#bilbo no

[notringwinner]

Whats your favorite attribute of Thorin?

      ‘     HIS DI    ----    ...   his loyalty   .   obviously   .     ‘

[tehri]

Drogo: We decided to name him Frodo.

Bilbo, having cooed over a baby whose name he didn't know for twenty minutes: Oh? Not a Brandybuck name, then?

Drogo: ... Wait, what? A Brandybuck name?

Bilbo: Well... Look at your wife's family. Look at their names.

Drogo: Why would I name him anything like that?

Bilbo: Why not?

Drogo: My son is a Baggins, not a Brandybuck.

Primula: He's half Brandybuck, darling.

Drogo: Yes, but-

Primula: We'll see who he takes after when he grows up.

Bilbo: Well... Changing the name is always an option when he gets older too, I suppose.

Primula: Oh, good point! I like that idea!

Drogo: We're not changing his name based on if he looks more like a Baggins or a Brandybuck!

[tehri]

so listening to the BBC radio play of Lord of the Rings made me snicker

Because Bilbo’s speech

and when he starts talking about the amount of guests in the Close Relations Pavillion corresponding to the combined ages of himself and Frodo

and how he SNICKERS when he says “One gross, if I may use the expression”

Bilbo’s entire fucking purpose with this speech is to insult

he KNOWS it’s not appropriate to use about people - it’s downright rude

and he uses it with a smile and a little laugh, and half the people there will think he’s just having a giggle because stupid joke, and the other half will KNOW he’s insulting them

troll bilbo is best bilbo

and no i will never be over his goddamn speech it always makes me laugh

[notringwinner]

            Quite confused by Bilbo's odd expression, the dragon lowers his enormous head and draws so close he might nearly poke the hobbit's front with his snout. "What-", he puffs smoke out of his nostrils, "-are you thinking, barrel rider?"

                                        ---𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐑 @ardaes​

❝ WELL FOR ONE THING, you've gone and trampled Missus Templetop's best hydrangeas, you have. Well done, that. Not to mention my prized tomatoes and a bit of the Gamgees' potato garden. ❞

He is full of ire, the little one is, with hands on his hips and a frown well underway. To say that he is displeased must be a gross understatement, for he has tended his garden quite peacefully and to have it disrupted in such a barbaric manner almost horrifies him. ❝ Just what have you got to say for yourself? ❞

[lumateranlibrarian]

(first sentence thingy for the fusion) It was bringing him a cup of tea, unprovoked, unasked for, too sweet for his taste and a bit cool, served in a cup that he had to pretend had never stored toes, that let Thorin know Bilbo was trying to apologize.

Ask and you shall receive (fanfiction).

It was bringing him a cup of tea, unprovoked, unasked for,too sweet for his taste and a bit cool, served in a cup that he had to pretendhad never stored toes, that let Thorin know Bilbo was trying to apologize.

And because he was still a bit angry, not to mention curiousto see how far Bilbo would take this, he pretended not to notice at all.

In retrospect, this was not the wisest thing Thorin had everdone.

He realized this upon finding, not unlike the way a catwould bring its owner dead birds and mice to regain their favor (and honestly,that behavior was not out of the question for the Great Consulting Detective),a wristwatch, two bullet casings, some nail trimmings, and a half-eaten packageof hobnobs, lined up on his freshly-made bed like regretful trophies.

Thorin snorted quietly, because if Bilbo thought this workedonce he might try it again, gathered up all the items, and dumped them in thekitchen trash bin, calling over his shoulder with a deadpan expression,“There is no experiment under the sun that involves all of my pants vanishing overnight.”

“It was for a case!” Bilbo defended snappishly from where hewas curled up in his armchair, clearly still offended that he’d needed to stoopso low as to apologize at all—ridiculous,when Thorin knew he’d stolen all hisunderwear in the first place.

[baggvinshield]

But seriously, Imagine Bilbo using the One ring to spy on a naked thorin bathing under a waterfall at night while the moon sparks the night on fire.

slakjdsk omg BILBO NO

[tehri]

You know what I love? I love that in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, there is not a single trace of sarcasm in Bilbo’s voice when he denies being unsociable and calls it nonsense, and in the same breath hands Frodo a sign to put on the gate that basically tells you to fuck off if it’s not about the party.

More than likely it was meant to ward off the Sackville-Bagginses, but it’s not like he could write that without being rude