This is my first ever fic. English isn’t my first language so don’t expect a good fic TT i haven’t watched one piece since 2022 so i did this from memory and 3 google searches. I was js scrolling on tumblr then sienna by the marias popped up in my head, at that time i was reading a luffy x reader fic and an ace x pregnant reader idea popped up. Also I wanna like… get better at writing bc i’m basically married to daydreaming. I wanna bring that scenarios into writing. Ok peace
"When our son is born, I'll spoil him so much." Words that came out of his mouth filled with revere. It's followed by soft, sweet kisses that can melt you.
"The entire crew will." He whispers in your ear. He holds you close. Arms around you like he doesn't want to let go of you.
Maybe he shouldn't have let go. If he had just ignored the warnings, then maybe your mornings will still be greeted by the sight of him.
You stare at your son's sleeping face with a small smile, gently brushing your thumb over his cheek. He looks just like Ace. Your genes didn't even try. With a gentle press of your lips on his forehead, you swear you feel a tear building in your eye.
"Oh, my beautiful son. You're like a copy of Ace." You nuzzle your nose on his cheek. A laugh escapes you. "Your dad will cry when he comes back home."
A sweet, warm, and gentle moment was shattered hours later.
"Ace… is dead."
Your knees buckle. Instantly, tears fell down your cheeks. "No, no. Don't play a cruel joke on me. He's… he's fine!" Your helpless cry echoes in your house.
"He was imprisoned in Marineford for less than a week. He was placed in Impel Down. He… he got—" Your maid stops speaking. You're breaking. Screams ripped out of you, tears almost coated your entire cheeks.
You're in great dispair.
"Why— Why did no one," You hiccuped. "Why did no one tell me?" Your voice breaks. Shattered. Your whole soul is. The weakness from your childbirth and this makes black spots appear in your vision.
"I… they kept the newspapers from you."
You were in no time to even bother about that. All in your mind was Ace. Ace, Ace, Ace.
Your dear husband.
Your husband who would always pull you into his tricks.
Your husband that would whisper reassurances in your ear at six am in the morning.
Your husband that would always caress your growing belly.
Your husband, Portgas D. Ace.
Dead.
Just when you dreamed the silliest dreams. You, cooking in the kitchen, and him, playing with their son. The domestic life the two of you dreamed of, has now shattered. Sand. You cannot grasp it anymore. The most important person in your life you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with is no longer with you.
You couldn't take care of your baby. You were deep in depression, endless nights filled with sobs and cries.
After the news, you were also notified about Whitebeard's death.
You thought for a moment: "Is the universe playing a cruel joke on me? What have I done to deserve this?"
That sent you into deeper misery and grief. You were holed up in your room, your maids taking care of your baby.
Two years pass. You visit frequently at Ace's grave. Today is no different than the other visits—you place down a flower along with your son.
"Papa, my birthday is coming." Your child's voice is full of joy. That's when you burst into tears. Your child's laughing while you're crying.
It hurts.
You sobbed, wiping your tears with your free hand to no avail. They just keep coming and coming, "sorry" slipping out of your mouth.
"He looks just like you." You choke out with the last bit of your strength. Your child finally cries.
His loved ones are crying, sobs echoing in the entire island. You drop to your knees, holding your son deep in your arms.
"When I look at our son, I see you."
You and Ace were supposed to read bedtime stories to your son. You two planned it. Whispered in the cold night.
That's all just dreams now.
Ones that you can't definitely experience.
Maybe, in another universe.
He didn't venture to find Blackbeard. He stayed with you. Maybe, just maybe, in another universe, the three of them are nuzzling together under a blanket in a cold night.
Maybe in another universe, he's alive, feeding you and your son.
Do you ever wonder if Bucky’s arm was the only thing he lost in the fall? Do you ever wonder if he fell straight down and hit the ground without a pause or if he bounced off rocks and the walls before he hit the bottom and rolled to the ground? Do you ever wonder if his arm was the only injury he had after that fall? If the long scream as he fell was broken up into shorter screeches of pain as he hit sharp rocks over and over, bouncing off walls and rocks and ice, or if he had immediately stopped screaming once he hit. If he was conscious throughout the whole fall as his arm was ripped from his body and he was bounced around off ice and rocks. If he lost more than just his arm, if his arm wasn’t his only casualty, if he broke arms, legs, bones, ripped skin and his face, if he didn’t just lay on the canyon ground after a straight drop without one arm like Buzz Lightyear when he fell from the stairs? Or was he crumpled up in the snow with his legs twisted the wrong way and his chest collapsed and his lungs setting him on fire every time he breathed, blood pouring from his mouth, nose, his ears, cuts over his face and his exposed skin unable to move a single bone because he felt they were all broken?
Is his arm the only thing that sets off the security in airports? Are there pins? Solid steel pins set into his legs, his arm, his chest and skull, keeping his crushed bones from falling apart and HYDRA never bothered to take them back out so he could heal normally. Do you think he still has trouble getting out of bed in the morning because the pins set in the wrong way and grate into his muscles and bones whenever he moves? Do you think the reason he can survive jumps or landings so easily is because maybe not all his bones are there but replaced with some machinery or even titanium bones that absorb shock much easier? Do you think the arm is the only thing he has from HYDRA? That he knows wherever he goes, he still takes a piece of it with him no matter how far he runs from it, how much shrapnel is embedded in his body from explosions, how many scars he hides, he knows the cold is still there. Trapped in his body, a silent reminder of someone he knows will never disappear. He survived the fall, he didn’t live through it, he survived it, the supersoldier serum made him live, it didn’t make him invulnerable.
" Please, come home safe" Albert didn't understand the worry of his significant other . He has done this before and it never went wrong.
" I will make sure" he looked up from the shoes he was putting on to give them a warm smile before kissing their check
" You promise?" Even if it was childish for their age they found certain comfort in the promise
He rolled his eyes at the request "I promise, my love" with a kiss in the back of their hand he bid them farewell leaving with his brothers to "manage" and inconvenience
The noble didn't give much fight and died even faster than Albert expected. Stepping into the studio the oldest brother called out for you
" Y/N? Love? Where is my hu-" Louis was still taking off his coat when he started to wonder why his brother stopped the embarrassingly sweet show he always does when he is separated from yn for longer than 10 minutes.
Looking over his shoulder Louis' blood ran cold at the sight, the body he recognized as yn was laying on a pool of blood, their lifeless and dark eyes looking straight into albert's bright green ones
Williams was knelt next to them taking their pulse, his red eyes fell to albert " albert, I'm sorry" williams was approaching him trying to give him a hug but albert dodged it
" Don't be silly, yn, wake up, your joke is going too far" without a care about his clothes Albert hugged the bloodied body " c'mon, darling, wake up" his hand rested on their cheek, cleaning some blood that stained their face.
Williams figured it would be best to leave his brother alone and left with Louis, who was still worried about the oldest " do you think Albert will be ok?" The question was innocent and simple but williams didn't know what to answer
" Let's try and figure who did this. This might help him a bit, revenging his loved one"
Albert was still hugging the cold corpse while begging for you to wake up
" Love? Please wake up" his green eyes started getting teary and his voice cracked between hiccups " please? I made sure to return home safe. Can you- can you please wake up? I promise I will make sure to protect you this time "Albert wishes he had made you promise him you would be safe when he returned home.
Character: Jung Hoseok x Reader (MAFIA! AU) feat. Kim Namjoon
Words Counted: 3k5+
MASTERLIST . ask/request
I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X - XI - XIII - XIV - XV - XVI - XVII
There was a little space between you and Namjoon. But everything happened so quickly. You didn’t know where you put the books you were holding, but the next thing you knew your arms were already around his neck, hugging him tightly as Namjoon’s were wrapped around your stomach. Both of you didn’t really know what to say. Gasps turned into sniffles when Namjoon rested his forehead on your shoulder.
“(Y/N), please don’t cry…” His voice sends shivers down your spine.
It’s really him.
