Using @smelt-starverse 's excellent template, I've devised my ideal Poker Night at the Inventory 3 cast:
Explanations for each choice and their bounty items below:
While GLaDOS is certainly a tough act to follow, I think The Narrator is an apt choice despite the unpredictability of gambling going against his usual adherence to a strict path. Stanley Parable has collaborated with numerous indie games before (Portal, Minecraft, Firewatch, Rocket League, etc) so The Inventory is the perfect place for the Narrator to relax and entertain himself with commentating on the Player's inadvisable poker strategies. If, like GLaDOS, he ever had to offer his own bounty item, he'd probably offer the player a Stanley Figurine, with no corresponding TF2 item (because you haven't collected all six of them. And yes, you can only get this one.)
Robert Robertson III is more than just the main character of one of the most popular indie games in recent months, he's also the creation of another group of ex-Telltale devs (as evidenced by the Banang cameo in the final chapter). I'm admittedly not sure what sort of relationship Skunkape Games has with AdHoc, but Robert would be the perfect 'straight man' for this quartet of characters. Unlocking the Dispatch themed cards and table would transform the Inventory into a replica of the SDN break room (which The Narrator would appreciate as "A pleasantly familiar environment"). As for his bounty item, in the same vein as Brock Samson buying in with the already-busted Orb, I think he'd use one of his Astral Pulse replicas because hey, the other four players won't know the difference, right? In TF2 this would probably either unlock a "Mecha Mann" helmet for Heavy or an SDN headset and disheveled work shirt for Scout.
With Sam and Max already established names at the Inventory, it'd be too easy to just have either one of them get another turn. I think it's time for another comic character turned Telltale game star to be dealt in, and IMO there's only one knucklehead right for the job. Jeff Smith's own Phoncible P. Bone, whose Telltale game released after Telltale Texas Hold 'Em and a year before Sam & Max Save The World (and he is, frankly, outraged that he wasn't called in for this sooner). He'd be the Strong Bad/Ash of the table, his overconfidence and greed making him bluff and bet with minimal tactics for maximum hypothetical profit. Unlocking the Bone themed cards and table would turn the Inventory into the Barrelhaven Tavern, complete with Lucius Down tending bar. His bounty item is Fone's copy of Moby Dick, which Reginald immediately recognizes as a rare and valuable antique. (Phoney definitely knew that ahead of time, and definitely isn't just pawning off his cousin's book to stop him from reading it aloud.) This would unlock a Mystery Cow cosmetic set for Pyro.
Many people have cooked up a potential Poker Night 3 cast that included a Deadlock character, and I can understand why. It's Valve's hot new thing, and the general mood and aesthetic of its cast lends itself well to a poker game serenaded by smooth jazz. That being said, this is my cast, I haven't played Deadlock, and I think Ms. Pauling deserves a night at the Inventory after what she's been through in the comics. She'd be the most shrewd card shark of the bunch, even more so than Robert, and it'd be great to hear Ashley Burch getting to do dialogue for Pauling that has nothing to do with contracts for once. She could find some common ground with Robert, having similar "telling specialists what to do over a phone" jobs, though he'd become increasingly unnerved by her anecdotes. Unlocking the TF2 themed cards and table turns the Inventory into a Mann Co. Halloween party, with Pauling wearing her G&G Dungeon Master costume from that one Scream Fortress comic. Her bounty item is the final piece of Australium, because if you can't find a deep enough trench, handing it off to someone who doesn't even exist in your setting is close enough, right? She's not gonna think about the implications too much. Winning it gets you her derringer as a reskin for, I dunno, the Shortstop? The Enforcer? Still figuring that out.
As much as I'd like to include a Warner Bros character in this cast, the current sorry state of affairs with that studio has me doubtful that Skunkape could negotiate the rights for any of their characters. In lieu of that, this Poker Night cast leans a lot more on the video game side of things (though Phoney and technically Ms. Pauling originate from comics). And hey, people already play these games mostly just for the dialogue, so why not invite the most talkative smartass in recent gaming history? The Prince of the Underworld is here, he's taking a break from his security job, and he has NO idea how to play poker. But surely these mortals won't notice, right? Zagreus is the wild card of the group, letting his charming wit do most of the work as he gambles away an Athenian king's ransom. He'd likely assume Phoney is just a smaller skeleton man similar to his favorite training partner, rather than a cartoonish anthropomorphism of a singular bone. (Phoney would be more angry about correcting him, but he's too busy focusing on how much bigger the pot is after Zag's turn.) Unlocking the Hades themed cards and table would transform the Inventory into the House of Hades' Lounge, complete with columns, rugs, a revolving prism-sphere, and the Head Chef tending bar. You might even hear a certain old man temporarily substituting The Narrator. Defeating the Son of Hades (which likely won't be difficult) earns you the bounty of a genuine bottle of Ambrosia, though Zagreus cautions it isn't meant to be consumed by mortals, in case the Player is indeed mortal. This would unlock a laurel wreath hat and Ambrosia bottle reskin for the Demoman, since Zagreus never told you NOT to beat people over the head with the priceless vintage liquor of the gods.
This may be an unlikely long shot of a cast (especially Phoney, as much as my inner child would love to see him again) but it's arguably just as unlikely as the first two games' casts would've been. Let me know what you think of this lineup, what interactions you think would happen, or just make your own if you want. Here's where I got the template.
