A Queen’s Lament and Euphoria
Beth always sought out whatever was different. She had that individualistic mindset, always want to pursue her goals without the distractions thrown at her. Chess was that avenue. It helped her engage in life with such an inquisitiveness and personal skill that was unmatched. Always changing and never yielding, until when it mattered most.
Chess gave her a new and exciting life, a different life. She was never in the same place every day with the same people, and always taking on the challenge to prove herself. Or is that what she told herself at times? It was not just for the validation from others?
Chess gave her a new life that Beth could have never imagined before, but sometimes she felt so alone with it. It was a blessing and a curse to her. It brought her wealth beyond what she imagined as a child, but took the precious moments she wanted to go back to. Though she wouldn't have admitted it back then, but to make love with Harry and Benny made her feel seen for the first time in a while. It wasn't just about Beth the chess player. Sometimes it was just Beth the woman herself, away from all the magazines and cameras.
And sweet Alma. Mrs. Wheatley, the one she could truly call her mother. Beth knew she had a mother before, but this felt different. There was a sense of care, attention and comradery. In the deepest parts of her heart, Beth still mourned and remembered the woman as she once was, vibrant and supportive. A bright memory that would forever remain.
Even though chess seemed to have taken Beth away from what she craved sometimes, it wasn't all bad. Was it? She was able to reunite with Jolene, and though being lovers would never work with Harry or Benny, at least by the end they wanted to remain a part of her life. Going through thick and thin, conquering her demons and her past, was it all worth it? Beth wondered if such a life with so much had a meaning to it. It had to, or else was it all for nothing?
No, it wasn't just about proving herself or making a point. It was not just all for nothing. She felt fulfilled and in control. For once in her young life, Beth felt herself truly be happy. The smile on the elder man's face as she played a celebratory round of chess after defeating Vasily told her the same, and now she was free to finally just live.
