brought to you by ben & jerry's chocolate therapy and my abysmal sleep schedule (i am nocturnal.)
bsf!chan & gn!reader (could also be m!reader ig, chan calls them "man" once but gender is otherwise unspecified), chronically ill reader (headaches are mentioned but nothing more specific), college au, reader calls him chris for the sake of i thought of a funny contact name for him
also i really hope y'all appreciate the contact name it makes me laugh every time and i'm the one who wrote this
you groan, opening your eyes to darkness. you don't hear anything, and you're not quite sure what woke you up. a shooting pain through your head quickly solves that mystery though, making you groan again and curl in on yourself.
rolling over in the hopes of finding a more comfortable position, you glance at the clock on your nightstand. it's 4am, and you know you're supposed to have classes in the morning.
you also know that your body probably wouldn't have its shit together in time, and grab your phone to text your friend about bringing over notes.
almost immediately the typing bubble pops up on his side of the chat, his insomnia apparently keeping him from getting any sleep either. you briefly wonder if he'll actually be at the morning lecture to get notes in the first place.
after a few seconds of typing, you get the text;
chrispy creme
you alright man?
you snort, responding quickly.
do i seem alright, christopher?
chrispy creme
yeah okay maybe it was a dumb question
what happened?
i'm chronically ill, y'know, the usual
chrispy creme
oof
omw
???
the fuck you mean "omw"
chris the fuck do you MEAN OMW ???
after a needlessly stressful ten minutes, there's a knock at your door. you thank the universe that you don't have a roommate, and drag yourself out of bd.
opening the door, you're momentarily blinded by the hallway lights. you still don't understand why the university keeps the dorm lights so bright all hours of the day, but it's not like there's a whole lot you can do. instead, you step slightly to the side and gesture for your best friend to come in.
"you're a nightmare, you know that right?"
"well hello to you too," chan turns and grins at you, and you squint at him in response, not in the mood for him to be so cheerful in your immediate vicinity.
apparently realizing that he's unlikely to get a reply, he reaches into his backpack, something you hadn't previously noticed, and pulls out one of his hoodies, offering it to you. you grab it quickly, immediately putting it on. it's a bit big on him, so it's noticeably oversized on you, which is your preferred hoodie size anyway.
"you have passed the first test."
he snorts and plonks a plastic bag onto the table just outside your kitchenette, then drops his backpack next to your couch with a loud thud as you dig through the bag on the table, ultimately pulling out a container of ice cream.
you feel yourself starting to smile.
grabbing two spoons from the drying rack by the sink you offer one to him, collapsing onto your couch after he takes it. chan sits next to you, digging his spoon into the now open ice cream. you both sit in silence for a bit, eating ice cream and appreciating each other's company.
after you've made a good dent in the ice cream, chan huffs slightly.
"so, what was it this time?"
you sigh, knowing that there's really no reason not to tell him, "headaches again. i still don't know what causes it but it really sucks."
"your doctor hasn't tried to help with it?"
"i mean, you know how it is. lots of appointments, and tests, and trial and error, and that's only if they believe me in the first place. it doesn't happen often enough that i wanna deal with all of that. plus, if it's something that they can't do anything about? that would be even worse."
you feel the weight of chan's head on top of yours and you laugh quietly, "i don't know if this will fix it, but it's definitely nice."
chan laughs too, and you can feel his laughter everywhere your bodies are touching.
"i know, it's just... i'm sorry you have to deal with this. maybe if i concentrate hard enough i can absorb it instead."
you gently smack his arm, "chris! you have enough trouble sleeping as it is, and you already push yourself too much on top of that. if you joke about taking on my issues again i'm gonna kill you."
glancing at the clock you realize it's already closing in on 6am and you grab the lid for the ice cream. chan picks up on the gesture and grabs both spoons, dropping them in the sink as you stick the ice cream into your freezer.
you can see chan looking at the door, but before he has a chance to make a decision you grab his hand and tug him over to your room.
"we should at least try to be up in time for the lecture, right? if we try to steal seungmin's notes again i think he might kill us."
chan laughs but allows himself to be dragged down into bed with you, wrapping his arms around your waist as you reach for your blankets.
by the time you've managed to find a comfortable position to lie in his eyes are already half-closed, but he's still looking at you with a gooey sweet smile. you snort and gently cover his eyes, feeling his eyelashes flutter against your palm as he fights to keep them open.
before long though you feel his eyes close, and your own start to droop soon after. exhausted, you finally fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat and his breath tousling your hair.
this is amazingly self-indulgent , will prolly write more on this or smth similar to it :3
+ chan being mostly hidden under the blankets with his hair sticking up every direction
+ minho with all three of his cats sleeping on top of him
+ changbin clinging to a pillow like his life depends on it
+ doing that heart hair trend with hyunjin
+ making a "they're the same picture" meme of jisung and a chipmunk
+ felix buried under a stack of plushys , captioning it "why's my boyfriend the softest thing in this photo"
+ drawing on seungmin's face as revenge for a prank he played on you earlier
+ putting a snapchat filter of fox ears on jeongin
corvid? posting?? unheard of. anyways self-indulgent comfort fic bc i can. prolly gonna do a chronic illness / disability one soonish, if anyone has something they'd like to see more content for feel free to send an ask and i'll write it if i'm comfortable !! if you have any specifics you wanna see feel free to add those as well, it really does help me ^^;
cw/tw; panic attack (no shit but y'know), spiraling, depression, negative self-talk, depressive episode
seasonal depression is nothing new, in fact it's something you're far more used to than you'd like to be. while some loved winter, for you it was the time of year where any regular depression was compounded by the gloom of late dawns and early sunsets and the inability to enjoy going outside.
