#because mentioned!

[rklandon]

❤ 💬➤

CONVEX_LAY  aaa such a good book and movie. can you guess which one i did? 哈哈

view all comments ★ posted december 2nd, 2018

“we accept the love we think we deserve,” yixing is haunted by these words daily. questions that are too late and possibilities he shouldn’t dwell on. he thinks of them too often for a man who broke up with his girlfriend for his career. it’s a fact and as much as he wishes he could describe it otherwise, he knows he made the decision. it is what he chose in the end: he gave up a love life for his career, he gave up jennie for convex. he tells himself it was inevitable, that he would’ve made her more unhappy, that he didn’t have the time to give her date properly before and he still doesn’t have it but why does it feel easier now? why does it feel easier now to have given her more of his time? all of his spare time, any time.

he’s lonely, that must be it.

he’s lonely, because he gave up more than one love this year and he knows it. his lunch is spent like this and they have been for the past few weeks. the answer to the question on instagram? both. he watched the movie, read the book, listened to this song over and over until he felt sick; until he realized he felt sick because he was as bad as the protagonist. feelings held in and kept to himself, a certain type of bravery he couldn’t create.

no matter how he dances, how he sings, no matter what smooth words he tries to come up with explain himself away, he won’t be able to reach that level and he thinks back to his first audition with sphere when he was told that there wasn’t enough of himself in the performance. is there ever enough of him in anything he does or is he always hiding, sinking against the wall? before he can let himself get lost in that too, he gets up, brushes off his pants, and stretches an arm across his chest before starting up the bgm again.

time to practice his first measure and see if it’ll work, to throw himself into the choreography and try and capture every possible way someone could get injured this time. he can’t see it happen again. he can’t.

[rklandon]

                        《 ZHANG YIXING ★ 》  YOUR BRIGHT SMILE IS DAZZLING                                  IT’S LIKE CLEAR SUNSHINE, SHINE ON ME BABY

an overplayed song on his playlist, it was only a matter of time before he decided he had to choreograph something for it. what’s new is that he wants to try singing at the same time. it’s too ambitious, not yet the right time and he settles on dancing first. it’s what got him into sphere, that and a charming smile, he jokes to whoever does and doesn’t ask, and it’s what he’s most comfortable with. with his other eval performance, he decides to keep it simple. there’s no sense in overworking himself but in retrospect, he wishes he did. he wishes he pushed his limits only so he could learn them and improve.

he was once afraid of his mistakes. his nainai taught him to learn from each one. it’s a lesson he still needs a reminder of every once in a while and she doesn’t forget to reteach him. whenever she does, it’s exactly what he needs to get going again. a rocket when he sets off, there’s no way of stopping him once that button is pressed and he’s been riding on a particular high since the beginning of the month.

it’s almost a shame he didn’t push himself further right now when he feels the most invincible and it’s a genuine shame he doesn’t know the chaos soon to hit. memories of his audition, of a lack of his personality shining through, strike close to home and it’s his focus this time around. it has been but today feels like the moment he’s accomplished something, however little it is because he’s all smiles and secret bits of happiness with each move.

he couldn’t tell anyone that the reason for his smile is the girl he listens to this song for.

a smile as bright as sunshine, a girl he wants to wake up next to when the sunshine comes shining in his window to peek at the girl who rivals itself. a girl the sun would be jealous of because of how brightly she shines. he calls baekhyun his sunshine and vice versa but jennie comes close, something he couldn’t tell baekhyun either unless he was trying to tease him. he has half a heart to, and he laughs when he shouldn’t during the chorus.

woo ah and he’s back on beat, a rhythm that stems from his toes to the ends of his fingertips as he waves his body. but his favorite move is the finale, a flourish and a bow, his trademark gesture as a gentleman and he’s happier than he thought he could be for an evaluation. he’srelaxed and he thinks this must be what spring feels like too. a feeling he began to feel at the festival and one that he still carries in his heart until now.

if only it could last forever.

[lgcjaesun]

LGC BOYS ADVENTURES PART 2

everything about this show seemed to be in line with things that he enjoyed doing. from having a cook-off in the first part to now visiting jeju-do and taking part in all of the activities there, it certainly beat practicing in the practice rooms in jaesun’s books!

near the end of the trip, they were each called in for an interview segment. he hoped that he would get a chance to talk about his favorite parts of the show and what he would suggest that they keep for the future. frankly, he wanted to give as much positive feedback as possible so that they could do more events like this in the future.

“all the locations seems well thought out by the staff, and I’m thankful that all us debuted boys had a chance to bond here but also show a little bit of our competitive side,” he added, referring to the competitions that they had within the show.

“I think getting to spend time with eunho at the aquarium was quite memorable as I think we were both just in awe of everything we were seeing. hanging out with junkyu in the mazes was quite an adventure as well.” he smiled at the recollections of all these different events. “I definitely hope we can do more of this in the future.”

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_merry-go-round 、

why is a carousel more nausea-inducing than the roller coasters he used to ride as a child? is his stomach weaker? is he weaker? a, b, c, or all of the above? yixing used to strongly dislike multiple choice tests when he was in school and he still dislikes them. the only place he wants a lot of options are on menus, especially bubble tea menus. getting bubble tea afterwards sounds like a good idea and he’s about to send a mass message to people when he gets texts from rome about assembling. he doesn’t read them in time as they pop up and push the previous one out of the way on his preview screen but he recognizes the words costume and chanyeol. 

they did the weird dance-mambo-conga(?) line earlier but he doesn’t mind doing it again but he promised himself he would get one more drawing, that this ride wouldn’t defeat him and he powers through. it takes him two more tries to realize that part of the reason he’s dizzy is because he’s been staring down for most of it, walking around to each horse and carriage on the stationary merry-go-round floor to see if the drawing is there. if only he looked up the first time he was on the ride, then he would’ve noticed it’s not too far away from the employee working the ride. 

“1004,” he mumbles to himself once he’s off the ride, walking to the person holding a stamp in line after the younger kids. yixing isn’t that tall but he still is very visible above the children that were on the ride too and he’s embarrassed when he gets to the front of the line and gets a few odd looks. “1004! is there an angel around here too?” the employee looks at him and sighs before pointing at one of the carriages. aa... how was he so blind? maybe chanyeol was wrong earlier and he should’ve kept going on roller coasters after all.