#brewballed

[brewballed-blog]

BREWBALLED --> details

BREWBALLED

       According to the average American boy, wanting to be a baseball player is one of most sought after career choices a young man drools over. What do you need to become a baseball player? Well, in order to be on the active roster of the Milwaukee Brewers right now, you must weigh more than 170, but less than 245 pounds, with an ideal weight of 204.8 pounds. You must also be taller than 5 feet 9 inches but shorter than 6 feet 8 inches with an ideal height of 73.6 inches tall (6 feet 1.6 inches), unless you are Japanese. In that case, you have to be 69 inches tall and weigh 180 pounds with 20/20 vision. Also, your ideal birthday would be in September or October of 1981**. Keep in mind the average American man is 5 feet 9 inches tall and weighs 180 pounds: like an American Norichika Aoki!

*

Number      Player              Height             Weight                DOB

1             Corey Hart             6 foot 6             235           March 24th, 1982

2             Nyjer Morgan         5 foot 10           185           July 2nd, 1980

5             Taylor Green          5 foot 11          195           November 2nd, 1986

7             Norichika Aoki       5 foot 9            180            January 5th, 1982

8            Ryan Braun             6 foot 1             200          November 17th, 1983

9            George Kottaras      6 foot 0            200          May 10th, 1983

12          Martin Maldonado   6 foot 1            225           August 16th, 1986

13          Zack Greinke          6 foot 2             200          October 21st, 1983

14          Brooks Conrad        5 foot 10          190            January 16th, 1980

16          Aramis Ramirez      6 foot 1            205            June 25th, 1978

18          Shaun Marcum        6 foot 0            195           December 14th, 1981 

21          Cody Ransom          6 foot 3            205           February 17th, 1976

23          Rickie Weeks           5 foot 10          220           September 13th, 1982

26          Manny Parra            6 foot 3            205           October 30th, 1982

27          Carlos Gomez         6 foot 4            210           December 4th, 1985

29          Edwin Maysonet      6 foot 1            180           October 17th, 1981

40          Jose Veras               6 foot 6            240           October 20th, 1980 

43          Randy Wolf              6 foot 0            205           August 22nd, 1976

46          Juan Perez               6 foot 0            170           September 3rd, 1978

48         Tim Dillard               6 foot 4            220           July 19th, 1983

49         Yovani Gallardo        6 foot 2            210           February 27th, 1986

50         Kameron Loe            6 foot 8            245           September 10th, 1981

57         Francisco Rodriguez 6 foot 0            195           January 7th, 1982

59          John Axford             6 foot 5            210          April 1st, 1983

64         Michael Fiers            6 foot 3            195           June 15th, 1985

       You have just taken a look at the active roster for the Milwaukee Brewers as it stands. It’s all about the details. Feel free to compare yourself to the players. (Goes by height, then weight, then birthday.)

HEIGHT: (shortest to tallest)

Number      Player                Height          Weight             DOB

7           Norichika Aoki         5 foot 9            180          January 5th, 1982

2           Nyjer Morgan           5 foot 10          185          July 2nd, 1980

14         Brooks Conrad         5 foot 10          190          January 16th, 1980

23         Rickie Weeks            5 foot 10          220         September 13th, 1982

5           Taylor Green            5 foot 11          195         November 2nd, 1986

9           George Kottaras       6 foot 0            200         May 10th, 1983

18         Shaun Marcum         6 foot 0            195         December 14th, 1981

43         Randy Wolf              6 foot 0            205          August 22nd, 1976

46         Juan Perez               6 foot 0            170          September 3rd, 1978

57         Francisco Rodriguez 6 foot 0           195          January 7th, 1982

8           Ryan Braun               6 foot 1           200         November 17th, 1983

12         Martin Maldonado    6 foot 1            225         August 16th, 1986

16         Aramis Ramirez        6 foot 1           205          June 25th, 1978

29         Edwin Maysonet       6 foot 1            180         October 17th, 1981

13        Zack Greinke             6 foot 2           200          October 21st, 1983

49        Yovani Gallardo         6 foot 2           210          February 27th, 1986

21        Cody Ransom            6 foot 3           205          February 17th, 1976

26        Manny Parra              6 foot 3           205          October 30th, 1982

64        Michael Fiers             6 foot 3           195          June 15th, 1985

27        Carlos Gomez           6 foot 4            210         December 4th, 1985

48        Tim Dillard               6 foot 4            220          July 19th, 1983

59        John Axford              6 foot 5            210         April 1st, 1983

1          Corey Hart                6 foot 6            235          March 24th, 1982

40        Jose Veras                 6 foot 6            240         October 20th, 1980

50        Kameron Loe             6 foot 8           245          September 10th, 1981

  WEIGHT: (lowest to highest)

