“And for the first time that he could remember, he felt fucking safe” Jagnus Ps: I love your fics
Magnus heaved a deep sigh as he slowly sat down on his favorite armchair, using his magic to summon a very strong cocktail. He had earned it, after the night he had had.
At first, Magnus startled. He hadn’t lived with someone in so long, he wasn’t used to this anymore. Constantly having someone around his loft. Opening his eyes again, Magnus turned to look at his roommate. His eyes darkened in appreciation as he saw that Jace was only wearing low-riding sweat-pants, hair slick with sweat and messy as Jace had brushed it out of his face.
“I could just open a portal and go to wherever it is evening by now, but quite frankly, I am exhausted”, countered Magnus unimpressed, glaring at him. “And if you plan on lecturing me on my alcohol consume, you will come to regret it, little Shadowhunter.”
“Lecturing?”, huffed Jace and flopped down next to Magnus. “Hand me a glass too.”
Raising one curious eyebrow, Magnus summoned a glass of whiskey for Jace, handing it to the blonde. “Well then, that is far less sad than drinking alone. What are we drinking to?”
“I’m drinking to my little brother telling me to my face I’m not actually his brother. Because the woman I’ve been thinking of as a mother has spent the past weeks implementing that thought in his mind”, snarled Jace with a self-reprimanding smile, lifting his glass. “What about you?”
“I’m drinking to one of your sisters getting my son addicted to her blood”, drawled Magnus.
Jace raised both his eyebrows at that and stared blankly, while Magnus clanked their glasses together. “W—What did you just…”
Magnus shrugged and tilted his head. “It’s most likely not my place to tell you, then again your dear parabatai threw a fuss that I didn’t notice it sooner and didn’t tell him sooner, so I suppose you deserve to know it too. Apparently, dear Isabelle has developed an addiction to yin fen and she started getting Raphael hooked. My boy… I haven’t seen him this broken in a long time.”
Somehow, Jace felt even more hollow at that. Alec knew? And neither Alec nor Izzy had told him? Considering how shitty he had been feeling since Max’s runing party at the Institute… This only made him feel even less like he was a part of the family. Maryse’s half-assed apology hadn’t really helped either. A personal crisis should not make you abandon your family. If they actually were your family. But Alec had told Jace what Maryse had said to him while Jace had been held captive on the Morning Star. He had told Jace after the runing party.
“Robert cheated on Maryse”, stated Jace, eyes unfocused as he took a slow drink.
“Somehow, I can’t find it in myself to be surprised”, drawled Magnus sarcastically. “The woman has been nothing but cold and frigid every time I met her. And from what Isabelle has told me about her childhood and the emotional neglect…”
Jace huffed at that, a bitter expression on his face. It was not comparable to what Michael – Valentine – had put Jace through during his childhood, but he knew that Maryse’s way or treating Isabelle had crippled Isabelle emotionally. Half the time, Jace was pretty sure that it was at fault for the strings of one-night-stands, the lack of friends, the… inability to form genuine human bonds. Though Isabelle and Magnus, they had grown close ever since the warlock had first offered them their help. Both Isabelle and Alec had befriended the warlock. Jace, he wasn’t quite so sure. From day one, he had the feeling that Magnus didn’t really like him. Then again, on day one, it looked like Magnus would persuade Alec – just to in the end give up on it when he noticed just how deep in the closet Alec really was. By now, Alec had come out, taking things at his own pace.
“Guess Alec blaming you for not telling him puts a damper on whatever you have?”, asked Jace.
“We don’t have anything”, huffed Magnus amused. “Your parabatai is delectable and very impressive, but I’m too old to chase after someone in the closet. Me trying to forcibly push him out of the closet and forcing him to go public with something he, only weeks ago, hadn’t even been able to say aloud. No… I truly am too old for that cat and mouse game.”
Jace hummed in acknowledgment at that, emptying his drink. He made an appreciative sound when his glass filled up again, blue magic floating between the glass and Magnus’ hand.
“Handy”, grinned Jace pleased. “So, you and Raphael…? I didn’t realize you were that close.”
