I have been absent from this page for a long time but I have continued to pull cards (almost) every day. It got a little crazy there at the end of the school year.
This morning I decided to do a little three card check in with myself. Recently, I have been really frustrated with how much I feel like I am existing for the sole purpose to give to others, and I’m feeling nothing in return. Lots of thank you’s, sure. But my life is stagnant and unchanging and I’m tired of putting my effort in elsewhere. Do I feel an incredible amount of guilt for this? You betcha. At this point, I can’t ignore it. And I keep putting off change like, next year or right after this... and maybe I need to listen to this feeling and also my readings. For months now I have had readings and horoscopes tell me that big things are on the horizon. At first, I was like, oh do I just wait for that to happen or when will this be coming to me. But, maybe I have to make it happen. (If you’re reading this you’re probably rolling your eyes at this realization). I always thought that tarot and horoscopes tell you what will be put in your path, but I think I need to look at it more as a door opening, and I have to be the one that puts the effort forth to walk through it.
So, for the cards listed above, I have the queen of wands in my past. I didn’t look up any of these meanings, I need to try and derive meaning from within me. If I’m stumped I’ll go back and look. But, this one was clear. In the past I have had this identity of really being secure. I have built what I built at my job. I have my cat at my feet. A cute little sunflower as my septre. But im looking to the side like, what else is there? Or what’s next?
Present: the ten of swords. Yeeeep. Feeling unease. Restless. I am equipped with 10 swords. So I feel like this is showing that I am equipped and I’m ready for the battle that lies ahead whether that be the hard work of moving or looking for a new job or whatever it is. I almost feel like of course I want a relationship but I feel like I can’t even think about that if being in erie isn’t right for me. So we are in a low, even though most days I feel fine.
Future: the empress. WELL SHIT! I think if I go through with looking to change up my living situation/LIFE, I could have everything I need! I will have become the empress of my life! I just looked at the card for some clarification and it said fertility and pregnancy HAHA. While that scares me, I have been talking a lot about motherhood with people. Whether I have a child myself or not, maybe that is in my future. And I’m ok with that. I love my nieces and nephews, I love my friends’ babies. I would like the opportunity to put a good human or two on the planet.
Overall, I think this reading really gave me some strength, hope, and maybe a little direction. I just need to figure out where to start.