Number     Player                 Height            Weight          DOB

46         Juan Perez                6 foot 0           170         September 3rd, 1978

7          Norichika Aoki           5 foot 9           180         January 5th, 1982

29        Edwin Maysonet         6 foot 1           180         October 17th, 1981

2          Nyjer Morgan             5 foot 10        185          July 2nd, 1980

14        Brooks Conrad           5 foot 10         190         January 16th, 1980

5          Taylor Green              5 foot 11        195          November 2nd, 1986

18        Shaun Marcum           6 foot 0          195          December 14th, 1981

57        Francisco Rodriguez  6 foot 0           195          January 7th, 1982

64        Michael Fiers              6 foot 3          195          June 15th, 1985

8         Ryan Braun                 6 foot 1           200          November 17th, 1983

9         George Kottaras         6 foot 0           200          May 10th, 1983

13       Zack Greinke              6 foot 2           200         October 21st, 1983 

16        Aramis Ramirez         6 foot 1           205          June 25th, 1978

21        Cody Ransom            6 foot 3           205          February 17th, 1976

26        Manny Parra              6 foot 3           205          October 30th, 1982

43        Randy Wolf                6 foot 0           205          August 22nd, 1976

27        Carlos Gomez            6 foot 4           210          December 4th, 1985

49        Yovani Gallardo         6 foot 2           210          February 27th, 1986

59        John Axford               6 foot 5           210          April 1st, 1983

23       Rickie Weeks              5 foot 10         220          September 13th, 1982

48       Tim Dillard                 6 foot 4           220          July 19th, 1983

12       Martin Maldonado      6 foot 1           225          August 16th, 1986

1         Corey Hart                  6 foot 6           235         March 24th, 1982

40        Jose Veras                 6 foot 6           240         October 20th, 1980

50       Kameron Loe              6 foot 8           245         September 10th, 1981

 BIRTHDAY: (youngest to oldest)

Number     Player                Height            Weight          DOB

5            Taylor Green           5 foot 11           195           November 2nd, 1986

12          Martin Maldonado   6 foot 1             225           August 16th, 1986

49          Yovani Gallardo       6 foot 2             210           February 27th, 1986

27          Carlos Gomez         6 foot 4             210           December 4th, 1985

64          Michael Fiers           6 foot 3             195           June 15th, 1985

8            Ryan Braun              6 foot 1             200          November 17th, 1983

13          Zack Greinke           6 foot 2             200          October 21st, 1983

48          Tim Dillard              6 foot 4             220           July 19th, 1983

9            George Kottaras       6 foot 0            200           May 10th, 1983

59          John Axford             6 foot 5            210            April 1st, 1983

26          Manny Parra             6 foot 3            205           October 30th, 1982

23          Rickie Weeks            5 foot 10          220            September 13th, 1982

1            Corey Hart                6 foot 6           235            March 24th, 1982

57          Francisco Rodriguez 6 foot 0           195             January 7th, 1982

7            Norichika Aoki          5 foot 9           180             January 5th, 1982

18          Shaun Marcum          6 foot 0           195            December 14th, 1981

29          Edwin Maysonet        6 foot 1           180            October 17th, 1981

50          Kameron Loe             6 foot 8           245           September 10th, 1981

40          Jose Veras                 6 foot 6           240            October 20th, 1980

2           Nyjer Morgan             5 foot 10         185             July 2nd, 1980

14         Brooks Conrad            5 foot 10        190             January 16th, 1980

46          Juan Perez                 6 foot 0           170            September 3rd, 1978

16         Aramis Ramirez          6 foot 1          205             June 25th, 1978

43         Randy Wolf                 6 foot 0           205            August 22nd, 1976

21         Cody Ransom             6 foot 3           205            February 17th, 1976

       An interesting thing to note is that pitchers on the Brewers are generally taller and weigh more than offensive position players. As for why, it could be purely coincidence or it could be because Kameron Loe is a giant and his height alone makes everyone else look tiny:

        *Please note that this chart of Milwaukee Brewers is current and attains no detailed information on the following starters currently serving time on the DL: Marco Estrada, Mat Gamel, Alex Gonzalez, Travis Ishikawa, Cesar Izturis, Jonathan Lucroy, Chris Narveson. Adding these players would change the average height, weight and age for the active roster of the Milwaukee Brewers.

