#bjjunderdog

[me-mindfulexistence]

“13 Reason Why” you should let your child watch...

I finally finished watching that Netflix series "13 Reasons Why"....All the hype that surrounded it intrigued me....with the topics of suicide, sexual identity shaming, drug/alcohol use, sexual assault, rumors/bullying and just the overall crappie dynamics of teen life I felt an obligation to watch it....as I anticipated, it wasn't anything vulgar or inappropriate as many so many people/parents were proclaiming.  Nothing worse than real life. This idea that parents couldn't and wouldn’t let their children watch is upsetting to me....this is definitely something at minimum 5th grade on up should be okay to view (and that’s just me coming up with some random grade and age bc I can’t make the decision when a child is “ready”.......maybe a 3rd grade student might be more appropriate? who knows)....I was telling my husband I remember when I was in elementary school the boys talking about the most explicit sexual terms they could conjure up just for shock value....who knows if they even knew what they were saying....but that was over 35 years ago when there was no internet. No social media....only VHS tapes and magazines with nudity....Can you imagine what your children have access to today????  One word typed into the search engine of a phone “sex”.....and all bets are off.  All the sheltering you’ve worked so hard to do is a wash....Now they know!....But they know the internet version....wouldn’t it be better to hear it from you first? (#1- let the truth come from you first).....So, whats the deal breaker with his show? ....b/c they cursed? b/c they had suggestive scenes of sex/rape (that showed basically nothing)-Wouldn’t it be better for you to explain how the sexual act was being depicted as ‘rape’ and how there wasn’t ‘consent’ and go into explanation? (bc even if it’s a young child watching...the importance of talking about how sometimes an adult in our life can ask us to do things that aren’t always ‘right’ and we need to run away or tell someone when and if it would make them uncomfortable)....or is it the topic of Students struggling with their own sexual identity and the social impact surrounding it? In our own school district it feels like suicide is happening every year from middle school on up anymore....the topic is critical....whats the big secret we are hiding from our kids? They know.....and if you want to believe “my child doesn’t”- THEY SHOULD. (#2- Knowledge is power). The series takes place in a primarily white upscale high school where the jocks don't go one minute without their high school varsity jackets and the girls wear skirts everyday. They throw together a diverse 'Preppy' multicultural cast that looks completely forced.... So I didn't find that super realistic.....but it didn't matter-they make great attempts to touch on several issues which is a constructive way for parents to actually talk to their kids about things that they normally wouldn't...the main 2 reasons parents don’t let their children watch are 1- little johnny/susie is just TOO YOUNG, and they shouldn’t be exposed to things before they’re "ready".....well what defines "ready"?....in a parents eyes a child is eternally youthful and what we deem "ready" is usually idealistic and NOT realistic....with parents coming up with ages like 16 vs 8 bc it seems more “age appropriate” (#3- guess what...this is a higher budget bad movie where u can explain crap.....the best case scenario: try doing it after the fact when their schoolmate or friend takes their own life or is lured into sexual assault or slandered with rumors.... you wait? It's to late.) 2- religious beliefs- you can’t watch it bc somehow God has deemed it upon us to keep our children in the dark as part of the “practice” (or so people act).... (#4-Listen, if this series which is basically a glorified Hallmark show or after school special with curse words and a flash of a naked butt makes you shutter....you better get some education on reality b/c your kids get it in school every damn day.) They hear the "F" word like it's "amen" in church.....they know about sex and hear about it.....I would venture to say daily....at least references to it (if they aren't already exposed to it) at every school level (YES! even in elementary school!).....and nudity? Please! Do they have mirrors? They have butts....they have penis's and vagina's. These are body parts. Big deal. Sex is a natural act. We do it. Animals do it.  #5-If your kids don't know about this stuff b/c you haven't told them...guess what? someone else will...and it won't be your version. I can give you a guarantee about that. #6-Kids can access virtual devices like magic. They don't need your permission. They don't need their own device or yours. They have friends. They can access whatever they want to see from a schoolmates phone...anything (Netflix, social media or straight up porn)....it’s right at their fingertips.