the difference this time is that you have a boyfriend, and you wish that you could be happy, wish that you could be grateful, but wrapped tightly in a blanket as you watch the grey sky outside the window across your room, you can feel the creeping sensation of a panic attack starting to crawl across your skin. in some part of your brain you can hear your phone buzzing, but the buzzing melds into the feelings of panic, and you curl further into yourself.
the sun is setting, almost set, blanketing your room in darkness. you know that turning on your lights would help, would make this whole thing less suffocating, but it's so much easier to just resign yourself. getting up to turn on the light takes effort, but simply spiraling further takes nothing at all.
your phone is buzzing again, another thing you know you should pay attention to, but you just can't drag yourself out of your own head long enough to do anything about it. it feels like the world is collapsing onto you, and for a moment you wish it would.
you lift your head slightly, the world is in black and white, and it feels like all your senses are muffled by cotton wool. you drop your forehead back onto your knees, the energy it takes to keep it raised somehow more than you have in you.
you're not sure how long it's been, after the sun has set there's nothing left to indicate the time. you're trying to find the strength to get out of bed, to do anything, even just to look up.
from your blanket cocoon, you can see something light beyond your eyelids. for a second you think you're seeing things, maybe you pressed on your eyes by accident, but you don't actually feel any pressure on your eyes.
not sure what's happening, you lift your head slightly, almost immediately being met with the sight of your boyfriend standing near the door to your room. he's not looking at you, he's looking at your room, and you realize that he hasn't actually seen it before. you're suddenly very aware of the piles of stuffed toys scattered around, the posters on the walls, the makeup and jewelry strewn across the top of your dresser, the mess on your desk, the clothes piled in the corner. it feels as if every flaw in your personality is somehow scrawled across the room in glaring red letters.
and yet, when he notices you looking at him, changbin turns and smiles at you. in that moment, you feel like you might cry. as you feel yourself choking up, his eyes soften with concern. placing the bag he's holding on the floor, he carefully sits down next to you on your bed.
"hey, what's wrong?" you feel him pull you into his side, "talk to me bubs."
instead of talking, you feel tears start running down your face, changbin wiping them away as fast as they fall. he leaves feather-light kisses across your nose and cheeks.
you say it without thinking, "i love you," and once you've said it once it's like a floodgate has opened, you're repeating it so quickly that it becomes an incoherent babble, changbin peppering kisses across your face the whole time.
it takes time for you to calm down, more than you'd like, not keen on being seen in this state. but changbin sits and rubs your back as you try to pull yourself back into some kind of human form, a silent support.
it's only when you've stopped crying, are a more solid person than you'd been, he says it back.
"i love you too, now let's eat, yeah?"
you hum slightly, leaning further into his side, "nap with me?"
changbin sighs and flops onto his side, pulling you down with him, pulling up the blankets to cover you both. you quickly snuggle into him, grateful for the extra warmth.
"get some rest," you feel him place a kiss on your forehead, "i love you."
"i love you too," you mumble, already half-asleep.
hai , here's some chan x reader fluffy domestic stuff, if anyone wants to see a continuation lemme know ^^
you’re lying in bed on your back, eyes closed and earbuds in. your skills at zoning out are strong, so you’re not very aware of your surroundings. you don’t have any plans for today, but your friends and boyfriend like to stop by unannounced, so you don’t particularly expect to be left alone all day.
that’s why you’re not that surprised when you feel someone's weight drop on top of you. you pause your music and pull out your earbuds, looking up slightly to see a mop of curly blond hair. laughing quietly, you gently run your fingers through your boyfriend’s hair, and he leans into your touch.
“what’s goin’ on channie?” he seems more tired than usual, which is saying something. he mumbles something in response, but his face is still buried in your chest so you can’t actually tell what he’s saying.
“love, i can’t hear you.”
he lifts his head up to look at you, and his expression almost reminds you of an upset puppy, “people don’t know how to do their jobs. i came in and nobody had finished their part of the project, you could tell they all expected me to finish it for them. so now i’m doing the entire project myself.”
you frown, knowing that being one of the best students in the music department meant people assumed chan would do their work for them if they asked. you’ve given plenty of students deadly side-eye when they tried to bother chan, but most of them just try again when you’re not there.
“can you tell your professor?”
chan just shakes his head, “i don’t wanna tell the professor because that’d give them the chance to get their shit together. i’ll just do the project myself and leave their names off of it, their loss.”
you laugh quietly, appreciating the pettiness. you were probably a bad influence, but because of chan’s default sweetheart personality, you were glad he wasn’t letting people take advantage of him anymore.