       **These details really have no effect on becoming a baseball player, they are just interesting to look over and compare yourself to what could have been. 

                      - Josiah Spindler

[brewballed-blog]

Closed for Maintenance

            BREWBALLED

      This is another BrewBalled article. I’m just sitting in my basement looking at the things around me - a Chorizo, Nintendo 64, Xbox 360, Flugel horn, cheese balls, Beats by Dre, Fear Factor season 1, Namco arcade game, ping pong, pool, fußball, a drumset, two tv’s expelling ‘Around the Horn’ and baseball with its bright Liquid Crystals and lots of other things not mentioned. Hmm. Just by reading that, you may be thinking one of two things: (1.) wow, this guy has a sick basement, I want to hang out with him, or (2.) if you put all those things on a baseball field, they don’t really go together. Isn’t that going to affect team chemistry?

      Answer: absolutely. You’ll have those guys who steal a tv and play Nintendo 64 or Xbox 360 all night. You’ll have those guys who eat cheese balls and watch Fear Factor all night. You’ll have those guys who play ping pong, fußball or pool across the basement from the tv’s all night. You’ll have those guys who play drums and trumpet while a guy listens on Beats, and you’ll have that guy who plays Namco all by himself with a Chorizo in the corner. How do you get these guys to all get along? Put ‘em in a locker room and trust they work it out.

      After losing Mat Gamel, Alex Gonzalez, and Chris Narveson for the season, (two of which were new starters on the team) the Crew needed to call up some new guys. And even then, Travis Ishikawa and Cesar Izturis hit the DL so we needed to call up some more new guys. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that these guys don’t know how to deal with call ups and trades and all that jazz, but when you have a group of guys celebrate a divisional series win, and a National League series loss together, they grow as a team together as well. When that team chemistry gets disturbed in any way, it gets easier for the team to grow apart.

      Michael Fiers, Juan Perez, Martin Maldonado, Brooks Conrad, Taylor Green, Edwin Maysonet, Travis Ishikawa, Cesar Izturis and Cody Ransom. Have you heard of any of them before this year? Well, every single one of them were not part of the Brewers at the beginning of the year. The point: injuries take their toll on a ball club not only performance-wise, but chemistry-wise as well.

      After sweeping the Dodgers, the Brewers were feeling real good about themselves coming home for a 3 game set with the Pirates, Cubs and Padres, and then going on the road to Kansas City and Minneapolis only having to go 10-5 to get back to .500. If they can get over that hump with as many injuries as they have, then they are right back in the race to reclaim their National League Central division crown.

      Maldonado has done all we expect from him in Jonathon Lucroy’s absence, while Brooks Conrad, Rickie Weeks, Nyjer Morgan and Aramis Ramirez are starting to heat up. Ryan Braun is Ryan Braun so you know you’ll get your homeruns out of him, Corey Hart is in a little bit of a slump right now but he’s still been getting his hits, Carlos Gomez looks to be ready at the plate again, but his nagging hamstring injury has Aoki or Nyjer starting in his place for defensive purposes. Ever since I ordered my Aoki jersey, he’s been getting unlucky with his bat, hitting it hard directly at the defender, but I have confidence his Japanese slap shot will find the holes once again very soon.

      According to bleacher report, our starting pitchers combine for a .159 average in the batters box, which is good for 3rd best in the NL. Their 29 total bases is good for best in baseball as well as their .415 OPS and 10 runs scored, which is tied for most. The reason for this stat: I would take any of our pitchers in place of Cesar Izturis when he gets off the DL. I hope Ron Roenicke understands that Izturis always comes to the plate with the bases loaded and one out, only to ground into a double play. Please. Cody Ransom > Cesar Izturis.