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So if you want to live in the land of unicorns and rainbows and believe that your child isn't 'ready' to see this cotton candy "13 reasons why"...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you and your child....b/c bad people are hunters....and they love to prey on the naive.....and please don't feel like your child needs to sit there and view it with u! They generally aren't comfortable and you understand that....let them view it by themselves. Then after an episode have a casual dialogue about it....maybe it'll just be u talking but it's better than doing nothing at all.

[me-mindfulexistence]

FEMALES ONLY! Hypocritical?

I was asked  “ As a woman don't you find it hypocritical in a way to run a female ONLY bjj class? Can you imagine if females couldn't attend class because they are for ONLY men???”  My response was “Absolutely! 100% hypocritical”. Let me reiterate that I’m the first to say I’m FULL of double standards....some I recognize and acknowledge and some I don’t even realize I have until someone calls me on it...(which I’m glad people do. It keeps me thinking. I enjoy questioning my own logic). Like this friend said to me “ Society thinks we are weird for grappling at all.... and then automatically assigns a sexual element as soon as a female gets involved. I think ultimately it’s that prudish view on human sexuality that causes females to think that bjj is not for them”....and he is spot on.  

So despite the drastic growth of BJJ and MMA due to the popularity of UFC events and publicized ‘fights’ we the ‘females’ are still the minority. In most schools we are but a few....and unfortunately in this male dominated sport a female only class right now is essential for gender growth at our academy....I’ve been training about 13 years and during that time I haven’t had one consistent female training partner for more then a couple of years consecutively. Not one. So ‘male only’ classes were pretty much every night....unless I showed up! 

Reality is....Getting females in the door is TOUGH. Females by nature are initially intimidated by the physicality of the sport- the close contact (body to body pressure positions, that invasion of any personal space, sharing someone else’s body sweat/smells, and the grand idea that ‘it appears real’).....and remember- to the untrained eye this can have an illusion of a ‘sexual element’ which can be mentally unsettling....but when all is said and done Brazilian Jiu-jitsu is like any co-ed sport. It’s competitive, technical, physically/cognitively challenging and there is nothing sexual about it....(unless you are looking for there to be!!!....bc you can make ping pong sexual if that’s what you are seeking).  So having a FEMALE ONLY class is just a once a week attempt to lure in anyone with a vagina to come out and try something ‘outside the box’. No pun intended. This is an opportunity to have a female instructor with a ‘like mind’ (or somewhat like!) who’s been there....I have kids, a husband and lots of responsibilities but I’ve persevered. I know how uncomfortable you’ll be and we’ll work through it and you’ll be amazed how quickly the awkwardness goes away....  B/c this will change the way the average person thinks about ‘working out’.  People who don’t train have no understanding of how challenging, technical, and exhausting training/live rolling can be....and they make assumptions that b/c of the physicality ‘they can’t do it’....Which can’t be further from the truth.  Unless you have some limiting medical condition that prevents you from training....there is no reason you shouldn’t be training. Like I said in my posts advertising the class there are a number of reasons to try jiu-jitsu: physical fitness, confidence, self discipline, functional strength and learning to defend yourself....b/c self defense isn’t one class or a handful of classes....it’s a lifestyle. It’s a mentality.  

Is this sexy?  I didn’t think so. Any questions.  Sign up at www.bjjunderdog.com

[me-mindfulexistence]

A Stupid Black Belt.

A Stupid Black Belt.

 Thursday night I was doing a drill with my partner that was very repetitious for a short timed interval…nothing fancy and certainly nothing I haven’t done many times before….and about 30 seconds into it I completely spaced.  I totally forgot what I was suppose to be doing. It’s an awful feeling that comes over my person like walking out to get the mail in my PJ’s without brushing my hair or teeth…only to see every neighbor on the block; startled and embarrassed. My mind went blank and I felt sick to my stomach.  Here I am a Black belt saying to my white belt partner “Uhh…What was the next move???”…. This wasn’t the first or last time that would happen. It’s something I’m slowly growing accustomed to and making accommodations for in everyday life. I use the word ‘’Stupid’ figuratively b/c I know I’m not without intelligence …but I also can say in the same breath I have great anxiety about this deficit that does make me feel ‘incompetent’ at times.

