@tortilla-of-courage hey look, I wrote the thing for the Fast Food AU that I said I would. Tada!
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It was a slow day, which was the first sign that something disastrous was going to happen.
Unfortunately, Link still hadn’t figured that out. He should have at this point, but he hadn’t. Probably a mix of stubborn optimism and denial.
Regardless, he had the time to just lean on the counter with his cheek balanced on one hand, lost in thought and slowly getting increasingly bored.
Which is when the door opened.
“Oh, customers,” he looked up.
Which is when he noticed the man in full plate armor, and the one covered in scars, and the wolf pelt, and the big scarf, and…
Oh dear Hylia help me, he thought, it’s a bunch of cosplayers.
He really didn’t want to greet them. But he was paid to do so. So he took a deep breath and plastered a customer service smile on his face.
“Hi, Welcome to McDinald’s,” he greeted, bracing himself when he saw the confusion on their faces. “How can I help you?”
It was now that he recognized a few of them as looking very similar to a few other people in the district, which would have been weirder if things weren’t already weird on a daily basis.
It was the question that came out of the man in plate armor’s mouth that had him really wishing that Zelda hadn’t ducked out and left him alone.
(---)
“Something weird is happening at McDinald’s again,”
Link glanced up from the register to glance at Zelda, doing his best to ignore Impa yelling at Linkle in the back.
Zelda was looking out the window at the building across and down the street. Link couldn’t see specifically what was going on, but he trusted that Zelda was right and he just missed what she’d seen.
Poor Sky, he thought, going back to his till, still tuning out his twin getting yelled at for stealing fries. He doesn’t get paid enough to deal with this,
(---)
I don’t get paid enough for this, Link thought, doing his best to keep the smile on his face. It was getting harder as they kept talking.
They were very dedicated to staying in character, he’d give them that. Something, something, hero spirit, something, something, great evil, something, something, divine purpose, something, something.
It said a lot about Link’s life that these weren’t even the weirdest customers he’s dealt with.
“Sir, this is a McDinald’s,” he said. “Can I take your order or something?”
“You’re seriously saying none of that is relevant to you?” One of them, who looked like Legend who worked at LoHop down the street, scowled at him.
“Sir, the ‘greatest evil’ I’ve had to deal with is Denise who works at the Demmy’s across the street,” Link said simply. “Are you going to buy something?”
The group gave each other a look, and Link felt even more tired.
He should have known he wasn’t allowed to have a normal shift.
(---)
“Thanks Zel,” Link grinned, accepting the coffee from her.
“Not a problem,” she offered a grin back, tucking the now empty drink tray into her coat. Link was half convinced the coat was tailor made to include something to let her do that. “You guys all work so hard, it’s the least I can do,”
Link laughed, shaking his head. It was just before the lunch rush, so the coffee was very much appreciated, by all the volunteers. There was a reason Zelda’s arrival got announced.
“We just make soup,” Link rolled his eyes, expecting the soft punch from his friend.
“You do not just make soup,” she shot back.
“Anything weird happen lately?” He asked, taking a long swig and likely burning his throat in his chase for caffeine.
“Something is going on at McDinald’s,”
“Again?” Link sighed. “They really can’t catch a break, huh?”
“Nope,” Zelda shook her head.
“You think they’re cursed?” Midna piped up down the counter.
“You know, you don’t need to be here and this isn’t a hang out, right?” Link frowned. “This is a soup kitchen. Zelda doesn’t work here either but at least she brings coffee,”
Midna just laughed.
It could be worse, Link reminded himself. You could be Sky,
(---)
Link had his head in his hands, elbows on the counter, fingers pulling at his hair.
“Sir, precious gemstones are not currency anymore,” Link said again for the upteenth time. “You need actual money to buy anything,”
“Like this?” The youngest member of the group held up a literal gold coin.
For the first time in a while, Link considered quitting.
(---)
Link watched idly as the boy from the seafood place held his ‘shrimp gun’ up to shoot at the one guy who worked at Demmy’s. If nothing else, Link respected how loyal that family was.
It made him very glad that the worst he had to deal with was the occasional call from his eldest saying they ran out of something at the soup kitchen he worked at but were too short staffed to get it.
Well, and his wife reminding him that lactose intolerance meant he wasn’t allowed to eat the products. Not that it stopped him, of course.
Link felt a little pity for the poor boy who worked at the McDinald’s. Only a little though.
After all, it made for very good entertainment when he was on break.
(---)
The door opened again and Link peeked up with hope as the bell rang. The hope died as he saw it was Groose and not Zelda.
Not that Groose was bad, he just couldn’t save him.
“Hey! Link!” Groose jumped the counter and shoved a phone in Link’s face, a video playing on it. “Your cousin caught Denise changing the sign thing to be rude to you again and started shooting him with his shrimp gun,”
Sure enough, Peter was indeed shooting Denise with the shrimp gun.
Link would like the shrimp gun more if he wasn’t allergic to shrimp, and he still wanted to know where all the shrimp came from, but it was a very impressive invention of his cousin’s.
“Hello, Groose,” Link said, a bit belatedly. “The ice cream machine started making a weird noise,”
“He, uh,” the small one, who looked like the owner of Four + One, pointed after Groose.
“He doesn’t work here,” Link said.
“Then why…?”
“He shows up and messes with the machines sometimes,” Link shrugged.
“What’s a shrimp gun?” The look in the scarred up one’s eyes, who reminded him of the head chef for that really expensive place down the road, didn’t bode well with Link.
“Ask my cousin,” was all he said, not wanting to explain it or be responsible for the aftermath. “Do any of you have any actual money?”
The look they shared didn’t make Link feel any better.
(---)
Link ‘Peter’ Pedro was having a good day.
The restaurant was doing well, the weather was nice, he got to shoot his cousin’s archnemesis with shrimp. A good day.
He stopped having a good day when he realized his cousin had pawned off a problem on him in the form of the oddly dressed people who’d walked into McDinald’s an hour ago.
If he wasn’t allergic to shrimp, he’d be getting shot too.
Which was a thought that died immediately once he realized almost half the group was very interested in how his shrimp gun worked.
Weird people, though.
(---)
“Link?” Zelda asked, looking over her boyfriend where he remained face down on the counter next to his register.
“Kill me,” was the muffled reply.
“Bad day?” She asked.
He held up a golden coin.
“Where did you get that?” She asked.
“Customer,”
“A customer gave you a gold painted coin,”
“Not painted,” he said. “Solid gold,”
“What?!”
“He bit it to prove it,”
There was indeed a bite mark upon closer inspection.
“Wow,” she blinked. “So, what happened?”
“I sent them to Peter Pan-cho III,” he admitted, dropping his arm again. “I figured Peter could better deal with them,”
“Difficult customers?”
“Cosplayers who would not drop character and thought we were still using rupees as currency,” he explained, finally lifting his head. “Then the kid offered me the gold coin,”
“Wow,” Zelda said again, not sure what else there was to say to that. “I’m sorry,”
Link shrugged. “Groose showed up with a video of Peter shooting Denise with shrimp, so it wasn’t all bad. Oh, also Groose is fixing the ice cream machine,”
“That’s good at least,” Zelda nodded.
“Groosenator Jr. shouldn’t be making any more weird noises,” Groose declared proudly as he came back up to the counter. “Oh, hey Zel! Do you want to see a video of Link’s cousin shooting Denise with shrimp?”