      Maybe in one of these next series, the guys playing  Xbox 360 or Nintendo 64 will invite the Namco arcade gamer to play with them, which makes the guys watching Joe Rogan host Fear Factor want to play Mario Party with the guys, which turns into a huge ping pong tournament between all the players with some nice trumpet on drums music in the background. Lets not forget about the cheese balls getting tossed around the clubhouse either. All it takes for team chemistry is a rookie’s first career homerun, or some nice walkoff hits for the guys, or a four-game sweep of the best team in baseball in order to get them to actually connect with one other. I’m not saying this was the problem to begin with, but boy oh boy does it look like the Brewers are back and ready to start winning some games.

               - Josiah Spindler

[brewballed-blog]

BREWBALLED --> Rickie Darnell Weeks

BREWBALLED

       Rickie Weeks. Something’s just…, off. There’s no other way to put it. Yes, he has more walks than hits, (25 to 24) but he’s good for 11th on the team for OBP (minimum 50 plate appearances), slugging, and OPS, tied for 7th in rbi’s, tied for 6th in triples, 5th for stolen bases, runs scored, hits, and 2 baggers, tied for 4th in homeruns, 1st in walks and finally probably one of the more important statistics, 4th in games started trailing only Corey Hart by 2 (43), and Ryan Braun and Ramo (Aramis Ramirez)(42) by 1 for the team lead. What I failed to mention was that Rickie Weeks has a team leading 58 strikeouts. Rickie had a total of 107 k’s all of last year. I think it’s safe to say that the Brewers can’t afford to have a player who has a 37% chance to strikeout whenever he steps up to the plate.

        This guy was the NL’s starting second baseman in the All Star Game last year so what happened? Is he hurt? Does he have lady problems? Is he thinking about cutting his braids? I don’t know. You don’t know. Does he know? One thing is for certain, however: the Milwaukee Brewers need him to start hitting in order to win. So far this year, when Rickie Weeks has gotten a hit and has reached base twice in the game, the Brewers are 9-2*. Just imagine all those one run games or those overtime losses where we would have had a hefty chance of winning if Rickie Weeks could hit his way on base.

        One guy we are lucky to have: Norichika Aoki. With Nyjer sputtering at the plate as well, we needed another outfielder when Gomez went down. Nyjer hasn’t recorded an RBI since the historic walkoff single in game 5 of the NLDS against the d’bags. I say d’bags only because they felt compelled to make up their own “beastmode” move when Prince’s sons geniously watched Monsters Inc. with their father and came up with the brilliant motion for a beast instead of completely and blatantly stealing the idea from the Brewers and using it against us in the same series. WE CAN SEE YOU.

        One more thing that comes to mind is how awful Cardinals fans are. They were decent before the WS win, but since then they won’t shut up about how ‘their’ team is the greatest ever. They should remember that they got the last wildcard spot into the playoffs because the Braves’ Craig Kimbrel got the rookie nerves and lost the last of 8 games to make the postseason. No one said, however, that the Cardinals didn’t make the most of it and careened their way to only having 1 strike left on their season TWICE before ending up with a title. All I want is for them to show respect for the other ball clubs. Everything they are doing this year, they were practically crying about last year. Pick one or the other. Arrogance does not get you far.

        Now that one of my many inevitable tangents is over, how about that Jonathan Lucroy!? Can you believe that nobody in my fantasy league owned him until I picked him up recently? And to think I thought those guys had good baseball minds. Another tangent over.

        Rickie Weeks went from batting leadoff on opening day to second for a while. And then boom! Fifth for a while and then BOOM BOOM! Sixth. Even with 3 rookies in the lineup almost on a nightly basis, Rickie Darnell Weeks bats in the 6 hole. Crazy how baseball works, huh. BUT, I am confident that when I say when Rickie Weeks finds his bat in Daytona Beach, or in 2011 where he left it, the Brewers will be well on their way to reclaiming the NL Central Pennant, and hopefully this time, a just plain ‘ol NL Pennant as well. However, there is one more condition: get Cesar Izturis out of the majors. At least for now. He always seems to come up to the plate with the bases loaded and 1 out only to hit into an inning ending double play. With the new addition of Cody Ransom, however, the Brewers hope to look past their SS troubles since JJ Hardy and Alcides Escobar, or should I say Yunieski Betancourt and Cesar Izturis. Yikes.

        * Denotes an unconfirmed statistic. Most likely not even close to being accurate, but if people actually read through some of this article and happen to read that line, they are more likely to like Rickie Weeks a little bit more which is all I’m after here.** And let’s be honest, most people won’t read the whole thing, if any of it, so they won’t know it was made up.

