Regrets
pairing: Ulquiorra Cifer x Fem!Gin's sister!Reader
type: angst
an: ignoring the fact that i start sm fanfics that i havent finished, here's another Bleach oneshot of one of my fav characters! i can write an entire essay on his character eheh. also, this is pretty short but im kinda lazy lol... its basically like the scene of him and orihime about the 'heart' but with a romantic(?) and angsty twist. so have fun and enjoy! dont forget to follow me on Tumblr and Wattpad! and share, like, vote, comment and all :)
warnings: angst (dont expect more from me), death, aizen (bro deserves a warning), gin (also deserves a warning but he's barely in here), reader is gin's younger sister, kinda rushed, blood (barely). i think thats all, lemme know if i miss anything!
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Following Aizen into Hueco Mundo was a decision filled with regret. Leaving behind your friends from the Seireitei was not your best move. But what more could you do when your older brother, Gin, had brought you along?
Honestly, what was he thinking?
But you couldn't deny him. You swore to stay by each other's side and this was not an exception.
So there you stood just a little behind him, fingers gripping tightly on the sleeve of his robe. Scared, you were barely peeking into the view of whatever Hollow Aizen had found interest in.
Ever since you set foot in this world, you were driven with fear, longing for a sense of warmth in this cold atmosphere. It's much too different than the Soul Society and the Human World. You'd do anything to get back to either one of those. But you swore to stay with Gin.
And Aizen was kind enough not to separate you both.
Until one day, he found your presence to be irrelevant and quite honestly a nuisance though he hid that fact with a sweet little lie of saying that he just wanted you to be safe.
And you remembered that day very well, too.
After all, it happened during a meeting with all the Espadas who swore loyalty to the God wannabe. Seated around the table were those 10 Arrancars and the traitors of Soul Society, including you.
"Y/N," Aizen brought the attention to you.
At this point in time, you had made yourself somewhat comfortable. Or rather, you've let yourself not get involved with anyone except your brother. So from your seat, your slouching back immediately straightened while your eyes widened.
Your gaze lifted to meet the man, his soft orbs peering into yours. To the outside looking in, one would think he was displaying a look of warmth but you knew better than to fall for his manipulation.
"Y-Yes?" You stuttered.
Sure, you were aware of his tricks. That didn't mean you weren't scared of him.
"I have a very important task for you," he smiled. "I have informed Ulquiorra of everything and he is in charge of you."
"Wait, what?!" Your words slipped out, panic jolting your body as you looked from the man to your brother, your brows stitched in a silent beg for help.
Before your brother could display even a shift in expression, your body froze in the chair. Your eyes widened, your lips emitting a hitched gasp.
Aizen's Reiatsu was hurting you.
Your fingers clutched firmly at the edge of the table. Your lungs felt like it was closing up, your airway narrowing as you gasped helplessly for air.
"Are you denying me, Y/N?" His tone was silky smooth, an eyebrow raised condescendingly.
Not without struggle, your head began to shake weakly as the brims of your eyes begin to well up with tears. Having enough of your suffering for the moment, Aizen lowered his Reiatsu and you gasped loudly as you could feel air flowing in and out of you again.
"My apologies, Aizen-sama," you trembled, gaze lowering to the ground.
To that, he let out a pleased hum that matched his smirk. What a fucking sadist.
So that's why you were currently stuck next to the 4th Espada, hiding in the Dangai while you waited to capture the human girl Aizen took an interest in. Honestly, some part of you hated yourself for being in such a position, forcing the same fate on an innocent girl who would do anything for her friends.
"Inoue-san," you cleared your throat one day, knocking on the door.
You pushed it open and saw the girl's sullen figure on the floor, gazing at the moon. She remained silent as she watched you enter.
"How are you doing?" You asked, knowing it wouldn't bring any sort of comfort whatsoever despite that being your intention. "If you need anything, I'm at your service," you sighed.
Silence passed between you two. Though expected, you took it as a sign to leave. Just as you were about to, she stopped you with a question.
"Kuchiki-san told me about you," she said. "Why did you betray the Soul Society?"
Her question struck you right at the pit of your regretful heart, making you stop in your tracks.
With a sigh, you answered, "Just as you'd come here for your friends, I would do anything for my brother."
Refusing to prolong the conversation, you took your leave. Turning a corner as you head to your room, you felt fingers wrapped around your wrist. Holding you in place, Ulquiorra then appeared before you.
"What do you think you're doing?" He raised his brows in question.
Your eyes met his and you lowly exhaled.
"Aizen-sama said that she's under our care," you reminded. "I am only caring for her."
He let go of your hand, eyes still staring into yours. "You have no need to make friends with her."
A scoff slipped past your lips. "What are you?" You changed the subject, rather curious about something regarding the Arrancar. "Which part of Death do you signify, Ulquiorra?"
With your eyes stuck on him, paired with your question, he felt somewhat, exposed. His lips remain pursed, gaze peeling away from yours as he turned to walk away.
