Bad Metaphors/Similes
The chair sat there like Uncle Marty, except even Uncle Marty moves sometimes to get more cheetos or to use the bathroom, so I guess this is a bad comparison cuz the chair didn’t move at all.
Her smile was like the cheeto dust coating the fingers of a twelve year old boy devoted to playing Call of Duty
Her fingers danced like little piglets trying to tapdance but not doing very well because they’re quadrupeds and pig trotters are actually very small and slippery if you think about it.
Her clothing was like Miley Cyrus’s outfits at the 2015 VMA’s met a Drag Queen competition but instead of drag queens they were all horses.
He was quieter than a mouse. Really, he was as quiet as a dead mouse. But one of those mice that you find on your porch that a cat has brought to you and its little intestines are kinda sticking out and half its head is missing so you know it’s really dead. He was as quiet as one of those.
He was as gay as a gay pirate.
He was as nervous as an atheist in church
His teeth were as white as a school bus
His armpits looked like a semi-shaved grizzly bear.
He slammed her into the wall like John Cena wrapping his thighs around an opponent’s face and pinning him to the floor
She looked like a zebra, but a zebra with hands and two legs and clothing.