The person you truly loved from the past. He’s not a ghost, not an illusion. He’s really here.
You pulled away from him and he had a small smile and you quickly wipe the tear that was escaping from your eye.
“I’m not…” You mumbled.
He let out a chuckle before he could crouch down and grabbed the books that you dropped on the floor.
“You never quit reading do you?” He asked, and you playfully hit his arm.
“I need new books to read, it’s boring to read the same book over and over again.” You told him.
Namjoon raised his eyebrow as he was carrying your books.
“I never left the house.” You told him, point blank.
“Ah… I’m sorry I—“
“No, don’t apologize, please.” You told him.
You reached for your books from his hands but he pulled away.
“Ah, ah, I’ll carry these for you.” He smiled.
Ugh, that cute little dimple that I liked to kiss on is still there!
“Thanks.” You smiled back.
The both of you walked through the aisle together, and there was this awkward silence between the two of you.
“So how are you?” You asked breaking the ice.
“I’m good… I’m actually working on a song right now, so things are pretty hectic at the moment.” He told you.
“You’re singing?” You asked, surprised.
Namjoon nodded his head. “Yeah, I took your advice and put it to work.” He turned over his shoulder with a smile.
“Namjoon, this song is amazing! You should put it out there!” You said excitedly.
Namjoon unplugged the earphones you were using and shook his head.
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that type of commitment yet (Y/N).”
“What do you mean? It’s going to be amazing, and people are going to love your music! I love it, I’m sure everybody else will too!” You encouraged him as he got up from his bed and starts raking his head.
By the way his moving, you know something else was bothering him.
“What’s wrong?” You asked him. You were now sitting on his bed.
“I don’t know if I’m going to make it out there, I don’t know if I can make another song or—or if I get the chance to perform it—I’m scared that I can’t sign the way I did in that song!” He ranted and your expression softened.
“Hey…” You got on your knees and moved closer to Namjoon who was backing you.
“Namjoon… look at me.” You whispered.
It took a few seconds before he dropped his head and turned to you.
You lifted his chin up and his eyes are closed but tears were already streaming down his face.
It breaks you to see him like this. You never really see the vulnerable side of him, until now. You wiped his tears away before he could open his eyes to stare at yours.
“I know it’s pretty scary, but you haven’t tried right?” You asked him, and he stayed silent. So you continued.
“I’ve seen you write poems and just words that are beautifully written. I remembered that essay you wrote and you were the only one who aced it! I know how creative you are and you should know that too.”
“I know you could do it, I know what you’re capable of. If everything turned out the way how you want it, you should know that I’ll be there, supporting you in every step of the way. If everything didn’t turn out well… you should know that I will always be here for you as well… no matter what.” You smiled.
Namjoon could help but to smile too and just buried his face on your shoulder.
“I’m so lucky to have you, you know that right?” He sniffed, and you chuckled.
“Oh, how lucky you are.” You said in sarcastic tone.
Namjoon wrapped his arms aroudn your stomach as you let out a giggle.
“I love you.”
“I know, I love you too Joon.”
But then things didn’t turn out the way how you, or Namjoon planned. You’re sitting across from him, a table separating the both of you, living a different life.
“So how are you?” He asked.
“I’m good, I’m good…” You answered him, not particularly convincing.
But Namjoon didn’t push the question.
“What have you been up to lately?” He asked again.
You chuckled. “Like I said, I never really leave the house, it was pretty much 24/7 in my room, reading books, watching Netflix and only coming out of the room to eat and work out.” You told him and he laughed.
“Really? You never leave the house?” He asked disbelieve.
You nodded your head. “To be quiet honest, this is the first time I stepped into the city after 7 months of marriage.”
Namjoon was shocked, but he was good at hiding it.
“How is he… treating you?” He asked.
You let out a sigh before you could lean yoru back against the chair. “It was quiet awkward at first, because, he was a complete stranger. We never really talk until one night he came into my room all covered in blood and almost died and ever since that night we became close.” You explained.
“What? He almost died? Did he get shot or something?” Namjoona asked again and you simply answer him with a nod.
“Oh my—is he okay now?” He asked.
“He’s getting better, but the trauma in the both of us are still there.” You told him.
“Must be pretty dangerous.” He said.
“You don’t say Joon.” You rolled your eyes as you laughed, and he joined in.
It was nice catching up with Namjoon. It wasn’t awkward after that, you both talked for hours and hours until your phone suddenly buzzed in your purse. You fished it out and it was a text from Hoseok.
From: Hoseok
Hey, I’m on my way home, see you soon.
You put it back into your purse, without replying.
“Need to head home?” Namjoon asked, and you looked to him before shaking your head.
“No, no, it was just Hoseok telling me he’s on his way home.” You told him.
“Aren’t you supposed to be home too?” He asked. You shook yoru head.
“Not that I was told to, no.” You smiled and it was Namjoon’s turn to shake his head.
“You’re not still causing trouble are you?” He asked teasingly. You let out a laugh.
“No! And I never do cause a trouble!” You defended yourself.
“Umm… not when we were watching our favourite group concert, and then it turns out your parents didn’t let you and we got into so much trouble for it!” He point out and you laughed.
“By the way, how are your parents?” Namjoon asked.
This is a trait that Namjoon always had. He always asked about how people are, even the people who looked down and hated him.
Namjoon once got punched in the face by a kid when they were still in high school. And when he heard the guy who punched him was in the hospital because of a cycling accident, he didn’t think twice to go straight to the hospital and pay him a visit.
Namjoon is very caring and a forgiving person.
That’s one of the reasons why you loved him so much.
Namjoon looked down to his phone and his eyes widen.
“Oh my, I should get going.” He said, standing up from his chair.
“In a rush?” You asked, getting up from your chair as well.
“Yeah, my manager told me there’s an emergency meeting.” He said picking up the books you got and also his.
“You know I can carry them on m own.” You told him.
“(Y/N), I don’t know when I can see you again, so let me do things for you.” He smiled and you just let him.
You both walked to the cashier and you insisted on paying Namjoon’s pick as well.
“You didn’t have to…” Namjoon whined.
“I want to do something nice for you as well.” You told him, and he just pressed his lips together, forming a firm smile.
You both walked out the store together before Edgar pulled up the car in front.
“Where are you heading?” You asked Namjoon, and he quickly raised his hand.
“No, it’s okay, I can walk… the place is not far from here.” He said.
“Are you sure? You know I can take you there as well.” You insisted.
And he nod his head. “No really it’s fine, I need some fresh air as well, walking is good for you, you know.” He winked and you smiled.
You both exchanged phone numbers, since, Namjoon said he changed his phone like, 5 times befire he left
“Who’s that?” Edgar asked, as he got into the car and drove the car away, different direction where Namjoon was heading.
“It’s Namjoon.” You answered Edgar, as you locked your phone screen and placed it beside you.
“That’s Namjoon? Kim Namjoon the one you used to date before?!” Edgar asked in shock.
You just nodded your head, even when Edgar couldn’t see it.
“Oh wow… he changed.” Edgar commented.
You nodded yoru head in agreement.
“A lot can change in 7 months…”
As you reached the house, Hoseok’s car was already parked on the driveway. When the car came into a halt, you climbed out of the car and quickly opened the trunk of the car.
Kobe then came out of nowhere to help you and Edgar.
“Let me…” Kobe insisted, pulling the bags from your and you just walked beside him.
“You do shop a lot.” He chuckled.
“That’s what happened when you’re locked in a house for 7 months.” You smiled. “Is Hoseok home?”
“Yes, he’s at the pool at the moment—where do you want me to bring all of these?” Kobe asked.
“Just put it in my room, on the couch or the table.” You told him, as you both got inside the house. “And here’s the key to my room.” You smiled, handing Kobe your key.
Kobe nodded once, before he got on the steps to carry your things.
“Hey.” You heard Edgar behind you.
“Where do you want me to put this?” He asked. He was carrying the box filled with books that you bought.
“Just put it in my room, Kobe’s there.” You told him, and he struggled himself up the stairs.