       ** All I want is for people to like Rickie Weeks, and root for his success instead of booing him at Miller Park.***

      *** He’ll be here for a while if you like it or not so better to help him gain confidence that the fan base has his back rather than boo him for something he knows he needs to improve upon.

 Go Brewers. I’m out!

                                  - Josiah Spindler

[brewballed-blog]

BREWBALLED --> Sixteen Ladies

BREWBALLED

      I don’t know what I’ve been doing lately, but I haven’t been writing about the Brewers, that’s for sure. Maybe it’s because they haven’t been performing up to our standards. Maybe it’s because Milwaukee baseball left with Prince Fielder.  Maybe it’s because all of the injuries so far have given fans reason to totally dismiss this season completely. But what I do know is that there hasn’t been much to write about. Yeah, Rickie Weeks is sputtering at the plate. Yeah, we have 3 rookies starting in the infield with the fourth being a new face to Milwaukee. Yeah, we have 4 starters on the DL, but none of that is newsworthy; however, this is: we have Ryan Braun. We have JONATHAN FREAKING LUCROY. Zack Greinke! (Yes this spelling is correct. A ‘k’ for ‘strikeout’ and the ‘ei’ is veracious. Believe me.) It’s just about the time where you have to stop saying it’s early and say that the players will figure it out. Start saying that our breaks will come. Unfortunately for us, they seem to all come in the same games. Sunday May 20th: our offense put 16 on the board out of nowhere. Three days ago, they put up 6 in the first inning.  The offense is there, we just choose to seldom show it. (Or use it at all against Jeff Suppan.)

      So, on a totally unrelated note, this is the first article of the summer for me. I’ve been too busy getting drunk and nailing ladies to write which is why I’m writing one tonight. None of the sixteen girls I called wanted to talk to me and one even came over just to slap me on the face for my performance the other night. I realize that was an awful joke that wasn’t even funny, but it doesn’t matter because no one reads these articles anyways. Just to tie the sixteen girls into writing about the Brewers, specifically the performance aspect, I will simply say that their performance is not what we are used to. Once you’re used to something great, you don’t just expect it to tail off and never come back, right? We know the wonderful performance/skill/talent is there, but where did it go? Those ladies know I have the performance in me, but I haven’t shown it to them yet. Only in squirts. Pun definitely not (let’s be honest, yeah it’s intended) intended. Those squirts are the only things that keep them coming back. Maybe he figured it out and the entire performance is back! Sadly, at this point in the season, (much like last year/last night) people (girls) are giving up and leaving or moving on. This will be a main theme until something sparks the Brewers to actually perform to what we expect them to be able to. And then maybe, just MAYBE those fans will come back and get reenergized about Milwaukee baseball. (And maybe, just MAYBE one of those girls will agree to come over and judge my performance high enough to tell another girl, who will tell another girl, who will tell yet ANOTHER girl and so on that I’m back, baby!) My totally unblatant point: once we start performing again, everyone that dismissed the Brewers already, will come back and sorrowfully, mournfully, regretfully, honestly and genuinely apologize to us true fans. If they’re lucky, we won’t tell them to suck our dicks save it for next year. Instead we’ll tell them to jump in Chorizo’s hat and sneak into Miller Park to see the Cerveceros play.

      The reality is that we haven’t been playing our best ball AND WE’RE STILL ONLY SEVEN GAMES BACK. Look at the Giants. They’re three games above 500 and still 6.5 games behind Matt Kemp. But that won’t last. The Dodgers don’t have it in ‘em. We may be close to the cellar in the NL Central right now, but come All Star break, the Brewers will be right where they want to be. Well, that’s just a bunch of what John Axford calls “cliché,” which is why I’ll go so far as to say even if they’re not, the Brewers had an unconfirmed Major League best 50-23 post all star game record last year. By that time one of our rookies or even Norichika Aoki will grow into an MVP candidate for the Brewers, right?

      Well, this article was a lot about nothing. I even lied a lot. But none of you will know or even care because no one reads these articles! BUT FOR REALZ, if you did read this, share it to your followers so we can actually break double digits! Also, number 7/16 just called, soooooo I’m out!              

                                 - Josiah Spindler