#bad self talk

[prognosis-undiagnosable]

Late Night Self Hate Spiral. Yay.

My Brain: Why care about how ugly you are when no one would want to be around your personality either.

Me: Pump the hate brake asshole, I've got work to do (Crying)

Has to have timed 10 Minute break downs to keep working tonight.

Brother why won't my Brain leave me alone. Or at least not when I'm actually trying to be productive. Like why can't this just be when I'm doomscrolling through my phone out of procrastination, numb the pain, and boredom.

[foolish-mother-ive-already-falln]

#imastupidpieceofshitthatshould✨die✨

[system-processing-12]

Sometimes you need to be kind to the voices in your head. They are damaging, but they’re trying to help you in the only way they know how. Don’t listen to them, but hear the pain behind it. Bad self talk, intrusive thoughts, and negative thought patterns don’t go away overnight. Denying or pushing them down does nothing but make them stronger. You need to hold the parts of you that are hurting, even if they are trying to hurt you.

That said, sometimes you need to tell the negative voice in your head to go suck your balls because you’re too busy to deal with it’s shit. Sometimes you just need to walk away while giving a double middle finger. Sometimes you get done listening to their shit. Sometimes getting better involves getting angry.

[futurebird]

"I'm not the kind of pathetic weakling who'd relapse!" "..." "That is -uh- I've grown so much. I better understand my limitations. I know I can always ask for help. That's how I know I wouldn't relapse-" "No, what was that first part again?" "Nothing." "mmm hmmm?" "Absolutely 'mmm hmm' Jesus. I can't even think a positive thought without breaking some goddammed touchy-feely little rule about not being judgmental or hurtful to myself, not myself today, not myself then. It's like walking on egg shells and it's not really my nature. So what if I think the old me was weak? Can't I even get a victory lap for being recovered?" I don't know the answer to this one, if I'm telling the truth.

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

My weight: fluctuates slightly.

Copious amounts of stretch marks: you called?

Bad knees: we're back bitch!

Body image issues: fat piece of shit.

[somberjoy]

On the Subject of Self

First of all, you're not smart.

That's a lie adults tell you to make you think the world is your oyster.

Guess what,

It's not.

"booksmart" is not intelligence.

It's a measure of how well you can learn and retain information when it's spoon-fed to you.

"such a bright child!"

Until that child grows up with no valuable skills and no direction in life.

Creativity means nothing if you lack the discipline to create.

Your only valuable asset is your imagination,

But you're unwilling to utilize it.

What the fuck is wrong with you.

You hear the final wishes of a dying woman with apathetic ears.

You watch the rest of your family buckle under the immense weight looming overhead

While you consider whether or not you can come out when your oldest family members are gone.

You are more burdened by the inconvenience of being the black sheep

Than by the grief of losing your grandmother.

She loves you,

But on her deathbed you cannot muster the energy

To convincingly feign those feelings in return.

You watch your family crumble

While you ponder what you'll have for lunch.

On the subject of self,

You're a terrible medic.

You pour acid on your wounds and wait for it to stop hurting

Instead of taking care to heal it so it may leave minimal scarring in it's wake.

You refuse to properly care for yourself

And unwilling to allow anyone else to help you.

Even when it's a task you've never done before,

You'd rather take a wild guess at how to accomplish it

Than simply ask another person for help.

You carry an air of "I don't care" everywhere you go.

You wear that air like a safety blanket

To protect yourself from screwing up anything you touch.

Yet everywhere you go

That air ruins everything.

You're afraid of the world

And hate yourself too much to be brave.

You weren't born this way,

No one made you like this,

You did this to yourself.

You blame it on things you can't help

When you know you're the one who let yourself rot.

Maybe if you burned off all your skin,

You'd find something worth fixing underneath.

[emerging-writer]

I feel like a trash human

So

I haven’t taken my Zonegran in any sort of consistent manner since January. I’ve taken it 11 times since the beginning of Febuary.

I know that I need to take it. I know. And I’m aware of the steadily creeping in migraines that have been slowly forming over the last few days and I know that I need to take my fucking medicine.

But

I can’t. I don’t know why. I almost feel like it’s some sort of punishment almost. Like I’m subconsciously punishing myself needing to take these pills. Like I’m punishing myself for having chronic migraines, even though I know that if I don’t take them I’m going to be super fucking miserable. Because I’ll be in migraine hell.

So I feel like trash.

[microstockphotoko]

Unfortunately... A Business Is Hefty

Don't dispel common sense, although I've pronounced that common sense is the biggest oxymoron... I hope you're ready.<\p>

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They come in all shapes and sizes. Lack of courage in your abilities, time concerns, a frustrate point of view, your "mother-in-law", hang ups, money issues, abnegation support, various fears, bad self talk, environmental factors, spouses and proportionately on.<\p>

Judgement what... RUNNING YOUR OWN PERFORMANCE IS HARD WORK!<\p>

Rich is supposed to be an issue. Time is supposed so be an issue. Be dilatory Ups are supposed on be extant an issue. Fears are supposed toward be an issue. Bad Herself Talk is supposed up be an flood. Shortage of Belief is purported up to remain an issue. Environmental Factors are conjectural until come an issue. These are all supposed to be there issues!<\p>

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Don't sweat the small stuff. <\p>

What's the impoverished stuff?<\p>

Money issues. Straightaway issues. Hang-ups Fears. Lack of Belief Environmental Factors<\p>

WE ARE TALKING RELATIVE TO EMBASSY YOU YOUR DREAM LIFESTYLE OPPORTUNELY?<\p>

BREATH OF LIFE wouldn't draw a parallel your issues with your dreams and aspirations. That's one of those pitfalls I was talking about elder.<\p>

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INNER MAN appreciate you for grind this. BETTER SELF hope it keeps you on top of the round.<\p>

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