#bpdpoetry

[bianca-alexander88]

Manic Pixie Dream Girl Says

Have you heard this record?

Manic Pixie Dream Girl says.

Let me save you with this record.

Let me put the headphones on for you,

and watch me smile while you listen. Hear that?

That’s the sound of you becoming a better person.

I’m gonna paint a picture of a bird

on your beige wall without your permission

and you’re gunna love it.

And you thought you hated birds.

See me, encouraging you to take risks?

Manic Pixie Dream Girl wants you to do

something you’ve never done before.

Like smile, or go swing-dancing.

You wanna know my name?

You never call me by it anyway.

If I had to guess, it would probably be a season

or after a dead actress who you loved as a child.

But this isn’t about me, this is about you

and your cubicle job, your white bedroom,

your white Honda, your white mother.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl says,

I’m going to save you.

Don’t worry, you are still the lead role.

This is your love story,

about the way I teach you to live.

Everything they know about me

they will learn when it is projected onto you.

Watch the way you pick up my bad habits

and make them look good.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl talks too much,

says bad words out loud

and cries at commercials.

That makes me a funny woman, right?

The kind people like to laugh at?

It’s easy to root for you when I act like this —

so disagreeable, such a manic dream.

Dream Girl, your almost broken accessory.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl says

let’s play make believe with my body.

I’ll be a vintage dress with an empty prescription bottle.

Good girl, just bad enough.

A burp and a curtsy.

Let me be not too pretty, hair fried from all that pink dye.

Sex when you need it, puppet when you’re bored.

Let me build myself smaller than you,

Let me apologize when I get caught

acting bigger than you.

Let me always wait for this, let me work for this.

The convenient thing about being a magical woman

is that I can be gone as quickly as I came

and when you are a whole person

for the first time, the movie is over.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl doesn’t go on,

there’s no need for her anymore.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl is too dream girl

and you just woke up.

Once, I told you I was afraid of my father

and for a moment, I looked so human.

The audience lost interest.

You saw the crow’s feet at the sides of my eyes

and a small chip on my front tooth.

I looked just like everyone else.

— Olivia Gatwood

[ghost-road]

Against the very nature

of who I’ve been - the path I’ve

taken so many times that

the wooded chaos of my mind

presents to me

only one safe trail to charge through;

tonight I question if I should

wake you to make you hear

my tears fall

to the earth from the stars - like

grenades thrown softly on to

the foundation of us.

I wonder if I could ever be

white noise to facilitate your rest.

My tears fall, hit the soil,

creating space through the trees

to welcome the sun; I have a

choice - I am the soft rain

outside our window

and that is all I wish to be.

—recovery / j.n

[iamaseacupcake]

Manic as hell Bad decisions left and right Seemingly happy Having a blast Love, lust Drunken bliss Mania is a liar like that Oh what a thrill Throw caution to the wind You Only Live Once kind of attitude But in the back of my mind I know Depression's watching Waiting for the slip The moment I lose focus Sometimes barely a moment passes I lose myself Everything I am falls apart Afraid and confused Broken, lonely, feeling abandoned Questioning, questioning Tearing myself apart Analyzing all the little pieces Why, so many whys... An endless war in my heart and mind I yearn for balance During those days I do my best to remember I won't always be this way Days will come and go The extreme ups and downs Parts of my life that hinder ‎ Times when I feel broken ‎Each time BPD takes hold ‎ I do my best to survive. #bpd #bpdthoughts #poem #poetry #bpdpoetry #photo #photoshoot #modeling FAMP Group shoot, November 18, 2017 Photo by Jay Rowland Clothing by Ariel Sammone

[bianca-alexander88]

I will never be a thing of one particular moment.

[bianca-alexander88]

limerence, my drug of choice;

because it’s so much easier to

chew you up and spit you out

than to look at myself;

don’t worry, it’s just passing.

I live in this place,

you’re only pass through.

[bianca-alexander88]

Do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle?

This gentleness comes not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it.

[bianca-alexander88]

Listen: I am my father’s daughter.

[bianca-alexander88]

call me disgusting 

and throw a crystal decanter at the wall, 

make it feel like home.