days go by || beckysunshine
Her life, it was a mess. From Eli to Jake and back to Eli, to the things that happened with Asher. She was tired and honestly, she just needed a little bit of faith. Slowly, she'd been letting go and drifting from that path. Drinking with Dallas, taking nude photos of herself and Katie had been her savior for being there and while it'd been her own decision, she wasn't so sure where she would've went if the other girl hadn't been there. There were court dates and therapy sessions. The latter, she wasn't so sure was actually needed. Her mother insisted though, and she felt it had more to do with Darcy than the situation at hand and she hated how she was worrying her mother. She'd been doing what she could to stay off the radar, to walk the straight and narrow. Smile when she needed, say everything Helen needed to hear and she just wanted to ensure her mother's happiness. After everything, she just wanted that. But it was hard because her mask was slowly cracking and she blamed Eli for even telling her secret.
Going back to church and volunteering had been her own idea. Something she felt she needed because she was obviously lost. Her mother agreed but never bugged her if she felt like skipping Wednesday service. Sometimes it was all it took to get out of bed on Sunday morning when all she wanted to do was lay there and cover her face with a pillow and disappear. But that was child talk and she certainly was not a child. It was time to put on her big girl panties and deal with her life and somehow find a way to clear up the wrong turns she'd taken and gotten mixed up in. Sometimes she liked the pretend she had it all under control but underneath the surface, she felt like she was screaming and not a single soul could hear her.
Except on Sunday's when she worked the day care. It was something she found that she easily enjoyed. The kids smiles lighting up the dark parts in her life and making her laugh with ease. And now Becky Baker was coming to work with her. They were from different churches, and she had only spoken to the girl a handful of times but something about Becky reminded her of something pure. Something she used to be or even strived so hard to work for but it never worked for her. It was different, though, and she found herself wanting to interact with the other girl as much as she could. She was perky, at first she had raised her eyebrows at it but she was truly a little ray of sunshine and the thought of her brought a smile to her lips. Alli was busy, she didn't know how to be close to Jenna and having a new friend in her life might just be what she needed. Becky seemed like she had her life together and that's what Clare wanted, craved. A sense of something solid.
"Cl-aaaaaaaare," Breaking from her thoughts, she looked down and smiled at the girl tugging at the bottom of her dress. "Yes, Morgan?" The little girl scowled in the direction of boy. "Cameron won't let me play with him." Leaning down, Clare scooped the girl up and walked across the room. "Well, let's see why," she said, tucking a strand of Morgan's hair behind her ear and knelt down with her. After a good five minutes, she stood back and watched the kids play together and she smiled, shaking her head. She really wished her biggest problem was another kid taking her toy and running away with it. Glancing at the clock, she realized that Becky would be there soon and suddenly felt a bit nervous because what if the girl saw past the mask and saw the mess that she really was.
Becky smiled when she pulled up to the address Clare’d given her, her excitement from last night escalating. Luke thought she was silly, being this excited about volunteer work - something he would always use practice to get out of - he didn’t quite understand that helping others made her feel good because she did. Plus, she’d learned that loving and living in the footsteps of the Lord gave her grace, which she felt she would definitely need extra of to live in eternity with Him. She thanked Luke for the ride, wishing him a fun practice - a gesture which got an eyeroll, and went inside. She smiled when she saw all the children running around, fighting with plastic swords and playing with doll houses and dump trucks in sandboxes. It reminded her a lot of the place she volunteered at back in Florida. She looked around for a moment, searching the room for Clare. She had said she was usually the youngest, so she wasn’t surprised that she saw a few older women before the slightly familiar curls talking to two little ones. Clare was another reason she was here. She always loved to help, but she was looking forward to new friends here as well - and Clare seemed like a good candidate. Jenna was great, but Jenna already had a life. Other friends here. And Becky understood she couldn’t always come around to Becky’s house to have girl talk, she was in other clubs, other classes. So she wanted some more friends to hang out with so she wasn’t stuck at home all the times she wasn’t out spreading the Word and Love. And she liked Clare a lot. From their brief conversations she seemed fairly sweet and interesting, and not quite as mocking as a lot of people often acted toward her, something Becky looked for in a friend. She didn’t like feeling like she was being made fun of for her faith, but she did. A lot. But Clare seemed a bit more faithful than “normal”. “Hello Clare” she said, walking up behind her, looking at the kids now playing peacefully on the floor.