“if there’s any way i can help let me know, alright?”
“you have your own classes to work on, i don’t wanna use up your work time.”
you shake your head, “the biggest assignment i have right now is my end of semester project for my visual arts class, my team for the year end fashion show is actually ahead of where we need to be since we’re all prone to hyperfocusing on the work.”
chan grumbled slightly, “imagine having a team that do their work, what a concept.”
you gently scratch at his scalp, still running your fingers through his hair, “is there anyone else in your class you could team up with? maybe not for this project, but for future ones?”
chan shrugs, “i try not to interact with people unless they interact with me first, i don’t need to prompt people to bug me.”
you snort, knowing how he feels. people used to treat you the same way, the difference is you’re just a lot more intimidating than him, and people figured out pretty quickly that you weren’t gonna do their work for them.
“i think one of my friends was talking about his boyfriend needing a new team for his assignment, i’m pretty sure another one of our friends is in a similar situation… lemme ask real quick.”
he hums in confirmation and you grab your phone from where it sat abandoned on the low shelf next to your bed, quickly putting in your passcode and opening the ‘dance hoes’ groupchat. you know each other because of how often the performance and fashion departments work together, everyone in the chat had done modeling for you at some point.
you send a quick text, ‘hey can the catboys get online?’
quickly you get responses from two of the other chat members, both asking what was going on, one much more kindly than the other. you’re pretty sure chan has fallen asleep on you, but you keep playing with his hair as you ask the pair about what they’d mentioned earlier.
they both give quick confirmation, and you explain your idea. both disappear for a second, before confirming that their boyfriends were down to meet up with everyone. you decide to work out a meeting time later, so you set aside your phone and curl up with chan, tugging a blanket over both of you and closing your eyes, falling asleep in your boyfriend’s arms.
was thinking abt diff love languages n subtle ways ppl show they care and got myself stuck in dumb clingy headspace so here's this !
skz 's love languages !!
-> skz x gn!reader , i think 2nd person ?
-> fluff !! so much fluff
-> wrote this on my phone at 2am so the formatting is a wee bit ass , sorry abt that
chan !! making sure he's never too busy to spend time with you , or at least send a text message with some kind of cheesy compliment. will text you random things throughout the day with a caption like 'this reminded me of you'. if the two of you are being offered something he lets you pick first.
minho !! when the two of you hang out together you usually each do your own thing , but some part of you is always touching , wether using him as a backrest or just him draping his legs over yours. usually has a darker sense of humor but always makes sure you're comfortable with his jokes.
changbin !! always quick to help you out if you need it (sometimes even if you don't) , orders extra food for you even if you say you're not hungry. occasionally gets hoodies he thinks you'd like in order to let you steal them. always lets you have the last of the foods you like.
hyunjin !! draws you a lot , uses you as reference for pose / feature studies. you're the only one he lets have open access to his sketchbooks (you always ask before looking anyway) , always gets you a coffee when he stops for one , usually a pastry too.
jisung !! random kisses ; forehead , nose , cheek , back of your hand , shoulder , whatever is nearest. likes playing with your hair. will sometimes get you matching accessories , is always wearing at least one. you both help soothe eachother's anxiety , you know his anxious tics and he knows yours.
felix !! knows your favorite desserts and makes them more often than anything else , always has sweets in case you have a bad day. can read your moods well and makes sure to check in if you seem like you're not doing well. the two of you have amassed an impressive plushy collection.
seungmin !! likes to sing to you, will learn songs he knows you like / that you know the words to so you can sing together. has a sharp tongue but knows your boundaries and does his best not to cross them. he's more comfortable being physically affectionate with you than anyone else, and everyone knows that.
jeongin !! likes making aesthetic + fashion pin boards with you , lets you raid his wardrobe for events. likes swapping clothes / styles with you. lots of café and thrift / vintage store dates. you're both able to understand each other even if you're only really making vague noises and hand gestures.
hihi merry crimmis !! wasn't gonna do a fic but then decided eh whattahell why not. much like the halloween fic i'm writing this absolutely last minute so uhhhh sorry in advance if there are any errors ^^; (this is being posted so late i'm so sorry)
feedback + pointing out errors are both greatly appreciated :]
wc; 4.8k (christ-)
christmas has always been an odd time of year for you. between strange and strained family relationships and your own mental health issues, family gatherings felt like walking over a minefield.
you groan and roll over, shoving your face into your pillows. you don't want to see any of your relatives this year, but you sure as hell don't want to deal with their attitudes if you skip either.
there's shuffling on the other side of the room and you lift your head just in time to see your roommate flick on the light by his bed.
"you good man?"
there's genuine concern in his voice, and you laugh quietly, "right now? mostly. after i see my family? absolutely not."
he frowns, sitting up properly, and you sit up as well, facing him across the room.
"wanna come with me then? my family's been on my ass about bringing someone over, and they're....." he grimaces slightly, "sometimes a lot, but they mean well."
"so how fake boyfriend am i expected to be?" you grin, always up for teasing him.
he rolls his eyes slightly, "or you could be my roommate?"
