Change
Pairing: Sam Wilson x Nicole Blake
Word Count: 4.3k
Summary: After the events of the Blip were reversed, Sam learns a lot has changed in five years
Warning: brief mentions of pregnancy and child birth; angst with a happy ending; hurt/comfort
A/N: This was way longer than I expected but I love it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HUSBAND SAM!!!
Tagging: @canongf
“Sarah went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. I’m now eight centimeters dilated. Doctor Lebeau says that means we’ll be having a baby very soon–”
The video changed. Nic now sat in the hospital bed wearing one of Sam’s faded army shirts and a sweater overtop. A white blanketed bundle was situated securely in her arms as she looked to the camera. Her hair was messy and her eyes were glassy with tears as she smiled at the camera.
“Hi, Sam. This is your son, Cyrus,” she said tearfully, repositioning the bundle slightly to allow the camera to see the tiny baby with short curly black hair that was sleeping in his mother’s arms. “We have a son.”
Sam closed the laptop shut, taking a deep breath as he processed the information. It was hard enough for him to swallow the knowledge that five years had passed, that he was essentially dead to everyone for five years. And as he began to insist he needed to leave to his wife, Steve had to stop him. He had a message to deliver— he promised.
Knocking on the door, Steve kept his hands in his pockets as he waited for Nic to answer. He knew she was home; the car was in the driveway. It only took a few minutes of waiting before the door opened and she appeared in front of him, staring up at the super soldier through the screen door. Flour and egg yolk stained her shirt.
‘She must be baking with Cyrus,’ Steve figured.
“Steve?” She crossed her arms, blowing a strand of hair from her face. “What are you doing here? I thought we weren’t going to see you until Cyrus’s birthday.”
“I wanted to give you a heads up,” he said quietly, gesturing for her to join him on the porch.
Nic hesitated for a moment, glancing at her son who sat in the living room occupied by his toys. Taking a breath, she opened the screen door and stepped out onto the porch next to Steve. The door shut behind her and she looked at him.
“Heads up about what?”
“We think we’ve found a way to bring everyone back. To bring Sam back,” Steve told her gently.
Her breath hitched at his words. She shook her head at him. “Don’t do this to me, Steve. Don’t give me false hope.”
“Nic…” he guided her over to the porch swing and they sat down. “We have a real shot at this. Everyone we lost, they can come back.”
“Do I even want to know how you’re going to accomplish this?” She asked him quietly, looking at him from the corner of her eye. She still faced the yard that was covered in leaves. They needed to be raked soon.
“It’s better if you don’t.”
Nic nodded, eyes drifting to her lap. “You owe me this, Rogers.”
It was no secret that she blamed him for what happened in Wakanda. She blamed him for Sam being taken from her, for Cyrus never being able to meet his father. Despite that, Steve was still there for every one of Cyrus’s birthdays and to visit for Sam’s birthday every year.
“I do,” he agreed. “I promise I’ll bring him back.”
“Be– Before you go, I need you to have something.” Nic jumped from her seat and rushed into the house. He watched curiously as she disappeared into the house for a minute before she rushed out. Something small was clutched in her hand, and as she held it out to him Steve saw it was a thumb drive. “When you get Sam back, and you will bring him back, give him this. He needs to look at it before he comes to see me.”
Steve took it from her. “Of course. Is there anything you need before I leave?”
She shook her head as she heard a beeping from the kitchen. “Do you want some cookies before you go?”
“I– I need to see her. Now,” Sam insisted for the millionth time that hour. He stood from his seat quickly, a little too quickly, causing him to lose his balance for a moment. That, and the exhaustion from two back-to-back fights.
Steve set a firm hand on his friend’s shoulder to steady him. “You can. We’ll get you to her.”
Louisiana, Steve had told him. She moved there shortly after finding out she was pregnant. Sam was given the address, and when he saw the house he recognized it. He walked past it everyday coming home from school. Never did he think that his family would be living in it.
He wasted no time, knocking on the door and waiting for Nic to appear. Sam could feel his chest tightening. Had she moved on? Was Cyrus home? Did his son even know who he was?
His son. His son. His son.
It kept repeating in his mind on an endless loop. It was anxiety inducing and terrifying and Sam couldn’t wait any longer. He lifted his hand to knock again as the door opened.
