-birb wrote!

“I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re beautiful.” by Jim_Moriary_xxx on ao3

Summary:  If I did an in-depth summary, it would end up being the whole fic. But anyway, Roman isn't doing mentally/emotionally well, and Logan notices.

Word Count: 386

It is Logince, and it can be seen as either romantic or platonic, with suggestions of background LAMP, which can also be seen as platonic or romantic.

This kiddo is great, read their work!

[candied-peach]

ao3: “so tired of being scared” rating: T warnings: moxiety, background LAMP, past child abuse, crying, implied self harm, virgil is nonbinary and has ptsd genre: hurt/comfort description: Virgil is having a hard time when Patton comes home. (day 24: “One need not be a chamber to be haunted. One need not be a house. The brain has corridors surpassing material place.” — Emily Dickinson @tsshipmonth2020 )

Virgil scrunches himself deeper into the detritus of his closet. His breathing hitches, jittery but still quiet. The house is silent, painfully so. Fear claws up his throat, painting his esophagus with adrenaline. His ears echo with the ghosts of long gone yelling, of harsh remarks and the sensation of fingers biting into his arms.

It's okay, he tells himself, balled into a corner, his arms wrapped around his knees and hidden by the stuff in his closet. The stuff in his closet should help- it is pretty shirts, dresses, and skirts, for the most part, nothing like the stiff and starched 'boy clothes' of his childhood- but he can't seem to see them properly.

It's okay, it was a long time ago, he thinks, but his breathing is too harsh and too loud and he can feel tears threatening to burst free. If they do, he can't guarantee he'll stay quiet.

The front door opens and Virgil freezes, his heart thudding into his ribs. The footsteps are soft, not loud, but all he can hear is the booming footsteps of his youth, coming for him. He's gonna be in so much trouble, some tiny part of his mind yammers at him, and the first choked, broken sob breaks free, no matter how hard he bites his fingers.

The humming he can't quite hear cuts off abruptly, and the footsteps come closer.

"Virgil?" It's Patton. "Virgil, are you all right?"

He wants to answer, desperately needs to answer, but he can't make himself speak. His vocal cords won't work. Another sob escapes and he bites his fingers harder, as if they can prevent the cruel fingers of the past from seizing him round the ankles and dragging him into hell.

The closet door opens, and Virgil whimpers, scrunching himself back against the wall like it can swallow him whole.

"Oh, Virge," Patton whispers. Virgil stares at him with wide, fearful eyes, his mind whispering softly, sweetly terrible things into his ears. Patton disappears for a moment, then comes back with a teddy bear. It's lavender, with a multicolored bow tied around its neck, and it smells of lavender, too. Patton presses them into Virgil's arms, where the soothing scent slowly unscrunches Virgil.

"Patton?" Virgil asks hoarsely, his fingers compulsively petting the bear's contours. He never had a bear like this growing up. This bear is soft and well loved and clean. This bear smells of lavender and love. All of his boyfriends helped him choose its design. This bear represents safety, and it brings new tears to Virgil's eyes.

"Yes, love, I'm here," Patton says softly, encouraging Virgil to come out of the closet. He scoots his way out, various aches and pains asserting themselves with a vengeance, and falls into Patton's lap.

"Bad day?" Patton asks. Virgil nods, burying his face in Patton's chest.

"Do you want to talk about it or do you want a distraction?" Patton asks.

"Distraction," Virgil says at once. Patton asked wordlessly if he'd like to get up, and Virgil nodded, wrapping his legs around Patton's waist as Patton lifted him up easily, carrying him into the living room, the teddy bear squashed between them.

"Roman and Logan will be home soon with dinner," Patton says. "Until then, would you like to watch cartoons?"

"Sure," Virgil says, as Patton settles them both on the couch. Virgil remains in Patton's lap, resting his head on Patton's shoulder as he aimlessly plays with the ears of his teddy bear. The lavender scent is still soothing.

"I love you," Virgil says suddenly. "I- I'm glad that-" He takes a deep breath. "I'm glad that I found out life's not just...that."

"Me, too, love," Patton whispers. "Me, too."