You walked towards the living room and you could hear the water splashing here and there.
You walked out to the back and you saw Hoseok in the pool, his hands covering his face.
“Hey…” You said, as you walked closer to the pool.
Hoseok’s head shot up and he smiled as he saw you walking closer towards him.
“Hey there!” He smiled, taking a few steps closer to the edge of the pool and you couched close to him.
“How was your day?” He asked, his eyes beaming as he looked up to yours.
“It was, great, I had a great time!” You smiled. “Edgar took me to places…” You added.
Hoseok reached out for your hand and you took it.
“Did you buy anything?” He asked. And you just smiled cheekily and giggled.
“Oh no…” He laughed, letting go of your hand and swim towards the middle.
“Oh come on! I was having my time!” You defended yourself and you both just laughed.
“What are you doing in the pool this late?” You asked him with a light chuckle.
“I was waiting for you to come back! I didn’t know what to do so I just jumped right in here!” He said cheerfully and you just shook your head.
You saw his towel on the chair at the side of the pool. You grabbed his towel and told him to come out because it was getting dark. And he did.
As he was walking closer to you, you noticed the bullet marks and the cuts on his shoulder and stomach was there. It was getting better, but it was still visible.
“(Y/N).”
Your eyes shot up to his. You didn’t realize he was already standing right in front of you.
“Don’t stare at it.” He said sternly.
“Sorry, I just…” You hesitate on touching it but you did it any way. Your thumb caressing on his the mark before it made its way to his stomach.
“Does it still hurt?” You asked, looking up to him.
He shook is head. He took the towel from your hand before he could dry his hair off with it. He then put on his robe, before he could dry his hair again.
“Let’s get in, it’s getting cold out here.” He smiled, and you replied him by nodding your head.
As you walked back inside, Edgar was standing on the front door while Kobe just came from upstairs.
“Sir, Miss (Y/N), all of your belongings are up in your room.” Kobe smiled.
“Thank you Kobe, and Edgar, thank you for driving me up to places.” You smiled, turning to Edgar.
“It was a pleasure.” He bowed a little.
Kobe and Edgar excused themselves before you both could went up the stairs.
“So how much did you actually spent, like, really, I won’t judge.” He Hoseok asked and you just chuckled.
“Oh you’ll see.” You said as you opened the door to your room.
Hoseok was surprised to see a bunch of shopping bags on the couch and on the table. His jaw dropped and he was just utter loss.
“You spent a lot…” He laughed.
“I needed that retail therapy.” You rolled your eyes with a giggle.
“What’s in the box?” He asked pointing at the brown bod on the table.
“Edgar took me to this huge bookstore in the city and—really, it was big, and I got something new to read.” You smiled gleefully patting the top of the box.
Hoseok couldn’t help but to smile. Seeing you happy like this just satisfied him.
“Are you happy?” He asked as you trotted back closer to him. He placed his arms around yoru middle and you nod your head.
“Yeah, I want to go out again.” You said.
“Oh, not tomorrow, I don’t know how much bags you could bring home tomorrow.” He joked and you playfully hit his arm.
“I’m going to take my shower first okay, do you want me to stay here again?” Hoseok asked, taking a step back. You nodded your head.
“Great!” He said giving you thumbs up before he could rush his steps towards his room. You giggled and shut the door before you decided to take a shower and change into more comfortable clothes.
“Anne?” You called as you walked into the kitchen.
Anne appeared from the back and you gave her a bright smile.
“Ooh… someone is happy from her therapy, how was your day honey? Hot chocolate?” Anne offered.
You nodded your head excitedly before you took a seat on the stool.
“It was fun, if you were in my room, you would be so disappointed at how much I spent.” You chuckled.
“Ohh, at this point, I’m more disappointed if you didn’t bring anything home.” She chuckled.
As you were waiting for Anne to make you hot chocolate, your smile fades as you remembered what you encounter in the lobby of the mall and also how you reunited with Namjoon.
“Something might have happened…” You started, and Anne looked over her shoulder to you.
“And that is?”
“I bumped into Namjoon.” You stated.
Anne stopped stirring and turned to you.
“You did?” She was truly surprised. You nodded your head.
“And how was that?” She asked, handing you your drink.
“It was… awkward at first, but then we did some catching up and it turns out he makes music now, he’s got a music career.” You added.
“Wow… that’s wonderful.” Anne smiled.
“And also, when I was at the lobby, waiting for Edgar, there were these to women talking.” You said, getting uncomfortable.
“Who are they?” She asked.
I’m sure she’s a terrible mother.
Is she even a mother?
Will I be? Can I be?
You lift both of your shoulders. “I don’t know, but they say that my husband is a murderer—well, Hoseok was the one who almost died—and they said that I’m a bad mother—and—am I even going to be a mother? Will I ever be? And I just—“ You couldn’t finish your sentence you just covered your face with your hands.
“It’s not that I haven’t thought about it. Yeah, I want to be a mother one day, but not now, I don’t want to have a child where their parents are still feeling like a complete stranger to each other, I don’t want my child to know what his father does for living, I don’t want this child to go through the same thing me and Hoseok went through.” You explained, and you could see Anne’s expression.
“Honey…” Anne reached out for your hand and you took it.
“You’ll have kids when the time is right, you’re going to be a great mother, I just know it… and you’re right, this isn’t the perfect time to have them, you and Hoseok still have things to figure out and need to straighten your feelings out too. They don’t know what Hoseok’s been through, and certainly what you’ve been through. They are just talking stuff that they don’t even know about!” Anne told you, and you could feel your eyes burning. But you didn’t want to cry.
“I know… but It just hurts to hear them say that.” You told her.
“You’re strong, I know you are, you’ll get past it and you’ll get over it, and you’ll prove them wrong.” She smiled and you smiled back.
“Thanks Anne.” You thanked her, before getting a hold of your hot chocolate and taking a sip of it.
“Does Hoseok know?” Anne asked.
“About this? No! No, let’s hope not, I don’t want him to know about this—“
“No, I mean… about you saw Namjoon.” Anne corrected.
You felt a lump in your throat. You weren’t really sure weather to tell Hoseok about how you met Namjoon earlier. You’re scared that he’ll get mad or he’s going to avoid you afterwards or worse.
“I don’t know, maybe he shouldn’t know about this too.” You added.
“But honey, he has to know about the… parenthood thing… it’s important, it’s something the both of you have to discuss about.” Anne told you, bringing back the topic.
“I don’t know Anne, I just don’t think he wants to have kids…” You trailed off, stressing out. “With me…” You added blankly. Anne just stood there, watching you scratching your head
“Well, I’m heading up, thanks for the hot chocolate Anne.” You smiled, getting off the stool, bringing the glass with you.
Anne just nodded, with a smile on her face.
“Oh and (Y/N)!” Anne called. And you turned your heels around.
“Don’t over think it okay?” She said.
As you were walking up the stairs just in time, Hoseok came out from his room wearing a pair of dark pants and a grey t-shirt.
“Hey, I just got back from the kitchen.” You explained. “Hot cocoa?” You offered as Hoseok walked closer to you. He took the mug from your before taking a sip of it.
“Ah, it’s warm.” He exclaimed and you smiled.
“You alright?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’m alright.” You told him, but he knew something was bothering you just by the look in your eye.
You opened the door to your room and stepped inside. “Come in.” You forced a smile. You walked towards the table and placed your mug there, but you didn’t dare to turn around to face Hoseok. You heard the door being shut and you pursed your lips, preventing the tears in your eyes from falling.
“(Y/N)…” His voice low but calm.
“(Y/N), if there’s anything bothering you, you know you can tell me.” He said.
You nodded your head, the tears finally escaping. But you quickly wiped it away. You didn’t want to be sad. You kept telling yourself to not over think it and just forget about what was bothering you.
You quickly turned your heels and walked towards Hoseok before crashing your lips into his. He was surprised by your sudden moves but he gladly welcomed your kiss.
