Leonardo blew out a shaky breath as he pushed open the door to the diary room, the envelope held loosely between his fingers. He hadn’t opened it yet but he knew what was inside, his letter had finally arrived. He was beginning to wonder if he was even going to receive one, that Big Brother had forgotten about him altogether. He wouldn’t be too surprised if that were the case, he knew he didn’t make himself very known within the resort. He must get the least amount of air time out of all the residents because he would imagine it would be quite boring to watch him on the screen. All he seemed to do is sleep, barely eat and get treatment. He didn’t live the exciting fulfilling life that he once did. That made him quite sad to think about actually. He used to be the life of the party, literally. He would be the center focus of everything celebrity get-together and he went to all of them. Mingling, chatting, flirting. Catching up with all the friends he didn’t get to see most of the year due to restricting schedules. And now? Now he just felt like he was rotting away into nothing, a complete waste of a man.
He tried to think positive thought but that was very hard to do when he could literally feel himself dying. He didn’t need to be told, just one look in the doctor’s eyes could tell him his fate. He didn’t know how long, he didn’t want to know. He was riddled with enough anxiety as it was, he didn’t need the weight of knowledge that he didn’t have that long on Earth left. At first, he thought pushing people away would make things easier. That doing this alone was the best option because he didn’t want to see the pity and pain in his friends’ eyes but he hadn’t countered on the gut-wrenching loneliness that he felt. Despite being in a resort filled with people, people who he had pushed away in order to deal with his problems all alone, he felt completely alone. Well, that wasn’t completely true. There was still one person, one person who he knew he would never be able to get rid of no matter how much he tried. Kate. And, honestly, he was grateful that she had ignored his pleas and stuck it out by his side because he didn’t think he could really do this all alone. On his bad days when he could hardly move, barely breathe and she was there to wipe at his sweaty brow and to squeeze his hand in reassurance, he felt a small amount of relief flow through him. He needed that. Needed her. He needed to know that he wasn’t alone, that whatever happened he wouldn’t -- alone.
He shook that thought from his head, his throat constricting. He couldn’t bare the thought of that, of dying. Even though it was inevitable and coming at him faster than it should. He couldn’t bare the thought of leaving Kate on this Earth alone, and without him. They just didn’t work without each other. He knew if it was the other way he would find it impossible to go on without her. To not be able to hear her voice on the other side of the phone or to be able to pull her into a hug, to not have any of that anymore. It would kill him.
Leonardo furrowed his brow, he couldn’t be thinking about that right now. He wasn’t there yet so he should just enjoy that time that did have instead of dwelling on the time that he didn’t. He sighed as he gingerly sat down in the diary room chair and rotated the envelope in his hands a couple of times. He wondered who the letter was from, he knew they were meant to be anonymous but from what he’d seen, most of them had been pretty obvious who they were from.
He cleared his throat and lifted his head, forcing a weak smile for the camera directly in front of him. ‘I guess, I better see who this is from.’ He focused back on the envelope in his hand and slid his index finger under the seal, sliding it along the top of the letter to open it. He breathed in deeply, suddenly nervous but not entirely sure why. It was just a stupid letter from someone inside the resort.
He flipped the letter over, glad that it was short and sweet, unlike his own letter where he had gotten carried away and ended up writing a page and a half. His eyes started scanning the words with a small smile before he realised he was probably supposed to be reading it aloud for the camera and viewers at home to hear.
Leo looked up with a sheepish smile and began to read the letter out loud. It didn’t take him long to figure out who had written in thanks to the not-so-subtle references. He found himself chuckling slightly at some parts and it felt good. Wow, he couldn’t remember the last time he laughed. Or even, genuinely smiled. Maybe he should go back on his being alone thing. Maybe it wasn’t too late to save some relationships in here. He found himself desperately wanting to find the person who had written the letter after this to talk, to hug and to maybe rebuild a connection that had been lost.
He looked back up at the camera once he had finished reading the letter out loud. ‘Amy.’ He spoke simply, a small smile on his face that reached his eyes. ‘If you hadn’t guessed who this was from, it’s Amy Adams.’ He let out a small sigh. ‘I feel so bad. She’s done nothing wrong yet she’s blaming herself. It’s not her fault, it’s mine. I’m the one who’s practically become a recluse and blocked all human contact except for Kate and occasionally Brad.’ He brought a hand up to his head, taking a moment to massage his temple to try and soothe the pounding headache he was currently experiencing. ‘I should go find her. Apologise, maybe take her on a lunch date or something at catch up because she’s right, something does need to change and I think the thing that needs to change is me.’ He looked up at the camera with a lopsided smile before standing up and leaving the room.
Leo,
I love this whole letter concept especially when I get someone I know and love. It is cheesy but I really want to say just how much I treasure our friendship and how much of an amazing person you are. I remember when I was told I that I got the part in Catch Me If You Can and I was ultimately going to end up working with you. It was like an absolute dream come true and then the nerves came because you’re Leonardo DiCaprio and I’m just me. At this point in time, I had only had a couple movies under my belt and a massive gigantic celebrity crush on you from your Growing Pains days- even if that did get squashed quickly. That isn’t to say you’re not a great kisser because you definitely are (is that weird to say?? Eh, who cares). You made me nervous, I am not going to lie. I was so afraid of messing up and embarrassing myself around you. Not to mention, what if in 10 years Leonardo DiCaprio says I am a horrid kisser? That would be absolutely devastating.
I quickly realized while on the set though how much of an amazing person you are and how absolutely genuine your friendships are.
We haven’t really talked much since I got here (and I take full blame for that because I have been in my own world and my own head lately) but we need to change that because I miss you. Even before this show, we hadn’t hung out in a while and I know we’re both insanely busy with filming but like I said, I do miss you. I don’t really know what else to say in this letter except for how much I admire your passion and drive and acting ability. We really need to change the whole not hanging out thing, okay?
