#body iage

[witch-rising-blog]

The interview went fairly well. I was definitely not present at times, but I was present for most of it. I was in my body for most of it. I feel somewhat proud of myself for not bailing on the interview and answering questions honestly. I didn’t just say what I thought she wanted to hear and I was very open about what my weaknesses and strengths truly are.

The manager said if I don’t get a job at the specific Starbucks I was at today, then she would help me get interviews at other Starbucks in the area. I feel if she didn’t like something about me, then she would have never offered to do something like that.

So...overall...I definitely conquered a fear today. And while I feel insecure about having to apply for jobs such as Starbucks or other retail jobs, I am trying to realize the job I hold at 23 doesn’t define my life. Yes, most people I went to high school with are in graduate/medical school, but I have things to give to people they don’t--not necessarily better things, but just different things, different experiences. Once I get my degree and can decide what further education I want to pursue, I will have the opportunity to bring different experiences to the table compared to someone who went straight through high school to college to graduate school.

[inthemidstofallthismadness]

Insecurities Exposed

When I stand in front of a mirror and look hard at my body, I can, just like most every other girl, and quite a few boys, find flaws and imperfections everywhere. I often am a bundle of insecurites, rolled up into a big giant mess. But, I have always been reluctant to discuss my somtimes poor body image because of response from family and "friends" in the past. Always it has been, "Stop complaining, look at me!", "Oh, be quiet, you're being ridiculous!", "You're just looking for some attention, you already know how gorgeous you are.". Because I have always been thin, done well at school and sports, played an instrument relativly well and excelled in the arts, the people closest to me forgot that when I look in the mirror, that is not what I see. I know comments like that are for the most part, well-placed. But, I often come away, feeling only worse. I have learned to be ashamed of my insecurites, to be afraid to talk about them for fear of backlash. But the thing is, I need to talk about them. Just like girls and boys everywhere that have huge insecurities that are overlooked just because to others, things look "pretty". Everyone, no matter what their insecurity may be,might it be being too thin, being too fat, not acing a test, not passing a grade, everyone needs someone they can go to to be able to share their worries about themselves without judgement. I know first hand just how destructive insecurities can be, and just how some people can refuse to acknowledge that they exist for you too, despite the fact that you lead, "a perfect life". I do not say this all to sound whiney,I do not say this all to sound entitled. But I refuse to apoligize for standing up for the fact that everyone needs support when it comes to self, and body image, not just those that seem obvious. Because, we all deserve to be able to stand in front of the mirror and not only say, 'I'm beautiful.", but to mean it, and to feel it.