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having religious trauma from the most boring of churches is such a unique experience. stained glass and high ceilings dont mean anything. but dingy basements and hotel bibles mean everything. my religious trauma (and i would assume a lot of others) isnt as pure as what is shown. its gross basements, hand-me-down bibles, wooden chairs that look like theyre at least 50 years old, vhs tapes and big box tvs, ugly carpet, and "god bless you" instead of i love you.
ykw? im gonna say it, i love you all. even if you hurt people to survive, even if you hurt others because you didnt know better, even if your abusers made you feel like you would never be loved. you all matter and deserve to heal from the shit you were put through when you were too young and vulnerable to understand what was going on. even if you figured it out and left or only realized when you were older or any situation you were put through. you deserve to heal and move past that.
also chances are youre scrolling through tags to remember shit so stop, you will remember when youre ready. dont push yourselves, go drink some water and get a comfort item if youre going to continue and remember that even if you dont fully remember what happened, or remember it in vivid detail you are valid and loved
having trauma thats deemed as "too bad to talk about" sucks, i want people to be more aware of all the horrible shit that goes on behind closed doors especially of churches, do i just wanna let you all know
if the people who hurt you disguised their horrible things as something friendly to trick you and others im so sorry, even if you willingly went into those horrible situations, its not your fault, they tricked you. you dererve to heal from what youve gone through even if others will blame you. its not your fault, you matter
sometimes i wonder what happened to the others, was everybody tortured? was it just me? did they see that i was a lot more eclectic than most and just wanted to ruin that? if it was everybody how the hell did they have the heart to hurt 60+ kids...CHILDREN ALL LESS THAN 10...why would they do that...and they have multiple locations...all over the place...was it just this one? is it all of them? i just want to know if anyone else was hurt in the way that i was from them.
sometimes i remember things that help me put the pieces together of what happened to me, other times i remember things that just make it more complicated.
terfs saying that teaching kids about trans people is indoctrination are stupid as fuck, like bitch ill show you what indoctrination really is
i hate that we have such a low split tolerance, we end up splitting multiple alters just to deal with the chronic stress we go through and i cant deal with it...we have 200+ alters and most of them dont even front or even do anything
i remember that when i was really young i was taught about the rapture but they said people who arent awake for the rapture were going to hell and so i stayed up for days on end so i didnt go to hell and i mean days i probably got maybe an hour if that of sleep every night for a few weeks maybe even months. now when theres a new rapture prediction i cant sleep.