“I took him in when he was a fledgling vampire”, sighed Magnus, emptying his own drink. “He is… the closest I have to a son. The closest I’ll ever have to a son. Seeing him like this…”
“How… How is he?”, asked Jace slowly, frowning.
Sighing again, Magnus shook his head. “Not very good. And that Isabelle continues trying to come back for more, tempting him… it’s not helping…”
Jace slumped down on the couch, emptying his second drink. A welcomed silence fell between them as they continued drinking. It was nice. Companionable. And it definitely felt less pathetic than Magnus’ usual daytime drinking all on his own.
The next time they drank together before noon, neither of them spoke. Not even when Jace sat down next to Magnus. Magnus just immediately summoned a hard drink for him. They didn’t even attempt to banter about reasons for day-drinking. Jace had just tried to sacrifice himself to save the Downworld, just for it to backfire. Innocent Downworlders – warlocks, vampires, werewolves and Seelies alike. They had died and Magnus knew Jace blamed himself. A part of Magnus wanted to encourage the blonde, tell him that it was not his fault. After all, Magnus had been there when Jace had made the decision. The decision that his own life was worth giving for the Downworld. If there was anyone who knew that Jace’s intentions had been pure and selfless. Maybe a bit – lot – suicidal. But Magnus knew that Jace had never meant for anyone to be hurt.
A part of Magnus wanted to tell Jace all of this. The bigger part of Magnus was just so tired of losing his own people to Valentine’s vile genocidal attempts. The warlocks at his old place. The warlocks on the Morning Star. Now the warlocks in the Institute. Magnus was just bone-tired. Grief-struck and tired. He emptied another drink, filling Jace’s glass up too.
Magnus startled when someone refilled his glass. He looked up bleary-eyed to see his roommate sitting down next to him after taking a swig from the bottle. Blinking slowly, Magnus took a drink.
“Got another bottle?”, asked Jace as he finished this one.
Huffing, Magnus summoned another bottle, as well as a glass for Jace. Today had been hard on them both. Having been hijacked by Valentine of all people. Being tortured. The memories… Memories he had been suppressing for centuries now. His hand shook as he took another slow, deep drink. The day hadn’t exactly been rosy for Jace either though. Having been captured by Valentine, hurt by his father once again. Magnus was the one who had found Jace, beaten, knocked out in the bedroom. The warlock still remembered the state – physical and mental – Jace had been in when he had first moved in, after the Morning Star. Reaching out, Magnus cupped Jace’s face, hand glowing blue as he used his magic to heal the injuries Valentine had caused.
“The physical part can be healed”, sighed Magnus lowly.
“True”, grunted Jace, downing another glass of whiskey. “…How are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m perfectly fine, sweetheart”, drawled Magnus.
“Yeah, I’m not buying that shit”, snorted Jace, both eyebrows raised. “I’ve been playing this game for years, Bane. Lying that you’re fine when you’re trying to suppress memories.”
“You’re better than expected”, hummed Magnus, cocking one eyebrow.
“Like I said, I’ve been playing that game for years”, huffed Jace. “I know what it looks like when you’re haunted by flashbacks of the past. That far-off, empty stare you had on when I walked in.”
“I’m impressed”, admitted Magnus, running his fingers along the glass.
“You don’t have to talk about it”, whispered Jace with a shrug. “Just… if you want to, I’ll listen. I know a thing or two about being held captive and tortured, you know.”
Magnus smiled thinly and shook his head. It wasn’t even the torture itself, it were the memories of how his parents had died. But then again, if there was one thing Jace knew about too, it was watching your parent die. That was the moment it hit him how much the two had in common.
Magnus’ eyes darkened as he looked at Jace, watching the way Jace swallowed his drink and ran his fingers through his hair, making the golden hair fall down around his face. He was gorgeous. Leaning over toward Jace, Magnus reached a hand out to rest on Jace’s thigh.
“You know, I don’t want to talk about it, but there is… something else you could do.”
“Are you… coming onto me, Bane?”, asked Jace surprised, one eyebrow raised.
“Depends on your reaction”, hummed Magnus, slowly slipping his his hand down Jace’s thigh.
