Introducing my fraternity friends with a thing they did:
Alex:
had to zoom into our fraternity elections because he was too busy fucking some guy.
Sattwik:
has all of our live locations on his phone and stalks us throughout the day. One time I was late to a party and Sattwik saw I was at my smoke spot and then proceeded to announce to the entire party that I would be showing up high.
Marlo:
had her phone stolen last month and had to walk around with a flip phone for a while. This was much to Sattwik’s annoyance as he could no longer stalk her location. She now has a burner phone like a drug dealer.
Daria:
once hit a 24 in 24 (fucking 24 times in 24 hours) and she says only the last 8 or so were for the sake of the streak. The first 16 happened organically.
Matthew:
brought a gallon of milk to my 21st birthday party and spent all night drinking it. He went home sober. That wasn’t even his first time drinking nothing but milk at a college party. In fact his Denny’s order is boneless wings and a glass of milk.
Eve:
At a past Denny’s hangout, Matthew was eating a dish with sausages. He went to the bathroom to return to one his sausages missing. He was convinced it was Eve. Eve has taken it upon herself to psychologically torture Matthew by telling other people she’d eaten his sausage, but as soon as he shows up, she denies it with her entire being. This has driven Matthew to the point of absolute madness and he went to the extent of secretly acquiring a recording of Eve admitting to the sausage theft. I genuinely have no idea whether she took the sausage or not.
Blake:
lost his virginity by being invited by a girl he barely knew to cuck her boyfriend.
