♡ Reader Tries To Matchmake Them ♡
(the maddest you'll probably ever see Theanna. This was so long it took half an hour to scan from my computer onto my phone to upload.)
♡ There weren't many ways for a princess to end an engagement even if it was one she despised with her entire being, especially when her fiancé had never looked at anyone else as a potential fiancé. No other women around to help you squeeze free from the suffocating grip of the madwoman you were doomed to marry. When you were younger you thought she'd kill you despite you not being in the race for the throne cause she'd seemed so competitive and didn't hesitate to be violent in front of you. But as you got older you realized you had a different fate because she found you very pretty. She brought you so many dresses and accessories to adorn yourself with and it wasn't a shock when she wanted to get engaged to you the moment she was declared crown princess despite you being sister's. She clearly enjoyed your looks, what else could it have been, you weren't saying your personality was awful but growing up you'd always made an effort to shut down most conversations with her whenever possible so there was no way that was what drew her in. It was no wonder that when a princess from another country appeared on a visit who looked almost exactly like you and who clearly liked your sister, that you wanted to pair them up. She could have the looks she wanted with someone who actually wanted her and you would be free from this engagement. ♡
♡ It wasn't hard to get a moment alone with that princess, she was clearly jealous of your relationship with Theanna, so much so she didn't notice how similar the both of you looked until you pointed it out to her. Honestly you thought you'd have to do more to convince her to pursue your engaged sister actively but when she made the connection she walked off happily and when you next saw her she was trying to cozy up to your sister who did not seem in the slightest bit amused by this. It was a few weeks that her and her people were going to be there so it didn't matter if Theanna was unperceptive at first eventually she'd crack. All you had to do was keep your chambers locked so she couldn't initiate any sexual encounters while they were here and let the princess take some of the things that Theanna said looked good on you that she in all likelihood she didn't even remember gifting you anymore cause there were so many things. She glared at you at the banquets she had to throw for the foreign royalty every night from across the dinner table while the other princess had taken your seat because you said it was only polite since the princess would only be there so long. You thought for sure it must have been close to working because since getting engaged Theanna hadn't been able to keep her hands off you for longer than three days, she surely would have had to be getting pent up. That's when you accidentally left the key to Theanna's chambers out so the princess could snatch it and finally seduce her. ♡
You couldn't be the one to catch them, it would make you seem too suspicious, it had to be someone else so you sent your ladies in waiting to offer up an apology and invite Theanna to your room to make up for being distant lately and these women were huge gossips so if they caught it happening then everyone would know and you might be freed. The only problem was instead the group ran back towards your room to warn you Theanna was coming and she was angry and something about how there'd been so much blood everywhere and someone was dead. You only had a couple seconds to process the other princess potentially being dead before Theanna was in your room screaming at them to get out.
"T-Theanna, I was just thinking about y-you." You flinched when she tossed a necklace at you, barely catching it with your hands. It was covered in blood and there was hair in the chain. That's when you noticed she still had her sword at her side, she seemed to notice it made you nervous though and she dropped it, walking over to you.
"I'm going to fuck you in front of that bitch's court tomorrow while her heads on a pike, be ready." She backed put of the room, leaving you to collapse on the floor. You really were never going to get away from her.
♡ You realized now showing any bit of affection to someone so starved of it was a recipe for disaster, especially when said person in question was one of the deadliest fighters in the kingdom. All you had wanted to do was flirt a bit but now you were stuck wandering around with a woman who delusionally believed you two were madly in love. You had tried to break up with her before but it led to her having a freak out about how someone was trying to turn her baby against her and she'd have to kill whoever convinced you to leave her leading to you taking back wanting to break up because you were pretty sure she was going to make up someone to kill. After that you made a couple attempts to just quietly leave her but she was fast, you really stood no chance with just getting away from her which meant waiting until you could pawn her off on someone else. ♡
♡ There were plenty of freaks in the kingdom who would want a obsessive girlfriend, plenty of monsters too who might take a liking to being with a woman who could kill them which was how you got the idea to lead her to some sirens. A relatively unknown monster, you only knew about them because she had a massive compendium of monsters. But in coastal areas on the continent they were known for falling for humans and taking the appearance of their loved ones to snatch them away. Of course later they often ate and killed whoever they stole when the idea of having them grew boring but Elisha was strong, she could deal with it when it came to that and by that time arrived you would have been long gone. It took alot of work to get her to take you to one of those coastal towns and alot of walking around before one took the bait but as you were standing near the water one night you could see a woman's head staring out from the water at Elisha and excused yourself to go inside so this siren could approach. ♡
Maybe you were jumping the gun on packing but really you had to be quick with getting away from Elisha, if the siren managed to convince her that it was you then you'd need to run off immediately because you couldn't be sure when it would either try to just eat Elisha immediately or she would see through it being an expert monster killer and everything. You couldn't take risks with her. Unfortunately as you were loading things into your suitcase Elisha slammed the door open with blood all over her but no wounds of her own. Poor siren, you knew they ate people and ruined many relationships but it didn't deserve whatever she did to it for her to be drenched in blood.