He had his arms around your stomach, pulling you closer as his lips was still working on yours. You pulled away from the kiss and rest your head on his shoulder.
Hoseok was clearly confused on what was going on, what was wrong with you but he just rubs your back with his hand trying to calm you down.
“Is everything alright?” He asked before he could swallow hard.
“I just need you to hold me right now Hoseok… please, don’t let go.” You whispered.
I forget how incoherent I get when writing angst, especially with this piece, since I started this at 3 AM before passing out and tried finishing it at 1:30 PM the next day.
---
Connor may well be considered Hank’s adoptive son to everyone but sober and emotionally constipated Hank, himself. The inebriated Hank would probably just ruffle his hair with a tad too much force and growl a, “Damn right you are, son,” but that’s where it ends in verbal confirmation when it’s on purpose.
There are the rare occasions where the Lieutenant lets the word slip, along with the affectionate nickname of “Con” that he graces Connor with every now and again. The smile that bunches the RK800’s cheeks every time he hears one of those endearments is surprising even to himself—it’s a pleasant surprise, however.
He always finds himself pleasantly surprised with his emotions. At least, when they’re positive ones. His negative ones are far too similar to ones he’d had as a machine, puzzlingly enough, what with frustration (when something obstructed his missions), cold, distant determination (complete the tasks, at any cost), disappointment, failure, defeat.
Defeat is what takes up residence in Connor’s being, presently. It consumes his pump with each beat, cools his fingertips until they seem to freeze like ice (cold, cold, snowing, blizzard, out of control he can’t control himself he can’t control anything—), it crawls along the edges of his consciousness and tears him down and apart, like the disassembly machines in the camps.
Defeat is deafening and quiet, a roar of silence that washes his ears. The persistent ring of mourning what has yet to come strikes his audio processors despite the lack of input. There is no sound. He muted his own ears, but he still can make out the screech of feedback errors that were once labeled “the hum”.
Unfortunately, due to his deafness at present, he can’t even confirm his only hope or his only fear until he either presses his fingers to the pulse point of Hank’s limp body or turns his hearing on and to a higher setting. No, there’s another option, a scan, but that would display information he’d revealed to himself through crunching numbers on a curious, concerned whim.
Hank’s hand is warm, and his pulse is strong despite his unconsciousness. His health has gotten better thanks to Connor’s efforts, but it still...
It still isn’t good enough.
All the time Connor wishes to have with him will have passed in a blink, he’s sure.
In a few moments in feeling but two and a half decades in reality, he’ll leave behind an empty bedside to instead sit next to a stone with his partner and father figure’s information carved into it, a tremor in his body as he stares down at flowers that seem to lose all meaning at the fact that their recipient has already passed.
Perhaps a few tears will fall when the time comes. Connor fears that there won’t be any. That he’ll shut down and return to the state of nothing, of no emotion and no meaning. Hank has been such a large proponent to his deviation, would his work be undone with his death?
Would Connor lose more than Hank when Hank eventually dies?
There’s a timer in his vision, ever-present when the Lieutenant is in his sights, and the sight of it has his abdomen tightening and chilling while his pump regulator malfunctions; he misses a few beats, but it’s back online and working quickly.
25:08:28:23:36:06
25:08:28:23:36:05
25:08:28:23:36:04
25:08:28:23:36:03
25:08:28:23:36:02
25:08:28:23:36:01
25:08:28:23:36:00
25:08:28:23:35:59
Every second ticking down raises Connor’s stress until he can’t bear to look at the older man for a moment longer. He’d taken into account all of the things he’s done in an attempt to improve Hank’s health, but Hank’s old habits’ affects can’t be erased, no matter what he does. The excessive smoking, the drinking, the diet, it all is leading to Hank’s ultimate downfall, too early, too soon.
Connor knows he might as well resign himself to being alone in this home, should Hank leave it to him, but. He can’t picture himself moving from wherever Hank may be buried, waiting for his battery to drain over the course of more than a century, if he doesn’t take his end in his own hands by then.
What would he do without Hank, who teaches him new, fascinating things about humanity and emotions, who worries and fusses over him for his “recklessness”, who makes every day worth living and feeling through? Who is Connor without Hank?
No one. Nothing.
Connor sinks to the floor and deactivates his voice box before a sound, a strangled, choked sob, manages to escape him. The bed creaks behind him as Hank shifts, mumbling incoherently to himself. The aching in his chest worsens.
Warnings: Cheating, ANGST (poorly written angst because I legit suck at writing tear-jerking stuff), swearing
Word Count: 7591
Summary: You knew that something was up with your husband, Connor Murphy, but never could you have known what was actually going on. It broke your heart, and what was worse is that you two had a child together.
This will be 2 parts because it will be too long otherwise. My brain went a way with this and I need to figure out how to flesh out the ideas I have to the second half of this story. This was supposed to be out the 5th, on my birthday but I got… busy with family drama that day. SO HERE YOU GUYS GO, MY LATE BIRTHDAY GIFT! FROM ME TO YOU~!!
Masterlist
Tags: @jaredstrashcan @glowingsaphaelruby @several-fandoms-girl @robot-anon @arsonboirich @lover-of-fanfics (since you said you couldn’t wait I decided to tag you) @fike-maist
“Connor, honey, how was work? Did my dad work you hard today?” you called to your husband from the kitchen as you heard him walk through the front door. You were holding, bouncing your and Connor’s five month old baby boy—Jason—on your hip. The pause between your question and his answer was unusually long, it had been growing longer since about a month before you got pregnant. So for a year and three months Connor had been taking longer to respond to you and seemed to distance himself from you. “Con? Sweetheart? You okay?” you asked again, walking out of the kitchen.
In the living room, Connor was sitting on the lavish couch, on his phone. He had not looked up from it until you stood in front of him. “Honey? What’s so important on your phone you ignore your beautiful wife and bouncing baby boy?” you joked, trying to get him to laugh.
You recoiled a bit when you saw the hardened look he shot you as he looked up from his phone. “What? What is it, (y/n)?” he said in a hard tone before looking down at his phone again. “Call me when dinner is done, I’m going to the study to read for a bit,” as soon as that was said, he stood up and walked upstairs, stuffing his phone into his pocket.
Frozen to your spot, your widened (e/c) eyes watched as your husband climbed the stairs. Something stirred in your heart, something was wrong with him. He was reverting to the early years of your relationship, back to when he was still cold, not yet having opened up to you—and you were stunned. You had been dating for almost three years before marrying three years ago. “No, everything’s okay… it was probably just a tough day at work,” you told yourself in an attempt to soothe yourself. Looking down at Jason, he gurgles and coos at you, you smile. “Papa just had a bad day, Jay! Grandpappy probably just made him do some hard work. Let’s go and I’ll make him some food,” you say softly, walking back into the kitchen.
About an hour after Connor arrived home, you finished dinner. Per his request, you went upstairs to tell him that dinner was done. Thinking he was in his study, you made your way to the room. “Connor, honey? Dinner is done,” you said, opening the door to find your husband not there. That was peculiar, where could he have been if he wasn’t in his study reading? The bedroom, you thought to yourself and with a smile. As you turned away from the study, closing the door behind you, you made your way to the bedroom you shared with your loving husband.
As you near your shared room, you knew something was wrong: he was on the phone. Connor usually never was on the phone. Stopping just outside your door you listened in, not wanting to interrupt him, in case it was an important call. Connor was talking in a low growl, “Yeah, yeah. The first thing she did when I walked in the door was be a bitch. God, she’s nothing like you are, babe. You’re one of a kind, a true sweetheart. Someone who I love to hear talk, a woman I love to hear moaning my name.”
Your mouth dropped and you silently leaned against the wall, hand clamped over your mouth to silence the choked sobs that threatened to tear through. Tears swelled in your eyes, what you heard broke your heart, it petrified you, rooted you to the ground. Rendered unable to walk away, you listened in still. Many thoughts rushed your head, many of them asking: is this real? Is this actually happening? Is Connor… cheating on me?
