Turn It Down ! ~ Part Two
Pairing : Madrigals x fem!reader (platonic).
Warnings : Foul language, cussing, feeling bad, hurt, self worry, overwhelming emotions, anxiety, panic attacks, hating her gift, disliking Abuela, parentless child.
Plot : When you were adopted into the Madrigal family, you were beyond lucky. You had a place to call home, you had a place to belong. You received a gift at age five, just like every other Madrigal kid, however, it feels more like a curse. And when the casita falls, your own feelings surprise even you.
Pronouns used : she/her for reader, all other respectable pronouns for Madrigals.
Note : I am not a Spanish native and I don’t know any Spanish, all Spanish nicknames mentioned in this story are translated from google. If anything is wrong PLEASE let me know and I will correct it.
Info : Think this’ll be around 3-4 parts but if you know my track record with series then you’ll know not to quote me on that.
Madrigal taglist : @samiiika, @try-cry-why-try, @camilos-mivida, @the-ice-frozen-ground-red-rose, @soumya-13.
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It didn’t take long for you to begin hating your gift. Not just around the town, but also at home. And now? Now you didn’t have your papá to let you know that he understood or to tell you that everything was going to be okay. No, he left. He left so many years ago now.
You were now fifteen. Mirabel, Camilo and Carlos were all thirteen, they were in their rebellious teen phases but none of them really knew what you were going through. Luisa was seventeen and constantly throwing herself into work just to prove to Abuela that she was good enough. Antonio was three and was always babbling to you about something, that’s where your gift came in handy, you could let Pepa know what the baby was trying to say before he could form proper sentences- you’d done the same with Mira, Cami and Carlos when they were toddlers. Pepa and Julieta had no bad feelings or thoughts towards you, whenever you heard their thoughts they were usually worrying about you; you would always hear ‘I hope (name)’s okay’ and ‘she never leaves her room anymore, I wonder how she is’. It was sweet. Dolores and Isabela were both nineteen, Isabela tried to help you as much as she could but admittedly, that wasn’t all that much considering she had to keep up her señorita perfecta act… Dolores was the only person left there to understand you, given that your gifts were both eerily similar. She knew exactly how you felt and she would always come into your room and try to have talks with you; she was your favourite person in the whole family since Bruno had left.
And abuela? She grew to hate you. It didn’t take long, especially after Bruno left. You were forbidden from talking about your father, you were forbidden from even so much as mentioning his name. It frustrated you. Her thoughts about you were the worst. They were so much worse than those of the villagers, their thoughts were just that you were weird and they didn’t wanna be around you, but your Abuela? It was your Abuela’s thoughts that sent you in a downward spiral of anxiety and panic attacks and everything else. Whenever you came out of your room, her thoughts were the loudest, they were the first ones that would come to you; ‘(Name) is useless.’ ‘I hope (name) doesn’t ruin the dinner with the Gonzalez family tonight!’ ‘(Name) is too emotional, even worse than Pepa.’ ‘(Name) doesn’t care about this family, she’s just like Bruno.’
She made you want to scream. The thoughts you heard sometimes became too much and it burned you out and made your panic attacks more frequent, you didn’t really have anything to ground you or to bring you back to reality. The thoughts you heard made you become very emotional and upset and made you want to scream so much that you often had a panic attack around the table due to the emotions that you felt.
You were currently sat in your bedroom, sitting at your desk, your head was resting against your hand as you absentmindedly drew on a piece of paper that sat on your desk. ‘I love you, mija.’ You suddenly heard. You shook it off, continuing to draw.
You’d been hearing Bruno’s thoughts for years, even when you were in your bedroom which didn’t make sense considering your gift didn’t work in your room unless the person thinking it was in your room at the time. You figured that your mind had made it up due to you missing him so much, he was the one person that kept you grounded during your panic attacks, he always knew how to get you out of them.
You had your first panic attack six months after your fifth birthday, Bruno found you struggling for breath and clutching your chest with tears down your eyes, it scared the life out of you.
