I wish I didn’t know how TGT ends because now reading about Alina describing the way she learns to accept her powers is truly sad and painful. But the moment when she finally embraced her light is probably the most powerful and beautiful moment in the book.
The way she realised that she was different but decided to suppress that part of herself. The way we see over and over again how denying herself of her powers was taking a toll on her physical state.
And then the moment when I truly lost it, when she apologised to herself and her powers for keeping it hidden and denying it for so long. The way the dreams that she was letting go were opening up this huge part of herself that would help her blossom into a healthy powerful person.
“At last, there was something that belonged wholly and completely to me.”
And in the next chapter, honestly, I’m struck with the juxtaposition of how healthy she was compared to how she’d been before. She says she can go up the stairs without troubles, she sleeps better and overall feels mentally and physically at her best. Her powers are giving her the confidence and health she’s never had. It was something so pure and innocent, something that was always on her side and always belonged to her no matter what, something that never betrayed her or wished to leave her. Even if there would be no one left in her life, her powers were always there for her.
And during all of this I remember how the story ends and honestly feel sick to my stomach with grief... and I don’t have any powers to help me.