Sam stood face to face with his wife; Nic staring up at him as tears began to fill her eyes. She pushed open the screen door so hard it rattled against the side of the house. Neither moved a muscle once there was no barrier between them. They drank in the sight of each other. Her hair was longer, just past her shoulders, and her glasses were new. She was the same but different. But Sam, he looked exactly the same as he did when she lost him.
“S– Sam?” She whimpered, feeling the tears threatening to fall. “Is it–”
“It’s me,” he whispered, replying before she could finish.
Letting out a shaky breath she leaped forward and pulled him into a tight hug. He hugged back just as tightly, though he was no match for her at the moment. Her fingers clung to the fabric of his jacket, her face buried in his chest as Sam’s hand gently cradled her head, his other hand on her waist he pulled her against him. Nic was terrified to let him go, fearing if she did then he would disappear again.
“You’re back!” She cried. Sam let tears of his own fall as he held her tighter somehow. “I missed you.” She pulled away only enough to see his face. Taking his face in her hands she sniffled, and Sam lifted a hand to wipe away the tears flowing down her cheeks. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” he replied. It wasn’t a lie. From his perspective, he hadn’t seen her in a month. He missed her terribly, but there was no void of missing her for five years like she had.
Her lips were on his as she kissed him desperately. Nic pulled him closer, their teeth clattering against each other at the force of the kiss. She was starving for him, craving him for five years, and she was going to take this opportunity to drink him up. Sam made no protest as he kissed back, attempting to memorize the feeling of her lips on his.
They past through the threshold of the house as he backed her inside, shutting the door with his foot. They never parted as they continued to move, not sure what they’d reach first; a wall or a piece of furniture. The arm of the couch touched the back of her legs and Nic fell back onto the cushions, Sam falling on top of her. His legs straddled either side of her waist as he continued to kiss her. Her hands had gone from his face to his jacket. They didn’t separate until their lungs screamed for oxygen, but even when they broke the kiss their foreheads remained pressed together. Nic stared up at her husband.
“Sam?”
He hummed in response.
She shuttered. “We have a lot to talk about.”
Nodding, Sam pushed himself up and allowed Nic to crawl from underneath him. They sat on the couch next to each other briefly before he pulled her over to him, clutching her to his side. He kissed her head, and Nic closed her eyes for a minute to take in the moment. Her ear was pressed against his chest and she could hear his heartbeat.
“Is Cyrus here?” Sam asked hesitantly.
Taking a deep breath, Nic pulled away and looked at him. Her hand gripped his as she spoke. “So Steve showed you the thumb drive.” It was more of a statement than a question, but Sam nodded anyway. “Cyrus isn’t here, he’s– he’s at preschool.”
“When can I meet him?” He asked, and she was about to reply but before she could, Sam spoke again. “A son. We have– We have a son.”
“We do.” She nodded.
“We had a baby and I–” He squeezed her hand tightly as he looked at his lap. “And I wasn’t here.”
“Samuel,” she said sternly, lifting her free hand to tilt his head to look at her. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t walk out on us. We lost you. I lost you.”
“Nic– I want to meet him. I need to meet him.”
“And you will,” she assured him. “I’m picking him up in an hour.” A lump formed in her throat at the thought of Cyrus finally having the chance of meeting his father. She lost count of how many times she’s had that dream. “You– You should go take a shower and– and relax. Your clothes are still– still in the closet, and I– I still buy your shampoo, and your body wash–”
“Hey.” He shushed her, kissing her head and pulling her against his chest as tears started to fall again. “It’s okay.”
Nic sniffled, gripping onto his shirt. “You’re home.”
Once she was finally calmed down, she took Sam upstairs to the bedroom and showed him how the shower worked. He took in the room. The pictures of him on the nightstand, the pictures of Cyrus on the walls. Her life was in this room. It was strange to see how much it had grown.
The children rushed out of the school towards their parents. Mothers and fathers alike greeted their kids, and Nic smiled wide as she saw Cyrus running towards her. He attached himself to her leg, hugging it tightly as she leaned down to run her fingers through his hair.
“Mama!” Cyrus smiled and took her hand as she led him out of the school.
