#bipolar stuff

[baybeered]

Nadia Van Dyne Wasp would probably take her meds regularly and you should too.

[baybeered]

Hey guys. Since when has tumblr had a bot that prevents you from searching bipolar. I just wanted to see posts from people like me not some soppy post about whatever that was

[crunchy1313]

the smell of love is everywhere

[symphony-sanctum]

Shoutout to that one time after a BPD manic episode I woke up and listened to Everlong for like 3-6 hours with the hypomania hangover

[pog-mo-bhlog]

So we all know about autism and gender non conformity and being trans, particularly being non binary. But another weird intersection of queerness and neurodiversity I personally experience is that I am actually a little genderfluid, but I only tend to go on (light) girlmode when I'm experiencing mania symptoms. It's fascinating and confusing and I wish there was any discussion of transness in bipolar spaces (comparable to the sizeable discussion surrounding autism and queerness) so it didn't feel like just me experiencing weird gender stuff on my own.

[sularis92]

Why? Why does everyone I've ever known, or loved, leave me? Why is it so easy for people to misunderstand me? Why is life so difficult? Nobody said that I would spend my 20s and now into my 30s explaining my train of thought to every single person because my thoughts only make sense to me. Its been hell. Life is hard. I've just been looking for anything to change the way I can see the world, or even other people, because I don't fit. Depression is a cruel mistress, mania her partner in crime. Nobody said this would be so hard. My dreams are dead. My aspirations nonexistent. Its like I am only alive to exist... like there is no reason for me to be here. But, don't take any of this the wrong way. I WILL NOT give up. I WILL NOT be beaten. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I will triumph. Right now I am just... moving on. One day, I will be *experiencing*

[bee-bees-posts]

12.19.22

Monday

Last night we had a nice dinner with Forrests family. They said I look like I'm doing so much better these days. I know I am doing better but a part of me still feels empty.. its small but noticeable like a zit.

[bee-bees-posts]

Day 3

I just had so many juicy thoughts in my fat brain but as soon as I opened my computer it all disappeared.. so.. sorry.. haha anyways.. uh.. maybe typing will make it flowww.. flow flow flow. My brain kind of just stopped for a second and I just froze trying to think of words to type. This is why art is so weird, I say things like "oh it heals me" and "its so soothing to create" but while I create i'm thinking "oh god im so fucking dumb where did all my good ideas go?" "this is ass" and "Im gonna chuck my work through a fucking window" so maybe I should stop telling people it's soothing. It's more like... thought provoking, and that can be soothing at times, but it can also be overwhelming.

My friend .. 'uh.. we'll call her Pixie. Pixie is coming over. Pixie is my only friend in my state I moved to. I met her in treatment. (2 years clean from cocaine and every other hard drug!!) Anyways.. Pixie is very much like me.. almost too much. She has big emotions and she has bipolar so we can relate a LOT but the key difference between Pixie and me is that Pixie has a phone/social media addiction like BAD. It's physically hard for her to look up from her phone sometimes when i'm trying to get her attention. Thats what i'm getting to.. It's exhausting. It suuuuuuucks and its super isolating for me. It drains me and I really hope it doesn't today.. I thought about dropping her at one point but she is really smart and nice, she just has issues like all of us. Plus she's moving away anyways and I might as well suck it up and see her while I can.