Bruno immediately recognised that it was a panic attack, him being a sufferer of them himself. He immediately dropped to his knees in front of you, cupping your cheeks and making you focus on him. “Mija, mija, listen to me.” He told you. You stared him, your eyes searching his face frantically as he stared at you. “I need you to focus on my voice, okay. Just focus on me! Don’t focus on your surroundings, don’t focus on anything else. Focus on me okay, focus on me!” He spoke frantically as you nodded in understanding. “Okay, I need you to use your senses okay. This’ll help ground you, cariño. Use your eyes, focus on something and tell me the colour, tell me if it’s bright or dull, give me details about it.” He told you.
Your eyes found his ruana, “I-it’s green a-and has hourglasses on it. It’s d-dull and dirty.” You spoke.
An offended expression crossed his face but he shrugged it off, “Okay, now touch. What does it feel like? Is it soft or rough? Is it heavy or light? What does the fabric feel like?” He asked you.
You reached out, clutching the ruana in your fists as you kept your focus on it, “It’s soft a-and it’s light, really light and thin.” You let him know.
“Okay, now what do you hear? Focus on your hearing, what do you hear, niña?” He asked you, stroking his thumb down your cheek as he cupped your face.
“I-I hear Carlos and Camilo fighting. I can hear rain hitting the window. I-I can hear Isabela and Abuela talking.” You told him.
You breathing was starting to slow down as Bruno moved on to the final sense, “Well done, mija, now smell. Tell me what you can smell.” He told you.
“I can smell tia Julieta cooking arepas and… And I can smell the lavender scent from my clothes. And I can smell… I can smell the roses that Isabela grew for me yesterday.” You told him, you breathing finally going back to normal as he pulled you into him fully.
You wrapped your arms around his neck and rested your head against his shoulder, he combed his long fingers through your hair, “Well done, mija.” He let out a sigh of relief as he held you tightly. He could feel your tears hitting his neck as the tears from before continued sliding down your face.
That was the scariest moment of both yours and Bruno’s lives. Your first panic attack. And they’ve only become more regular but you had continued to use his trick and use your senses to ground yourself.
You heard a knock at your bedroom door before glancing over your shoulder, your door was pushed open and Dolores walked in, “Hola (name). Abuela says that dinner is ready.” She let you know.
You nodded, standing up and smoothing out the green dress you were wearing; it matched the colour of your fathers ruana. You headed out of your bedroom and began walking downstairs, closing your eyes; trying to block out the thoughts that were coming from Abuela.
Why did hers always seem to be the loudest? Was it because hers were the worst thoughts? Was it because she hated you the most?
‘I’m proud of you, mija.’ There it was again. Your papás thoughts.
You didn’t care that this was just in your mind. You didn’t care that these weren’t his real thoughts, he was long gone. You had to have made him up in your mind due to missing him so much but even if this was just all in your head, it still brought a smile to your face, knowing that your father was still with you, even if it was only in your thoughts.
You walked into the dining room, taking a deep breath as you took your place beside Dolores. Abuela’s eyes glossed over you but she didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to. Her thoughts said it all. ‘Oh great, she’s out of her room. She better not ruin this dinner like she does with every other one.’ Your eyes focused on your plate, relaying all of the colours and the patterns on it. Your hands gripped the table, telling yourself that it was hard and that the wood was smooth and freshly polished. You then focused on your hearing, immediately hearing the clanking of cutlery against plates. You then focused on your smell, instantly smelling the meal that Juli had made; avocados, rice and a smell of arepas in the distance. You took a deep breath, calming down from the panic attack that you knew was oncoming previously.
Dolores placed her hand on top of yours and gave it a tight squeeze. You sent her an appreciative smile before filling your plate, trying to drown out Abuela’s thoughts. ‘Can’t she just leave mi hija alone!’ You heard your father again, a soft smile graced your features as you began eating.
You were about to retreat back to your room once dinner was over but you were stopped by the twins, “(Name), come and hang outside with us! It’s better than staying in your bedroom all the time!” Camilo grinned at you as Mirabel quickly stood beside you, linking her arm with yours.
