#beyonce eberhardt

[bastardtrait]

see sometimes Beyoncé (the cat) doesn't JUST talk in Beyoncé (the person) lyrics. sometimes she just talks.

which is alarming enough on its own if we're being real.

transcript:

[BGM: ♫ Countdown] ALEKSANDRA: (singing along) Me and my boo in my boo coupe riding All up in that black with his chick right beside him

BEYONCÉ: Whore. That's my song.

[bastardtrait]

so anyway Miss Dookie had kittens. two of them. meet Beyoncé and Kelly. I was gambling with the names bc I was hoping she'd have 3...but in the absence of Michelle, they have Mischa, so...

transcript:

A few days ago

DOOKIE: I'm tryin to GET SOOOOME

Today

[Cutaway: Dookie going into labour.]

DOOKIE: Anyway I let the neighbour cat hit it raw and now I'm paying for it

MISCHA: Oh my god kittiesssss hiiiii hii KELLY: Nyeww! Nyew!

MISCHA: ANOTHER KITTEN?!?!? This is the best day ever!!! BEYONCÉ: Category:`bad bitch. I'm the bar. Alien superstar.

[bastardtrait]

what's the saying? don't be suspicious-ah don't be suspicious?

transcript:

BEYONCÉ: (munch) (munch) I see it, I want it. I stunt yellow-bone it.

KHADIJAH: I'm not the only one seeing this, right? The cat is talking. And it's talking exclusively in Beyoncé lyrics. Like...? Guys?

[bastardtrait]

some nighttime cat content for you. these cats are honestly, always up to some fuck shit, especially Kelly. he's quite aggressive. also yes apparently Kelly is a male cat.

transcript:

DOOKIE: (snoozing) BEYONCÉ: When I close my eyes, I'm going out of my head Lost in a fairytale, can you hold my hands and be my guide

[SFX: Cats going like nyeh nyeh nyeh]

DOOKIE: Kelly I created you, I can destroy you too. KELLY: I'd like to see you try. I've been off practising the blade. NYEH NYEH

[bastardtrait]

cat content! who doesn't love cat content? (Jakob. that's who.)

transcript:

ALEKSANDRA: Princess Lylia, it has been such a treat to have you here. KELLY: Mrrrrp?

ALEKSANDRA: Did you hear the T-word, Kelly? Do you want a treat? KELLY: Mmmmmmnyeoww.

[SFX: Couch fabric scratching noises]

JAKOB: Damn it all, Beyoncé, that was a nice couche. BEYONCÉ: I don't give a fuck, chucking my deuces up. Suck on my balls, pause, I had enough.

[bastardtrait]

don't remember why I went and edited these specific slice of life style screenshots but I think it was really meant to be like 'hey look Mischa is a cat guy and will be forever n ever' or whatever. the next gen's EP is Cats and Dogs btw.

transcript:

CATS: (meowing)

MISCHA: ...nyah!

[bastardtrait]

Finn is very proud of his daughter, anyway he got her spayed post fucking haste bc omg I was not prepared for that shit

[bastardtrait]

speaking of kids...Dookie is making a great mom so far! I...think. as good of one as she can be with her completely oddball children.

transcript:

DOOKIE: Hello my lovely daughter. BEYONCÉ: BRING THE BEAT IN DOOKIE: ok

KELLY: MOM LET'S FUCKIN FIGHT RIGHT NOW DOOKIE: Why are my kids so fucking weird