"I do not see how that is of any relevance."
"If I am to work by your side, I'd like to know more about you," you simply answered.
Looking over his shoulder, he said, "As I said, I do not see the relevance."
"I'll find out soon enough," you hummed, watching as he walked away.
And with your future days spent closely with him, you actually did figure him out.
You could clearly see it in his eyes, you actually wondered how you could have missed that. But you couldn't miss it anymore as each day passes by and he often visited you.
It was odd but you had realized how frequently he came to see you whether it was to send you food or talk about the prisoner. You wondered if it was intentional but over time, you didn't seem to mind it. And maybe because now that you know him, you couldn't help the interest you held for him.
You wanted to understand him.
You wanted to understand why it was that you noticed his eyes changing since the day he met you.
It seemed like you managed to reach that on an afternoon in Hueco Mundo.
You were gazing at the blue sky, a smile tickling your complexion at the view that reminded you of the warmth back in Soul Society. But the one that sheltered you at the moment was nothing but a fake. At such a thought, your smile faltered.
"What are you doing?" Ulquiorra's voice ran through your spine.
"It's so heavy," you murmured.
"What is?"
You let out a sigh, turning around to see him. "My heart," you said. "It's full of regrets."
He let out a patronizing scoff, "You humans and Soul Reapers toss that word around mindlessly. What is this 'heart'?"
Your eyes flickered close for a moment but hearing his question, you understood him.
And you understood yourself.
And with a saddened smile, you reduced the distance with a question. "Do you not believe in the existence of the heart?"
"I do not believe in things I cannot see," he began, taking another step. "Even with these eyes of mine that perceive all, I cannot see this so-called 'heart'."
"And that makes it not real?"
His hand stretched forward, fingers aiming at your heart.
"If I rip out your chest, will I see it? If I crush open your skull, will I see it?"
The gap between the tip of his finger and the fabric of your dress over your heart closed with another step from you. His long nail threatened to puncture your skin but you did not have it in you to break your composure as you stared into his eyes.
"Do it, then," your words silkened out daringly.
You can see surprise behind those dark eyes, only aiding you to go further.
"Rip out my chest. Crush open my skull. Do whatever you must to find my heart because I can assure you, it is real and it is there."
You could see the slight tremble in his hand. With another step toward him, your dress let out a ripped sound as his claws penetrated through.
"I have a heart that beats and with each passing second, it beats for you."
Your lips parted in a slight gasp as you feel warm blood oozing out. Still, you let yourself be guided by your heart.
"I am not afraid of you, Ulquiorra," you exhaled. "As I can see the emptiness in you begin to fill with the reflection of my love for you."
Any changes of expression he tried to hide had failed terribly. But he was not the only one shocked by your confession.
It seems that you've let yourself fall for the 4th Espada.
Maybe that would soon turn into yet another one of your regrets but for the time being, he let you go.
His cold, empty demeanor had returned when he retracted his arm to his side. He began to walk away, leaving you a taste of his void and disappointment. But before he closed the door, he stopped. Over his shoulder, he looked in your direction but not really looking at you.
"The human's friends have come to Hueco Mundo. My order for you is to stay in your room," he slurred out. "No matter what."
With everything that occurred next, you still remained in your room. Why?
Because he had asked you to.
And you were meant to listen to him.
So you ignored all the changes in Spiritual Pressure that occurred in Hueco Mundo to fulfill his order. But there was one change that you can no longer ignore.
And with that worry, that fright, you ran out of your room. With all your strength, you flew upwards, past the fake skies of Las Noches and into the truth of Hueco Mundo. Landing on the ground, you stood up.
And it was as if your mere presence had caused him to peel away his gaze from his opponent. His eyes that met yours were no longer those you saw during your first meeting.
That emptiness that he signified was filling up.
Just as your tears welled in your eyes, your lips parted in a frightful gasp, watching his wings begin to disappear. His hand, the very same one that bled you, lifted from his side. His fingers reached for you. Allowing your tears to fall, you cried as you ran to him, your own hand stretched out to grasp his.
Yet no matter how fast you ran, you could never reach him.
He was so close.
Yet so far.
"I see it now," he said, stopping you in your tracks with wide eyes and parted lips. "I understand now," he said.
You ignored the presence of the humans, only focusing on the fallen Espada.
"Your heart," he let out, fingers beginning to close in an empty grip. "Has always been in the palm of my hands."
Your breath hitched in your throat as you ran to him again, weakly struggling to reach him.
But just when you did, his hand leaves you as it dissipated into darkened ash.
With a loud cry, you fell to your knees, our tears unabashedly falling to your cheeks. Your left hand clutches over your heart-
"Rip out my chest."
-while your right hand clutches over your head-
"Crush open my skull."
As you were heeding his last order, he was heeding yours, providing you the sensation of actions you asked for.
Yet another regret filled that heavy heart of yours.
