#bad fic

[hislittleraincloud]

I made the mistake of clicking on some Wyler fic that purported to be smutty just to see how poorly written the smut was and I was not fucking disappointed

[marvelmaniac715]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hatchetfield Universe - Team StarKid Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Paul Matthews/Pokey | Pokotho Characters: Paul Matthews, Pokey | Pokotho, Sniggles (Black Friday) Additional Tags: Meta, Bad Fic, Crack Summary:

My name is Pokotho and I wish it to be known that I did not consent for this ‘fanfiction’ to be published. I TOLD my Sniggles to delete their work in progress because they had no sense of creativity and created a truly awful piece of writing based on my instructions. It’s so bad that they even forgot to take out the notes I gave them whilst writing, how did these fools end up working for the most artistically inclined Lord in Black? I’ll never know! If you read this, I will personally drag you down to the Black and White. Now, how would I go about unpublishing this?…

[eeteernity]

Pairings: xiao x reader

Prompt: you call for xiao but he came too late

Genre: angst :)

Xiao and you had, had a fight that day. It wasn’t anything serious at first it was just him scolding you because you got hurt on your last commission

You didn’t like that, you thought that he was babying you. You knew you could take care of yourself yet he still doubted you. So you exploded on him.

“Xiao I get that you just want what’s best for me but you don’t have to baby me! You’re not my dad!”

This caused xiao to get mad as well. You didn’t have to yell at him while he was just explaining that he didn’t want to be hurt is anyway, although the way he might’ve said it was a bit cold

The two of you yelled back and forth at each other, until xiao had enough and left

“FINE LEAVE FOR ALL I CARE!”

Of course you cared you just couldn’t have xiao know that 

You two didn’t see each other for a week you went on commissions to pass the time

“Oh hello (y/n) welcome back!”

Katherine from the adventures guild said

“Hello do you have any commissions for me?”

“Well actually I have one but I’m unsure if I should send you on it. A Fatui meeting has been spotted do you think you could see what’s going on?”

“Of course”

Katherine didn’t tell you how many fatui members there were, but you sure wished she did

Over 100 members all listening to a harbinger go on about some plan

But you being you, you don’t back down from a fight so you chose the most strategical path to go.

From the back you took out 3 members before everyone else realised you were there. That’s when it got tricky

One after another you slayed them

At the start it was like babies work. You’ve literally fought dragons and gods!

But slowly more and more fatui joined the fight it was slowly overwhelming you

After defeating 60+ members you were worn out but they weren’t. They wouldn’t stop attacking

All you wanted to do was close your eyes and fall asleep so you called for him

“Xiao… I’m sorry”

All the way from the other side of Liyue xiao heard you

He came immediately picking you up and leaving with you. He took you to the top of wangshu inn

“What happened?!”

“I’m so sorry xiao, you’re right I’m not strong enough”

You said choking out your words as you coughed up blood

“Don’t say that. You’re so strong, please stay with me (y/n).”

Xiao’s voice was so soft and quiet. He held you close.

“Xiao I’m tried. Everything hurts.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call your name sooner”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And there under the stars, xiao was left alone.

[boneandfur]

"Your tongues duel"... this reads like a bad fanfic from FFN 🤣

[ruffboi-mags]

Me: *reading summary and tags on a fic* Ooooo, this seems very my speed!

Last tag: “can you tell the author doesn’t like yennefer?”

Me: welp, too bad that fic is trash.

[sheraandthebadficsofpower]

from the fic “Shadow Weaver and The Stripper Factory”

[defenestratingotter]

Untitled Criminal Minds Short Fic - Part 2

A/N: so the whole thing didn't post, so here's the part 2 nobody asked for!

Panicking, Ava continually throws herself against the walls of her cage. "I'm next, Marin. I need to get out if here!" Welts open across her skin. Her wounds bleed again. But the door is starting to budge.

She manages to break free without tour kidnapper noticing. Blood dripping, she stumbles up the stairs and disappears.

Though you aren't the religious type, you begin to pray.

***

"We had a spotting. A white male was seen wrestling with a girl that seems to fit Ava's description."

The team suits, Aaron Hotchner at the lead. Hotch pulls the van up outside the house. The F.B.I. agents and local police pile out of their cars, guns drawn.

The house is a plain red brick with white trim. It doesn't look like it could house a serial killer. Several units are sent around the house, but the B.A.U. ascend the front stairs.

Every room is searched until none are left. There's no sign of the missing students. Hotch paces the living room rug, slowly realizing that it sounds hollow. He pulls it back to reveal a trap door.

***

The door opens. Slow, soft footsteps descend the staircase. You shut your eyes tight and cower. He must have disposed of Ava and come back for you.

A strange clicking sound accompanies a gruff but kind voice. "Marin?" A rustle of clothing. You flinch at the sound of your own name. "Marin, my name is S.S.A. Aaron Hotchner. I'm with the F.B.I. I'm here to get you out."