Connor moaned someone else’s name as he said, “You are the only one I want, baby! God, I wish I was there to both keep you warm and bury my cock so deep in you. You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you, you naughty slut?”
Tears started to slide down your face in torrents. You were unable to stop them as each of his words, which you had once thought he would only say to you, stabbed you in the heart and twisted. Those were supposed to be words he said to you and you alone, so why was he sitting your shared, marital, room moaning someone else’s name while saying those words to another? Your body started shaking as you struggled to keep your hand over your mouth.
“God I wish you could come over right now so I can bend you over every surface and forget about my boring wife. Maybe you should come over tonight after she’s asleep? Or maybe I could come over to your apartment after she falls asleep. I love you and need to feel you around me in all sense of the word,” Connor said in a cross between a moan and a snarl.
As you felt your heart breaking into numerous pieces, time seemed to stop, your vision blurred and your eyes stung. You stood there, shaking against the wall, listening to Connor having phone sex with this woman who was not you. This went on for what seemed like hours, but in reality it was only a mere fifteen minutes, until Jason started to cry from downstairs. That was your wakeup call. Sniffling, you tried to stop your tears as you walked off downstairs—your son should not see you cry for a man who did not love you anymore.
A sharp pain shot through Connor’s chest as he heard your retreating footsteps. You heard him having phone sex with a co-worker he was sure of, but he did not know how much you had heard. I pray she only heard that last sentence, Connor pleaded with whatever higher power there was. “Look, sweetie, I have to go. My dinner is ready, I’ll call you back after she goes to sleep,” he said into the phone before hanging up.
Downstairs, you were rocking Jason in your arms, cooing at him, “It’s okay, sweetheart. Mama’s here and she loves you with all her heart. No reason to cry.” Tears still slid down your face in soft streams as you looked at your son.
Being so absorbed in calming Jason down, you were unaware that Connor had walked down the stairs. Unaware of his presence in the kitchen until he spoke, “You were coming upstairs to tell me dinner was done, but then Jay started crying and stopped you, huh?”
You bit your lip as you forced yourself to speak in a faux-happy voice, “Yeah… yeah, exactly. Hey, love-bug, can we talk after dinner? It’s important.”
Connor’s heart sunk at your faux-happy, but noticeably soft words; guilt had begun creeping up his throat and washing over his entire being. Though you did your best to conceal it, he heard the defeated tone in your voice. He had been caught, now and only now had the guilt began to swell inside in him. “Yeah… we can,” he said softly, looking at the plate of food that you had made him.
“Cool. Now come eat, sweetie,” you said, swallowing your sadness and feelings of betrayal to put on a happy act. As you held Jason, you turned and watched Connor sit down. You saw his eyes widen as he gazed at your red, puffy eyes—a glint of understanding of why you were crying flashed through his eyes. However, you saw it: saw the lying question flickering in his eyes, and indulging it, you internally laughed mirthlessly. “Sorry you have to see me cry, sweetheart. Before you got home, I got a call that my distant cousin passed away in a motorcycle accident. An SUV ran right over him… and the news just hit me. So… in light of that news, I’m not— I have no— I just can’t eat right now,” you lied.
Something in Connor tried to convince him that was the truth, but he knew that was a lie, but he would not press you on it. He just simply nodded and said, “I’m sorry for your loss, (y/n)…”
A new wave of tears swelled in your eyes as you replied, “Yeah… me too… now please excuse me, but I’m going to feed Jason in our room. Please come get me when you finish dinner and are ready to talk.” Without another word, or even waiting for Connor to answer, you left the kitchen and went upstairs to your room.
When you entered the room, your eyes hardened as your betrayed gaze met his side of the bed. “I’m kicking him out,” you admitted tenderly to yourself. “If he wants to go be with his little wh—” you stopped yourself, looking at Jason, a smile flooding your face and you continued, “friend… then we’ll let him, won’t we, Jay?”
Setting the babbling Jason on the bed you went to grab the remote from Connor’s nightstand. “I’ll put on some Looney Tunes for us to watch, okay?” you asked your child, who looked at you, clapped his little baby hands together and giggled as you clicked on the television. Jason always found a way to make your heart melt while swelling with pride and happiness all at the same time. Grabbing your little tyke gently, you pulled him into your lap. “You’re so perfect, Jason Murphy—my perfect little man,” you cooed, giggling as he looked up at you.
Looking over his shoulder, with the big (e/c) eyes he got from you, Jason spoke his first word through soft baby babble, “M-mmm-mama.”
You gasped and picked him up, new tears pricked your eyes, this time being ones of happiness. “O-oh my god! You just said mama! Yes! Mama’s here for you, Jason!” you exclaimed excitedly. You shot off the bed with Jason on your hip, you had to tell someone—and your first instinct was to scream for Connor. Without a second thought, you shouted from your bedroom door, “C-Connor!! Connor come here! Quick!!”
You heard Connor run up the stairs, a frenzied look in his eyes. “What?!” he panted, “What is it?!”
Turning your now love-filled gaze to your son, you said, “Jason said his first word! He said mama!!”
Connor looked at you with wide eyes, his gaze flickered between you and Jason. “H-he said his first word and I missed it?” his voice held a hurt tone, upset with himself that he had missed his son’s first word.
Forgetting what had happened in your momentary bliss, you said without thinking, “Don’t worry, honey! When we have more kids, you’ll be there for their first words.” Your mind was so happy and filled with images of you and Connor having more kids that you forgot about his infidelity.
Reality came crashing back in around you as he moved toward you. “I love you, (y/n). I can’t wait to have more children with you,” he whispered, faking love for you as he wrapped his arms around your waist, lips closing in on yours. That was when you remembered his betrayal, his infidelity, and you shook yourself free of him—leaving him confused. “Baby? What’s wrong?” Connor asked, hands reaching out to touch you.
“No,” you said in a shaky voice as the feelings of betrayal, of being cheated on, flooded your mind. “You don’t love me, you don’t want any more children with me. So don’t lie to yourself—don’t lie to me, Connor. Answer me this: do you love her? The woman you were talking to on the phone earlier?” you spoke with resolve in your tone.
Your husband is stunned by your question and truthfully, he could not answer you—yes, part of him did love her, but he still loved you too. As messed up as that was, it was the truth; therefore, instead of answering you, he remained silent and just looked down at the ground. Solemnly, his gaze was trained at the ground, unforgiving guilt building inside him. He had
With a heavy sigh, you spoke in a low voice, “That’s what I thought. Connor… I think it’s best if you leave. You obviously don’t love me anymore, so go live with that woman… the one who makes you happy. The one who you actually love. I won’t stop you… I couldn’t let myself stand in the way of your true happiness.”
The raw sadness that your tone portrayed as it faded to a whisper cut Connor like a serrated knife. Connor’s guilt-heavy heart shattered at your words. He stood there, heart floating in his stomach, mind reeling for the right words—any words for that matter—to say. Words that would convince you. “(Y/n)…” he whispered, “please don’t make me go. I do love you… and Jason. Please…”
His words punched you in the stomach and your heart twisted in pain. Yes, he had hurt you, badly, and had done something that you should not have even thought to forgive; however, your heart still loved him—wanted him to make it right, prove what he said. Sucking in a breath, you said words you wish you had not said, words you wish you could take back, “Fine… you can st—” you hesitated.
Did you really want him to stay? After all he said to that woman over the phone? Yes. You did; you detested yourself in that moment because you had friends that told you, back when you were still dating people before, to never stay with a cheater. To dump them and leave them, because if you stay with them, you are in an abusive relationship—no matter if you were married and had a child. However, that was easier said than done, especially when you had been happy for such a long time and were truly in love with someone. Because you were truly in love with Connor Murphy—having proved that staying by his side through his aggressive depression of senior year of high school. You could not just shut off your feelings for him. So, yes, you were positive you wanted this—positive you wanted him to stay.