The next moment, Jace surged forward, grabbing Magnus by the collar and pulling him into a slightly bruising kiss. Magnus smirked as his teeth nicked Jace’s lips. Wrapping an arm around Jace’s waist, he pulled the blonde closer and closer, until Jace was literally sitting on his lap. When they parted, the blonde was panting and looking at Magnus from half-lid eyes, pupils blown and lips swollen. Oh, this was a very good look on the Shadowhunter. Smirking, Magnus allowed his hand to slip from Jace’s waist to cup the blonde’s ass, making him gasp in surprise.
“Interesting”, whispered Magnus curiously, eyes dark as he squeezed again and made Jace mewl.
“Shut up”, growled the Shadowhunter, cheeks red in embarrassment.
“How about… you make me shut up, in the bedroom?”, suggested Magnus, voice like velvet.
Jace shuddered and arched into Magnus’ touch. The warlock reached out to grab Jace by the thighs, right below the swell of his ass, hoisting him up. A gasp escaped Jace as he was manhandled around like that, lifted up and carried like he weighed nothing. Magnus smirked wickedly, knowing exactly what he was doing to Jace. Once in the bedroom, Magnus essentially threw Jace onto the bed, making the blonde gasp. Reaching out, Jace pulled Magnus down with him, into a deep kiss. Both started tugging on each other’s clothes rather harshly, a couple buttons coming off when unbuttoning Magnus’ shirt proved to be too complicated.
“Impatient much, little Shadowhunter?”, growled Magnus amused.
“It’s been a while”, countered Jace irritated, kicking off his pants.
Magnus hummed amused and reached down to cup the blonde’s cock, palming it a couple of times, making Jace groan in pleasure. Though then Jace grabbed Magnus by the shoulders and pushed him down. It was a gentle push, but it told Magnus exactly where the blonde wanted him.
“What? You said I should shut you up in the bedroom. This is a suggestion on how to shut you up”, smirked Jace with a wink, spreading his legs in invitation.
Chuckling, Magnus obeyed and opened up wide, engulfing Jace’s cock with his mouth. Jace moaned in a drawn-out way and bucked up. Humming around the cock in his mouth, Magnus pinned Jace by the waist and started sucking him off. After a while, with Jace’s melodic moaning accompanying him, Magnus used magic to coat his fingers in lube and slowly breached Jace’s puckered entrance. Jace gasped in a strangled way as one of Magnus’ fingers slipped in.
“Fu—uck, Bane w… what are d… o—oh…”, moaned Jace, eyes closed in bliss.
Magnus smirked around Jace’s cock as he added a second finger, digging for Jace’s prostate and rubbing it teasingly while sucking the blonde off. Slowly, Jace seemed to melt beneath him, mewling and whining, fingers clawed into the sheets. It was actually rather endearing.
“Ma—ag…”, drawled Jace out as he orgasmed.
Magnus swallowed most of the cum, licking his lips as he scissored Jace throughout his orgasm. The blonde was boneless as he sprawled out on the bed, sweat glistering on his sun-kissed skin. Kissing the inside of Jace’s thigh, Magnus started nibbling it, leaving a hickey. When he pulled his fingers out of Jace, he started kissing up Jace’s six-pack, wrapping his lips around one of Jace’s nipples. Jace was looking at him with hooded eyes, looking sated.
“Spread your legs some more, blondie”, prompted Magnus, slapping Jace’s flank once.
Raising his eyebrows, Jace slowly spread his legs in invitation, wrapping them around Magnus’ waist and pulling him closer. With magic, Magnus lubed his cock up before slowly slipping it into the loosened hole. Still Jace was so tight. Magnus closed his eyes and groaned as more and more of his cock found its way into that tight, hot hole. Jace’s fingers dug into Magnus’ shoulders, scratching him as he was desperately trying to pull Magnus closer and deeper into himself.
“Fu—uck, how are you so thick?”, asked Jace with gritted teeth.
Laughing, Magnus pushed deeper into Jace. “You’re rather endearing, little Shadowhunter.”
“Shut up, Bane”, growled Jace, biting Magnus’ neck.