 After being bed ridden for 2 weeks in 2011 with nausea, vomiting, vertigo, sensitivity to light/sound and no appetite it took multiple doctors and a trip to the ER to get a definitive diagnosis that I was having cluster migraines which then led to another diagnosis of chronic migraines.   Over the past 5 years it has been trial and error to find an effective preventative daily treatment. I’ve lost count of the endless amounts of drugs and homeopathic remedies I’ve tried…and the potpourri of side effects. So I’m always being ‘adjusted’ or put on what’s ‘working best’. For a while now I’ve been on the “Supermodel Drug” Topamax AKA-Dopamax that has me drawing blanks……A popular seizure medication that does well fending off my daily migraines which are debilitating.  So for me it’s the lesser of the evil’s….b/c functioning is pretty awesome.  But because of the Topamax’s cognitive side effects I can be mid-thought, or mid bjj move and completely lose track of where I was going with it…and b/c I “know” this can happen at any time I walk around with this constant anxiety wondering “When will it happen?” So for years now I’ve avoided any regular/consistent teaching b/c my own apprehension can actually trigger this cognitive occurrence. My fear of being stupid causes the stupid.  So I am going to try and overcome this by doing it….

I’m taking on the task of forming and teaching an “All Female BJJ Class” coming mid-November. It’ll be challenging just to get the females on the mat…then the feat of keeping them there! Then the biggest and most therapeutic challenge of overcoming my own fears and anxiety about my self-proclaimed “stupidity”. Being able to take my abilities I’ve used for the past 13 years and translate the techniques into words….b/c I frequently say that I just ‘move’ without thinking….but explaining/verbalizing and demonstrating can make the task thought-provoking for me! What’s ironic is I truly LOVE to teach. It’s my strength and weakness all in one.  Knowledge is power.  I share this because I may be stupid but I’m not stupid enough to think that there aren’t other stupid people out there with this same stupid problem who can’t overcome it…just like me. -The end.

Anyone interested, please email me! [email protected]

Monday’s 6-7pm.  No experience necessary. Traditional Gi.  

First 2 weeks are Free.

[me-mindfulexistence]

Fun Sucker Alert

I love my family, friends,  football, jiu-jitsu, yoga, music/concerts, outdoors, animals….so many things!!! But having fun isn’t always easy.

I’m sure most people can’t even visualize the concept of ‘No Fun’. It would seem that a person ‘not being fun’ would have to be some kind of conscious decision made by any individual who has this presentation.  How else could someone be so mentally challenged to not enjoy a casual or what’s planned to be ‘relaxing’ event with friends and loved ones? Those activities are meant to be ‘stress relievers’.

As I’ve already diagnosed myself as an introvert I’ve also come to terms with the fact that after being married to an extrovert for 20 years that I’m not only ‘no fun’ but really like a ‘fun sucker’ of sort.  I can take a situation that is described as inevitable ‘FUN’ by the majority and feel nothing but absolute anxiety or even boredom. Parties, get togethers or any group gathering with strangers, or distant acquaintances fall into this category….I dread them.  My mind races about everything going on around me and at the same time I continue to feel exhausted from having conversations that feel meaningless….It doesn’t mean I don’t like the people around me or where I’m at.  I just can’t ‘relax’.  I envision myself before having a ‘great time’...it just never pans out that way. All that said, my unfun-ness flows into my everyday life with people I love.  Vacations, dinner dates, whatever… I will sometimes just ‘shut down’.   If something comes up in my mind or in a discussion that gets my thought process going down the ‘wrong road’, that’s when I can’t get my mind to do a ‘U TURN’.  I don’t rant and rave or go into some kind of meltdown.  I just get quite…the ‘silence’ is my ‘happy place’.....which drives the people that love me crazy.  They say things like ‘why do you do this? why can’t you just snap out of it?  why do you let everything bother you?’….. Unfortunately, my brain doesn’t work like your average person.   I can’t just reroute my thinking.  I will perseverate over that thought…and it presents itself on my face.  The ‘resting bitch face’.  That person pretending to read a label on the pack of gum at a party for a ½ hr…is me.