"Baby, let's get out of here, I don't want to be anywhere near those things again." She draped her arms around you, not caring if she got blood on you, seemingly still pretty angry about whatever had transpired with the siren. "Stupid monster thought it could fool me, it was so obviously not you, I know my baby." You supposed people must have been lying about sirens being able to perfectly imitate people, either that or Elisha was far more obsessed with you than you originally thought.
♡ It wasn't that Pauline was a terrible master to serve but you'd been working the job since you both were five and in recent years you really wanted a break from your overwhelming workload. The key part of that work involved her parents demanding you help her find someone to date so she could finally develop the true Rhune mentality and finally be deemed their true heir. You were originally given to her because they thought having her with another kid always nearby would make her grow to like you in the proper Rhune way, only now you were both adults so it clearly didn't happen. You were close to her, close enough that she made you come to the academy as her personal maid even there but you remained only a servant she considered useful as worst and at best just a nice friend. It had left them greatly disappointed so they left you with a job, you could retire with a sizeable income if you manage to get her to like someone during her time at the academy because they were sick of her not being a proper Rhune. ♡
♡ Much easier said than done. She didn't like anyone really, even her friends were just lackies who did what she demanded and while people followed what she said, people didn't develop crushes on her. People were in awe of her powers or they were scared of her but that didn't transfer to love and it was hard to get po what she'd like in a romantic partner other than her liking girls. Being her maid also made it harder to be on your own in the academy, the only people who you often got to see were people around her and if they hadn't caught her interest always being near her then they weren't going to now. Then finally in your spare time a girl approached you with a love letter for you to give to Pauline and you were quick to jump on this opportunity. You'd tell her to fake it if she had to, she must have wanted to be heir as much as you wanted to retire, she could tolerate a fake relationship. ♡
"My lady, there'd be alot of perks if you accept-" "Stupid idiot. Like never ever would I accept it." The second you set the letter from the girl down at her desk she crumbled it up tossing it straight in the trash before taking it out and seeming to... put a curse on whoever handed it to you.
"My lady! She didn't deserve that! She just wanted to tell you she liked you." She snorted at you, now throwing the letter out after cursing that poor girl. You were really hoping this one would work out.
"You can like get the thought of retiring out of your head. I'm like never going let you leave." You sighed, sitting down on her bed in frustration. Maybe you'd try seducing her next time if it would help you stop being a maid.
♡ Abigail could be a very intense boss to deal with, particularly because she viewed you as not good enough to be on her squad, you were just her assistant, helped her organize papers and such, technically making you her right hand but beyond that she was demeaning whenever you picked up a sword. You could only assume she would get better if you finally helped her meet someone. Perhaps the reason she was so harsh was, you had slept with her once and she never seemed to forget it happened, if you took her to a party and she got laid by someone who was actually the type of delicate lady she talked about liking then she'd forget about trying to change you. Parties also were not really her thing either though unfortunately. She didn't want to mingle, and she was only willing to attend if you were her partner for the night which was a deterrent to helping her get laid but not a major one. You had learned you could excuse yourself from her side for half an hour before she would go searching for you so you just had to get some girl flirting with her in that time who was completely her type. Hard to find a single girl who was her type but you managed at the last party to spot someone and this one seemed to be really interested in Abigail. ♡
♡ Abigail was rude to anyone approaching to ask for dance when you were by her side but if they asked while you had excused yourself she'd humor them so as soon as you excused yourself you told the girl to go ask Abigail for a dance and then went out to a balcony to sit and rest. Unfortunately for you, this one seemed to be too flirtatious. You heard a commotion inside and sure enough Abigail was yelling at the girl who was yelling right back. She'd tried to ask Abigail to leave the ball together, Abigail said no, the girl said you asked her to seduce her which enraged her entirely and the girl was dragged out of the ball while Abigail set her sights on punishing you for doing this when she thought you wanted to just go to a party together. ♡
"If you don't count properly Sweetheart it's never going to be over." How were you even supposed to focus on counting when you had your boss spanking you so viciously you wouldn't be able to sit for weeks. You'd probably just have to lay on your stomach or side in bed for weeks after this cause your legs also felt useless because it actually really hurt. She'd been so mad at you for sending someone else to seduce her that she hadn't even brought you home, she asked the host if they had a spare room for the both of you to stay the night in.