Magnus gasped at that, picking up the speed and fucking Jace harder. The blonde beneath him made the hottest sounds every time Magnus hit his prostate. Closing his eyes, Magnus buried his face in Jace’s neck as he came deep inside the blonde. Both were panting and trying to catch their breaths. After a few moments, Magnus rolled off Jace, wrapping one arm around Jace’s shoulders.
“This was… exactly what I needed”, sighed Jace contently, eyes closed.
“Agreed”, hummed Magnus with a pleased and sated look, closing his eyes.
Occasions to drink before evening seemed to keep piling up and while Magnus was getting the disappointed looks and lectures from Catarina, Raphael and Luke, he could always count on Jace needing a drink just as much as he did. When Valentine escaped, Magnus and Jace got so drunk, they just passed out on the couch together. Every day seemed to call for at least a quick drink. Often, they’d end up in Magnus’ bedroom. Drinking and fucking meant they’d just be too exhausted to think of all the pain, everything that had happened in the past months.
The weird thing was when they started opening up to each other. When Jace had found out he was actually a Herondale, when he found out about his mother’s suicide, Magnus found it in himself to tell Jace about his own mother’s suicide. Hearing about Jace’s childhood of abuse at Valentine’s hand made Magnus feel just a little understood about his time with Asmodeus. It wasn’t the same, but it was somehow closer than Magnus had ever been able to feel with someone.
“I just… Being the High Warlock, it’s… all I was for too long now”, sighed Magnus, gently running his fingers along Jace’s arm as the blonde was curled against him. “It was what defined me for so long. I don’t know what to do. Yes, I have my clients still, but… Lorenzo! He comes in here, taking my position. If it were Catarina, or someone else who has been a part of this community for decades, but Lorenzo just… comes in here, taking everything from me.”
“You’ll get it back”, hummed Jace distracted, nuzzling into Magnus’ neck.
“Really?”, drawled Magnus, playing with Jace’s hair. “That’s all you have to say?”
“Yeah”, shrugged Jace, tilting his head some. “You’re Magnus Bane. This dude’s got nothing on you. Everyone in the community loves you. And sure, siding with the Seelie Queen was the singularly dumbest thing you have ever done, but your intention was to protect your people, so… not really sure why they would punish you for it? You’re benched. But you’ll get back out there. Look at me. I was treated like the local leper after the reveal that I’m a Morgenstern. But I bounced back and now I’m vice-head for the Institute, supporting Alec. If I can do that, damned if you can’t.”
A faint, soft smile found its way onto Magnus’ face at that and he leaned down to kiss Jace gently. “Thank you, sweetheart. I suppose… you’re right. I’ve pushed through worse.” Pausing for a moment, Magnus looked more closely at the blonde, noting the bags beneath his eyes. “How are you doing, little angel? You… haven’t been sleeping a lot lately.”
There was a long stretch of silence in which the naked blonde just buried himself deeper in Magnus’ side. Magnus had learned over the past months that it was best to just give Jace time to open up on his own account. Jace nuzzled into Magnus’ neck, Magnus playing with his hair.
“I think… I’m losing my mind”, whispered Jace, voice barely a breath. “Izzy and Clary are convinced that the Jonathan I’m seeing isn’t real. Alec… he talked to Imogen and I… talked to Luke and… My mother’s suicide wasn’t just one incident. She’s… been ill. And… I might have… inherited it from her. I know they’re all worried about me and they mean well, but… I… What if I go to the Silent Brothers and they can’t help me and I… I will be removed from field work. I… would be nothing if I can’t be a Shadowhunter, Mag…”
“Says the boy who just told me I’d bounce back from not being High Warlock anymore?”, teased Magnus, both eyebrows raised. “Even if you won’t be allowed to go out anymore as a Shadowhunter, you will find something else. You’ll be fine. And the far greater chance is that they will be able to help you, sweetheart.”
“Urgh. Is that what I sound like when I’m trying to encourage you?”, huffed Jace.
Magnus chuckled and shook his head. “Listen. There is a Silent Brother I’d like you to meet. I trust him. He’ll be able to help you. I know he will. Please give it a try, Jace.”
