Barney doesn’t like this mission the moment Rollin begins painting fake whip scars on his back. He understands that it's the only way because his candidacy is the most suitable for the role of an escaped prisoner. Yet he himself can’t escape the memories from the past.
"What do you think?" Rollin asks Briggs worrying about the quality of his work.
"Perfect," Dan smiles, patting Hand on the shoulder.
Sure. It's perfect...
And only Willy's concerned look makes Barney collect his thoughts and throw his worries away. After all, this is his job, he knew what he signed up for.
Nevertheless, when the guard begins torturing him, Barney starts regretting all his recent life choices. Memories are crashing into his mind with a pain in the chest, not allowing him to inhale. It’s like he is transferred into the time he wants to forever forget. Though it is impossible to silence the phantom smell of the burned hay, as well as the screaming of other children in the barn.
Each lash that caused burning physical pain, couldn't compare to the mental pain. Each fucking lash. Each. Fucking. Lash. And when all these tortures stop, Barney barely remembers what he has to do for the mission to be successfully completed.
Back in the car, Barney goes silent and answers all questions dryly, hiding behind fatigue. It wasn't a lie, really. He was exhausted. So exhausted that he could barely look at his friends. And again, he sees Willy's eyes. The same all-knowing look. Of course, Willy sees everything.
He knows Barney, and there is no reason to try and hide something from him. It’s just that Barney can’t express anything right now due to the extreme weariness.
Finally being home, Collier comes up to the couch, sits on it and simply covers his eyes with his hands. He doesn't want to talk, he can't talk. But there is no need for words, because Willy just sits down next to Barney and hugs him. Hugs him with such tenderness (which is hard to believe, looking at this big, strong man), with such love and carefulness... Willy is always filled with unconditional care for his loved ones, and that is one of many reasons why Barney loves him so much.
"It's okay," says Armitage, kissing Barney on the forehead. "Everything will be alright."
And Barney nods, knowing that Willy is right. What's done is done. All of it is left in the past – his past, which made him stronger, made him who he is right now. He never really let these events affect his life, but it doesn't mean that he isn’t afraid for his son’s present or that these memories don’t appear in his nightmares from time to time. Now it's just easier with Willy by his side.
"Yes, I know," Barney says after all, looking at Willy and slightly smiling. Now this smile costs him a lot of effort. But he really wants to show Willy that it’s okay. That he is okay, that he is strong. Or rather… Yeah, Barney always forgets that he doesn't need to be strong all the time, especially with Willy.
Collier sees Willy smiling back at him so warmly that he can't help but nuzzle his chest. He sighs wearily, clinging to the Armitage's shirt, feeling how he strokes him on the back. Shit, the makeup is probably still there.
“Let me help you,” says Willy as if he hears all Barney’s thoughts; slightly touching his back with his fingertips. This is certainly a great idea, 'cause right now he is neither in the mood nor in the right physical shape for taking a shower. And the same goes for any other kind of physical activity. Right now, all he is capable of is just sitting right by Willy’s side and maybe saying something every so often, so that Willy won’t worry too much.
So, in response, Barney just says a barely audible “uh-huh” and then takes off his t-shirt, already waiting for Willy to come back.
As promised, Willy appears at the door in a minute with a warm wet towel in his hand.
“Ready?” Willy’s warning melts Barney’s heart a little, as well as this gentle kiss on his shoulder. Collier takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, leaning to the armrest. He is tired. So tired and surprisingly angry… But oh god, this tenderness in each of Willy’s touches to his skin, this warmth and care… All of this makes Barney’s angriness and helplessness go away. Each and every touch feels like home, and that’s what makes Barney finally relax.
“Almost done,” says Willy, and Barney simply nods, knowing that Willy will feel it if not see.
It feels like Willy is painting, making gentle but confident strokes. Then, logically, he himself is the canvas on which the master's steady hand reproduces the painting. Only now it's the other way around, because now Willy’s gentle hand is trying to wipe away all the bad memories of the past from Barney's back. And Barney can’t express all the gratefulness he keeps in his heart for everything Willy is doing for him.
“Thank you,” says Barney, turning his head to look at Willy just as he puts the towel away. And this time Barney’s finally capable of giving Armitage his sincere smile.
Willy simply nods in response, carefully looking at Barney like he is searching for something.
“Really, thank you...” repeats Barney and then comes closer to Willy, kissing him on his lips. The kiss isn’t passionate, it is full of tenderness and love, which Barney gifts to Willy in return; it’s full of comfort and care, of everything Barney is able to feel and express with the sense of love. Everything he has or will ever have belongs to Willy, like he himself belongs to Willy.
Willy’s hand carefully reaches Barney’s back and starts stroking him gently. He doesn’t push, it’s all the same care that Barney needs so desperately right now. God, it feels so good…
When Barney pulls away from Armitage and looks into his eyes, he doesn’t need to say those three words that couples say to each other so often and usually without the real meaning. He doesn’t need to say that because Willy knows it, sees it and feels it. And that’s all that matters.
“I will carry you to the bed,” Willy says. There are seven words, not three. The meaning, though… The meaning is all the same.
