🦁Thirst Tweets: Captain Edition🦁
In a special video feature for the Seireitei Communication’s new social media account, a few select Captains (plus Grimmjow – that guy invites himself anywhere!) from Bleach have gathered to read Thirst Tweets. Yamamoto made them. Something about morale. Lisa and Rangiku graciously offered to add commentary whenever necessary.
*Actual Thirst Tweets we’re used in the creation of these HCs. This is what happens when I’m quarantined and want to procrastinate. Thirst Tweets!
Shunsui:
🦁“I used to say I hated chest hair and facial hair and all that then I saw Shunsui and that was a life changing experience for me.”
Shunsui: “You’re welcome to sink your fingers in anytime, petal.” *seductively swirls his sake cup while staring into the camera and not-so-subtly opening his haori a little wider *
🦁“Anyways, random thought but I would let Jushiro take me from my mouth and Shunsui take me from behind, even if they don’t shower first.”
*Shunsui and Jushiro are older captains, they’ve seen – and done – many things. Read: act like they haven’t already done that in their youth. Or last week, but that’s not the point.
*Being the good sports they are, their initial reaction is some slight bashful laughter. There’s a light pink flush in Jushiro’s cheeks, just slightly darker than the tinge coloring Shunsui’s expression, which he tries to blame on the sake.
*Shunsui: “What a compliment. No shower and all. Though I think we do both enjoy an onsen or two.” He smiles suggestively at the camera.
*Jushiro: “Yes, I hardly know what to say here.” He smiles sweetly before rereading the tweet and chuckling softly. “Your place or mine, Shunsui?” They both start laughing like it’s an inside joke.
Jushiro:
🦁“Sitting in the back of this Uber on the 134 and thinking about my sexual awakening aka Jushiro Ukitake on the beach.”
*He smiles sweetly for a moment before glancing down at the paper again, a temporary look of fear immediately replaced with relief. “Just making sure this one wasn’t from Kiyone or Sentaro.”
Shinji:
🦁“[someone: mentions Shinji]
Me: caution. slippery when wet”
*Shinji: “Slip right on over this way, babe.” Was that? Did he just flash his tongue ring at the camera for an instant?
🦁“@shinjispiercednipples says: Shinji’s got that ‘let me lick whip cream off your body’ type body.”
*Looking smug, Shinji opens his mouth to respond when Lisa pipes up first, “Lick whip cream off his bones, maybe, but body? Where?”
*As everyone gets a little laugh, Shinji grumbles loudly, “Where it counts, Lisa!”
Grimmjow:
🦁“Grimmjow can take his shirt off anytime, that’s fine with me.”
*Grimmjow: “Since when were shirts a requirement anyway? Besides, that’s not the only thing I like to take off.” His smug grin is met with a chorus of eye rolls.
🦁“Grimmjow could star in a movie called ‘Grimmjow just stands there’ and I’d still pay to see it.”
*Grimmjow: “‘Che, damn right you would. Thirsty bitches. Who wrote that?”
*Rangiku: Smiles wide and stares straight into his eyes when she replies, “Oh, it says @domdaddyichigo”
*Grimmjow: 😳
Kensei:
🦁“I’m so attracted to Kensei. I just want him to cook naked for me and mix cocktails.”
*There’s a teeny tiny smirk visible at the corner of his mouth before he regains his grump composure and admonishes us all with, “I’m flattered, but for safety purposes and hygiene, please wear clothes in the kitchen.”
“I want Kensei to breastfeed me.”
*Kensei: “Ugh. Fucks sake. Hisagi! I’m done!” Abruptly stands up and walks out of shot. He’s begrudgingly shoved back into his seat.
*Is also secretly flattered most of his comments all had to do with his bod.
Kenpachi:
🦁“Kenny is the kind of man I need. The kind of man that can pick you up with ease and wrap your legs around his shoulders. A STRONG feminist.”
*He all but barks out his harsh, booming laugh. “Only if you’re flexible. If not, we’ll work around it!”
🦁“I want Kenny to pound me into the ground.”
*Kenny: “Come by the Eleventh anytime and we’ll spar! What? Well how else do you pound someone into the ground?!”
*Lisa leans in and whispers in his ear until Kenny laughs again.
*Kenny: “Even better!”
Unohana:
🦁“Like if Unohana was strangling me I feel like I’d say “this is super fun”. She could kick me in the boobs and I’d be having a great time.”
*Unohana: “This reminds me of the times when I used to fight Kenpachi Zaraki. Highly enjoyable. I certainly had a great time.” *grins that beautiful sadistic smile*
🦁“I just want to say: Unohana is the biggest Milf on this planet and I want her to fuck me through a wall. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.”
*Unohana: “I suppose I could heal any injuries immediately after, so 🤷🏻♀️”
*Lisa: “I’m equally turned on and frightened by you, as is the rest of the audience, I’m sure.” A few looks around the room would suggest Unohana and Lisa are alone.
Mayuri:
🦁“God, I want Mayuri to stroke my hand and talk about microscopic variations in the skin.”
*Mayuri: “Excellent. A willing test subject. Please escort her to th – what the hell do you mean that’s not what she was referring to?”
Byakuya:
🦁“I would let Byakuya rearrange my guts any day. That man exudes sexy and expensive.”
*Byakuya: “Well, there’s a lot going on there. But most importantly, this is why I don’t have Twitter.”
🦁“I want Byakuya to fuck me down so hard, my ancestors end up with phantom pains.”
*Rangiku: “Wouldn’t that be a dishonor, Captain?”
*In his usual quiet and authoritative tone, Byakuya says, “Not from me. It seems we’re finished here.” Curious and surprised glances are cast in his direction, but cool as a cucumber, Byakuya gets up and leaves.