Jace frowned at that. It was untypical for Magnus to call him by his name. Most of the time, Magnus just used a vast variety of nicknames for him. Jace? That meant he was serious. And the edge in his eyes also showed just how serious the warlock was.
“But…”, drawled Jace unsure, laying back down on Magnus’ chest.
“I know”, sighed Magnus, carding his fingers through Jace’s hair. “I know.”
Sighing, Jace closed his eyes and cuddled more up to the warlock. Those were his favorite moments, being curled together after sex. Over the past weeks, their dynamic had changed. They had started out as just roommates. Jace and his Samaritan who had offered him a roof over the head.
But then… they became friends. They had started day-drinking together. At first, just drinking. No talking. Then, slowly, they started to share. To talk. To bond. Now, Jace would actually consider them friends. Magnus might know as much about him as Alec at this point.
Somewhere along the way, the sex had started. On a day when both just needed to forget. Needed a distraction. And it continued happening. Usually when the need to be distracted won out, but sometimes also just out of boredom – and then even just out of horniness. And ‘even’, because Jace used to pick up strangers at the Hunter’s Moon for a one-night-stand. Now, he just walked over to the next room to ask Magnus for a hook-up. Even sober.
The part after sex started to become a problem though. At first, it had just been the part where both passed out from exhaustion and alcohol, waking up in the morning and just parting for the day. By now, they would cuddle up, talk softly about their feelings. Confiding in each other. It was their greatest bonding moment. Most of the time sober too. It had started to change things.
Jace’s feelings had started to change. The appreciation and friendship he had started to feel for Magnus, somehow it had become more than that. Seeing Magnus talk to the kittens made Jace’s heart flutter, Jace had started cooking, in particular Magnus’ favorite meals, he’d seek Magnus out for attention whenever he needed to not be alone. He had started considering Magnus his.
Magnus had no idea what was going on. He had introduced Jace to Jem Carstairs, had seen him off before Jace went to the Silent Brothers. Then Jem had contacted him again, had requested Magnus’ help – because Jace was possessed. Of course he had helped, rallying up other warlocks willing to help. That was, Alec had put in a word with Lorenzo there, about how the warlocks kind of owed them one for siding with the Seelie Queen and that Alec had kept the Clave from hunting down the individual warlocks who had done so, putting enough pressure on to make Lorenzo cave and ‘show his good will for a healthy and helpful relationship with the Institute’. It worked out for everyone.
But… now it was two months later and Jace, freed from his possession and also having been healed and counseled by Jem, was released from the City of Bones. And yet, he hadn’t come home. No, instead, Magnus had to find out from Alec that Jace had just… moved back to the Institute.
For a couple of days, Magnus just left it at that. It was Jace’s decision and if the blonde decided to be coward enough not to even tell Magnus in person, then Magnus did not need this. Only when Catarina told him that she was not going to listen to him complaining about his boyfriend dumping him any more and that if Magnus did not go and talk to Jace himself, then she would or so help her god. Firstly, he had to correct her about the ‘boyfriend’ part. Then, he had to promise to go and talk to the blonde. Boyfriend or not, Magnus was hurt by Jace just cutting him out like that.
They had been friends. Magnus hadn’t felt this close to someone in a very long time. And if he was being perfectly honest, he had been thinking about how it could be more. Being friends with Jace was good. The sex was also good. And Magnus had come to wonder what maybe going on dates with Jace might be like. Especially after Jace had left for the Silent City, because Magnus had started to realize that he was truly missing the blonde. That the loft suddenly felt too empty and too quiet. Having Jace with him – drinking with him, talking with him, fucking with him, eating with him – it felt so good. It felt good and for the first time in a long, long time, he had someone right there to confide in, someone to trust and hold, to make him feel warm and not alone.
If Jace wanted to call their little friends with benefits deal off, fine. But if Jace thought he could get away with calling their friendship off like that, then he had another thing coming.
Jace was exhausted from a long mission by the time he returned to his room. It was a nice room. A bell-tower. Large, moody, aesthetically pleasing. Empty, cold and nothing like home. Nothing like the loft. He missed coming home. He missed coming home to his warlock.
