#bpd2

[phaedraismyusername]

Woke up this morning with no voice, an abundance of energy, and an all-consuming urge to plan out an Otome game, spent the afternoon researching pasta types and uses before crashing at 4, waking up at 9, then proceeding to consume my bodyweight in plain wheat tortillas while learning a viral k-pop dance while my housemate marked exams at the kitchen table... can we tell my scrip ran out last week and I've done nothing about it? Yes, yes we can.

[ranaraeuchle]

Me: I'm bipolar and can't keep my house clean.

The world: But... other people are bipolar and have clean houses.

Me: Other people have support systems. I have two cats and five aquariums of guppies and snails.

The world: Um... why... five?

Me: Think about the first two words... I'm bipolar.

[boyydivisionn]

anyway i am . in an extremely manic episode and idk what to do because i want to destroy all of my relationships and have everyone forget about me ever, but that obviously isn't a viable option because i know when im out of it i will regret it. ill regret everything. im so fucking sick of dealing with these stupid fucking impulses, and the result of them. im fucking sick of not being able to sit down because i have to pace around for hours. i just want to have a good nights sleep for once. i want to be able to have conversations with people that are normal and not just hyper speed, or destructive. i need therapy but i cant go because of reasons beyond my control. i got sick of feeling guilted for going to that too so i just had to stop fucking going.

im going to go crazy ass at this point i swear to god. im fully fucking aware of it happening and i just dont know what the fuck to do about it

[berceuse]

Though I’m able to control the majority or my BPD2 disorder symptoms with cannabis, every once in a while I still get a really over the top manic episode (like now) simply because I start my new job tomorrow and I’m super nervous. 

I’m grateful to be on zero prescriptions, but sometimes this part is a killer.

[scars-of-the-sickly]

Anxiety

I’m suffocating

[grellanie-blog]

Hypomania over, I feel nothing now except for dread. I keep thinking about how I want to cease existing and how I wish I could just stop my whole life for a little bit and take a break.

My rent just went up, so I need to take the promotion I get offered at work so I can make enough money to pay it. I don’t think I can handle the responsibility of being a manager because I’m so inconsistent and irresponsible. It’s not like I don’t try to be better than I am but I just am what I am.

I feel terrible, I want to give up, but for now I will persist and take it one day at a time.