Content: sfw, childhood best friend, slowburn(?), pining and yearning reader, numb james, coward reader
Note: I know I said that the next one would be for all of them but... it's still cooking. Meanwhile, read this one that I multi-tasked along with the other fic. Was inspired heavily by Taylor's "Ruin the Friendship" and Ben&Ben's "Lifetime" btw. Like I always find myself about to cry at the My Advice and reimagined version even though I haven't really experience those type of rs yet... Anyways hope you love this one ᡣ𐭩 Enjoy luvs!!
For years, you fantasized about your closest childhood best friend—James.
You always imagined him as your boyfriend, thinking about how well he would treat you and how he would always take you out on dates, how his hands would always be on your waist when you two were in a large crowd. How he would always be your one call away, and how you would be the only exception.
Of course, it was only your fantasy.
Because you couldn't risk your 17 years of friendship over some unsaid feeling that you have kept to yourself, that would be too selfish of you.
Wouldn't it?
So, you had always kept a clear, straight line with him, knowing you could lose control.
But now that you were both 20, something had been itching you, something had been slowly erasing that invisible line.
James touch lingers on you longer than you expected. When he looks at you, it looks like he never wants to look away. His smile was always genuine, his actions speaking louder than his words ever could.
Even though he jokes about how he hates spending time with you, he would always be there once you ask him to come over.
Your stomach twists at the bittersweet signals he gave you.
Why couldn't he just admit he likes you? That would make everything a whole lot easier.
Your hopes were rocketing up. You needed a second opinion. Now.
Girl wtf do I actually do 🙃
You text your best friend.
Lemme guess...James?
You can hear a long sigh from her through the message.
…yeah
You also sigh.
Okay, so, here’s something.
YOU TRY AND CONFESS FIRST??
You groaned at her message.
I told you.
NO.
I’m not risking anything.
Well, if u ain't gonna risk anything.
I’m sure it's like that for him too??
THINK ABT IT OK????
You sensed her eagerness through the screen. Before sending a sigh emoji at her.
This sucks. Maybe she was right, maybe you should confess.
You at least tried typing down your feelings in your notes app. For what? 30 plus times already?
You wrote everything.
Everything.
Every detail on how he made you crazy just by the sound of his voice. How he kept you up late at night on something that shouldn't have been a big deal.
How you yearned for him from the moment you realized he was the only person who understood you.
You felt stupid for typing this down, thinking you won't even send it
After cramping your hands with a now barely legible writing a notification went off from your phone.
Your favorite notification.
I’m coming by!! No buts, pick a movie for us already BYEEEEEE 💕
You smiled but sighed.
His timing was always wrong.
Still, you locked your phone and went down to the couch to pick a movie. Probably a movie that gave him hints. A movie where two best friends fall in love with each other.
You grabbed your favorite chips. Which was also his favorite.
And the doorbell rang. You nervously went up to the door before pulling it open. His hair was messy and he had his cute nerdy glasses that you loved.
He looked very handsome. Ever since he hit puberty, it was game over for your heart.
You were lucky to see his face every day. But not lucky enough for him to have feelings for you.
“Hey, come in!” You greeted before turning back to walk away.
“I’ve missed you!” He lunged a hug behind you.
Oh shit.
This was exactly what you didn't like. I mean, you loved his hugs, but you wish he hugged you as something more. Not as a friend.
You chuckled before pushing his arms back.
“Yeah, me too.” You tried not to make it awkward.
“Are you okay?”
You failed.
“Yeah! I’m alright.” You recovered.
“Really?” He raises a brow.
“Really,” You laughed before walking towards the living room.
“Okay… but where’s my ‘I’ve missed you too, my weirdo’?” He asked.
Your heart sprinted. You turned to look at him; he was still waiting for a response.
“I’ve missed you too, weirdo.” You joked. You purposely left the ‘my’ out. Didn’t want your feelings to evolve more.
James smiled at your response. He felt something was off but just brushed the feeling off because he knew you’d eventually tell him.
Both of you plopped down on the couch, pulled the blanket over, and you clicked the remote to start the movie.
Nothing happened for a while but then you felt a hand over your shoulders. You didn't flinch at his casual touch, you were used to it.
But you always smiled to yourself, seeing how comfortable he is with you.
“Just say you like each other already!” James complained about the show. His one hand thrown in the air.
The movie you two were watching was, “Love, Rosie.” You have watched this show multiple times already. And you relate to the story a lot. The only difference was…yours was one-sided.
“Hey, what's up with you?” He turned his head.
You didn't even realize how quiet you have been.
“What do you mean?” You acted.
He sighed. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong.” He paused the movie and turned towards you.
“I need to tell you something.” Your body tensed.
“Yeah, okay, go, shoot,” James said, looking more concerned now.
“There’s been something I have been feeling.” “Okay…” He nods, still unfazed.
“I…like you,” You said, almost too quickly.
James blinked. Twice. Thrice. “W-what?”
“I’m sorry! I know you don't like me and that's fine—”
You tried to explain yourselves but before you could, James pulled you in and kissed you to shut up.
Your eyes widened.
James pulled back. “You could have said it sooner. God, I like you too, stupid.” He grinned.
And for a while, everything felt like your dream came true.
Then, everything froze.
Because this wasn't real. No. You were merely looking back at how you wish things had happened. How you wish you had said the words “I like you.” to James.
But you didn't.
Because you were scared. A coward. Thinking he would do the first move.
And now, all you do is look at his Instagram posts and stories with his new girlfriend.
It made you rethink everything.
Your heart twisted in a pain much more terrible than being stabbed all over and over again.
Because maybe, just maybe, if you weren't scared enough to risk the 17 damned years of friendship, you could have been in her place.
Smiling from ear to ear as he kisses you on the cheek. Always present in his posts and stories as a ‘watermark’. Going on fun and cute dates with. Hanging out with his now cooler friends.
He barely had time for you now. He had better priorities, you guessed.
But before her, there was you.
But was there even a you if you guys weren't a thing? How do you grieve for a love that did not even exist?
Maybe you should have ruined the friendship.
Because all you do now is sit and ponder how things would be different, rather than having the best time with him right now.
All because you were scared.
It was probably too late now...right?
Note: I think this one's a bit short... Anywho, I have NOT experienced this btw...and I don't intend to experience this. But for those who are having doubts, listen to Taylor guys, and ruin the friendship, better that than regret it for all time ᢉ𐭩 I also really love James, idk why some coers treat him differently :/ He's just as funny, cute, handsome, and lovable as the others.
🎼Was there a lifetime waiting for us, in a world where I was yours?
Filipino songs have the yearniest of yearning lyrics, and this is one of em ahdjskkskaa literally had me bawling and sobbing and crying and fighting for my life.
I couldn't sleep till i drew this specific part of the song ahhh it felt so Zutara coded T0T
Just to share eheheh. I would like to say that somehow Ben & Ben songs (which is one of my favorite bands) are a playlist to my otp, Lawrenitez. And that song “Sugat” (a collab with another band Munimuni - i think correct me if im wrong) made me imagine Vincent singing that song to Thomas (like a lullaby) to comfort that old man……