“Mag, I’m home”, sighed Jace to himself, with a small sarcastic smile on his lips.
“Wonderful. I’ve been waiting for over an hour now.”
Jace yelped in surprise, staring startled at the warlock, who was sprawled out on Jace’s bed like an over-sized cat claiming his territory. The fact that his eyes were unglamoured helped with that impression. All Jace could do was stare at Magnus, wondering what was going on.
“You know”, started Magnus and heaved a sigh, the look on his face less than impressed. “If you wanted to call it quits on our little… mutually beneficial agreement, you could have just said so.”
“I didn’t… That’s not…”, started Jace with a frustrated frown. “Just go, Mag.”
“No”, hummed Magnus, shaking his head a little. “Not without an explanation.”
Gritting his teeth, Jace sat down next to Magnus. “I… I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you. I like our friendship. I don’t wanna mess it up. But I also don’t know how to… go back to how things were without messing it up. So I just… put seeing you off until I’d find a solution.”
“But you haven’t yet”, concluded Magnus, inspecting his nails. “So, what exactly is the problem that you can’t find a solution to, little Shadowhunter?”
“…The possession”, whispered Jace, not looking at Magnus. “Lilith’s grip on me. Jem was amazed that it hadn’t taken a full hold over me. That I had been able to break it on my own.”
“It’s your special angelic blood that enabled you to, wasn’t it?”, asked Magnus confused.
“No”, muttered Jace, shaking his head. “Lilith used those she had possessed to kill… those they loved. And it wasn’t… It was the strength of my love that gave me the ability to break the possession. Shadowhunters only love once in their life. Fiercely, with their all.”
“Okay…”, nodded Magnus slowly, having a feeling where this was going.
“I can’t be in love with you”, stated Jace as he looked up at Magnus, eyes wide and vulnerable, frightened. “You’re… the first friend I made outside my siblings. And what we had worked. I can’t ruin that by being in love with you and getting my heart broken by you. I can’t-”
“And here I thought”, started Magnus lowly, voice deep like velvet. “Your self-esteem would have had you walk right up to me with a cocky grin, telling me you made reservations for a first date.”
“I’m not…”, started Jace with a glare. “You’re… different. You’re not some one-night-stand. Your opinion matters to me. Your feelings matter to me. I… I’m sorry I hurt them by ignoring you, I just… didn’t know what to say to you. Because I’m not… not ready to be 'let down gently’. Or, well, not so gently now considering I was being a dick, huh?”
“You were”, confirmed Magnus, one eyebrow cocked as he reached out to cup Jace’s cheek. “And you can make it up to me by planning the perfect first date for us, mh?”
“Don’t make fun of me, Bane”, warned Jace with a glare.
“I’m not making fun of you, angel”, assured Magnus as he leaned down and very slowly kissed Jace. “I like you. A lot. I care about you, not just as a friend. I like what we had, but… it could be more than what it is. I want more, Jace. I want you. I want to go on a date with you.”
“Really?”, asked Jace in awe, leaning after Magnus as Magnus leaned away.
Magnus smiled at the gesture, curling his fingers around Jace’s neck and pulling him into a second kiss. “Don’t ever do that again. Don’t shut me out when you don’t know how to deal with your feelings. You and I… The reason we work is because we came to trust each other and talk about the feelings we don’t know how to talk about with anyone else. Okay?”
Nodding slowly, Jace crawled closer to Magnus so he could curl against the warlock. Smiling softly, Magnus wrapped his arms around the blonde, pulling him so close that the Shadowhunter was essentially sitting on his lap, leaning against Magnus’ chest.
“I love you”, mumbled Jace, nose pressed against Magnus’ collarbone. “I love you. I am… in love with you. You did this. You just… with all of your… you… I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetheart”, smiled Magnus amused, kissing the top of Jace’s head.
Hearing that made Jace’s heart flutter. “I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have avoided you. I’m sorry.”
Closing his eyes, Jace buried his face in Magnus’ chest. The warlock was warm and comfortable and… And for the first time that he could remember, he felt fucking safe.
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