#blorpowrimo

[sunriseantebellum]

“love letter to a druid”

dew you know that i’m in love with you? surely you must. (yes, i made a plant joke, for you, who makes things grow.) my heart hasn’t been the same since i’ve known you. it sometimes feels as if it’s in thorns’ grasp when i cannot help but let the longing fill me. then there are days where i feel my heart bloom, when you smile at me and the weight of the world fades away. i’ve said it before: i’m yours— i understand if that’s something you’d rather not take with you, though i rather you would. but it doesn’t matter what i want, because that involves things we cannot have, like you and i growing old together and settling down. in a perfect world, we wake up slow like nothing matters. there is no anxiety of responsibility or fear of death. for now, i’ll take what i can get. for now, it is enough to stay up past dawn, walking with your hand in mine in the morning dew.

— j.a.

escapril day 21: dew

[sunriseantebellum]

“stronger than any spell”

the thing about trying to be good all the time is that if it outweighs your will often enough, you will not know any other way to be.

when it is all you are, anything less than obedience can make you feel incomplete, and free will becomes a mythical song for those in captivity.

so call me enchanted and order me around— the weak are lightweights at the first sip of power. the only one strong enough to break this curse is me.

— j.a.

escapril day 20: trying to be good

[sunriseantebellum]

“everyday gentleness”

there is something very gentle in the way we work together, like how gold is used to line the cracks so that what was once missing can now feel whole.

i am trying to say you complete me, in the most an actual, literal way. we do the things the other cannot, and we take over where the other lacks.

i’ll pick the movie, you bring the snacks and drinks. i can take scrolling through all of netflix’s categories as long as you don’t eat all the popcorn on the way.

you captain the long drive, i’ll make the 6-hour playlist. i know the drive’s only 3 hours, but i’ve accounted for skips and repeats when we argue about accounting for taste.

i’ll peel off the stickers and tape, you can handle the jars. if you can’t, then you’ll make me laugh and make a mess; we’ll clean it up together and i’ll dress your wounds if needed.

you are not gentle—neither am i, if we’re being honest. i am too intense and bright and you are too cynical and dark, but there is nothing gentler than helping each other. let me.

— j.a.

escapril day 15: something very gentle

[sunriseantebellum]

“jon vs. time”

for jonathan larson

actions speak louder than words, but the voices yours carry deserve to be heard. give them a melody— who can resist a song? life is lived in measures; we only have so long until it’s over & we have to face the music: the pressure of youth is to be great before you lose it. time follows no metronome but the sound is the same so you chase as it runs, learn to play the game. the space between rejection & recognition is a fine line; the chance to be great is once-in-a-lifetime, like turning thirty or seeing halley’s comet. tick, tick—blink & you’ll miss it.

— j.a.

escapril day 23: blink & you’ll miss it

[sunriseantebellum]

“five answers to one question”

after Faisal Mohyuddin

1. a karmic fate, but an escapable one if only you know how to follow the rules. natural law states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction; that is, every choice creates its own reward and punishment.

2. nothing but an exercise of the human mind— which is not nothing at all. all products begin as ideas and imagination is the first step to creation, after all. with enough will, anything imagined can be created.

3. in yourself: your striving for perfection, your inability to love. in the end, it is when you lose everything that makes you human, which is what brought you here in the first place. maybe you had good intentions. it wasn’t enough.

4. other people—in the comment section, in government offices, in the next room. it is easy to spot once you decide what side you’re on. but that also makes it just as easy to ignore.

5. empty, but only because it cannot be pinpointed to one specific location— it destroys and creates as needed. its population is innumerable; all its tenants are here.

— j.a.

escapril day 18: act of creation

[sunriseantebellum]

“internal love triangle”

after richard siken’s “birds hover the trampled field”

the enormity of my desire disgusts me. an odd number of things are at war in my being: love, desire, and duty— and between these, there is no fair fight. you have thrown me completely off balance and i cannot—will not be made weak; not when you are all i have ever wanted and everything i must deny. i have long tried to snuff out the need for love; to learn that there are things that must be done simply because i must. i do not wish to long for a reason to breathe—it cannot be you; not when every moment in your presence threatens to transfigure such an insupportable desire into something i never wished to name. do not come any closer, or it will be impossible to imagine a place far enough for my desire to be unable to reach you.

— j.a.

escapril day 11: an odd number of...

[sunriseantebellum]

“pandora’s box, post Y2K”

they warned us about this. ancient myths tell us of boxes that should remain closed— but curiosity is a stubborn compulsion and a formidable beast to tame.

the internet as we know it was invented before the turn of the modern century, and just like opening pandora’s box, the world was exposed to a multitude of evils, every ugliness about humanity within your eye’s reach through a network where everyone is need-to-know.

but never forget—at the bottom of the box is hope. perhaps it means people can still be good despite despite despite all the horrors we’ve seen, if only we look deeper.

— j.a.

escapril day 25: computer

[sunriseantebellum]

“Differential Companionship (Or, Whatever Drs. House & Wilson Have Going On)”

Everybody lies It’s about needing to find what’s wrong It’s about knowing what’s good for you It’s about heeding advice,             or not It’s about making mistakes                It’s about getting a fix for them It’s about trying again when it doesn’t take the first time                                   (Or the second time, or the third time)

Everybody dies It’s about wanting to burn it all down It’s about leaving apologies unspoken It’s about confessing,      now or never It’s about looking for a cure         It’s about keeping life worthwhile It’s about not letting the person you love die alone—                           Do I still need to tell you why I’m here?

— j.a.

escapril day 8: _____ as medicine