Read part three of this here
Arthur didn't know what to say after that because he himself had been thinking that he had never really known Merlin (And He was not going to admit it, but it had also hurt).
Merlin came into his life like a whirlwind of disaster and Arthur, who had fought all his life to be the prince his father wanted him to be, felt a slight threat that all his effort would fall apart. The boy continued to act like everything a subordinate should not: too talkative, too critical, too clumsy. Sometimes people heard him talk to him as if he were not a prince and Arthur had fear his father come and scold him.Then Merlin would ruin a dinner by spilling something or speaking ill of a nobleman and the stain would fall on Arthur.
Arthur knew he would be a problem from the moment his father made him his servant without consulting him.
And now here they are, in a lodge forgotten by the gods, wounded, confused, with a political problem that could cause a stir among the peasants and Merlin proved that Arthur was right in the beginning, it is a weakness to trust. Merlin has dared to humiliate him, challenge his beliefs, spit on Arthur's legacy...
And Arthur would be lying if he said he hadn't conscientiously allowed him to do so.
Just as Arthur allow him to call him names, to hit him back, to make jokes, to question his instructions, just as he allow him to have opinions that contradict everything that the council members instruct him. Merlin became the person he let see the side he let no one else see. The one he turned to for resonance for his thoughts and insecurities, and damn! The person whose advice he value the most. All because from the first moment many years ago that Merlin stood before him as if Arthur were a simple man, to defend what was right, Arthur knew that Merlin had something. Something he wanted, that he needed, that he craved: Merlin was honest.
Honest to values, honest to people and honest to oneself
But it was all a facade, right?
Merlin hadn't been honest with him in gods knows how long...
Merlin has magic. Powerful magic that has healed every single person in the room (except him, of course) and he didn't even mutter a word. He said that if he thinks he's learned magic then he's not what Arthur thinks he is, but what does that even mean in principle?
Arthur sees how Gwaine is the first to approach Merlin, and it's not that he doubts that he would be (Lancelot doesn't count because he doesn't seem to leave his side since everything happened). And he was quite of smiling, really, like there was a joke that only Gwaine knew about, but that's just Gwaine every day so it didn't surprise him. He was surprised that the next one to approach was Leon, solemn and stone faced as se is only when he presents in front of a knight who should not stay in the line of service by mutilation or old age, only to break to ruffle the hair over Merlin's forehead.
And it was all so confusing because HOW IS EVERYONE SO CALM ABOUT THIS? Because Arthur feels like he's the only one with thoughts rioting from two very disorganized and violent sides of his mind. Percival and Elyan haven't moved at all, but the former doesn't even seem surprised and the latter is too shocked.
(I'm opening parentheses here because I didn't want to mess the previous paragraphs, but note that Arthur doesn't exactly repeat what Merlin said in the previous fragment because even though he never said it out loud, he and Merlin cannot be defined as just "close").
At some point even Elyan and Percival approached Merlin and seemed to have so many questions but Arthur was so deep in his own thoughts that he didn't notice. Leon returned to his position as close to Arthur as he would allow, knowing that although Arthur probably wouldn't see him approach, he wouldn't really appreciate it as soon as he came to himself.
Night fell and no one slept, either because they were watching the captured, because they still didn't feel safe (Merlin) or because they had a lot to think about (Arthur).
As the sun began to show its first signs of rising, Arthur had a new resolution.
He walked faster and more determined than any of the knights could have prevented and ended up grabbing Merlin by the lapels of his jacket to slam him into the wall.
Seconds of expectant silence was all Arthur could bear before he repeated himself in a more aggressive voice, rolling out what could well have been a growl:
Feeling the contact of Merlin's palm against his wound, he turned his gaze there. Concentrated more than he should have in scars, veins, tendons... Any small detail that could distract him from the golden glow that would take away the cerulean gaze that was one of the few certainties he still held.
And as Merlin's accelerated breathing beat against his golden bangs, he can't help but notice that these are the hands of a worker. For while no one could attest that Merlin was even decent at his job, it was known that he still had a way of standing out in his very rare way
«Why didn't you do it before?» Arthur asked, looking up, once the warm sensation ended.
Arthur had thought that what made him stand out was that no one was more dedicated to him than Merlin, not his knights, nor the castle servants, not even those who had watched him grow up; and if someone as honest Merlin was so invested in him that had to mean something.
«You don't seem like the type to be comfortable with magic being used on them»
Perhaps that would be another certainty that remained after all but there was still so much to know before determining how deep the betrayal ran.
«You, the sorcerer who believes that Royalty it is corrupt, do you care about my comfort?»
But Merlin has no memory, right? Why would he care about Arthur? That still wouldn't erase that he is a liar.
« don't think deeply about it... Using magic on a few knights is not the same as using magic on the prince»
«You didn't want me to bleed out? To harm Camelot once and for all?»
«Cry me a river. That barely bled, You moron!»
THAT! That was a truth. And if Merlin can still be his absurd self, and his honesty is still there, then of all the doubts he has, only two might matter. Arthur was beginning to fear that the answer to whether Merlin feared him would be worse than hearing him say that it had always been a strategy to end the kingdom.
With a smile, too mocking for the nostalgia in Arthur's eyes, he finally asked:
«If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?»
The head of the Pendragons
A sea of blood for every drop spilled by a sorcerer
I don't know what to say. I don't even know what I just wrote.
It took me so long to continue this because I wanted to make this concept a proper fic. But i'm in a terrible block. Either way I want to give it closure (This is not the end! But soon) because I know how it ends and it's not a big deal, but the idea has to get out of my head somehow.