Clare turned and grinned at Becky, who has practically snuck up on her. “Becky! Hi!” She grinned a bit bigger and stepped back, standing beside her as she glanced around the room. “Well, I guess I should introduce you to everyone?” Clare laughed and slid her arm through Becky’s looping their arms together and led her in the direction of the older adults. She ran through it quickly, pausing long enough to make sure Becky learned all their names. But as they walked away, she smiled and looked out at the handful of kids. “Now, the twins are Caroline and Issac, there’s Trey, Riley, Parker,” Clare pointed them out and paused, glancing over at her new friend to make sure she was getting them all. “Morgan, Cameron, Corbin and Sophie. Sometimes we have more but these are the ones that are here today.” She smiled as the kids ran around and played. After a few moments of silence, she turned to the other girl and smiled. “Did you have a good morning?”
Becky smiled and walked with her, greeting everyone and taking note of their names - she was good at names. She had to be, being the Minister’s daughter. She waved to the kids, and couldn’t help but grin when a few of them waved back. She turned to look at Clare when she asked if she had a good morning, and nodded. “A very good morning! I love services. We got a few new members, as well, so we had a huge share-out about what’s been going on in their lives and what brought them back on their path. It’s always inspiring to hear how people have found their Way, and gives me confidence that if I were ever to lose my way I would always be brought back to God” she said, a bit dreamily, but it was true. She loved share-outs and new members, people who had been lost and then found themselves with the help of the Lord. It was silly, really, being so into the church, she knew, but it was really beautiful to her. The thought that someone was looking out for her. “Did you have a good morning?” she asked in response, smiling, truly hoping she did. She deserved it.
Clare watched as Becky gracefully greeted the other ladies in the room before turning to the kids. She grinned as a few of the children waved to the other girl and turned her attention back to Becky as she spoke. She wasn't sure how she could ever get lost, because it was Becky and while they hadn't been talking all that long, she was learning that her faith was her everything. Once upon a time, it had been like that for her, too. But she figured that this was okay, too. At least she was getting back on the right path or trying. Clare smiled as she listened, nodding because it was amazing how things could bring people back. She knew that from personal experience. Once Becky asked if she'd had a good morning, she nodded enthusiastically, a smile on her face. "It was nice. My stepdad came today so my mom was really happy about that and I got to see my dad." She remembered how awkward that had been, sitting in between her mom and her dad, with Glen next to her mom and her dad's girlfriend right next to him. She giggled softly, thinking it over and wondering what had been going through everybody's mind at that point. "I'm going to dinner with him tonight, or we're supposed to. And I'm excited about it. My mom hasn't really said how she feels on the matter." Clare stopped talking and sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she realized she was rambling and giving way too much away. Turning back to the children, she nodded with her head in their direction. "So, have you done anything like this before?" She asked, quickly changing the subject as she watched one of the kids dump a puzzle out onto the floor.
Becky listened, not really sure what to say about her Dad, StepDad, and Mother. It was such an odd-sounding situation to her - divorced parents, remarried… having an entirely different father-figure around now. It was entirely alien to her, taught to be unheard of. That you make things work, you stay with the one you married and stay faithful to them, even if you divorce you mustn’t take another spouse. But she wasn’t judging them for it, for all she knew their marriage had been made void because one of them couldn’t maintain their vows. She was glad that Clare seemed excited, though, whether she was unsure of what her mother felt of it or not. “I’m sure she must be happy that you get to see your father? He is your father after all” she offered, not sure that that’s what things were like with them, but she tried to stay as optimistic and hopeful as possible. When Clare asked if she’d ever done anything like this, she couldn’t contain her smile. “Yeah, I did this back at home. My friend Kelly and I would volunteer, though Kelly could never commit to anything, so I ended up watching all the kids she was supposed to as well. It was fun, though, we taught them hymns and songs and dances…” she trailed off, remembering. “I miss it sometimes” she shared honestly, figuring that she might as well share something since Clare had before.
Clare chuckled lightly and lifted her shoulders in a quick shrug. "I'm not sure she is. It's complicated." She paused and reached down, picking up one of the kids that'd walked over to her and tugged at her dress. Clare smiled and hugged him close, twirling with him before setting him back down and watching him run off to play with one of the cars. She decided to explain herself. She felt she could trust Becky and that she wouldn't judge her. She just didn't seem that type of person. Sighing deeply, she looked over at her new friend. "My dad cheated on my mom. It's a bit of a sticky situation. They don't really talk, muchless look at one another, even if they're in the same area. It's like the other does not exist. It's kind of childish. She's still mad and he's still... guilty." She stopped and shook her head, thinking it over. "Sometimes I feel guilty, too. For forgiving him and like I'm hurting her. But he's my dad and as much as I love my step-dad? It's not the same." Shrugging again, she let it sink in for a moment or two and turned to her completely, grinning. "I adore the kids. They're so pure and simple and loving. They just want to be held and want to play and they say the sweetest things sometimes." Clare glanced around the room, smiling. "They bring a different light to my life, that's for sure. And any time you want to come help, I really encourage it. Because they need good people in their life and you, Becky Baker, definitely seem like one amazing person."
