I am back from the forest! - Muriel Reflections (long post w/ pics)
I'm home! I got to spend a week living the Muriel Life© and let me tell you
I LOVED IT.
I usually go backpacking every year, but this is the first time I went alone and there really was a lot of good time on reflection, especially now that I've started playing the Arcana. It was a real immersive experience and really got me thinking about what Muriel must feel living out there full time.
So welcome to Mountain Man Reflections - things the forest taught me
For context, I spent a week backpacking through Michigan's National Parks that I hadn't already been to. I visited Sleeping Bear Dunes Lakeshore, Manistee National Forest, Father Marquette Memorial, Keewenaw Heritage Area, and Isle Royale National Park. That last one is the most remote park in the continental US.
1. I knew this before from other experiences, but the forest lets you be free with your emotions. You can cry in the woods. The trees don't care. You can literally scream into the void and nothing will answer back, but feeling the breeze in your face and the sun on your skin makes you realize that the earth still spins and nature continues to live on. And so will you. You will survive.
Muriel: you will survive. I can imagine that when he first left Vesuvia and went into the forest, there was a lot of raw emotion. I've survived trauma, but never anything like how he has. It was probably very healing to get away from everything and start over in a world that doesn't judge you for your past.
2. Being alone is lonely. Now, I'm an introvert. But having no one to share thoughts or ideas or moments with is hard. Everything emotion stews around in your head and builds and gets stronger. There were times I said something that may have been slightly embarrassing to the only other person in the area, and it just built and built to the point where I was isolating myself even more because "no one wants to listen to you anyway. You only say stupid things that you should just always keep to yourself." Nature can be healing when you need it, but isolation can be painful when you don't.
Now, imagine Muriel in the first year of freedom. He may or may not have Inanna, I'm not sure when she comes into play. He has Asra, but Asra is always gone and is busy trying to reconstruct MC.
He's overcome the first wave of pain. He knows he will get through this. But isolation breeds isolation and the longer he's alone the more alone he feels and the more he feels like he deserves this isolation and that no one wants him. There's no one there to try and convince him otherwise. He builds up more and more walls because all he has is his own thoughts, and that's honestly all he's had entire life. He is a product of his situation. He needs love.
3. You learn to appreciate the little things. A pretty view. The deep blue of the water. The crinkling of the leaf litter as you walk through the trees. How good food tastes after a hard day or a cold night. You can't take things for granted when all of your belongings are what's strapped to your back.
The forest is alive. The planet is alive. It makes you feel so small and connected to everything else around you. It isn't yours to claim amd train to do what you want. You live within your means only use what you need because everything else isn't yours to take.
Muriel lives in his tiny hut. He could probably build a wooden cabin that has more space and is taller so he doesn't have to worry about brushing his head on the tree root ceiling, but why? He would need to chop down trees and change the landscape. He could build a coop and have his chickens actually live with him so he has easier access to his food, but why? Instead he forages for food and lets the chickens roam free. They have their own life to live, and it isn't his to control. Muriel is definitely a huge environmentalist.
4. The world is beautiful, but it feels better to share it with someone. I took so many pictures of those little things. And granted, it was great hiking alone. I didn't have to change my plans for anyone, I could do whatever I wanted to do and go where I wanted to go. But watching the sunrise is better with someone else, so you can be flooded with emotions next to someone else doing the exact same thing.
Muriel would probably love having the tender moments alone with his LI. Watching them gasp at their first beautiful sunset through the trees, or smile sleepily as they watch the summer fireflies together. Making flower crowns for someone, since he probably feels like he can't make them for himself ("he doesn't deserve that level of softness").
4. I need to go back. There's a reason I go on a big hiking trip every year. I can't go back into the "real world" for too long without feeling like I'm stifled and crowded and breathing in bad air. It's a type of escapisim, and while I don't know what exactly I'm escaping, I know I feel more at home in nature, where I can put my hands on a tree and thank them for letting me into their home.
"The mountains are calling and I must go" - John Muir
If you romance Muriel and have the spring wedding, be prepared to live in the forest and move into the hut. You can pull the man put of the forest, have him live in Vesuvia in the magic shop with you. But you can never pull the forest out of the man. It changes you, and once you spend enough time in the wilderness, it's really hard to go back to urban life. (Ask anyone who hiked the Appalachian Trail. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.)
(Especially because Muriel probably only has negative memories of Vesuvia - growing up on the streets, being in the colosseum, partaking in the ritual. And all those people make him claustrophobic. It doesn't matter how much he loves you, it would be very hard for him to be happy here. You can't love someone out of their mental illness, in this case PTSD.)
Thank you for reading that whole thing. My modern Muriel Hiker headcanons will be coming soon. Here are some forest pictures that I'd like to share with you :)
(That's the hut that I stayed in for a night, plus me and the hut lol. I'm gross in that picture and hadn't showered for like five days. The forest doesn't care how nasty you are. You learn to accept being gross. Everyone permanently smells bad after long distance hiking.)
Beautiful places like this still exist. I encourage everyone to go out and experience it while they still can.
With love,
Moxy
