"I should be getting him pregnant rn" - Invisigal, 20-something
Go my fictional scenario where, for some reason, all of one of the Z Team member's family (I'm leaning towards Malevola's, because she gives me the least "has family issues" vibes and it also feels like she'd a very big, very close extended family) insist that their gigantic polycule comes to, like, a kids eighteenth birthday or college graduation party or just a family reunion or something and, through sheer bitchiness of said persons bitchiness + their families pushy-ness + one of Robert's cringy inspirational speeches, they all eventually agree to go.
And they do. And, you know what, it's fine at the start. Sonar does not bring any coke nor do anything beforehand; Waterboy and Phenomaman are staying right next to each other (with Blond Blazer closely supervising) because they balance out each other's respective nervousness and lack of knowledge on human customs + bluntness; Coupé and Punch-Up promised not to get in fights with anybody and are keeping their promises. Hell, even though Flambae's arguing over the right way to grill kebabs, he wore a shirt that didn't V down to his happy trail like instructed because he knew their would be kids.
There's just enough alcohol and polite leaving-alone for all of them to have a good time without throwing punches, taking controlled substances, or cursing every other word. Like all family occasions, they get drawn into their own little circles of like-minds for a little while. And that's fine - That's great, actually. That means that they're all melding well with their new extended family. Everyone's delighted.
Eventually, though, all parties come to an end and you need to hobble back to your hotel room/house to sleep off the hangover and get yourself back together before the next day begins. So, pleasantly buzzed, the Z Team goes about congregating to do just that. Except it's taking way too long to find Robert for a guy that was just there like an hour ago. Accusations fly, a venue is turned upside down, property damage probably happens.
They do find him, of course they do. He was legit just in the front lawn. Except he's in the front lawn, holding a baby. Like, an six month old baby, or something along those lines. The mom is there too, perfectly nice but obviously exhausted; maybe a little young to have a kid already. And they're just talking. Robert's rocking the baby and involving it in the conversation and making funny little faces and noises down at it - And oh, he looks so, so sweet whenever the baby tries to say his name, even though it comes out less like "Robert" and more like "Rarwer."
Cue quote in the title which leads to unanimous agreement from the rest of them as they all immediately either get baby fever or realize that maybe they do like and want kids, actually, and then get baby fever.
(Note: I'm referring to the year which the quote was said in the title, not her age. Just to be clear.)
Everyone seemed to like my Fae Robert au so here ya go. How to ignore all the signs you're not a normie 101 by Robert Robertson the third
Robert doesn't like mirrors.
More specifically, he doesn't like his reflection.
It's not that he's ugly. He knows from comments and compliments he's received over the years that despite how plain he looks, he's still considered hansom by many. There's not really any one part of his reflection that he can point to and say he dislikes.
It just looks wrong.
It's always looked wrong. For as long as he could remember.
Robert remembers being 8, looking in the bathroom mirror and poking his face, making different expressions, trying to figure out what was bugging him about his appearance. He'd tried explaining the issue to Chase once.
"Sounds like the uncanny valley effect. Maybe you just don't see your reflection that often, so you're not used to it?" He'd suggested.
After Robert had his ear injury, he stared at the mirror even more, his hand traced over the hole, or tried to at least. He'd always flinch away, his ears had always felt really sensitive, and it made touching them or having them covered a difficult task.
Over the years he'd just accepted it, thought that maybe it was some strange kind of face blindness. It just became a random fact about himself, a minor oddity added to the pile.
Robert Robertson had a dog.
Robert Robertson was good at hacking.
Robert Robertson found his own reflection unsettling to look at.
It wasn't just limited to mirrors, though. Photographs and videos of him, Robert felt like he was looking at someone else and not himself.
The TV's in the shop window played back his disaster of a press conference, and Robert tipped back his drink so he wouldn't have to look at the video of himself beating up that ridiculous journalist.
If having to stare at his face in the shop windows when he was just trying to walk home hadn't been bad enough, he then proceeds to get beat by some second rate thieves and had to be rescued by Blond Blazer.
At least she didn't seem to think he was too pathetic, taking him to get a drink at the nearby hero bar. Robert was surprised he was let in, afterall Mecha Man wasn't a hero anymore, and he was sure everyone in the city and their grandmother had seen his disastrous press conference.
When he had taken a sip of Blazer's drink that he'd assumed was water, the burn of what was basically straight alcohol in his mouth was surprising but not unfamiliar. He coughed for a moment before swallowing down his sip, not exactly keen on spitting it everywhere.
"Wow, I'm surprised you swallowed that" Blazer said as Robert passed her drink back.
"Not my first time drinking something that potent. I usually prefer adding a sweener or something to it instead of drinking it plain though" the burn was already gone from the back of his throat and Robert could feel that he was kicked into being a little buzzed, which he preferred to the previous drinks he'd had that night that had still left him sober.
"Yeah. The powers, they make it hard for me to feel... anything, so 90% alcohol it is just to get tipsy" Blazer explained, and Robert nodded along.
"Damn, now I feel out-depressed. I just have a high alcohol tolerance so it's unfortunately expensive to get shitfaced, which as you know I can't afford anymore" Robert went back to sipping on his beer and wondered idly if he should just chug it.
"Well, maybe we can do something about that situation" Blazer said. Robert gave her a questioning look to which she stood up.
"Come on, let's talk somewhere more private" She led Robert out of the bar, but as he left, he could've sworn he felt a pair of eyes on him. He didn't bother to look back to see who was staring at him, even when the hairs on the back of his neck rose and the vaguely familiar scent of smoke and burnt coals came to him.
My dispatch photo cards are finally up on my Etsy store so if you love dispatch and want to help out a small business then check them out! (Link in pinned post)