“I… I don’t know.” You began.
“Come on, prima. Chico de oro is right, you can’t stay cooped up in your bedroom all the time.” Carlos told you.
You stared between the three of them, a soft sigh left your lips as you nodded in defeat; seeing the pleading eyes of the younger teens. “Fine!” You groaned, letting your cousins drag you out of the house.
They dragged you to the town centre where you noticed a hopscotch path on the floor, you frowned before turning to your cousins, “You brought me out here to play hopscotch?” You laughed, cocking a brow.
“No, we brought you out here to get you away from that puta-” Carlos began.
“Carlos!” Camilo warned, glaring at him.
Carlos held his hands up in surrender, “Sorry, I mean Abuela.” He cocked a brow.
“You know how Carlos feels about Abuela, I mean he did try to blow the candle out for not giving me a gift.” Mirabel chuckled.
You nodded, “I know. Abuela was so angry that Dolores had to cover her ears when she was yelling at him.” You laughed.
Carlos laughed along with you, nodding his head. “You know, (name). That’s the first time we’ve seen you happy in a while.” Camilo told you as the three of you started playing the hopscotch that the kids had drawn.
You stopped when you heard Abuela’s thoughts again, ‘she’s so useless. Why can’t she control herself!’ You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath, almost falling over as you took another hop.
The younger teens quickly caught you, stopping your from colliding with the pavement. “Are you okay, prima?!” Mirabel asked worriedly.
“Y-yeah. I’m okay.” You nodded, sighing slightly as you smiled at your cousins reassuringly.
“It’s Abuela again, isn’t it?” Carlos asked.
You shrugged, “It’s nothing.” You told him, heading back to the start of the hopscotch path, continuing the game you were playing.
You would never be good enough for her. Ever. You just knew it.
Your sixteenth birthday would be coming around soon and not one single person was excited about it, not one single person had mentioned it.
It was just days away and nobody seemed bothered by it.
You were sitting in your bedroom once again, head resting against the palm of your hand as you stared down at the sketchbook and noticed that you weren’t drawing on your paper. No, you were drawing on a photograph of the family. You laughed when you noticed, that’s what you did, you laughed. It was the happiest laugh you’d done in a long while, you’d inadvertently drawn a moustache and glasses on the photograph, on Abuela’s face to be precise. You placed your hand over your mouth, letting the giggle die down as you tried your best not to disturb anybody. Your door opened and someone peeked their head around the side, “What’s got you giggling so much?” Dolores asked.
“Oh, nothing. I… I kinda drew a moustache on Abuela.” You laughed, lifting up the photograph to show her.
Dolores’ hands rose to cover her mouth and hide the giggle that came from her lips.
Once she’d calmed down, she opened her mouth to speak again, “Mami asked me to come and get you, anyway.” She grinned at you, holding her hand out. You grabbed her hand, letting her drag you downstairs and into the living room. All of the furniture had been pushed aside and a huge party was taking place, the whole town was there.
“What’s all this?” You asked, your eyes staring around in wonder.
Julieta was by your side in an instant, “It’s your party, of course!” She let you know.
“M-my party?” You stuttered.
“You didn’t think we’d forgotten, did you?” Pepa appeared at your other side, linking her arms with yours.
“N-no. I… I just figured that I wasn’t important enough…” You mumbled.
Your aunts eyes both widened, glancing down at you, “Cariño, you are just as important as any of the other kids.” Julieta let you know.
You smiled, hugging your aunts close as a few tears slipped down your cheeks.
The music played and the party was in full swing as they led you over to the dance floor. The pair of them danced with you as you heard your father yet again, ‘Happy birthday, mija.’ you heard him say.
You smiled as you danced with your aunts, glancing around the room and quickly noticing that you couldn’t see Abuela anywhere. Of course she wouldn’t be here. It was all too good to be true.