Becky watched Clare spin the child around, not being able to help herself but think Clare Edwards was adorable. She listened to Clare, feeling sympathy swirl in her stomach when she explained, and she shook her head softly. “You shouldn’t feel guilty” she said, softly, “He’s your Dad, whether he’s a total jerk sometimes, he’s still your father and you love him - whether you love your stepfather or not” she said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure your mother can find it in herself to understand that” she finished, and then Clare was grinning at her, gushing about the kids and Becky knew she was probably trying to drop it, so she would. She explained how the children brought her light, and Becky agreed. Children always did. They were so innocent, adorable, things. And then, Clare said that Becky was an amazing person, giving her tummy a whole different twirling feeling and she couldn’t help but bite her lip and look down, a bit bashfully. “So are you” she said, looking back at Clare, ”you’re pretty amazing, too. I’d love to come help here whenever you do” she said, grinning at Clare.
"I think that she could," Clare admitted softly, shrugging to herself. "But I don't think she wants to understand it. She's still angry and I understand. Sometimes, I really still am, too. And I don't know how to look or talk to him without it showing. But I remember it's the past and he's probably beating himself up more than anything she could ever say. I just miss my family. I miss how it used to be but I think it's time to get over it." She let it go, shaking her head and smiling at the other girl. Becky thought she was amazing but Clare knew how messed up she was and how she was probably easily fooling the girl. Not that's what she was trying to do but of course, Clare worried how Becky would react to some of the things that'd happened to her in her life and the things that she did. "I'll let you know when I do then," She nodded and glanced away, not understanding why the way Becky grinned made her all silly feeling. Turning back to Becky, she pointed to the ground. "Want to build them a block house?" She asked, giggling softly.
Becky nodded, understandingly. She still wasn’t sure what to say, she just felt sorry that this had happened to Clare’s family and that it hurt her. Becky was glad Clare would let her know, so she smiled again, watching her look away but then back at her, grinning, making her light up even more and her heart skip in a way she’d never felt. “Yes! I would love that!” she said, surprised but overjoyed with Clare’s proposal. The kids would love it, and it would be fun. She walked over to the blocks, picking them up and starting to “build”, grinning when the twins walked to her, handing her blocks, before running away and giggling, bringing her more. “Thank you - thank you!” she said, each time she would get another, and she grinned over at Clare.
Clare watched, a smile never leaving her face as the twins brought blocks to Becky. They took to her easily and Clare sort of figured it would happen. Becky was one of those people, the calm types with this light to them that she couldn't place or figure out but she found herself undoubtedly drawn to nearly immediately. She couldn't stop it and a part of her realize she didn't want to stop. She liked Becky, it was different, something she couldn't put her finger on and know her feelings. But she decided it was all friendly. After all, she was straight, so liking Becky in any other way would simply be out of the question. Clare helped build the block house and once it was done, she laughed as the kids piled over, sitting in their laps and all using a plastic animal, person or car to play with the house she and Becky had built. As the afternoon passed, her cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so much with the kids and the other girl and Clare just felt pure happiness. It was nice and she enjoyed it. Watching a few of the kids run off, now bored with the house, Clare turned to Becky and grinned. "So your parents didn't mind you coming and helping?" she asked, trying to make conversation and to find out more about her new friend.
Becky loved this - the kids, Clare, enjoying herself more than the normal volunteering she did. It was going by quickly, time flying while she was having fun, and oh, she really did love it. Soon, the kids slowly lost interest in their house, and Clare asked if her parents didn’t mind her coming and helping. She almost laughed. Her parents minding her volunteering? Never. They encouraged it, and strictly forced her to do it the first few years she began. It made them proud than she now did it on her own accord. “Of course not, they actually thought it was a great idea. Especially since there’d be someone my age here - they know it’s hard to find youth sparing their time these days” she said, smiling a bit. She was glad that she’d come, because she was so happy when she did these things. But something about this made her more happy, and she couldn’t exactly pinpoint what, but it did have to do with Clare. She was enjoying her company far more than she ever did Kelly’s or even Jenna’s. Clare made everything even better than it was. She made Becky feel light in some way, and also drove her crazy because she couldn’t figure out what this girl was doing or why she thought she was so cute when she did it. Her smile, her laughs, the way her eyes lit up in such a way… Becky shrugged it off, figuring there was plenty of time to figure it out.