"I can't fucking count when you're hitting so hard." It felt like fifty but you'd only managed to count to twenty. Honestly could have been more than fifty cause you'd had to pause and restart over so many times.
"I knew I shouldn't have let you keep working. Tomorrow you're going to my parents house to learn to be a lady. A lady doesn't send someone to seduce her lover." You grumbled at her as she continued the spanking.
♡ When you came of age one of the advisors was assigned to take care of you as a beloved princess, it was mostly to help guide you towards making the right decisions whenever you decided to get married but she did other things for you as well, going so far as to make sure you rarely if ever needed to call for a maid because you had someone far better to help. Raphael was an excellent caretaker towards you despite her main job being quite taxing, it was no wonder that you wanted to reward her and what would be a better reward than helping her get with your friend, the daughter of a lower noble who had a crush on Raphael. You'd often invite the two of them out of walks so they could get to talking, trying your best to let yourself fade into the background though kind Raphael would still ask you questions, probably feeling bad leaving you out of the conversations they were having. You really think they were getting along so you pushed your friend to confess one day. You invited her out again, and asked Raphael to talk to her while you went to fetch your parasol. ♡
♡ It was nothing like what you were expecting, when you came back the both of them were tense and refused to even tell you why, you thought maybe they had decided they couldn't get together because of their status around you maybe so you'd have to try again at a later date. Your friend told you she wasn't going to be able to visit for awhile when you said goodbye to her and later Raphael told you that perhaps she wasn't the best friend choice for you to make leaving you confused because you thought they knew you didn't mind if they got together. Maybe they talked it out and decided to wait till you got married instead leaving you feeling sad you interfered in their relationship and even more distraught when your friend was found dead. One because your friend was dead but also you couldn't help but blame yourself, maybe she'd be alive if she hadn't gone to the countryside if you hadn't gotten in the way of this connection between them. ♡
"Your highness, thinking about her death won't help anything, a good friend wouldn't want you to feel overly burdened by it." You failed to notice how unhappy Raffie was about you being sad your friend was dead. Instead you assumed she was equally sad and was having a hard time with you constantly reminding her about someone who should could have had a relationship with.
"Yes you're right Raffie, let's not dwell." Raphael was definitely not dwelling when she was the one who killed your friend for being such a terrible friend to you, she just didn't expect anyone to find the body, she was hoping you'd just think your friend ghosted you. She'd do better the next time she had to kill someone who didn't deserve to be your friend because there were quite a few of them.
♡ You could only assume your sister finally found someone she liked who wasn't actually related to her because this assistant who clearly had a crush on her had managed to be alive for longer than five months now. It was obvious she had a crush but she hadn't made any bold moves, likely out of respect for you, Rayna's sister wife, so it was your job to let the assistant know it was okay to make a move, in fact you would like it cause you'd get more freedom from Rayna and maybe she would let you have a divorce because it was weird to be married to her sister even if the two of you still had to be bonded together. She likely just never had the chance to get attached to someone who wasn't related to her, now that she could tolerate this person she would see that being with someone who wasn't her sister was infinitely better so you very aggressively pushed them both together whenever you got an opportunity and did your best to resist sleeping with Rayna with all sorts of excuses. Giving her tasks to complete in the duchy before you'd let her touch you again just so she'd pull even more all nighters and get closer to the assistant. ♡
♡ Rayna meanwhile was slowly dying from lack of contact with her sister. She had no clue why you were punishing her or demanding she accomplish so many tasks but she could only assume you wanted her to prove her love to you by making the duchy the best place ever and she couldn't refuse. You had only let her hold your hand in the mornings to refuel yourself but you hadn't even kissed her in weeks. It was shocking she hadn't killed everyone in the manor with how she went around talking whenever you were out of earshot but killing everyone would only make her tasks harder to accomplish because she'd have to rehire more helpers. She even was refraining from killing her eager to please secretary until she broached the subject of your marriage and Rayna finally snapped. ♡
"Hey Big Sis-" You had been coming to see if they were getting closer cause they'd been pulling so many late nights working on all your requests together and you were pretty sure the secretary got the hint but when you walked in... she was dead on the floor with her neck snapped meanwhile Rayna was just standing there shaking making you scared to even approach her.