"Y- You're just another dream," you whimper. "You're just going to disappear on me. It's just going to get worse." You cautiously open your eyes and chuckle darkly. "At least my subconscious has the decency to make you handsome."

The agent draws his gun. With the butt of it, he busts the lock to your cage. You scream and cover your face. More footsteps echo on the stairs. Aaron opens the door and offers you his hand. "Come on," he whispers. "Let's get you to the hospital."

[britkunoichi92]

Kavinsky One Shot Bad Fic (by Britkunoichi92)

So yeah, I was just going through all the stuff on My Samsung Notes files and found my crappy parody fics of my own fics!! Haha isn't that hilarious?? (Pls kill me.)

Because yeah, I went through a stint at one point where "Wouldn't it be hilarious if I ripped off Half Life Full Life Consequences except it's my own fics because I have no talent??"

So heres my Kavinsky one shot I did. Where Kavinsky is here for some reason making a hilarious cameo where he fights the British ninja sidekick and they fight for some reason because action!! Then he fights Thomas because we needed the DBZ ripoff too. I'm refreshingly original, as you can see. But hey! Enjoy this first draft of this thing I did!! :D

Thomas and Guy-Man who were daft punk robot guys were one day in sekret basemunt layer when tumus see something on his computer. 

He see strange reading underground and say to Guy-Man "there is something strange here!" And guy man said "okay" and Thomas said "what we do" and Guy-Man smoked a cigarette an said "send phoebe to do it"

So Thomas loked up at door leading to his top secret room and Phoebe said "hey guys what's up"

And Thomas said "we need you to look at this" and Phoebe said "okay" so she went

So phoebe went to spooky secret ruined city graveyard cemetery and say to her self "huh I dont see nothing here I go back to Thomas and Guy-Man!"

But as she turn away she scent something underground and all of suden invinctable zombie guy Kavinsky a pear!

Phoebe is shock and she say with angry at Kavinsky "who are you and why you here?"

But Kavinsky did not say bc he woz zombie and couldn't so he say silent.

Then phoebe say "if that is truth ten we must fight!" And they did!

Then phoebe step back and say: "I have to use my ultra secret powers to beat you!!" And so she someon her magic key powers and her hands were all glowy and flame and she fire her magic fire at Kavinsky.

But Kavinsky did not give a dam because he was invincible zombie guy and thot all humans were beneath him so he adjust sunglasses and tank magic missile.

And phoebe was wa shock because that was stronkest attack and Kavinsky was strong bc he was undead zombie and was strongest there is almost.

Kavinsky punch fast and punch phoebe in chest and phoebe gasp all air out of lung! 

Kevin punch so hard phoebe fly long way back and crash through building which collapse and send lots of dust in to teh air.

And Kavinsky watch and say no thing and fix glasses and stare bc he did not care if she live or die.

But phoebe is still survive, but with blood in mouth and she look up at him and say "you punch me through building?! I am slightly annoy!!"

Then she cough blood and hold ribs because they were all broked.

Phoebe sit still on own knee and think to self: "there is no way I can tight him!! I have laminated all my internal orgun!! But I must fight for right for people I care about!!" 

"That is all I is!!" "All I am is dust on wind!!" "I am in trap of glass case of emotion!!" She yell with despair.

Then Kavinsky grab neck and hold her up and smash annoying British woman because she was annoying him with her inability to die.

So Kavinsky smash annoying British woman and phoebe say "okay I understand" and she lay still from broken ribs and collapse lung.

But Kavinsky did not fuck of care and took out new sunglasses and put them back on his face and he was happy zombie guy. :)

then all of sudden, Thomas and Guy-Man were there!! And Thomas jumped in air and did front flip and land in bo tween phoebe and Kavinsky!! 

Thomas and guyman ran fast there to where Kavinsky grab phoebe and he raise his arm and try to punch at her

And he say "I can not let this go on any more!!" 

And then Kavinsky was mad and angery and punch Thomas for interrupt on beat down and then tey foughted

Ten Guy-Man came up to phoebe and he said "I'll have to fix you up now" and he wrench arm back into sock et with much pain.

And phoebe say back to guman "why u do that" with tear and geeum say "whatever" and smokked a cigarate becoz he was a baddest dude!!

Mean wile thomus and Kavinsky were fighting and Thomas say "I don't want to do this but you leaf me no choice!!" And he punch Kavinsky with lightning powered fist of lightning and Kavinsky land on ground with shock because he was strongest there is in this place.

And Kevinisky look up at Thomas with question and Thomas explain "I have secret lighting powers too because I am secretly robot!! You cannot hurtled me like you hurt my product jay!!"

Ten Thom say "you are zombie I am robot! We fight for right to protec things we care about!! I fight for me!!" And they fought again

Then out of no where new challenger appear and side slid on motorcycle and it is Paul!!

And Paul took off motorcycle helmet and ran fast to phoebe and gaman and he say out loud

"Guys I heard about phoebe Is she okay?! I was worry!!"

To Be Continued??