Beautiful Borderline Junkie

My life living with Borderline Personality Disorder and opiate addiction.

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Needle Free For 5+ Weeks Now

My fiancé and I had hit an all time low just over a month ago. We had been living at his parents house (no, that wasn't our low..) while we were out his mother went into our room and found all of our needles, wash and every other piece of paraphernalia you can imagine. She LOST it and kicked us out, punched me and left bruises all up my arms. She had one of her pugs in my name because she had too many so I fucking made her buy him back from me for $200, ha! So that all sucked but what came next got about 100x worse. We were living in his Dad's work van, that was the final fucking straw for me.. I had mom pick me up and drive me to a shelter, I left my fiancé an told him that I'm fucking DONE with the opiates and needles, this was my rock bottom. We're seeing each other again now, taking things slow but were both needle free and able to wear short sleeves for summer because our arms are cleared up!

[crypticmeth-blog]

[bioshockinfinites-deactivated20]

Life in Pictures: Jemima Kirke

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Love her

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Jemima Kirke

...kinda in love with her <3

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Valium has saved my day..

Now that the benzos have kicked in, I do believe it's time to shoot a nice wash into my veins so I can feel the rush spread threw my body .. Mmm

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

PORT PERRY OR OSHAWA PEOPLE

Does anyone have any good h connects? Or hydro connects? I need some badly!!! Especially H! Help a sister out! Lol

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Fucking Detox.

So been waiting 2 months to get this ball moving and now he tells me that there's a chance that I might not even be accepted!? Seriously?? I'm healthy 24 with BPD I need HELP! How can they turn someone physically healthy down? I want off methadone and I want to get into rehab (who wants me in the next couple weeks) and I'm not sure if this is even going to happen now. Some health care system Canada.. Fuck you!

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Holy fucking fuck, I'm FUCKED!

Yup absolutely dickered.. high and low all at once! Speedball nation! Ironic with that same it doesn't include speed! lol! Now if only I could sleep.. Time for some more low.. Detox pre-party! Goodnight.. Please pray for me to get some sleep.. Thanks! ;)

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Detox

Holy SHIT.. Holy SHIT.. HOLY FUCKING SHIT... I'm really sitting waiting to be called for my detox consultation right now!!!! Holy fuck me man! I can't wait to get drugs after! Gotta find a hook up in Toronto though... Anybody out there that can help a siesta out!?

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

My day..

I'm off to pick up my kitty (Kiki) then I'm off to my detox consultation

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Family

Family used to be one of the MOST important things in my life! As my drug use has increased my family life has slowly drifted away. My siblings are growing up and seeing my true colours. I can't wait to change and be PERMANENTLY sober so I can have my family as my best Friends again. I have my detox consultation tomorrow <3

[na-das-ist-ja-ganz-bezaubernd]

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

no one ever could understand. @beautifulborderlinejunkie

[shitborderlinesdo]

To be borderline is to have little sense of who you are or what turns you on. At its extreme, it may mean having to turn to others for cues in order to know when to eat or drink, work or rest, or even laugh or cry. It may mean intensely embracing a person, idea, or thing one day, and having no use at all for it the next. This lack of a constant picture of one’s self, one’s values, or one’s passions is at the heart of the borderline personality. Imagine floating randomly through space without any sense of up or down and without a map to show you either your origin or destination. To be borderline means to lack grounding emotionally and to exist from moment to moment without any sense of continuity, predictability, or meaning. Life is experienced in fragments, more like a series of snapshots than a moving picture. It is a series of discreet points of experience that fail to flow together smoothly or to create an integrated whole.

Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder (via shitborderlinesdo)

[justjasper]

cat doesn’t want to get out of nice warm bath [x]

[hypnotically-deactivated2016052]

this cat feels me.

[anniezard]

Oh no onsen kitten is back on my dash

Oh no I have to reblog it

Oh nooooooooooooo

[poupon]

oh yes, annie. oh yes.

[rabbivole]

oh my god i still feel terrible but this helps some

this poor dumb baby

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

D'awwww this is sweet!

[shootcops-deactivated20150617]

The question is frequently asked: “Why does a man become a drug addict?” The answer is that he usually does not intend to become an addict. You don’t wake up one morning and decide to be a drug addict. It takes at least three months’ shooting twice a day to get any habit at all. And you don’t really know what junk sickness is until you have had several habits. It took me almost six months to get my first habit, and then the withdrawal symptoms were mild. I think it no exaggeration to say it takes about a year and several hundred injections to make an addict. The questions, of course, could be asked: Why did you ever try narcotics? Why did you continue using it long enough to become an addict? You become a narcotics addict because you do not have strong motivations in the other direction. Junk wins by default. I tried it as a matter of curiosity. I drifted along taking shots when I could score. I ended up hooked. Most addicts I have talked to report a similar experience. They did not start using drugs for any reason they can remember. They just drifted along until they got hooked. If you have never been addicted, you can have no clear idea what it means to need junk with the addict’s special need. You don’t decide to be an addict. One morning you wake up sick and you’re an addict.

William S. Burroughs - Junky, Prologue, p. xxxvii (via shootcops)

This is so true!

[beautifulborderlinejunkie]

Slitting My Wrists Deep. [See Pictures I Posted]

     I've been self-harming since I was probably 11 or so. I never really cut too deep, only enough to see a little blood that bubbles out of the cut but it would barely drip out.

    Now the other day my boyfriend and I were bickering which is normal but the stress level for me was growing quite rapidly and I was trying to explain that to him but he wasn't getting it. I've been on the verge of a mental break down all week but when I tried to explain that to my man he would just say he was stressed out too and that things aren't always about me. 

     So I went into the bathroom and took one of those plastic disposable razors and chewed the plastic off of around the blade (my normal self-harm routine.) Something about aggressively biting the plastic off of the razor helps me release my tension and anger. After the plastic was all chewed off I sliced my wrist, this happened easier than normal and I applied a shit load of pressure, enough to earn me 3 layers of stitches anyways. Fuck that made me feel good, the high it gives me is incredible, hurt myself physically to help me forget about all of my emotional pain, which hurts much deeper and is much more painful.

     Now the way my blood POURED out of my arm was amazing and scarey at the same time. Trying to clean it up with my good hand while trying to only let my blood drip POUR onto the heaping pile of toilet paper that I put on the floor was definitely a challenge! I was worried about staining my man's moms white tiled floor so I called him in for help. Now daily I fantasize about what would've happened if I hadn't called him in. Was this laceration deep enough to kill me? A cut that deep used to scare me and I used to think it'd be to hard to do. Now that I know how easy it is to cut that deep I'm afraid of what I might do when I have anxiety attacks, or any sort of BPD 'episode'. Oh I need to get into rehab soon. I need help.

[idreamerz]