"Songbird, I-I can't do it anymore, I c-can't fulfill your requests, I need you NOW." You had completely broken Rayna's mind, apparently the limit to how long she could go without fucking her sister was four weeks before she just completely refused to do anything until she got to be with you. You had an extremely rough month after that cause she had alot of missed time to make up for. At least she kept you well hydrated and fed though the hydration was her putting water in her mouth then kissing you between fucking.
♡ You loved throwing parties, especially of the match making variety, it was so fun, especially in the kingdom where people were so intense about love. You didn't want that attention for yourself really but it was nice to help people meet even of different standings, the more people who showed up to the match parties, the more matches so when you saw a tall woman outside staring at you while you were a bit tipsy, you dragged her into the party as well, determined to help this woman who clearly wasn't of the nobility still find a match. She was a bit awkward but that didn't mean it would be impossible, you just had to get her out of her comfort zone. You asked her all sorts of questions about her interests only receiving pretty generic answers but she seemed really interested when you brought up jewels so you started shoving her at all the people who knew anything about jewels doing the party which seemed to get a conversation going. It was mostly about how she could make use of any jewels she found into giftable jewelry but a win was a win. ♡
♡ She just wouldn't stop drifting in your direction during the party though which was irking you, she needed to go out and meet people and eventually you called in the big guns. Your friend who flirted with everyone, surely this large woman would like the attention from someone so flirty and realize that she actually wanted to find someone to date at the party. She actually seemed to recoil at your friends touch though and got really sad, going outside alone. ♡
"Do you hate me dearest?" You were pretty drunk so you didn't hear her calling you dearest, just feeling bad that she though you hated her for some reason.
"N-no why would I hate ya, yur the best part of this party tonight." She looked back at you, now happy to hear you didn't hate her, coming over to hug you. Veronia thought for sure she made a bad first impression on her mate cause you kept trying to get other people involved in your conversation she was so glad you didn't. Now she could take you out of this party and back with her!
♡ You had tried everything to convince Ainsley to let you go but since the day you met you had been lock up in her tower and only released during parties when you begged to be able to mingle with other people. She believed you were soulmates and you belonged together and while you tried to tell her that you felt nothing to her and she was mistaking her one sided love for you as something it wasn't, she wouldn't budge. You couldn't even attempt to run away from her because if you broke her delusion that way then it would end up poorly, you had to gently coax her out of it. The best way to do that was to show her that she could wind up liking someone who wasn't her supposed soulmate. You had a friend luckily. ♡
♡ Not really a full friend but friendly at least. The court's jester and executioner, Bibi. You'd seen Ainsley laugh at her jokes a bit and she was certainly gruesome enough for you to not feel bad trapping her with Ainsley instead of you. It was a perfect fit in your opinion, you just had to get those fond feelings to transfer into love without Ainsley getting jealous of you spending time with Bibi and killing her before she could fall for her. Luckily she didn't even question Bibi coming to the tower to hang out, even saying hello to Bibi which you found to be great progress towards getting her to like someone who wasn't you and you were sure Bibi would gladly sleep with your lover if you framed it as a joke. ♡
"Baby girl, Bibi is moving in with us. I know you like her and I like her too so she can be our third partner." It took alot of effort for your jaw not to completely drop on the ground. Gradually you deflated as you saw Bibi moving her stuff in. It completely backfired, instead you just gained a second awful wife who was already groping you.
