#badconspiracies

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

The rings of Saturn are wedding rings. She’s married to Earth

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

We see ads for things we only think about because our brains are being read for data. Intrusive thoughts we experience are a result of them testing that same technology in preparation for direct-to-brain advertisements

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

Jon is short for Jonald

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

Ouija boards are portals to speak to your parallel universe self. It just so happens your parallel self is really bad at spelling

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

Mercutio dreamed of his own death and his Queen Maab speech is a frantic effort to convince himself it wasn’t real

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

Stars are not real. Go take your iron pill.

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

The musical Cats is so weird to humans because it is secretly written in a key only real felines can hear and the only actual song they play is a recreation of the “Its a Hard Knock Life” prison scene from Austin Powers’ Goldmember

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

Shakespeare was actually a dozen mice in a doublet