Ugh.  The fun sucker affliction.  People need to understand that my disposition isn’t a choice.  If I could be a different person I would be….b/c living this way is mentally draining (mostly b/c it bothers other people...explaining it over and over to people who don’t live it- just don’t ‘get it).  Many people like myself medicate in social situations with alcohol, street drugs or alcohol and prescription drugs….all of which aren’t my poison.  I suffer with these issues ‘as is’ and my family gets the ‘un-fun me’.  Which kind of sucks b/c they don’t always understand.  

At least in BJJ it’s a time when everything gets ‘turned off’.  There is NO other time when my brain gets a break.  When I’m asleep I dream (and create worries), when I’m awake I’m always thinking about crap all day everyday (work, home, yoga, wherever….) BUT When I train live in jiu-jitsu there is nothing in my head but jiu-jitsu and my body runs on instinct/muscle memory.  It becomes so primitive it’s therapeutic.  I’m not able to think about anything else. It’s impossible.  If I would I’ll be choked or getting my arm broke. Trying to fight for your life is a way to get mental recovery time. 

“My feelings change like the colors of the sky

My passion to love is ten miles’ high

I’m not afraid to tell you

I’m not afraid to fight

I just have to take a mental rest and that should be alright

I have more emotion and thoughts than most people know

But silence pulls me in like the ocean’s strong under toe

No matter how much I try to change that part of me

The introvert keeps winning the battle and that’s my reality.”

-Sheri

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[me-mindfulexistence]

Try Not To Be Mean In 2016....Is It Possible?

Because of social media, texting, and just the overabundance of ways to communicate to people other than by ‘mouth’ as a society we are becoming very passive aggressive….People are becoming what I refer to as ‘Keyboard warriors’.  Big and bad while clicking away while they type but when push comes to shove they are all bark and no bite (except even their bark is ‘virtual’ and silent).  What an unbecoming trait.  Bottom line.  It’s easy to ‘express’ your ‘truth’ when you can’t see or hear any ‘real’ sense of the feelings it elicits from the people you are ‘preaching to’.  It becomes super easy to BE MEAN.

 Examples: Social Media- Meme’s about relationships, friends or family…. pointing a finger about something you dislike without directly saying who it is about or what it is about….The vague posts about how emotionally ‘strong’ you are and your NO TOLERANCE for all the of the FAKE people in your life…..the complaints about your husbands/wives, girlfriends/boyfriends that either point the finger or ask the question that solicit the opinion of the 500 ‘friends’ you have on facebook, twitter, Instagram or snapchat.  Those posts that directly but indirectly show your distain for someone else’s race, religion, sexual preference or political views.  Your social media page is exactly that….yours.  It can be easy to say, ‘well, if you don’t like it- don’t bother looking’. Here again is the reality…..You want us to look.  You want us to read it. You are posting a status for a response.  You are putting energy into the universe…..Put in negative- get back negative.  Put in positive- maybe you’ll see the benefits…… Just a thought.

 Besides… all of the above symptoms described are indicative of a condition called wuss-ness. A disorder in which a person lacks the confidence and ability to express his/her feelings verbally in a constructive manner which leads to exhibiting signs of cowardly behavior over utilizing materials such as memes, posts, texts, emails, and hashtags.  All nonverbal B.S. 

 If you have an issue with the people in your life…..just deal with it head on. IN PERSON.  Believe me when I say the 500 or 1000 people reading your crap, read out of nosiness….not b/c they care (this includes myself). Do you really want us knowing your household nonsense?  There was something to be said for the dysfunction that was kept behind closed doors before virtual reality came about.  People had their ‘own business’…but now everyone’s business is everyone’s business.....and it shouldn’t be.  You owe us no explanation. 

 An oldie but a goodie.  “Just mind your own bee’s wax”…..Seriously.

Have to get out some internal turmoil?  Get off the technology....Step onto the mats and try Brazilian Jiu-jitsu.  We have teenagers to old timers at 3rd Generation Jiu-jitsu Club in Telford PA.  No pressure. No contracts.  Just physical training....for a great workout which is great fun.  100% guarantee to cure ‘wuss-ness’.  www.graciepa.com 

 The End.

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