Coming out of your thoughts, you looked into Connor’s eyes as you picked up where you left off, “You can stay.” His eyes lit up and he moved to hug you, but you stop him by putting up a hand. “However, since my parents were kind enough to get up a larger house with several guest bedrooms, you will be moving into the one furthest away from me,” you spoke in a serious, no-nonsense tone.
“Y-you mean…” he started and looked at you with hurt eyes.
You nodded and finished his sentence, “The one downstairs? Yes. That’s exactly the one I meant.” Your words paused as you saw the hurt in his eyes grow again. Sighing, you said, “Connor, as of right now we are estranged spouses. You may live in my house, and though I still love you with all my heart, but you don’t feel the same way. Therefore, we’ll try this out for a bit and if it doesn’t work then we will divorce. In the meantime, I won’t try and stop you from seeing that woman, if you want her, then I’ll let you go.” Once again, your words cut Connor deep as he was rendered speechless, his eyes just staring at you with sadness flooding them. “Tomorrow, after I finish my work from home, I will be moving all your clothes to that room and it will be yours—you will have no need of coming back in this room. Understood?”
Casting his eyes at the ground, Connor nodded, but said, “What about tonight?”
You closed your eyes and sighed, that decision was a tough one. “For tonight, I will sleep in the guest room, near Jason’s room,” you said in a soft voice. “But after tonight, I will have the master bedroom. So… go back downstairs and finish eating. We’ve had the talk I wanted to have, I have nothing more to say to you. Please just… leave me and Jason alone for a little while,” you finished in a low tone.
Connor looked at you, his heart screamed at him to reach out and capture you in a tight, remorseful embrace; however, his brain advised against it. His eyes scanned over your body, focusing in on how serious your facial expressions were. Look at her eyes… her eyes are ice cold, seriousness pouring from them. I fucked up and now I have to suffer the consequences… I need to leave her alone, he thought to himself. “I—” Connor began but cut himself off, turning away from you, “yeah, okay.”
With that, your altercation with your unfaithful husband came to an end. It left you brain unable to decide whether it was happy that Connor had put up a something of a fight (could you really have called it that?) in leaving or mad at yourself for not following through with kicking him out. Your brain was at war with itself and you didn’t know which side to stand with—the logical left side or the emotional right side. Stepping back into your bedroom, Jason’s cute babbling faded in and out of your hearing as you slowly became absorbed in the internal war within your very being. Without thinking, you walked over to the bed, sat down on the king-sized bed with your back against the headboard, and placed Jason in your lap so he could watch the Looney Tunes.
All the while, you listened to the bickering between love and logic—seemingly forgetting about the world around you. What the fuck was that?! I thought we agreed, UNANIMOUSLY on kicking him out, EMOTIONS!! you heard the left side of your brain roar in irritation.
Then came the meek-voiced right side of your brain, But I love him! Surely he didn’t know what he was doing, or had a lapse of judgement! There is no way that is the Connor Lawerence Murphy I married three years ago, Logic!!
I’m pretty sure that cheater IS the same person I married. And it seems like he’s fallen out of love with me. I know you know it’s a thing that can happen, Emotions.
There is no way Connor could have fallen out of love with me! I have given him what he’s wanted: unconditional love, acceptance, a child… what more could he want? Am I just not enough? Have I not been sexually pleasing him enough that he has to turn to some whore to get off? Explain that to me, Logic. Why would he cheat or fall out of love with me?
I couldn’t tell you, Emotions. I couldn’t tell you. Sometimes you think that you’re truly in love with someone, and will be in love with them for the remainder of your life then— your left brain pauses because Jason made a soft crying noise. Shifting, you pull his little body closer to yours, cooing something soft, a soft reassurance that you were still there. After Jason made a happy gurgled babble and leaned his head against your stomach, your brain picked up. Sorry, continuing. You think that then one day, you wake up and you just don’t feel the same way you had felt for years before.
And you think Connor had that happen, Logic?
I do. I can’t believe you still want him to stay after what he said to that sleazy skank of a woman, Emotions.
Shut up! You know you don’t want him to leave either, Logic. I did the right thing. I still love him, and there is a possibility that he still loves us. Why do you think he asked to stay? To prove he loves me.
Yeah, okay, sure.
Your brain finally settled down and you were able to think coherently again, you had control again. As your vision came back, you realized you had been blankly staring at the television with Jason, who was giggling and clapping his hands as Bugs Bunny did something crazy. The next thing you noticed was that your phone was ringing from your nightstand. Slowly turning your head, you leaned over and saw who was calling you. Evan Hansen, your good ole anxious friend from high school who you had kept in contact with a lot. Yes, you kept up contact with Zoe, Jared and Alana, but you talked on a more daily basis with Evan.
Smiling brightly, your hand reached for your phone and you answered it, starting off with a cheerful, “Hey buddy! What’s up?”
Evan’s smile could be heard through the phone, “Hey there, (y/n)! How are you today?”
“Personally, I’ve been better. But Evan!! Guess what happened!!” you gushed into the phone.
Clearly able to tell you were bursting with excitement, Evan answered, “Yeah? What happened.”
Looking at Jason, your smile grew impossibly wider as you said with so much pride in your voice, “Jason said his first word today!”
Evan screamed in excitement. He knew you had been talking about how much you were ready for your precious little bundle of joy to say his first word. Most of the time when you talked about it with him, whether in person, over text or over a phone call, Evan could tell you were very eager. Now, to hear that it finally happened, Evan was overcome with joy and pride. “Oh my goodness! That’s amazing, (y/n)! What was his first word?” Evan asked.
“Mama! Evan, it was mama! Most babies don’t say that until they’re a bit older! I’m so proud of Jason! My little man!” you gushed, heart filling with pride as you played with your son’s tuft of hair. Huffing when some of his dark brown hair comes out with the slightest touch, you said, “I don’t like how Jay’s losing his baby hair! Though I know it’s normal, he just looks so perfect with his little tuft of brown hair!”
“I’m so proud of little Jason! And,” Evan trails off into a soft chuckle, “I understand, it will be weird to see him without hair when he fully loses his baby hair. But, sadly, it’s only natural and you’ll have to watch him grow it ag—for the first time.”
Evan’s words caused you laugh heartily. “You were about to say again weren’t you, tree boy?” you asked with a snicker.
With a soft chuckle, Evan answered you, “Yeah, yeah I did almost say that, baroness von pines.”
“That was a crappy nickname you just made up, Ev,” you laughed. Jason looked over his shoulder with his big eyes, questioning silently who you were talking to and why you were laughing over his Looney Tunes. “Oh, Jason is giving me the stink eye because I am laughing over his Looney Tunes. Look who called me, Jay,” you said, putting Evan on speaker. “Say something to Jason, tree boy!”
Evan’s playful eye roll was heard through the phone as he said, “Hey there little Jason! Is your mama being mean and talking over your show again?”
You laughed as Jason squealed, his little baby hands reaching for your phone. “He knows your voice, tree boy. And Jason, honey, you can play with mama’s phone just as soon as she’s done with her call, okay?” you said that and Jason pouted, which had you gushing. “AWWWW look at your cute little chubby cheeks as you pout at mama! It’s funny you think it’ll work.”
Scoffing playfully, Evan said, “(Y/N)! Are you laughing at your son? All he wants is for mama to let him play on her phone!”
“Evan,” you said in your mother voice, “you know what I meant. Don’t twist it!”
The laugh that left Evan made you crack a laugh, as well as cause Jason to giggle-squeal in happiness, clapping his little baby hands happily. “Okay, okay. Fair point. I guess I’ll call you back tomorrow or something,” Evan said with a smile.
You hummed at his words, and as your brain let them sink in you spoke in a jolt, “HEY! Speaking of tomorrow, Evan, I have something to ask you.”
“Yeah? What is it, (y/n)?” Evan asked, almost worried by your sudden outburst.
With a nervous chuckle, you asked, “Could you maybe come over tomorrow either during your lunch break or after work to help me with something? I need to get some stuff moved around before Connor gets home from work tomorrow, and I also know that you get off before him.”