"well that's no fun."
the comment gets you a pillow to the face, sending you into a fit of giggles.
"yeah yeah, you're a comedic genius, do you wanna come with or not?"
after taking a moment to catch your breath, you nod, "sounds fun."
"i don't know about fun, but sure, whatever you say."
you hum quietly, "should i get gifts for people?"
changbin shrugs, "i usually just bring some kind of sweets for people to share, my family doesn't do individual gifts very much. since not all of us would be able to afford things for everyone."
"oh, that makes sense. we could make hot chocolate bombs though."
"make what nows?"
you laugh, "hot chocolate bombs, they're chocolate shells filled with hot cocoa powder and things like peppermint bits or mini marshmallows, so when you drop it in warm milk the shell melts and boom! hot chocolate."
"those sound good, we can get the stuff to make 'em later, when it's a reasonable hour to be awake."
you yawn, nodding, and flop back down onto your bed. changbin laughs and flicks off the light again, also lying back down and closing his eyes.
winter sun cuts through the window, the curtains making a futile attempt to filter out the harsh glare. you grumble and pull your blankets over your head, only for changbin to pull them back off of you a moment later.
you glare up at him and he grins, "c'mon, you still wanna make hot chocolate bombs?"
sitting up, you flip him off and rub your eyes, not particularly keen on being conscious at the moment, but also knowing you probably won't be able to fall asleep again.
"yeah yeah, only if we can get coffee on the way back from the store though."
"whatever you want, sweetheart."
you flip him off again and he laughs loudly, too loudly for your half-asleep liking.
"okay get out so i can get dressed."
"aw, don't wanna change in front of your boyfriend?"
you're confused for a second, but remember the conversation you'd had earlier, "......i regret everything i've ever said."
"well that's a bit rude."
"oh my god leave-" you grab a pillow and smack him with it, making him laugh.
"okay okay! i'm leaving!"
you grumble a bit as you get out of bed and stretch, feeling your brain fill with static for a moment as your body gets used to being active again.
shuffling to your dresser you grab a pair of jeans and hoodie, getting dressed quickly before putting on socks and shoving your phone, keys, and wallet into your pockets.
going out to the main area of the apartment, you hear movement in the kitchen and stick your head around the corner to see changbin going through the cupboards, a container of hot cocoa powder already sitting on the counter.
"ready?"
changbin turns to look at you and nods, shutting the cupboard he'd been rummaging in and grabbing a hoodie from where he'd dropped it over the arm of the couch the last time he'd come back home. you tug on a pair of worn combat boots, changbin putting on his own, slightly less beat up, pair.
walking towards the elevators, you chat about what his family is like and what yours is like as well, telling stories about other christmases and your favorite things about the holiday season.
it doesn't take long to reach the grocery store a few blocks from your apartment building, storefronts are decorated with lights and ornaments, but the streets are all but empty. it's the day before christmas eve, and most people have already left to visit their loved ones.
the store speakers are playing tinny christmas carols, and you sing along as you go through the aisles, changbin occasionally teasing you for it. you know it's all in good fun, and anytime he makes fun of you, you sing a bit louder.
you're arguing as you go through the checkout line, neither one of you willing to let the other pay. changbin says he should because it's for his family, you counter that it was your idea, so you should pay.
the cashier smiles as you reach the register, "you two are a cute couple."
changbin's ears go red, and you can feel yourself turning almost the same color as the cashier's santa hat. the cashier seems to notice her misstep, but doesn't correct herself. you're not sure if you love or hate her for that.
"we're not a couple," you finally respond, scratching the back of your neck.
"oh, that's a shame." she continues calmly ringing up your items, but you catch the glint in her eye. it takes genuine effort to stop yourself from laughing and she smiles, winking as you hand her your card, changbin too distracted to notice until you've already paid.
when you return to your apartment, you start getting the things you need out of the shopping bags.
"hey, can you fill a pot with water? i'm gonna use it for a double-boiler."
changbin looks lost as to what you're on about, but nonetheless he fills a small pot with water and sets it on the stovetop. grabbing a bag of chocolate chips, you walk over to the stove and grab a metal bowl from one of the cupboards, carefully setting it so that it's suspended within the larger pot.
"while i melt chocolate can you start measuring things? the molds are probably big enough for a tablespoon or two of cocoa powder, doesn't have to be particularly exact, just as long as it doesn't spill over the edges."
changbin nods, "how many are we making?"
".....that's a great question. we probably have enough for at least a dozen? we can probably just make them until we run out of ingredients, it's not like they'll go bad."
"should we do half with the mini marshmallows and then the other marshmallow ones with the cocoa mix that has them in it? because they might not go bad, but the marshmallows will get stale eventually."
"good point, we can bring the ones with fresh marshmallows and keep the ones with the marshmallows mix?"