You soon separated from your tias and headed towards the punch bowl, grabbing a cup of the fruit punch and drinking it down. “Happy birthday, cariño.” Somebody said from behind you.
You glanced over your shoulder to see Abuela, you turned to face her and smiled her way, “Thanks Abuela.” You nodded, placing the plastic cup on the counter and crossing your arms over your chest slightly. “Did, um, did you plan all of this?” You asked, glancing around the room.
Abuela froze slightly, “U-uhm, no. Not exactly. Carlos suggested it and he and your other cousins helped to plan it.” She let you know.
You nodded, raising your brows slightly, that figures. “That was nice of them.” You grinned.
“Yeah, it was.” She glanced down at the floor.
‘Which got me thinking, what’s so special about you? You’re just a problem child.’ You heard. You were staring at her the whole time, her mouth didn’t move, it was a thought.
“You never hide it, do you?” You snapped, causing her to lift her head.
“What do you mean, cariño?” She asked, confusion taking over her features.
‘Oh, god, here we go again. Here comes the next breakdown.’ You heard her thoughts again.
A few stray tears fell freely down your face as you pushed past the elder and ran. You finally ran. You ran out of casita, you ran away from the party. You didn’t even know where you were going, you just wanted to get far enough away so that you wouldn’t hear her thoughts anymore.
Dolores placed her head in her hands and sighed, her prima and younger brothers all stared at her, “Dolores, what’s wrong?” Carlos asked.
“I don’t know exactly but I’m guessing it was Abuela’s bad thoughts again. (Name) snapped at her and then ran away crying.” She whispered.
“She’s still have bad thoughts about (name) even though it’s her birthday?” Mirabel asked, sighing deeply.
“Woah! Carlos wait!” Camilo suddenly called out, getting the attention of the two girls.
The three of them sprinted after an angry Carlos, knowing just what he was capable of when someone messed with a family member he was close to.
“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, ALMA!” Carlos snapped, stopping in front of the elder.
“Watch your tone, Carlos.” Alma said, authoritatively.
“(NAME) HAS RAN AWAY BECAUSE OF YOU! IS THIS WHAT YOU DO NOW, ALMA?! FIRST YOU PUSH TIO BRUNO SO FAR AWAY THAT HE LEFT AND NOW YOU’RE FUCKING PUSHING (NAME) AWAY WITH YOUR HORRIBLE FUCKING THOUGHTS ABOUT HER!” He snapped at her.
“Carlos, watch your tone with your Abuela.” Pepa said from behind the children.
Carlos shook his head, glancing over his shoulder to see his mamá and papá along with his tia and tio, “She made (name) run away, on her damn birthday as well!” Carlos snapped, he was pissed off.
Félix quickly took note of his sons clenched fists before leaning forward, placing his hand on the teenagers shoulder, “Then let’s go and find her, mijo.” He said, gesturing for his son to follow him out of casita.
Carlos gave Alma a dirty look before following his father out of the house, “She could be anywhere, papá. You know she’s always been good at track in school.” He sighed.
“Hey, I know she and Mirabel are your favourite primas but you can’t attack your Abuela like that, Carlos.” His father told him.
“If only you all knew the truth.” Carlos muttered quietly, luckily his father hadn’t heard him.
Carlos shoved his hands in his pockets as he and his father began the search for you, calling out your name as they searched.
Every time they got closer to finding you, you would continue running. You soon found yourself in a clearing deep within the forest, quickly climbing a tree and sitting on an extremely thick branch.
You rested your head against the trunk of the tree as your legs dangled over either side of the branch and you tilted your head back slightly, staring up at the sky and letting your tears fall freely.
You had to leave. You had to stay away. You didn’t belong there. Not anymore.
~ Hai! So, here’s part two! In the next part I think will be leading up to the fall of casita, I think I’ll definitely be ending this at part four though, with the reunion and Abuela finally apologising for being a biiiii- Lemme know what y’all think, angels! 😘 Stay hydrated, make sure you’ve eaten today, remember you’re loved more than you’ll ever know and stay safe, lovelies! Mwah! 💖