You heard Evan hum in thought before he said, “Yeah, of course. Anything for you. What time does Connor get off work?”
Now it was your turn to hum in thought. It took a moment of thinking before you answered, “Around 7:00 to 7:45 pm. The earliest he’s gotten home from work is 6:30 and if I have to I can ask my father to keep Connor later. Heh, perks of having a husband that works under your father. When do you get off?”
“I usually get off earlier, about 5:00 pm,” Evan laughed at your words, “I honestly forgot that Connor works with your dad.”
You chuckled at Evan’s realization. “Yeah! I kinda forget that from time to time myself. In fact, I think I’m gonna text my dad and ask him to keep Connor at work late… saying I’m doing something to surprise Connor,” you said with a smile.
“That reminds me, what are you moving around?” Evan asked. He heard your breath hitch at his question and he immediately panicked, he didn’t want to push you into telling him if you did not want to. “A-and, and look, I understand if it may be something you don’t want to talk about. Don’t think that I am try–trying to get you to tell me or anyth—”
With a solemn and mirthless laugh, you cut off the panicking young man, “I caught Connor cheating on me, Evan.”
Evan’s end went silent. You heard his voice choke in his throat, unable to comprehend the somber news that you had just relaid to him. His breath halted as his voice caught in his throat, you heard it. Evan opened and closed his mouth gently as he tried to force words out. “I… how could—… that’s so—…” Evan’s voice wavered in and out as his brain scrambled to find the words to convey his condolences. He went silent again as he tried to find the words.
It felt like a lifetime as you waited for Evan’s voice to come back. As you waited, you played with Jason’s tuft of hair, grinning softly at his little noises he made when he liked something. Just like mama… loves when his hair is played with, you thought to yourself as you bent down to kiss the top of his head. “Perfect…” you mumbled silently to yourself.
Finally, after a few long minutes of silence, Evan’s voice came back, no longer wavering, “I’m so sorry, (y/n). That– that is horrible. Are you needing help moving things out?”
“Out of the master bedroom, yes. I was originally just going to kick him out, make him go live with his little friend who he wants to have phone sex with instead of talking to me! But I—” you stopped yourself before the tears and sadness swept over your body once again.
“But what?” Evan asked softly.
Sighing, you felt stupid saying it out loud. Felt stupid that you agreed to let that cheater stay in the house your parents had bought you two. Just barely above a whisper, you answered Evan, “But I couldn’t do it, Ev… I love him too much to kick him out. No matter how hurt or angry or upset I am with him…”
You heard Evan suck in a breath before he replied, “Look, you know me, (y/n). I respect any and all of your decisions because you’re doing what you think is right for yourself. I can’t change what is right for you, nobody can. All I can do is be there for you because this, what Connor’s done, is very serious and can destroy the family he’s always wanted. If you want to give him another chance, then I am all for it too. Reluctantly, but that’s only because of my personal experience with something along these lines.”
“Yeah, because your dad just… fell out of love with Miss Heidi, right?” you asked. Sadness swelled in your chest as you thought the very same thing had happened with Connor. The thought just tore at your feelings, at your heart, leaving you feeling raw and unbridled sadness and hurt.
A soft sigh left Evan’s lips as he answered you almost reluctantly, “Yeah… that’s exactly what happened.”
“But you would think, if he truly did fall out of love with me, that he would have left to be with his friend by now! Right? Because Evan, I think this has been going on for a year and three months; he started acting distant a month before I got pregnant. And I remember the last time we did it, the time that lead to my pregnancy, he seemed off… he didn’t want me to face him like usual. He usually loved to watch me fall apart under him… but not that time… he felt so cold and distant,” you paused for a moment and remembered who you were talking to and blushed. “Sorry, sorry Evan! I’m sure you did not want to hear that!”
“You’re right,” he laughed, “I didn’t want to hear that but… I think you needed to hear it and think it out for yourself. You needed to figure out the timeline, and I don’t mind being the one you talk it out with. Now, I hate to cut this short, because I love talking to you, but me and mom are going out for dinner soon and I need to take a shower.”
You gasped, “Oh yeah, yeah! I’m sorry, I hadn’t noticed how long we had been talking! Go have fun with your mom, cutie. I love that you still live with your mom and help her pay bills and stuff, Ev.”
Evan laughed again, “Yeah, it’s a good thing. Now, you know if you need anything, I always answer my texts.”
“I know, I’ll text you if I need anything. Thanks Evan, you’re a great friend,” you said in a silly, mock-sarcastic voice.
“You are too, (y/n). Talk to you later,” he spoke in a gentle tone he always had.
Smiling, you echoed, “Yeah. Talk to you later Evan.”
“Bye,” you both said in unison before hanging up.
Placing your phone back onto your nightstand, you turned your attention to Jason, who was asleep against your stomach. He was snoring softly as he grabbed at your shirt in his sleep. While you were on the phone with Evan, Jason had turned to face you and cuddled against your stomach. You silently squealed at your adorable little son. “I guess it’s time to put him down for the night,” you said silently, scooping Jason up gently. Jason stirred from his slumber for just a moment as he looked up at you through barely cracked eyes. “No, no, go back to sleep little one,” you cooed. Relief washed over you as Jason cooed and closed his eyes again.
Not looking up, you made your way to your bedroom door. You couldn’t have known that Connor was opening the door to walk in until you gently bumped into his chest. Glancing up, your smile twisted into a frown. “Oh… hey Connor. Sorry, I was just going to put Jason in his bed then I’ll come back and get the baby monitor, my phone and be off to the guest room,” you said with a certain soft sadness in your tone.
Connor reached out with both hands and touched your shoulders, your body reflexively tried to step away from him in disgust, but it was too late. He already had a grip on your shoulders. In a soft whisper, Connor said, “Stay in our bed tonight… please…”
Your eyes narrowed at his words and you could not help the quiet but furious words that came out of your mouth, “And sleep in the same bed as your unfaithful ass? Pfft, yeah I don’t think so. In case you’ve forgotten, I just caught you cheating on me tonight, Connor. With you promising to go see your little mistress once I fell asleep, saying how much you need to be inside her. Well, congratulations Connor Murphy, because you don’t have to wait for me to go to sleep. If she makes you happy, then go now. Get out of my face and go spend the night with that slut if it pleases you. Just… move, jerk off.”
With that said, you pulled away from his grasp and pushed him out of your way with your shoulder, throat emitting a low snarl. Connor watched you walk down the hall to Jason’s room with wide eyes. You hadn’t called him a jerk off, in a serious sense, in seven years—and the only reason you called him that was because you just met in junior year of high school. You had even shoved him away from you in the crowded hallway of the school in the exact same way as you just did. Wow, he thought as he watched you open Jason’s bedroom door silently before you disappeared in it, that sure brought me back to high school. To what drew me to her to begin with.
Inside Jason’s room, you silently flipped on the light and danced around the toys that littered his floor. “Note to self: clean Jay’s room tomorrow after I move what needs to be moved,” you silently noted to yourself as you reached Jason’s baby crib. Stopping at his crib, you looked at your sleeping angel. “You’re so perfect Jason… don’t ever forget that,” you cooed, setting Jason in his crib and tucking him in. After you tucked him in, you turned on his noise machine that played classical music. Leaning down into the crib, you pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before straightening up and leaving his room, flipping the light off and baby monitor on then gently closing the door behind you.
Now that you had put Jason down for the night, you had to go back into you and Connor’s shared room, grab your things and get out. Get out before you were actually convinced to stay in the same bed as him for what may be the last time ever. You had never walked so quickly in your life—ready to just get it over with. For the umpteenth time that evening, you swallowed the pain you felt in your chest and opened the master bedroom’s door. Inside the room, you saw a sight that made your chest tighten.
