#batjokes fic

[battybrownboo]

A scene from As We Go Along chapter 12. Thank you so much for bringing these tender moments to life @frijolebean!

Of course Superman had to show up to rescue them in the middle of their cuddling time 😔

[frijolebean]

This a scene in a fic on ao3 by @distort-opia called "falls the shadow"

When your nemesis doesn't want your undivided attention anymore :(

it's a very serious scene full of confusion and sadness and angst but I kept laughing thinking about this man not handling rejection well

[screwyoubatjokesiscanon]

Another scrapped batjokes fic- 😞

Im so sorry 😭 I just keep hating everything I write at this moment, but I dont have the heart to simply erase it from existance-

And this is also not proofread-

__________

The batmobile was on its way to Arkham. Joker sat hand-cuffed in the passenger's seat, leaning towards the window. Bruce could feel the clown's eyes on him, as always.

Right when they got to the Asylum, Bruce got a message from Clark.

The clown leaned in as close as he could, trying to figure out what it was about.

Bruce soon got out of the vehicle and went over to open the door on Joker's side. "Always the gentleman, arent you, Batsy?" Joker cooed.

"Get down." Bruce said sternly. And somehow, the clown obeyed immediately.

"I'm gonna miss you," Joker spoke slowly. His smile was soft, eyes crinkling at the corners. His pupils were blown wide. "Batsy, will you miss me?"

"I dont have time for this, Joker." Batman grunted.

"Yeah, yeah, you got other villains to fight and a herd of superfriends waiting to hang out with you or whatever." Joker rolled his eyes, his mood souring.

"But! Before you leave," Joker leaned closer, his smile returning as fast as it had left. "Give me a little kiss." He drawled, eyes half-lidded. "I dont bite. Promise." Then he winked and lowered his voice. "Unless you want me to, of course." He giggled.

"Thats enough, Joker. Start walking." The Bat growled. He felt his face heat up a little- maybe he really had spent too long in the suit as Alfred says.

Joker feigned a pout. "Oh, come on Bats, just one kiss? Please? Pretty please?" The clown batted his eyeslashes at him.

"No." Bruce growled, grabbing a boney shoulder clad in the familiar purple suit. "Dont waste my time, Joker. I have more important things to do than dealing with you right now." Joker frowned as he was then shoved forward and urged to walk; his irritation was apparent in his eyes.

Handing the madman over to the guards, Batman began walking away. "Wait. Bats- Come back! Bats!" Joker snarled, sounding like a rabid dog throwing a fit as he was dragged away. "FUCKING LOOK AT ME, BATMAN!"

Bruce froze. Joker almost never called him that; choosing to use some sort of petname to refer to him, always.

But by the time Bruce glanced back, Joker was already gone, and the doors were closed.

__-------__

"I just dont get it, Lexy!" Joker whined, swinging all 4 of his limbs around, sprawled naked on Lex's bed. "I know he loves me, he really does! But he just- wont fucking admit it!"

Lex sighed; he could already feel the signs of an oncoming migrane. 'So much for being tired out.'

The clown would usually have been sound asleep by now- but he seemed to be fuelled by spite at the moment, and Lex knew all too well that there was no other better source of energy to fuel a human.

Lex was used to it by now though; Joker randomly showing up in his penthouse looking for a distraction from complaining about Batman.

Although, he could do without the annoying whining- lord knows the clown was already annoying as hell when he didnt have anything to say.

Lex hummed responses absent-mindedly from the corner of the bed, sipping on his glass of wine. The green-haired bastard always took up thrice as much space than what he actually needed.

Lex shouldnt have induldged the clown when he had just shown up there, fresh out of Arkham.

'A bit too late to be realising that right now.' He thought to himself bitterly.

Though, he had to admit, it was quite impressive that the man had made it all the way to metropolis while still in his Arkham uniform.

But Lex supposed that it was mostly thanks to the fact that both Superman and Batman were busy elsewhere. 

______

@jay-wasreblogging

[your-stranger-halfblood-things]

The pain was terrible, Joker could feel his muscle being ripped apart by Batman's intruding fingers. Just in and out at a slow pace, forcing the wound open and blood to coat Batman's hand.