“Hi, little bird. How was school today?” Nic asked as they walked towards where her car was in the parking lot.
“Fun!” Cyrus replied. He bounced on his feet as they walked. “We made ice cream today!”
“Oh you did? What kind?”
“I made vanilla! With chocolate sprinkles!”
“Sounds yummy,” Nic said as they reached the car. She took her car keys from her pocket and knelt down in front of Cyrus. “Baby, there’s something I need to tell you.” Holding his hands in hers, she gave him a nervous smile. “Remember when I told you that daddy was taken from us? That a lot of mommies and daddies were taken?” Cyrus nodded. “Well, Uncle Steve and some friends helped bring everyone back. And your daddy is back. He’s come back to us.”
Cyrus’s eyes light up, a grin growing on his face. “Daddy’s home?” He asked, bouncing on his feet.
Nic nodded. “Yes, Cy. Daddy’s home, and he really, really wants to meet you.”
“Let’s go home!” Cyrus jumped up and down. He reached over for the handle of the car door, and he was too busy tugging on it to notice his mother wipe away a tear.
Standing, Nic reached over to Cyrus. “Hey, hey, slow down. Let’s get your backpack off and get you strapped into your car seat.”
He was a bundle of energy the entire ride home. Nic couldn’t remember the last time he was this excited, not since Christmas at least. When they got home and pulled up in the driveway, he couldn’t wait to jump out of his seat. As soon as he was out of the car, Cyrus was already making his way up the stairs to the house.
“Come on, Mama!” He called out, reaching up for the doorknob.
Sam paced behind the couch as he waited nervously for Nic to come home with Cyrus. This would be the first time he’s seen his son in person. The first time he’ll get to hold him. There was a knot in his stomach as he wondered if Cyrus would like him at all, or if he’d be disappointed (as disappointed as a four year old can be). Nic had done her best to assure him before she left but that did little to ease Sam’s anxiety.
The front door opened with the jingle of Nic’s keys, and Cyrus pushed past her legs and into the living room. Sam halted in place and stared at Cyrus who was doing the same at his father. Nic closed the door behind her, clutching the strap of Cyrus’s Avengers backpack. The four year old continued to stare at his father with large eyes before he gave a toothy grin.
“Daddy!” Cyrus called out, running towards Sam.
The Falcon knelt down and scooped up his son in his arms, allowing some tears to fall. Cyrus hugged Sam’s neck with his little arms, and Sam kissed his son’s forehead.
“Hey, Cyrus. It’s so nice to meet you,” Sam managed to say, voice breaking.
“You’re home!” Cyrus pulled away to grin at Sam.
“Yeah, I am.” Sam gave him a sad smile. “I’m home now.” He kissed Cyrus’s head again.
“Do you want to see my room?” Cyrus asked his father excitedly.
Nodding, Sam stood and let Cyrus take his hand. “I’d love to see your room.”
Without hesitation Cyrus tugged his father in the direction of the stairs. He pulled Sam up the stairs and down the hall to his room. Nic stayed behind for a moment, sniffling and wiping her tears before quietly following.
Cyrus’s room was a baby blue color with painted trees. Little birds were perched on the painted branches of the trees. His bed had Avengers bed sheets and at the foot of it was a large box filled to the brim with toys despite all the ones still scattered on the floor. In the corner adjacent to the bed was a little art desk, accompanied with a shelf full of pencils and crayons and markers. He had a small bookshelf that wasn’t filled entirely but it was getting there.
Cyrus let go of Sam’s hand and rushed into his room, excitedly pointing out the things in his room. He was most excited about the action figures. Cyrus ran to his bed and picked one of the many stuffed toys off his bed and ran back over to his father that stood in the doorway. He held it up to Sam and revealed that it was a Falcon plushie, one from when the Avengers were still together. During the good times.
“Look, Daddy! It’s you!”
“It is, buddy.” Sam carefully looked at the toy.
“I sleep with him every night!” Cyrus told him, acting serious for a moment before brightening up once more and running to place it back on his bed.
He plopped down next to the box and rummaged through it. Sam stepped inside the room and carefully avoided the toys littering the floor. He sat on the floor next to his son as Cyrus pulled out a few toys.