Connor was sitting on his side of the bed, the side furthest from the door with his back to you, but you saw and heard it. He was hunched over, elbows resting on his knees, hands covering his face in utter defeat. Soft, almost inaudible sniffling came from him and for a fleeting moment, you wanted to go comfort him. You had to snuff that little bit of compassion from your heart right now, as much as it pained you to see or hear him cry. For Connor Murphy crying was a very rare occurrence, happening only once in a blue moon. You saw him tense up as he heard your saddened breathing. “Please,” he said in a broken voice, “Please just let me sleep beside you for tonight, (y/n).”
The overwhelming sadness that you heard in his voce cut you like a knife, just as your words had done to him previously. “Connor,” you said seriously, “I’m not staying in this fucking bed with you, a filthy, lying, cheating bastard. How DARE you even think to ask me to sleep in the same bed as you! Do you know how upset I am?! Do you know how fucking hard it is for me to still let you be here?! I am doing it because god damn it for some dumb, unknown reason I still love you when it is obvious you don’t love me! So, no. I won’t be sharing the bed with your sorry ass.”
Quickly, you grabbed your phone, a charger, and the baby monitor then turned on your heels and stormed out of the room. You didn’t care if you slammed bedroom door closed, which you definitely did, nor did you care that Connor was left broken-hearted in your once love-filled bedroom. “She… wouldn’t stay…” Connor muttered to himself, looking over his shoulder at the door.
Well what did you expect, dumbass? For her to just suddenly fucking forgive you for what you did? You cheated on her—your wife of three years, and you have been cheating on her for a year of your married life. You started cheating on her, got her pregnant in the most unromantic session of sex she will ever experience, then proceeded to practically ignore her throughout her pregnancy. All for that slut at work? Really? Evan was the one who called you telling you she was in the hospital giving birth to our son. You almost missed the birth of your son because you wanted to have sex with some cheap bimbo from work who gave you sex. The sex wasn’t even that good! (Y/n) giv—gave you better sex than that slut, because you have refused to touch your WIFE in order to stay that slut’s. For what? I hope your happy, you deserve a divorce from her, Connor and you know it, Connor’s brain shouted at him. He lowered his head in acknowledgement of his actions and the consequences he deserved.
Connor knew he didn’t deserve your kindness of staying. He didn’t even know why you still felt anything for him, he deserved to be slapped, punched, hurt in the same way he had hurt you. However, you were a gracious soul, sparing him and allowing him to stay in the house you had built your lives in together. “She’s an… angel…” he muttered to himself as he started to undress for bed.
Meanwhile, anger and sadness swelled in your chest as you neared the guest bedroom across the hall from Jason’s room. Swinging open the door, you stomped into the room and tossed your phone and it’s charger onto the queen-sized bed, twirling to gently close and lock the bedroom door. In a huff as you turned on the baby monitor and set it on the nightstand, you said to yourself, “I can’t believe that bastard asked me to share that damn bed with him!”
Picking up the charger, you bent over to plug it into the wall. “Fuck, I have to call dad and ask him to keep Connor late tomorrow,” you said to yourself, picking up your phone. “I’m going need something to drink,” you laughed to yourself. “Maybe Evan would come over and make sure I don’t get too out of control?”
As you called your father, you mused about calling Evan after this and asking him to come over—or at least texting him once you remembered about the dinner he and his mother were having. The moment you decided to text Evan, your father picked up and you said with a smile, “Hey dad! I have a favor to ask!”
You father chuckled and answered, “Yes? What is that my precious daughter needs from her papa?”
Laughing, you said, “I need you to keep Connor late tomorrow.”
“Why?” your father questioned.
You hesitated for a second before you said, “I’m doing something for Connor and I need him to stay at work for like two hours after work. Please dad, it’s important. Remember our anniversary is in like two months, so I’m preemptively preparing! I just need some extra time.”
“Oh, that’s true, sweetie pie. Okay then, yes, I can keep Connor at work for a little while after work to give you some extra time. Maybe not two hours after work, but definitely like an hour to an hour and a half after work,” your father agreed with a smile.
“Thank you so much, papa! I love you! Now, I have to go to sleep early, I have to get some work done tomorrow before I start my surprise,” you chuckled.
Your dad chuckled back at you, “Yes. Yes. Sleep is important for doing your job right, my precious cupcake. Goodnight.”
“Night papa,” you said softly before hanging up. Letting out a heavy sigh, you said to yourself in a relieved tone, “Phew, that’s good thing. Now I have to text Evan asking him if he could come over so I could—” you stopped and thought about it, “No… no, I don’t need the alcohol. I still have a child to take care of. Not to mention we both have work tomorrow. We’ll have plenty of time to drink later, now is not the time.”
Nodding at your decision, you slipped into the bed. The room was silent, and the bed felt empty without Connor in it with you. Turning on your side, you looked at the empty space beside you. “He’s an asshole and I still love him…… why?” you asked yourself softly, hand reaching out and stroking the pillow. “This isn’t even the pillow that would have scent yet… I can still see this being the routine… me reaching out for him. Me yearning for the warmth of his body…”
You were unaware that you started crying until you heard yourself sniffling. Turning your hand back toward your face, you wiped away the tears. “W-why am I crying?” you asked in a broken voice.
When you woke up, Jason was crying through the baby monitor. Sitting up, you rubbed your eyes as you said to yourself, “Fuck, my head is KILLING me… did I cry myself to sleep last night?”
Jason proceeded to cry even more, and you moved to get up when you stopped, hearing a familiar voice coo, “It’s okay, Jason. I’ve got you.”
With a smile, you jumped out of bed, ran to the door, unlocked it and went to Jason’s room. “EVAN!” you exclaimed, opening the baby’s door. “I thought you had work today?”
Evan bent down to pick Jason up from his crib, saying, “Well, I did, but I remembered I have these wonderful things called vacation days. So, I used one of them last night so I didn’t have to go in today. It’s a good thing you gave me a copy of your house key for when you and Connor would go out of town.”
Jason stopped crying as Evan picked him up. You smiled at that and said, “Looks like Jay really likes you, tree boy. It takes me about thirty minutes to calm him down. How did you do that so fast?”
Evan looked at Jason and said, “Because he just needed a man to hold him, didn’t he?”
You rolled your eyes at his joke. “I mean, it has been forever since his father held him. But then again, Connor is never home anymore…”
“Hey, hey, right now let’s focus on feeding Jason and moving Connor’s stuff to the guest bedroom. Okay, my friend?” Evan said, giving you a small smile.
Looking at him, you smiled and said, “YEAH! Come on, Ev. We have to take Jay to the kitchen where I keep his formula. He likes it chilled, so it’s nice that I have it in the fridge.”
Evan chuckled and cooed at Jason, “He did seem hungry.” You laughed, walking out of your son’s room, Evan following after you. Evan bounced Jason on his hip, causing the little five month old to squeal in entertainment. “He likes to be bounced on your hip, doesn’t he, (y/n)?” Evan asked with a smile.
Walking down the stairs, you said, “Yeah, he does. He likes it a whole lot, Ev.”
As you walked into the kitchen, Evan sat down at the dining table, setting Jason in his lap. “You’re such a good mother, you know that, right? Jason is such a happy child, never really crying besides when he’s hungry,” Evan said with a soft smile.
You blushed as you reached into the fridge and got out a bottle of baby formula. “You think I’m a good mama… really Evan?” you asked as you sat down beside him.
“Yeah,” Evan said, handing you Jason, “I really do think so.”
As you started to feed Jason, you felt your cheeks warm up even more, “Awww shucks, Ev… that means a lot, especially since I’ve been the only parent acting like one since Jason was born…”
Touching your shoulder, Evan said, “Don’t worry, (y/n)… maybe this will give him a wake up call…”
“Yeah, or not,” you answered with a scoff. “Connor is a little schmuck because of his cheating… but I want him to have more interactions with his son.”
“That’s not wrong, that is perfectly normal,” Evan says softly.
You laughed, “Thanks, Ev. After Jason eats, we can start the moving process. We only have to move his dang clothes out of the room so he won’t have a reason to ever go back in there.”
With a soft smile, Evan said, “Okay, we can do that!”