"works for me."
you hear the water starting to bubble, and you pour the bag of chocolate chips into the bowl, carefully stirring them as they begin to melt. grabbing the half mold on the counter next to you, you spray a thin layer of cooking oil onto it, using a paper towel to even out the coating.
glancing back to the stove, you quickly stir the chocolate again, sighing in relief when none of it looks burnt. pouring in the rest of the chocolate chips, you continue stirring it to make sure it's evenly heated.
as you're worrying over the chocolate, you hear the bluetooth speaker in the kitchen turn on, a playlist you made with changbin at 2am filling the space. you start dancing slightly as you work, changbin humming along to the music.
"okay, chocolate's melted, now for the hard part-" you turn down the heat on the stove, continuing to stir the chocolate as it cools and thickens slightly.
"can you grab a baking pan and put it on the island? i gotta pour the chocolate and i don't need the landlord after my ass."
changbin laughs, the sounds of metal clanking mixing into the noise of the room as he places a metal pan onto the countertop, laughing and joking as he follows your instructions on how to fill the molds and empty the excess, it takes a couple tries but the molds are eventually covered properly and you put them in the freezer in order to set the chocolate quickly.
grabbing one of the bottles of coffee you'd compromised on at the grocery store, you pop off the lid and take a long drink, sighing happily.
"ah, caffeine my beloved."
changbin sits on the counter across from the one you're leaning against, swinging his legs slightly.
"you said we're leaving tomorrow, and then coming back the 26th?"
"yeah, so we'll be spending two nights."
"are we gonna end up with the only one bed?"
"like we haven't slept in the same bed before, mr. i'm sad so you're obligated to cuddle me."
"hey," you point at him, "that was once."
he laughs, "it was not!"
you stick your tongue out at him, but don't actually argue because he's right, and you don't feel like losing an argument this early in the day. instead, you go to the freezer to see if the chocolate is set.
"ok, molds are good, i gotta get them out, can you grab the hot cocoa?"
"roger."
putting the two trays of molds on the island, you carefully flex the plastic in order to loosen the shells so they won't break when you try to take them out. soon there are about two dozen bowl-shaped chocolate shells scattered across the counter in front of you.
changbin thunks the container of cocoa mix onto the counter, "okay master chef, what now?"
trying to show changbin how to put the hot chocolate bombs together is a bit hectic, but it's fun, and by the time you're done you're both covered in hot cocoa mix and out of breath from laughing.
the rest of the day is spent packing and getting ready for your trip, it took a lot longer than it probably should've because you kept annoying each other and getting sidetracked. eventually you're done, and collapse on the couch to watch movies.
you stir as the sun is starting to rise, unsure of what woke you up. a second later there's an ache in your back and you wince.
well, i guess that's why i woke up.
deciding to grab a painkiller, you go to stand up when you realize someone's arms are wrapped around your waist. looking up, you see changbin still asleep, hair messy and cheeks puffed out slightly.
on an impulse you reach up and tap his nose, causing it to scrunch up. a moment later, his eyelids flutter. you're too busy staring to worry about being caught staring, but you still blush when he smiles sleepily at you.
"mornin'," his voice is raspy and still muffled by sleep, which is not good for your sanity.
"mmh, good morning," you smile back, "mind letting go of me?"
he just pulls you closer, burying his face in your hair.
"very much so."
his response makes you laugh, "i don't know what i was expecting."
managing to free an arm, you grab your phone off the coffee table and check the time.
10:43, we should probably get up.
"c'mon, it's almost eleven. if we don't get up soon we won't make it on time."
changbin grumbles but his grip on you loosens and you're finally able to stand up. stretching, you hear your spine pop a concerning amount and you groan, making a beeline for the painkillers in the kitchen.
opening your messages app you go to the thread with your best friend, sending may your next ibuprofen take effect quickly and noticeably, before going into your room to grab a change of clothes.
setting the clothes on the counter in the bathroom, you turn on the shower, giving the water a moment to warm up. as you wait you flick through your playlists, choosing one at random and putting it on shuffle.
you shower quickly, singing along to the music playing on your phone. much as you'd like to stay under the warm water, you know you need to get your shit together if you want to be able to leave by noon.
stepping out of the shower, you quickly dry off and put on the clean clothes, deciding to just let your hair air dry. returning to your room you chuck your old clothes into the laundry basket next to your dresser and put your phone on the charger while you wait to leave.
in the meantime, you grab the messenger bag hanging off the frame of your bed and start filling it with the things you hadn't packed the night before, mostly just your laptop and things for your classes.
changbin comes in a moment later, also shoving a few things into his backpack.
"hey, y/n," you glance over to see him holding up the switch that'd been charging in the living room, and give him a thumbs-up. he nods and adds it to the things in his bag.
"i think we're good?" you puff out your cheeks, trying to remember if you need anything else.
changbin zips the bag sitting next to him, "we should get going soon."
"we packed the hot chocolate bombs already, right?"
"they were one of the first things that got packed, don't worry."
you roll you eyes slightly, "yeah because telling someone not to worry always works."
"c'mon, let's go before you worry yourself to death," changbin takes your hand, pulling you to your feet.
"i'd be impressed if i managed to worry myself all the way to death, that seems more like something chan would do."
"and it'd be entirely jisung's fault."
you snort and grab your suitcase, well aware of the headaches jisung gave chan.