He shuddered and gasped, stomach clenching as he let out a whine full of pain when Batman picked up the pace. "F-fuck!"

Batman held his waist with his free hand, pressing him against the brick wall, and buried his face in the Joker's quivering neck. "Sound so good for me," he mumbled against the clown's skin. "Feel so good for me," he added before biting Joker's neck.

It wasn't too deep, but it hurt enough for Joker to jolt, causing him to accidentally fuck himself deeper with Batman's fingers. "Fuck, Batsy- you're such a freak," he groaned as Batman started rutting his hips against the clown's. "So desperate to touch me, yeah?"

Batman just quickens his pace, with his hips and his fingers, face still buried in Joker's neck. "Fucking hate you," he spat out, his own legs shaking from the stimulation.

He could feel Joker hard against him, straining just as much when they humped against each other. And the stickiness on his fingers. The warmness sucking him in. The muscles around him tensing with each thrust. The fucking sounds of Joker in pain. Batman is so close, so fucking close.

He takes his fingers out of the cut and rubs it against the outside of the open flesh, collecting blood. Lifting his hand to his face, he licks up the red stickiness while staring the clown straight in the eye.

Joker lets out a whine and now he's the one leading their hips. He's just as desperate.

"You fucking love me," he said through huffs.

Batman cupped Joker's face, one hand getting blood all over his pale skin. "Fucking hate you," he repeated. But he leaned in and they were sharing the same air. And it was so hot for a night so cold.

The clinking of a lighter brought Batman back into reality. It was maybe half an hour after...that happened. He isn't even sure why it happened again. Years ago, he'd say it was about the feeling of power or the confusion of repressed sexuality. Now he just genuinely enjoys the Joker's presence, it comforts him, but it scares him more.

"Should I light you one?"

Batman tries to focus on what's happening now. Cigarette, Joker is offering him a cigarette. They usually smoke after Batman makes sure that the clown isn't seriously injured, bandaging him up with ripped cloth.

He takes the cig from Joker and is tempted to just put it out against the brick, just to hear the sizzle. Or maybe against his own skin. But after a moment of just holding it, Joker guides his hand gently to his lips.

"I know how to smoke," Batman muttered.

"Thought you were using it as a heater," the clown replied, shrugging. "Can't let a good cig go to waste."

He hummed in approval when Batman finally took a drag from the cigarette, almost as if mocking him.

"Fucking hate you," Batman said for the third time that night, though this time there were tears in his eyes.

He was supposed to be saving Gotham from Joker, but instead, he was smoking in the back of an alley with him. Not to mention the years of sexual things they've done together and how he kept coming back. And how he related to the Joker more than anyone he's ever met in his entire life. And how he wants to collapse at the Joker's feet and sob.

Instead, he stays silent and smokes until the taste disgusts him. He puts the cig out on the brick and says in the most even tone he can muster, "Tell me when you are ready to go back."

[veninova]

fic wip! this is what my drafts look like as i'm working on them - whenever i hit a part i can't be bothered writing right now, i leave a note for myself in square-bracketed bold. what do your wips look like? do you draft? inquiring minds want to know

[emuartworks]

"You were supposed to dodge."

This is based on a fanfic by @sabaldax (astrodisea on ao3) called be mine, pull me in two. Go check it out on ao3! It's one of my favorites!

[alexanderlight8]

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! OK SO I’M GOING TO TRY TO WRITE A NEW CHAPTER FOR THE FIC CHRISTMAS TREAT!!! I’LL POST IT ONCE IT COMES OUT

(I know, it isnt one heart to another, sighhhhhhhh😓😓)

[1895locktva]

Batjokes community, I SUMMON THEE!

I have a fic (ao3) in mind, and I'm not being able to find it. It's driving me INSANE.

It was basically a lot of angst, with Batman dying at the beginning of the story (Joker and Alfred were there), and the rest was Joker sinking into misery in a vortex of despair, until he goes to the police and they kill him (in a suicide act). Does anyone remember a fic like this?

Please help a suffering soul!!