words sting like the sudden slap of coiled belt between strong hands. it leaves her throat dry . her skin scalding hot & evening sunset pink . stupid girl thinking everything honeyed out of his mouth is for you. i should know that nothing promised is everything gained. ( there is no disappointment ) . but a wish unfulfilled? a longing not spoken out loud is left to die an untimely death in my heart. the couch is big enough & yet the space is half empty thanks to bodies closely entangled. a slender arm draped casually over the top of the couch , lithe fingers with bruised nails languidly & tenderly grazed newly washed waves. her touch with him is natural & automatic . not out of necessity for survival , for the knee jerk reflex of
DON’T KILL ME . NOT TONIGHT .
she has so effortlessly escaped with soft hands slipping underneath sweatpants & breath hot spilling out manufactured lies into the devil’s ear.
YOU’RE SO GOOD. YOU UNDERSTAND ME . I AM YOUR MIRROR.
nowhere else to be herself except for the shared spaces that she now inhabited within harry’s home , opening up his doors because he had convinced with some ease the devil to dwell there. more space , more resources , more security.
❝ i bet no one’s asked you what you’ve truly wanted before. ❞ fingers never stop their feather light touch , trailing down just for a moment to graze against the side of a stubble cheek. ❝ i’ m sure they’ve just handed things to you before you could even ask , thrown themselves & all their possessions at you. i wonder what that must be like . ❞ she mused aloud , loud enough for the bingham boy to hear her but soft enough to get lost in her own thoughts for a moment , what that must be like to truly have the world throw itself at your feet. all this opportunity given to you without you knowing yourself. ❝ you must be aimless. is that what frightens you? not knowing what direction or move to make? not knowing your own character? ❞ she pried with some effort , fingers trailing back up to tangle within his hair once more as she snuggled closer to the boy , head resting comfortably against his shoulder. her confidence hath blossomed like the buds in spring , the greenery overtaking the landscape & the newfound bravery & self determination rising up swiftly within her being. ❝ you have a direction now , harrison. we both do. we know what we both must do with our lives ( and our deaths , god forbid ) . ❞ the sudden sting of his initial words are back , how they made her feel so small again , how she felt like someone that meant nothing to someone. she knew he hadn’t meant it to offend , he probably hadn’t even thought of her when he said it , but the insecurity blossomed as quickly as the bravery and choked out whatever rationale was left. elle hid her face timidly into the fabric of his shirt , covering her face from him as the moisture filled her eyes and her throat constricted with worry.
❝ do you still want me? even though you , you don’t know who you are? i-i’ve never been so sure of anything in my life before , in us. i know that sounds silly & cliche but , i’ve never felt as at peace with someone as i do with you . that has to count for something , right? in this lifetime maybe we don’t get a happy ending but we at least get some happiness in between. ❞ desperation clawed at her belly , splitting open her insides and spewing out their contents onto the floor , into harry’s lap helpless to do anything but beg. pitiful how cloying she had become , like a mad woman tearing at her soaked nightdress ready to fling herself out the window for her lost love. would she be ready to lose him when the time came? would she hurl herself into the open pits of hell? endure all the pain inflicted on her twice over for this boy? for truly he did love her back? she felt it so in the deepest parts of her , maybe not love ( or maybe they dare not speak it out loud too soon for it was a fickle feeling ) , but something profound & archaic in all its movements & teachings .
❝ i want you . whatever that means for us & however that takes its form . however…… long we have . if you don’t , if you don’t feel the same way , please tell me . i could live without that closeness but not without you on this earth. ❞ madwoman once more now pushing herself off the couch and climbing into his lap . foreign is the feeling of climbing into another’s lap & settling comfortably against another’s body. but the heat radiating off of the boy is so comforting to the usually cold & neglected ballerina that she almost found herself pushing herself as close as humanely possible to him. clear eyes search obsidian darkness for a sign , a hint to what he’s feeling , so she can drop this pathetic display & pretend once more when the devil gets home that she has not been plotting with the caged lion. ❝ he won’t find out. if that’s what you’re worried about. i’ve kept him occupied enough nights for him to wake up forgetful of anything he saw in the morning. ❞ teeth gnawed at her bottom lip . she always felt a little embarrassed by having to speak of the distractions she provided campbell , the ways she entertained his quick mind until his body took over & the deadened stare of a phantom returned. offer yourself up as a sacrifice for those who don’t deserve it , for i am the newly recognized martyr among the damned . how her temple had been wrecked by an undeserving demon . elle unfortunately knew how it emboldened the other towards a rage , a caged lions instinct of snapping teeth & heavy jaws ready to clamp down & tear limb from limb. ❝ please , just let me have this . i’m asking you for a favor. and in return , i’ll ask you the question . who are you & what do you want , harrison? ❞
· ¨ ┅ ❞ . ‘ YOU ’ ( SEASON ONE ) SENTENCE STARTERS . ACCEPTING : ft. @binghem