"at least it wouldn't be us, which should count as a miracle."
while you and changbin tried not to stress chan out, you both had rather unfortunate luck and he'd had to manage at least three er visits for each of you.
stepping into the hallway, you check that the door is locked three times before changbin grabs your arm and drags you towards the elevator bank. the elevator cars creak and rattle, and you think that if a fourth er visit comes up it'll be from the aging elevators. you're amazed that they're still running at all.
your apartment building is close enough to the train station that you figure getting a taxi wouldn't be worth it, so the two of you walk, talking mostly about family things.
"i'm not sure if my family's gonna give me a ton of shit for skipping, or if they're gonna be glad i didn't show."
changbin laughs, "well my family's definitely gonna be excited to meet you, not sure if that'll make up for things but, y'know." he punctuates his statement with a shrug, and you laugh.
one slightly chaotic journey through the train station later, you're both in your seats. before long, you're starting to doze off, soothed by the gentle movement of the train.
you wake up again as the train stops, the lack of movement and general chaos of reaching the station dragging you out of your rest. there's a crick in your neck, and you can feel something on the side of your head. stretching slightly, you realize that your head is on changbin's shoulder, and his head is now leaning on yours.
carefully you shove changbin away from you, shaking him slightly. he stretches, and you barely avoid getting smacked.
"wake up before we end up going to the next station," you stand, dragging changbin to his feet. you sling your bag over your shoulder and grab your suitcase, changbin following suit.
getting off the train is easier said than done, the rush of holiday traffic that made navigating the station so chaotic makes navigating the train even harder, but you make it off soon enough.
once you're off the train and out of the station, changbin hails a taxi and you pile in, changbin giving the address to your driver. it's not a long drive, and you're both still waking up, so it's relatively quiet.
however, any calm or quiet is broken the second you step through the door of the house. changbin wasn't lying when he said his family was a lot, but their excitement makes you feel warm in a way your family never did.
after a solid ten seconds of nearly suffocating changbin in a hug, his mom looks up and sees you standing near the door, and somehow smiles even wider than she had been.
a heartbeat later and now you're the one being suffocated, and you can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes. you still manage to hug her back, and she steps away a moment later, giving you a once-over.
"so, you're changbin's boyfriend?"
"mom," changbin's tone confirms that he expected this line of questioning, and you almost laugh, "he's my roommate."
from further down the hall you hear a soft, "oh my god they were roommates?" and look up to see a younger teen sticking their head around a corner. changbin notices them as well, but you grab his arm before he can do anything.
"no murder," you glare at him halfheartedly and he grumbles.
"i wasn't gonna kill them."
"no aggravated assault either."
he rolls his eyes and his mom laughs, gesturing for you to follow her. you elbow changbin and he seems to snap back to reality, following you as you follow his mom. she shows the two of you to a guest room, turning to make sure you're both behind her.
"i can grab a mattress and some bedding from the hall closet in a minute, feel free to settle in in the meantime."
you smile and thank her, and she gives you both a kiss on the cheek before leaving.
collapsing facedown onto the bed you feel yourself deflate, the mattress next to you sinking a moment later as changbin sits down as well.
"so, thoughts so far?"
you turn your head, rolling all the way onto your back a moment later, "i might end up crying before we leave just fyi."
"that bad?" changbin asks, but you can tell he doesn't think that's the reason.
"no it's just, family acting like family is so foreign to me. not to mention treating me like family even when i'm not."
you get a gentle smack on the side of your head, changbin grinning slightly, "hey, as long as we're friends you're family as far as anyone here is concerned. honestly my mom would probably replace me with you if we ever had a falling out."
you shove yourself into a sitting position, shaking your head slightly, "don't even joke about that."
"what, my mom replacing me?"
"no, about us having a falling out. you don't need to speak that into existence, thank you very much."
he laughs, "aw, you think i'm special?"
"ugh forget i said anything," you roll your eyes, "you're the worst, get outta here."
instead, changbin wraps his arms around your torso, dragging you both down onto the bed. "it's way too late to get rid of me, sorry pal."
you wiggle around in an attempt to lie down more comfortably. "yeah yeah, now let me move, i can already feel my arm starting to cramp."
he loosens his hold and you can finally roll over so you're facing eachother, poking the tip of his nose when you do. he scrunches it up and you laugh, "you look like a bunny."
"you're probably the only person who's ever thought to call me that," he grins.
"it's not like you have many other close friends mr. antisocial."
"we have the same friends!"
"okay listen here-"
"i'm listening."
you pause, not actually having had something to say. changbin seems to notice and he laughs, and you roll your eyes in an attempt to ignore your blush.
it seems like he's about to say something, but he's interrupted by a yawn, making you yawn as well.
"we've both been sleeping almost all day, how are we still tired."
you shrug and curl further into changbin, feeling the blankets drop over you a moment later.
waking up you can hear people talking quietly, and try to figure out what's being said. changbin is still next to you, but he's sitting up now and there's a soft light filtering into the room from the hall.
"you sure seem cozy for someone who was all indignant about just being roommates," you recognize the voice of changbin's mom and smile slightly.