“Do you wanna play with me?” Cyrus asked.
Sam couldn’t say no even if he wanted to. The way his son’s eyes lit up every time he looked at him, it tugged at his heart.
“Of course,” Sam smiled. “I would love to play with you.”
Cyrus pulled out some of his action figures, his favorites. He handed a few to Sam, explaining who they were and rambling away. The longer Sam looked at him, the more she realized Cyrus was practically the spitting image of him. He sat there and started to play with Cyrus, neither noticing Nic in the doorway watching through teary eyes. She’s had dreams about this moment. It was overwhelming seeing it actually happen. Setting down the backpack, Nic stepped away and gave them time alone.
Eventually Cyrus grew bored of playing and instead pulled out some of his books. He sat in Sam’s lap as he read to his father, and Sam smiled as he listened to his son. Babar had been one of Nic’s favorites to read as a child; it was nice to see she read them to their son. Cyrus was so well at reading, Sam was practically beaming with pride.
Looking up at his dad, Cyrus smiled. “I knew you’d come back.”
That tore him up inside. Sam blinked away some tears as he kissed Cyrus’s head. “Of course I came back. I wanted to be here, with you, with your mom. No matter what I’ll always come back.”
“Mama missed you a lot,” Cyrus told him. He flipped through the book, settling on the next page.
Sam swallowed thickly, doing his best to remain composed for Cyrus. He didn’t want his son to know how much it hurt knowing he missed five years of their lives. “I missed her a lot too.”
Come dinner, Nic made a fuss about having something to celebrate Sam’s homecoming. He insisted she didn’t need to, but he also knew better than to argue with his wife. Sam kept their son occupied while she cooked, but eventually he took the opportunity to have a moment alone with her while Cyrus was practically hypnotized by Sesame Street. Sam wrapped her up in his arms and swayed to the tune she was humming. She laughed and playfully whined that he was distracting her. Dinner was served, and Sam was thoroughly entertained by the mashed potato volcano surrounded by dinosaur chicken nuggets that Nic had made for Cyrus. The four year old clapped excitedly at the gravy ‘lava’ that was poured into the volcano and ‘erupted’. Sam did the dishes while Nic helped give Cyrus his bath.
He fell asleep close to eight pm, laying across his father’s shins in an uncomfortable position that he was managing to sleep in. Sam shook his head when he saw the way Cyrus was still sleeping.
“I still have no idea how he can sleep like that,” Sam whispered as he flipped the page of the photo album. Nic was sitting on the old, worn porch of the house, Cyrus in her lap. It’s amazing how different it looks now.
Laughing quietly, Nic leaned her head on her husband’s shoulder. “He can sleep anywhere. I once found him asleep on the washing machine while it was running.”
Shaking his head, Sam flipped to the next page. “The house looks almost brand new now.”
“Yeah, it was a bit of a fixer-upper when I first bought it. But Sarah and Steve helped a lot with renovations. The porch was a pain so we fixed it last. Cyrus about two.” She sighed softly. “The fence in the back still needs to be fixed though.”
“I can do that. I’m here now. Might as well put me to work.” Sam flipped the page and saw a photo of Cyrus at the pier outside the house Sarah lived in— the one they grew up in. “You took him fishing.” Sam chuckled at the picture. Cyrus had the biggest smile a two year old could muster. “The damn thing is almost as big as him!”
“He’s a natural,” Nic said quietly.
“Just like his mother.” She hummed at his words, reaching up to flip the page for him. “I’m going to assume from the way the day has gone you haven’t…”
“Moved on?” She asked, and he nodded slightly. “No, I didn’t. Some people suggested it— women from my ‘Mommy and me’ group. They said Cyrus was young, it was important for him to have a dad. But I just… I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. There’s no one for me but you.” She pressed a kiss to his shoulder and took his hand, threading her fingers through his. “I wouldn’t even care if a man who looked almost exactly like you, had the same personality, everything; even if his name was Wam Silson, I still wouldn’t move on. Cause it’s not you.”
“Wam Silson? Seriously?”
“Is that all you got from what I said?” Nic asked exasperatedly despite knowing it was his attempt to get her to smile.
