#becominglionhearted

[aringofsalt]

AU where tommy is the doctor buck is sent to see after an injury on a call~

love,

@feminininomenon

okay this took me a hot minute because i overthunk it 😂 but here we go!!

(it's not smutty it's just kinda long so to save everybody's dashes it's under a cut)

i think tommy would make a great er doc after the army—good under pressure, always something different to try and fix, just like being a firefighter. (i do think he'd still fly in his free time though! he's been known to get a little distracted at times talking to the air ops folks when they're doing a dropoff)

buck comes in for the first time after getting a potential concussion at a scene and he's a little flirty but one of the team, maybe chimney (maybe he still knows chim quite well, he's been a doctor as long as chim's been a firefighter after all, maybe chim still saved his life!!) makes an offhand comment about how he's just like that so tommy doesn't think too much of it. even if the guy is staring at him with a dopey smile that is way too earnest to just be because of the concussion.

the next time he sees him, he's on shift when the 118 is bringing someone in, and tommy jokes with him about him not being the one on the stretcher this time. buck is a bit of a stammery mess because of it and of course tommy doesn't know him, maybe he's just awkward when put on the spot! but the rest of the team is like 🤨🏳️‍🌈❓ 3a. buck is also a little like 🤨🏳️‍🌈❓ at himself cause he's never really considered being attracted to men but SOMETHING about dr kinard is making him want to do something stupid like be a little (more) reckless on shift so he can see him again but that would be silly, right??? who does that???

every so often for the next few months tommy sees buck coming into the er. both in a professional capacity bringing in patients and a personal one like when he manages to lightly sprain a wrist falling over a toy of jee's and buck is embarrassed while tommy is endlessly enchanted at how sweet buck is when he talks about his niece. even on the (very few. shut up, as-yet-nameless coworkers) occasions he doesn't end up treating buck himself, he always stops in to buck's room to flirt and bring by the good coffee from the machine in his own office and lets him know where the good vending machines and quiet corners are. they dance around each other for a while, always something getting in the way of them actually making plans together. at some point, buck figures himself out a bit more and finally decides that next time he sees tommy, at least when he's not a patient, he's going to say something, ask him out for a beer or coffee.

UNFORTUNATELY. the next time they see each other, it's because something has happened to maddie. tommy has to do a life-saving operation and when he notices the patient's name is buckley he's like hmm. well no way she's related to that firefighter that would be a truly ridiculous coincidence. but lo and behold when he goes out to speak to the family, sitting side by side in the waiting room are chimney and buck, both pale and drawn and tense. he breaks the news that she's fine, they both sag with relief, chim goes in to see her and once he's gone buck just breaks down and what is tommy going to do, leave him there alone? he sits down next to him and rubs his back and buck just slowly collapses onto him until eventually they're all but cuddling. luckily tommy doesn't have anything else lined up, his shift was technically over a couple hours ago, one of his nurses comes out to ask him a question and he shakes his head and then very professionally gives her the finger as she raises her eyebrows at him. eventually buck realizes that he got tears and snot all over the hot doctor and he's mortified but tommy doesn't let him apologize, instead he stands back as he goes to see maddie then takes him home to get cleaned up, they have a little nap together because they were both up all night, and when they wake up they finally go on that date they've both been wanting for months.

[clusterbuck]

hi lovie, how about “don’t let this one go”? i hope you feel better soon!!

hiiiiii ily 💫 i do feel better thank u!!

eddie’s sitting on his back porch steps when a mug of coffee appears in front of him, grasped in a slender hand. it’s his favourite one—picked up from a craft fair with buck and christopher a long time ago now, worn and a little faded over time.

he follows the arm in front of him all the way up to maddie, her brown hair tumbling around her shoulders and a smile on her face. “hey,” she says, offering the mug.

“thanks,” eddie murmurs. he clasps the mug in both hands, wraps his long fingers around it; he leans forwards with his forearms on his knees, huddled against the chill of the early january morning.

it’s not that cold, buck would scoff if he turned around right now, if he stopped running around the yard with christopher and a tiny, toddling jee-yun for long enough to see.

but eddie gets cold easily, always has, and he welcomes the warmth that floods through him when he brings the mug up to his lips.

maddie settles in next to him with a mug of her own, sitting close like she knows he wants to leech her body heat.

“so,” she says after a moment of sipping their coffees in companionable silence. “are we ever going to talk about the fact that you’re in love with my brother?”

eddie turns to look at her, squinting against the bright morning sun. “you know about that, huh?” he shakes his head, rueful, then glances at buck again.

“i think most people who’ve seen the two of you together probably do, yeah,” maddie laughs.