"look i don't wanna push things," changbin sounds tired, but emotionally instead of physically, "i'd rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all."
"have you considered that he might feel the same? and even if he doesn't, i really don't think he'd cut you off over it. you should have more faith in him kiddo."
you suddenly feel like you've done something wrong, a strange sense of guilt flooding over you. trying to ignore the feeling, you stir slightly, acting like you're just now waking up. both voices cut off, and you hear changbin's mom sigh slightly.
"tell him dinner is ready when he wakes up, okay?"
a moment later you hear the door to your room close again, and you rub your eyes.
"mm, what time is it?"
changbin glances at his phone, "it's almost nine, mom says dinner's ready. i think everyone else is either asleep or at least in bed so it'll probably just be us two."
you push yourself up onto an elbow, still abnormally tired, "how romantic."
you feel changbin flick your forehead and you snort, sitting up all the way.
"let's go eat then, could we make hot chocolate after?"
"sure, c'mon," changbin takes your hand and pulls you to your feet again. guess this is becoming a habit, you think, glancing at your joined hands.
stepping into the hall you realize changbin was right about it just being the two of you, the house is almost dead silent. there's still food on the stove, and you smile.
changbin makes a plate for you and one for himself, putting them on the kitchen island. you sit on one of the stools at the island, still not fully awake.
"drink?"
you smile, "just water please."
a moment later changbin sets a glass of water in front of you, putting one by to his own plate as well before sitting on the stool to your side. you talk quietly as you eat, trying not to disturb anyone else in the house.
when you're both done eating changbin takes your dishes and puts them in the sink, "okay, hot cocoa?"
"mhm! can you warm up the milk without it getting a skin or should i be in charge of that?"
"i usually use water for hot cocoa so i think that answers your question."
you snort, "okay, can you grab a saucepan and milk please?"
"yup," changbin gives a thumbs-up and you laugh slightly, grabbing one of the wooden spoons from the utensils near the stove.
after heating the milk for a few minutes you glance up again, "can you grab a couple mugs? and did either of us ever get the hot cocoa bombs out."
"i got 'em out, they should be on top of the fridge, one sec," changbin sets two mugs on the counter, the box of hot chocolate bombs following soon after.
you carefully pour the milk into the mugs, placing the pan in the sink when you're done. grabbing a hot chocolate bomb you hold it up, changbin grabbing one as well.
"cheers!" you tap the hot chocolate bombs together and laugh before you both drop them into the milk. the result is almost immediate, the chocolate shell melting quickly, the hot cocoa bomb rolling around like a bathbomb would.
after watching the hot chocolate bomb melt for a moment you notice changbin in your peripheral, holding a spoon in your direction. you take it and smile at him, stirring the contents of the mug in front of you, the milk going from an off-white to a rich chocolate brown.
when you're satisfied with the level of mixing, you hold up your mug.
"cheers again," changbin says as he clinks the mugs together and you smile, taking a drink.
"man i fucking love hot chocolate, it's literally the best winter drink."
changbin laughs, "y'know what, i gotta agree with you on that one."
a day and a half spent in the whirlwind of changbin's family and their holiday cheer doesn't let you forget about the conversation you'd overheard, and you decide to ask about it when you're back in your apartment.
but saying you'll do something and doing something are two different things, and the night you get back, you spend an agonizingly long few minutes at 2am wondering if you should just ignore it.
groaning into your pillow, you feel a distinct sense of deja vu as changbin flicks on his light.
"you alright?"
you groan again, becoming more and more conflicted.
"...hot cocoa?"
that gets you to prop yourself up and look in changbin's direction, tilting your head slightly.
he shrugs, "you seem upset and i figured if you didn't wanna talk you might want hot cocoa."
"i love you."
your mouth moves before your brain, catching you both off guard, and you can feel your face start to burn. there's not much light in the room, but you can see changbin blushing too. you want to backtrack, but you realize it's not untrue, and decide it'd do more harm than good.
instead, you stand up and cross the room, sitting next to him and putting your head on his shoulder. the movement snaps him out of the frozen state he'd been in, and you feel him wrap his arm around your waist, pulling you closer.
the silence is in a strange limbo between comfortable and awkward, and you don't know if you want to break it because you're not sure what he'll say.
eventually, you decide to bite the bullet, "you don't have to say it, we can just make hot cocoa."
you feel changbin rest his head on yours, and you smile slightly. you wouldn't mind getting used to this, you think.
"if i say it can we still make hot chocolate? or is this an either or situation," he huffs a laugh at the end of his question, and you gently elbow him.
"we can make hot chocolate either way, you dork."
"well i was gonna say it but now i'm reconsidering."
you gasp dramatically and he laughs, pulling you closer again.
"i'm kidding, i'm kidding. don't worry, i love you too."
"you're an ass, you know that?"
changbin hums, pretending to think, "yeah, that might've been mentioned to me before."
"i rescind the hot cocoa offer, i'm going back to bed, goodnight," you try to stand, but changbin wraps his other arm around you as well, pulling you back down.
"nooo, stayyy."
you lean into him, laughing. you feel him bury his face in your hair and laugh harder.
