“Contemplative life is not for the timid. It’s scary to be quiet, and it takes courage to be still. No one could be expected to sit on the battlefield of her own mind without being armed with the sword of unconditional truth in one hand and the sword of unconditional love in the other.” — Mirabai Starr “Wild Mercy”
When I first met Sue, she came to me with an open, yet broken heart. As she cried throughout the call, she referenced many times that she knew there was another way to experience life; she just couldn’t figure it out. She saw women at networking events and online who appeared happy, having it all, and effortlessly going through life. We both knew this was a facade, but Sue’s belief that it was possible was what was tugging at her. “I work so hard, every day. I’ve checked all the boxes. I’ve done all the THINGS, yet I feel like shit. I never feel like what I am doing is enough or right. I am tired all the time. I feel like I can’t keep up. I know this isn’t the way! I know there is something I can tap in to but I can’t! What am I missing?? How do I get there??”
Despite Sue feeling at an absolute loss, what I was witnessing and she didn’t know yet, was that she had conjured up the courage to admit there’s a different way of experiencing life. She wasn’t at a loss, she was actually at the point of gain. She entered the battlefield of her own mind — and hadn’t yet picked up her swords of unconditional love and truth.
She was right there. Without fully knowing it, she was surrendering to the circumstances of the life she created, knew there was something out there for her to experience, and tapped in to the courage to ask for help. She was ready to enter the cave to rumble with what’s been blocking her, and come out on the other side a hero of her own life — where love, compassion, joy, ease, connection, and purpose, intersect with pain, struggle, challenges, breakdowns, and loss, and having the skills and tools to navigate it.
I had been there, too. My first real sense that there was something bigger to access and tap in to beyond what I was being taught and shown by society was when I was 20 years old. I was sitting on a rolling green hill outside of town in the southern tier of New York, dealing with my own broken heart. I was at a crossroads in my life — conflicted over relationships and plans after college. I felt I “had to” do what was expected of me, but it just didn’t feel right. As I sat looking out over the valley, hours had passed. I cried. I sat longer. And then out of nowhere, I was hit with an idea that I didn’t have to do what others wanted me to. I didn’t have to do what society expected of me. I didn’t have to sell out my passion and desires and commitment to follow someone else’s plan. “What if?” I thought. I said it over and over. In that moment, I felt an enormous amount of freedom, and my heart felt full and my spirit lifted almost instantly.
I drove back to campus and shared my breakthrough with a few others — elated in my experience and motivated to live out the promise I made to myself. After sharing myself openly and authentically with just a handful of people, those feelings were gone. I shared with people who were committed to another way of being and living, and they found flaws and holes in my dreams and vision. I retreated and hid away what felt like a new life. I was confused and embarrassed I even had such ideas. “They’re right,” I said to myself, “and I’m an idiot.” I believed that story for a long time.
I did experience feeling connected to my truth many times again, though, and each time the feeling of wanting to let go of expectations sticking just a little bit longer. The cycle would be that I would feel these fleeting moments of freedom, like an animal released from a cage, to only be sucked back in by fear again — the idea that it’s too scary to connect with one’s true nature and spirit. Like that same freed animal running back to its captors because it feels more comfortable to be caged in with what’s familiar, than go out in to the wilderness of the unknown. It wasn’t until the pain of living in my own, self-induced prison became too much that I decided to trust the inner guidance and intuition of what was already there…. leading me all along, to the point of stillness and connection with one’s own self, that I finally surrendered to making that a reality.
I had grit and perseverance, but community and support was what really helped me to stay the course of what’s possible, to step “out of the cage,” and forge my own path. It took creating and connecting with a tribe of others who saw and experienced the same light and freedom, in order for me to maintain my connection to inner truth and wisdom and freedom. It also took validation.
You see, in the moments when I felt connected or pulled toward my truth, I was also being shown another way by culture and the general masses. I felt weird, odd, different, that I didn’t belong, and that something was wrong with me. When I began to get validated by other truth seekers and those connected to a higher calling, my feelings became more real and I was able to expand on them, until eventually I was living it. Imagine that caged animal being set free, then rounding a corner to find other beings just like it, playing and living out their spirited life. It certainly wouldn’t of gone back to the cage.
As we sit with our thoughts more so now than ever, there’s a desire of wanting to be free from the ideas that hold us down or produce fear, upset, discontentment, coupled with feelings of isolation. This can be a tricky place to be. Many women I talk to, just like Sue, are having these emotional experiences in a way that’s more profound than ever, but also feel alone. There’s feelings of helplessness and fears of confronting anything more than what’s already going on (the experience can be just too much). I know you’re feeling this too, my dear (it’s a bit impossible not to, nowadays) and that is why I want to offer some help.
Life can and is a lot to handle at times, but what I’ve learned along the way, is that we can do hard and difficult things. We just don’t have to do them alone. The overwhelm, grief and helplessness do not have to become who you are.
Although most of my coaching focuses on private, 1:1, in-depth work, I am opening up a new, short-term program designed for a small community of truth-seekers. In this time where our feelings seem overwhelming, I know more now than ever, community and connection with a tribe you resonate with is essential.
Click here to learn more about the virtual group program, and learn that you don’t have to go at it alone anymore. The first step is having the courage to raise your hand, and allow the help to step in. We CAN be joyful and experience gratitude AND experience grief and challenges at the same time.
Now’s not the time to face it all alone — there’s a tribe waiting for you.
With so much love,
Brandi
