growing up with a borderline mom means never knowing when things are truly okay. it's about constantly looking for signs of her being upset, then begging her to look at you after she locks herself up in her own misery– pleading, "i'm not your enemy, don't try to fight me again, it hurts."
i know to pay attention to the sound of her footsteps– is she in a rush, or is she angry again? when she tells me we're okay, am i allowed to take that at face value? can i trust her to be honest with me, or should i have learned to gauge her unspoken demands by now?













