I'm Not Drunk..I Have Cerebral Palsy
Sorry for the grammar but I typed this as fast as I could so I wouldn’t think better of it. These are just my personal experiences. Everyone’s journey with CP is unique and valid.
Lately it seems like people ask me that question more often than they ask me my name. I try not to get angry. If I was a police officer or bouncer who saw a young woman tripping, falling, dropping things or getting sick I would probably think that too, And I’m not going to bullshit you and say there haven’t been nights where I’ve watched the room spin after too much alcohol. Unfortunately, most of the time my problems aren’t something that can be cured with sleep, hangover food, and a cup of coffee.
Because I’m not a drunk. I have Cerebral Palsy.
(Just so you know, typing that was extremely hard for me.)
I need you to know I’m not trying to belittle people who battle people who drink or suffer from alcohol addiction. Frankly I think it’s rude when people assume being under the influence impacts everyone the same way.
Honestly, I hate stereotypes of any kind. So to avoid being one I hid. The problem is, I just hid in other stereotypes. I let people think I was lazy, stupid, drunk, or awkward instead of telling them what was going on.
I thought it was brave to struggle in silence and just let people think I was weird sometimes. It was easier to “stay home sick” on my bad days than to explain. Plus, I thought asking for help or opening up was the weakest thing I could possibly do.
I distracted myself with life, school, work, and relationships. I lived in a happy little bubble of self-denial.
Step One: Admitting I Have a Problem.
My CP symptoms have always been sporadic and unpredictable. I can be “normal” on Tuesday and by Wednesday walking more than a block opening a door or tying my shoes can be overwhelming. Obviously I’ve had 21 years to adapt to this so for the most part I’ve been able to get through life without addressing it that much.
I’m not going to throw a pity party and go into detail. But over the last few years there have been short periods of time where my symptoms have gotten significantly worse.
I’ve been in one of those periods since February. I can honestly say I’ve never been more frustrated or freaked out in my life.
That being said, I’m not here looking for pity.
As hard as these last few months have been I know I’m going to come out of this a better person.
Because even though I’m not an alcoholic or in AA I now know what it’s like to have to face your limitations and admit that maybe you can’t do it all on your own.
I now know what it’s like to have to conquer and accept your flaws all at the same time.
And I know that from here on in I’m going to use what I’ve learned to help other people.
Because I’m not drunk….I have Cerebral Palsy and I’m ready to own it