“great,” eddie mutters. “do you think—does buck—”

“does he know?” maddie asks. “no, i think he might be the only one who doesn’t.”

“well, that’s something,” eddie says.

“you could just—tell him, you know,” maddie says, drawing her knees closer to herself and resting her mug on one of them. “how you feel.”

eddie shakes his head and tries to dive headfirst into his mug of coffee.

“eddie,” maddie says, impossibly gentle. she reaches over to pull the mug away from his mouth, squeezing his hand. “you’re so convinced it’s going to end badly. why?”

“it’s just—not worth it, you know?” eddie says. he scuffs at the porch step with the toe of his shoe, looking down just to avoid maddie’s gaze. she looks at him like she knows just a little too much about him, sometimes, and he’s not sure he can take it right now. “this is good. right now is good. and there’s no chance of either of us fucking it up somehow. it’s—”

“lower stakes?” maddie suggests.

“yeah,” eddie says, blowing out a breath. “sometimes i think—i don’t know, sometimes i look at him and think i could tell him. i think it could be good. it could be—really fucking great, honestly. it could be what i’ve been looking for my whole life.” he laughs, runs a hand through his hair, a little self-conscious, but maddie just hums, in acknowledgement and understand.

eddie sips his coffee, savouring the warmth and the kick of the caffeine waking up his system. “it could be good,” he says again. “but if it went bad—”

“it would be really bad,” maddie finishes for him.

“yeah,” eddie says. “maddie, i don’t think i could live without him. in some capacity. any capacity.”

“i know,” maddie says. “i know what that feels like. i know how scary it is. i know you’ve both been burned before.” she glances out at the yard again and eddie follows her gaze, his eyes landing automatically on buck’s long, muscular form, the strength and grace in his movements and the joy radiating out from him.

“but what if it didn’t go bad?” maddie asks. “is it worth missing out on all the good just to avoid the chance of bad? we get a limited number of good things in this life, eddie. don’t let this one go.”

and eddie’s about to answer, but just then buck turns to face them, his face stretching into a wide smile. he’s got jee-yun up on his shoulders, her tiny fists clenched in his hair to keep her balance. buck kneels down, careful, and eddie watches as christopher takes jee-yun’s hands to help her climb back to the ground. buck checks to make sure jee-yun has both feet solidly on the ground then gets up again, jogging over to eddie and maddie.

“any coffee for me?” he asks.

“in the kitchen,” maddie says. “where normal people keep their coffee.”

“that’s so far away,” buck whines. he sits one step below eddie and swipes his mug, draining the rest of it while leaning against eddie’s side.

“you’re getting the refills,” eddie warns, trying to sound stern but aware that his voice mostly just sounds hopelessly fond.

“sure,” buck says, his eyes drifting shut. “just give me a minute, i’m too comfortable to move.”

buck’s head rests against eddie’s chest, one of his arms thrown across eddie’s legs and his feet tangled with eddie’s. maddie looks at eddie, sidelong over the top of her brother’s head, and he smiles before dropping his head to rest against buck’s.

maybe maddie’s right, he thinks, settling his arm around buck’s waist. we get a limited number of good things in life.

he shouldn’t let this one go.

[extasiswings]

OH MY GOD i knit and that inside joke about the boyfriend sweater went c o m p l e t e l y over my head skdjhfskdj that's amazing

To those not in the know:

And yes, I think we can assume this was a cheap and mass-produced sweater off the rack, but I still think it’s hilarious.

[princessfbi]

for the prompts: “ididn't know where else to go.”

but only if it sparks joy!

Buck didn't know why Eddie knocked.

That had been his first question when he had managed to pull himself up from the self pitying puddle of tissues and cough medicine on the couch he'd sat himself down in hours earlier only to slump to the door. He didn't know why Eddie had knocked.

He had a key after all; had let himself in countless times without so much as a warning.

But that led to Buck's second question: what was Eddie doing there?

Buck blinked at him and tried not to stare too closely at the way Eddie's sweater fit nicely across his broad shoulders or the wrap of his jeans around his hips narrowed down to his nice boots he only wore when they were going somewhere nice.

Correction: when Eddie was going somewhere nice.

Because Eddie had been going to a nice dinner that Buck helped him pick out for someone who wasn't Buck because Eddie had been going on a date.

A date with someone else.

A date with someone else that wasn't Buck and Buck had been wallowing in his own self misery while licking his wounds. Self inflicted bruises to his heart as he smiled through every suggestion, every excited sigh, every shy grin Eddie tried to hide behind his hand while Buck hyped him up for a date he was going on with someone who was not Buck.

“Eddie?” And Jesus was that Buck’s voice? It sounded like he’d swallowed glass.