"c'mon, you made me want hot cocoa," you try to stand again, but this time changbin lets you, following you into the kitchen.
you're both quiet while you make the drinks, but this time the silence is firmly within the realm of comfortable, broken only by humming or the sound of metal clinking.
when you both have your hot cocoa in hand, you return to your room, sitting next to each other on changbin's bed once again. you're about halfway done with your hot cocoa when you feel your eyelids starting to get heavy again, and you finish the drink rather quickly, putting your mug on the small table next to the bed. changbin finishes his hot cocoa not long after you, putting his mug on the table as well.
"hey," you look at him and he turns, tilting his head to the side. you smile and lean over, giving him a soft peck. you're both still for a moment before he leans over, reconnecting your lips.
you move your hands up, threading your fingers through his hair. his hands land on your waist, and you can feel him smile.
the kiss tastes like hot chocolate and marshmallows, you think it's the sweetest thing you'll ever taste.
hi hello felix x reader angst bc i feel like it and to balance out the fluff i'm also writing rn lol
uhhh gn!reader, angst like i said, depression / depressive episode, felix is an idiot but he's trying, hurt / comfort, soft ending dw
wc; 875
there's a strange kind of melancholy in the air around you. the sky is a weak shade of grey, almost as if it can't manage enough care to turn a true stormy grey.
it's ironic, you're not sure if the weather matches your mood or if your mood matches the weather. either way, it's not a pleasant combination.
you almost wished that the sky would just open, turn to an actual storm, anything but this odd limbo state. it was fitting, and you didn't want it to be.
you were in your own limbo, you didn't need the world to be in limbo with you, didn't want anyone else to be stuck in the same space of uncertainty you found yourself in.
and yet, as you sit by the window of your apartment, the sky is blank. you refocus on your reflection instead of the world outside, your expression as blank as the sky.
you try to remember the last time you'd felt anything really, anything besides this crushing apathy. and every memory leads back to him.
lee felix. your best friend, or who used to be at least. he'd stopped talking to you, apologized again and again because he hadn't just ghosted you, he told you that he needed space. you think you would've preferred him ghosting you.
you know that he doesn't want to hurt you, he never wanted to hurt you, and in a way, he hasn't. you can't feel hurt if you don't feel anything in the first place.
you'd always half-expected this to happen, he was the sun in human form, and you often wondered why he'd stuck around so long. after all, you might as well have been a black hole. but felix had balanced you out, he made things brighter, and you kept him grounded when he needed it.
you're not entirely sure how long you've been staring out the window, but there are clouds in the sky again. if the weather is reflecting your mood, you figure the clouds can only be memories. they drift across the sky, lingering just a bit too long, but there's nothing you can do to make them dissipate.
you only return to your body again instead of some place in the sky when you hear a knock on your apartment door. you ignore it, not wanting to see anyone, not wanting to remember what having someone there for you felt like.
but when you hear a key turning in the lock, any uncertainty solidifies into a solid mass of dread pressing down on your chest, crushing your lungs. you know full well that only one person besides you has a key to your apartment, and you curse yourself for not trying to get it back.
because if there was anyone you didn't want to see right now, it was the person currently opening the door. he looks almost as bad as you, and your throat tightens at the sight. you wish you didn't care, wish you could tell him to leave again, tell him that you didn't want to see him right now, no matter how much you needed to.
for a few long seconds you both look at each other across the apartment, the only light coming from the windows and the pale grey day.
"felix," it's all you can get out before tears threaten to fall, and you hide your face in your hands. you wish that it didn't matter so much to you, that he didn't matter so much to you.
a moment later you're being wrapped in a hug, and he's rubbing your back, mumbling countless "sorry"s into your hair. as soon as you feel his arms around you you let yourself break, feel yourself shatter in a way you'd been so close to since he left, but always managed to avoid with the knowledge that there'd be nobody to pick up the pieces.
you hope that he'll stay long enough to pick up the pieces.
when you can breathe again, you lift your head to meet his eyes. neither of you speak, afraid to break the fragile connection, afraid that if anything else breaks you may not be able to fix it.
leaning further into him, you try to figure out how to put everything into words.
"i missed you," is what you finally say, and hope that he knows you care, no matter how much you struggle to communicate.
he hugs you tighter, like he's scared you'll fade away if he lets go.
"i missed you too, i'm sorry y/n, i was an idiot."
you manage a small laugh, "yeah, you were."
"hey! you're not supposed to agree with me!"
"but it's true!"
he huffs, making you laugh again.
you hate yourself for a second, for how easily you welcomed felix back into your life, but it's not like you'd never done something stupid when feeling overwhelmed. and you both needed the other, you'd known that from the first time you'd met.
almost as if the universe was confirming something to you, the grey sky brightens into a bright blue, the melancholy clouds reorganizing into cottony white ones.
leaning further into felix, you smile slightly, hoping that this time the sun would stay.
slow dancing with minho in the kitchen at 3am, both in your pajamas, both a bit loopy from lack of sleep. stepping on eachother's feet and giggling, not taking it very seriously but it doesn't matter because you're together.