Sam was quiet as he soaked in her words. He tried to imagine what it would be like if she had been for those five years, but he couldn’t. He would never be able to understand what she went through.
Lifting her hand up, he pressed a kiss to it. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled against her skin.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she assured him. “Neither of us knew this would happen. Neither of us could have done anything to stop it. But you’re here now, baby.”
“I am,” he leaned over and kissed her deeply, “and I promise I’m not going anywhere. Not ever again.”
“Good.” She poked his chest, giving her best serious face. “I’ll hold you to that.”
He smiled at her and looked back to the photo album in front of him while her eyes drifted to the news that quietly played on the tv. The news anchors were talking about the spontaneous event of everyone who had disappeared now reappearing, how it was thanks to the Avengers and the sacrifice of Tony Stark.
“Y’know, I bet Wam Silson keeps his promises too.”
“Sam.” She sternly looked at her husband who had a grin on his face. “I was coming up with a name on the fly.”
“Sure you were.”
“I was!”
Sam set aside the photo album and pulled Nic close. “I was thinking we could visit Sarah and the boys tomorrow.”
“She’ll be so happy to see you. Cass and AJ have gotten so big too. They love playing with Cyrus and I know they’ll love seeing you too.”
“It’s settled then. We’ll go see them in the morning.”
She nodded, snuggling into his side. “Sounds like a plan. Can we go to sleep?”
“Yeah, it’s been a hell of a day for both of us.”
“Come here, little bird.” Nic reached forward and picked up Cyrus gently, holding him to her chest as she laid down. He whined at being moved but quickly snuggled into his mother’s chest. Sam shut off the light and tv before laying down, holding Nic and their son. Sam buried his face in her neck and kissed her shoulder.
“Good night, Nic.”
“Night, Sam,” she mumbled tiredly.
Nic woke up with a soft groan, a bit dazed before she recalled the events of the day before. A smile graced her features as she rolled over, only to discover the bed empty. Quickly she frowned, tears forming. Had it all been a dream? A cruel trick of the mind?
She pulled herself out of bed and put on her glasses before dragging herself through the door. But as she reached the stairs, she heard the sound of Cyrus laughing. Upon reaching the bottom, her view into the kitchen proved it wasn’t a dream. Cyrus sat on the kitchen counter, grinning and laughing with his father as Sam rummaged through the fridge. Standing there for a moment watching them, Nic folded her arms and smiled. She wanted to wake up to this every morning.
“Do you want orange juice?” Sam asked his son quietly. Cyrus nodded and held out his sippy cup. Taking it, Sam filled it with orange juice before putting the cap back on and handing it to Cyrus. Sam lifted the bottle of orange juice to his mouth to drink, and Nic made her presence known.
“Samuel,” she said sternly, stepping towards the kitchen doorway. He jumped and quickly set the juice on the counter. “How many times have I told you to stop that?”
“Breakfast was supposed to be finished before you woke up,” Sam said in his defense, though it was playful as he smiled at her. Once she was in reach, he grabbed her waist and pulled his wife against him. “Why can’t I drink from the carton? In my own home?”
“Because other people drink from it too,” she said, hugging his waist and leaning up to kiss his jaw.
“Other people like who?”
“Your son,” Nic said, lifting a hand to cup Cyrus’s face as she kissed his head. “Your sister, our nephews, Steve when he’s visiting. And none of them want your morning breath back-wash, sweetheart.”
“A man really can’t drink his juice in peace?”
“You gave up peace when you married me,” Nic grinned cheekily.
Sam smiled. “And I’ve never regretted it.” He leaned down to kiss her.
“Also, babe, you didn’t need to make breakfast. If anything, I should be making it for you.”
“After everything you’ve been through, you deserve it.” He picked up Cyrus and set him on the floor. “Now let’s have breakfast. We’re going to your Aunt Sarah’s today.”
“Yay!” Cyrus cheered and rushed into the living room. “Aunt Sarah! Aunt Sarah!”
As soon as their son was out of sight, Nic tugged on the collar of Sam’s shirt and pulled him into a kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He handed her one of the plates of breakfast.
“I’m so glad you’re back,” she whispered, giving him one last quick kiss before following Cyrus into the living room.
“It’s good to be back.” He smiled and walked after her, joining his family for breakfast.