Eddie’s cheek dipped where he was biting on it and he looked so damn lost that Buck ached to reach out and touch him, to bring him back. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. There was a line between them and Buck could only dream of being on that side in the privacy of his own thoughts.

“I…” Eddie stopped and worked his jaw for a moment before those deep brown eyes pinned Buck to the spot as he looked at him. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

Buck’s heart lurched up into his throat and he quickly scanned Eddie for injury. What happened? Why did he sound that way? What was going? A million questions raced through his head and fluttered up his throat without making it to his lips where they fluttered in silence. Nothing seemed wrong but Buck hadn’t seen the tear in Eddie’s uniform shirt at first either. He’d only heard the report, heard the sound of Eddie’s breath punching out of him.

“What’s wrong?” Buck asked and Eddie’s cheek collapsed again as his teeth latched onto it.

Eddie shook his head as he leaned forward and Buck moved out of the way. It was the permission he seemed to need to cross the threshold into Buck’s loft before he stormed into the kitchen, turned on his heel, and started to pace. Buck closed the door and followed after him.

Eddie's hair, which had been done especially nice before he'd left, was wild and unruly as if he'd run his fingers through it over and over again.

"Eddie," Buck said because even though Eddie looked fine, the panic was still holding Buck by the throat. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Eddie barked out a wet laugh, humorless and ragged around the edges, as he shook his head. He pushed his fists onto the counter and propped himself up as he dropped his head and Buck just... didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to do with this Eddie that had been so excited only hours before to go on this date that each minute since it had started had been a cut to Buck's heart.

It was no wonder that the cold that had taken Buck out at the knees had managed to find its way into his system. There were too many openings for it to seep into him making him as miserable as he felt.

At the time, Buck had thought it'd been a saving grace, giving him the perfect excuse to stay holed up in his loft instead of cheering Eddie on from the sidelines like he had planned. But now? Now it left him feeling like a stain in comparisons to Eddie's immaculate perfection.

His head throbbed even worse and Buck shoved back the urge to cough.

"Did..." Buck swallowed back the lurch in his stomach as the worst possible case scenarios flew through his head. He'd been on his fair share of horrible dates, some of the worst, and any suggestion of Eddie possibly suffering through some of the things Buck was thinking sent him nearly over the edge. "Did-Did something happen?"

His third question and Buck didn't know if he wanted to hear the answer or not.

[littlespoonevan]

can you please talk more about why the punching bag scene is the most important? i’m curious!

cAN I?!?!?

oh wow okay let me try and be coherent about this. and apologies in advance if i'm really not asjdfa

the punching bag scene is probably my favourite buddie scene out of all 4 seasons excluding everything in 4x13 and 4x14. it means everything to me and i truly do not understand why it's not discussed more often.

firstly, i think it’s the first time we really ever see buck confide in eddie? they’re best friends, we know they’re each other’s confidants and we’ve seen eddie vent to buck before (about shannon, about the chris skateboard fiasco) but i can’t recall any other scene where buck is the one opening up??? which is actually sort of funny when you think about how we always say buck is the more emotional of the two. and i’m sure buck has confided in eddie plenty of times off screen but this is the first time we actually get to see it properly.

but yeah, they’re at the punching bags and they’re alone and it’s easy to assume that eddie’s pulled buck aside for a workout because he can tell buck is frustrated. and just. not only is it the first time we ever see buck confide in eddie but it’s also the first time we ever see him angry????? we’ve seen him be betrayed and upset and act out but even in the lawsuit arc he was never angry like he is in that scene and there’s something about the fact that he trusts eddie with that anger??? and that eddie is so calm in the face of it all. he’s there to listen and to steady buck, that’s all

(also the physical image of that too when buck kicks the punching bag and eddie’s foot holding it down is the thing that keeps it from moving rip)

and then buck is talking about how he has to go back and apologise now - everything about eddie’s response is perfect. “why do you have to apologise? did you say anything that wasn’t true? if that’s how you feel - how they made you feel - then you have every right to say so.” the way he so completely validates buck’s feelings just means so much???? especially bc i think buck has a hard time discerning if he’s overreacting or not (probably even more so after the lawsuit) but here eddie is saying, no it’s okay you’re allowed to feel like this and you weren’t wrong to confront them

(i could go on about the parallels between the buckley and the diaz parents but that could be a whole other post but i think both of their upbringings helps them understand each other a lot better)

and thEN the moment where buck says he just wants to hit things and eddie blocks the punching bag and says, “i’ve been down that road. i don’t recommend it.” akjdfha god!!!!!! the way he can see his own self-destructive tendencies in buck and refuses to let him feel the same way. the way he spends the next ep and a half quietly watching buck and validating him and reminding him he’s allowed to give himself time to process everything is so fucking good.

ultimately i think it’s a scene that shows us So Much of where their friendship is now and how they always know how to be what the other person needs when they need it. it’s perfect <3333

[kinkykinard]

i wish you would write a fic where eddie has to examine buck after a call and gets to use his stethoscope!

