so here’s the thing is. I try talking/thinking/writing/whatever about my feelings in private in more of a diary manner. But it still feels like I am moving in shame. I feel minimized. Like I’m ashamed of myself and my feelings. Like it’s wrong to even begin to think this way. Before I can even think my critical voice comes in saying that’s wrong. That’s irrational. You’re wrong. Stop thinking that. And so Im not ever listened to, not even by myself. And so I want to feel more like I am talking “out loud” at least. Publicly. Not necessarily so anyone will see them. But to say my feelings are worth seeing. Hypothetically. In some way. At least to someone. Even if there is no one I can talk to. That is what it means so me. I know this is still a step down from confiding in someone else. Having someone to talk to. Which I’m trying not to hate myself for not being able to do. Which I’m trying not to hate myself for hating myself for…(see this is how trying to change my thought patterns is going right now. It’s really bad and horrible and cyclical and hard) but that’s where i am. I don’t really know how to change anything about myself in a loving or healthy way right now. But I am going to try to not hate myself for that either.
Send me a ღ and I’ll fill this out about a ship || [ Open ]
Who’s the first to wake up in the morning:
Nara beats Wy on this easy. There’s no way Wy will get the edge on a businesswoman. Even if she’s not a morning person.
Who’s the one to make breakfast:
Also Nara. She’s been making food for him before they were even official. P:
Who’s the one to serve the other breakfast in bed:
Both of them have done it. Nara’s efforts... go exponentially better than Wylan’s.
Who would suggest a quickie in the morning before work:
Wylan. Sometimes this works. Sometimes he pouts for a little fun all the way to Nara’s doorstep... sometimes she relents there. Sometimes Wy just has to wait.
Who suggests they both ditch work to lay around all day:
Wy tries to do this but Nara doesn’t have it. She’s sad about it. But her job is pretty important (and even Wy realizes this)
Who chooses the movies:
Wylan lets Nara choose them. And he’s there for when she cries. P:
Who initiates kissing during the movie, thus distracting the other from the movie all together:
Neither of them. Wy is attentive during movies. And Nara is just... absorbed.
Who orders lunch:
Wylan brings lunch to Nara at her workplace. Not directly, mind you, since he’s banned from her place of work, but he has his ways.
Who steals food from the other’s plate without asking:
For once I think they both behave. Though they do share bites now and then.
Who curls up next to the other and falls asleep due to a full tummy:
Nara tries not to do this, but Wy pulls her in for a nap especially if they had something big at home together.
Who distracts the other from trying to work at home:
Nara has to lock her office. And a nice lock too that Wy can’t just pick with the tools he keeps in his cuff.
Who asks to go get ice cream like a five year old:
I see Nara doing this more than Wy. In a very cute tsundereish way.
Who takes pictures of their partner eating ice cream:
Wylan wishes he could have a camera ready for Nara’s ‘moments’. But they come so randomly that he can’t be prepared.
Who makes a sexual joke about the dripping ice cream on their partner’s face:
Wy would be the one to do this if Nara wasn’t so breathtakingly suggestive during said moments.
Who cooks dinner:
Nara.
Who cleans up the kitchen afterwards:
Nara. But Wy helps!
Who stays up until 2 reading:
Wy. Nara doesn’t stay up near that late. And so...
Who stares at their partner while their sleeping:
Wylan. Brushes at her hair, just fondly watches her. And then of course he’s brooding and worrying when he’s not smiling.
For femshepfit, who wanted some fluff for her Jane Shepard! Inspired by her headcanon that Shepard's father brought her grilled cheese and tomato soup when she was sick.
Jane sighed, pushing yet another stack of papers to the side even as she moved another one took their place. She glanced at the clock. 23h00. It had been a long night already, and she was far from done.
It was over a year after the Reaper War. Her injuries had kept her off the front lines of the recovery effort, but she refused to be useless. And if that meant paperwork, so be it.
Not that it was nearly as fulfilling as the heat of the battlefield.
She missed it. Being the galaxy's hero, bane to Cerberus and the Reapers, unvanquished in a fight. Though she supposed it was hard to be bitter when she was, despite everything, alive. And, more importantly, so was Kaidan. And, at last, they were together.
As if summoned by her thoughts, the door to their small office kicked open, with Kaidan following it in, carrying a plate. "Hey," he said with a smile, carefully balancing the plate on a tall stack of papers before bending over to give her a quick kiss. "I brought you something to eat, since you never came and got dinner."
"Thanks," she replied gratefully, her stomach growling in recognition of the missed meal. "I guess I kind of forgot." She reached up for the plate, pausing when she saw what he had made her. "Grilled cheese?"
He shrugged. "Yeah. Is that okay?"
She hesitated. "I haven't had one since I was a kid. My dad used to make them for me a lot. Back on Mindoir, whenever I was sick, he'd surprise me with a grilled cheese sandwich, tomato soup and an old movie. There was this one we used to watch a lot...Star Wars. He was always really into those old Earth movies." Her smile was wistful, and she picked at the bread sadly.
Kaidan rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. Jane rarely talked about Mindoir or her family, and he was intrigued with this little insight into who she used to be. "Do you think about them often?" he asked softly.
"Every day." He could hear the tears in her voice, though with years of practice none of them fall from watery eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, resting on the edge of her chair. "I didn't mean to make you upset."
She shook her head. "No, don't be. It's...it's nice to talk about them." Kaidan moved to sit on the small couch in the corner, gesturing for her to join him. She glanced at the stacks of paperwork still waiting to be finished, and decided it wouldn't kill Hackett to wait another day.
"It's strange," she continued, now ensconced in his arms, "I've lived longer without them now than I did with them. But I don't miss them any less."
He nuzzled into her shoulder. "I don't think we ever stop missing the people we truly love." He paused, trailing his thumb over her jaw. "I know I never stopped missing you. Not one minute of one day, for two years."
She laughed slightly, though without much humor. "Loves kind of a bitch, isn't it?"
He nodded, but wrapped his arm around her tighter. "It's worth it, though. I've never doubted that."
She kissed him softly, then reached for the plate again. She tore the sandwich in two, pressing one half into his hand with a smile. Holding her own half out to him, as if to make a toast, she said, "Well, here's to new beginnings. To remembering the past without letting it hinder our futures. And to a life that we get to build together."
"I can eat to that," he said with a chuckle as he tapped his sandwich into hers.
She took a bite, catching his hand with a squeeze as she did. "It's a damn good sandwich."