Ngl I literally rewrote this 6 times this week in hopes of doing it justice, so I hope it’s not trash hahaha.

            “Deep breaths.”

            Buck bristled at the tone, but rolled his eyes as he glanced over to see Bobby standing by the doors to the ambulance, watching him with his arms crossed over his chest and that small, indulgent smile on his face.  Buck hated it just a little that Bobby worried about him more than the others when something went sideways on a call, but he supposed he really couldn’t blame him.  At least the agreement that Bobby wouldn’t sideline him as long as everything checked out helped him feel a bit better about the situation.

            “Buck?”

            Eddie’s voice snapped Buck out of his reverie and he smiled sheepishly, running a hand over the back of his head as he realized he’d missed something.

            “Sorry, what?”

            Eddie rolled his eyes but smiled all the same as he leaned in close, pressing his stethoscope to Buck’s back.

            “Breathe for me,” Eddie reiterated.

            Buck complied, going through the motions as Eddie examined him.  He tapped his foot impatiently, in a hurry to get out of the ambulance and back into the fray.  He’d answered all of Bobby’s questions honestly - no, he hadn’t inhaled any fumes during the rescue, yes, his breathing was just fine - but it hadn’t been enough to placate the captain.  Besides that, Buck knew there were protocols for post-exposure, but it didn’t mean he had to like it.

            “Almost done,” Eddie assured him; he could feel the impatience rolling off Buck in waves.

            Buck, meanwhile, studiously avoided Eddie’s eyes, resisting the urge to fill the silence with some sort of inane chatter.  He’d never been comfortable with quietude, and he was even less comfortable with being examined, but he managed to behave as Eddie slowly moved the stethoscope from his back to his chest.

            Buck’s heartbeat was quick - a check of his vitals a few minutes earlier had already proven that - but it was strong and steady.  Eddie watched him closely as he listened.  He was well aware of Buck’s history of trauma and how much the younger man disliked the medical attention so he kept his exam as brief as he could, eventually pulling away and clapping Buck on the shoulder.

            “Everything checks out,” Eddie explained, meeting Buck’s gaze as the other man finally turned to look at him.  “But you know it can take a while for the damage to set in after chemical exposure, so if anything changes in the next day or two, you let me know, alright?”

            Buck rolled his eyes but nodded with a small, grateful smile.  He was glad the exam was over, but he was also grateful that Eddie had been the one to perform it.  He hated the medical attention just a little bit less when it was Eddie providing it, and while he’d never say it, he hoped that Eddie knew.  

            The small, secret smile Eddie flashed him a moment later before turning to give Bobby his verdict assured Buck that he did.

[cinematicnomad]

🔁

002. 🔁 a fic you’ve re-read several times here's a buddie fic i've re-read an obscene number of times:

don't take my sunshine away by @sevensoulmates (21/21 | 113k+ | M) angst with a happy ending; canon compliant; emotional/psychological abuse; getting together

eddie is in a coma, and buck blames himself. he should’ve been there to protect eddie. the least he can do now is to be there for christopher, even if buck doesn’t know if he has it in him to be a parent without eddie. buck makes eddie a deal: he’ll fight for christopher in the real world, while eddie fights to wake up. eddie’s come a long way since those bleak days in el paso, listening to his parents comments about how he’s not fit to be a father. christopher doesn’t deserve to be dragged down by the likes of eddie and shannon. eddie thought after moving to LA, he and chris had escaped that. when he wakes up and finds buck neck-deep in a legal battle with his parents for custody of christopher, eddie must face his own mistakes, and find the confidence to stand up for himself against his absolute worst nightmare.

fic recs (ask meme)

[glaamdring]

9-1-1 head canon: Buck is actually hella traumatized from all the time he’s spent in and out of the hospital and regularly gets anxious being around the ambulance and Eddie is the only one ever allowed to check him over anymore bc husbands

given the amount of time this man has spent either in hospital or watching his loved ones suffer in hospital this is understandable

and it wouldn’t be a big thing either, he’d try to stifle the reaction because this is part of his job and he doesn’t want people to think that he can’t do it, but eddie notices (because eddie always notices)

and it isn’t mentioned, because eddie knows buck doesn’t want it voiced, so he just gives him wordless support with some lingering touches and supportive smiles (and if he sits a bit closer to him in the truck after a close medical call, that’s nobody’s business but their own)