Anon Advice Asks - September 16
lunch table anon, ribs anon, broken computer anon (new), vocational school anon (new), BPD anon (new)
lunch table anon
I was telling C a story that involved my birthday and she asked when it was so I told her it was this month and she said we should hangout for my birthday. And I’m pretty sure she actually wants to hangout bc she mentioned it at first during math class and then again at lunch. It turns out she’s in the same show choir group as my friend A. But I’m also kind of sad bc tomorrows my ex bsfs birthday.
-lunch table anon
Hi!
Happy birthday! I hope you were/are able to make plans with C? C sounds like a really nice person. Have you been able to find some people to sit with?
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Ribs anon
hi cas! ribs anon here
so it's almost been a month. btw A, K, Z and I are cool again (touchwood) like it's okay we feel like a proper friendgroup again all is well
thing is, A, Z (who belong to the four people friendgroup) , P, R, D (who belong to the five people friendgroup including H) and I work for the same organisation. it's like founded by R, P and A are directors. its great and all but the thing is
REALISTICALLY, A does a lot more work than P and R
she's really stressed about it and all and I've talked to P and R
R feels as though A doesnt inform her properly of everything that's going on that's why she can't help and all that but A feels as though she's explained clearly enough and she's really tired of talking about it and you can see it on her face and it's just really scary I DONT want her to put this much stress on herself
due to circumstances I hang out with A,K, and Z more than H,D,P and R so technically rn I'm closer to A, K and Z. whenever I talk to R about this she thinks that I ONLY listen to A which isn't true, if I did then I wouldn't try to understand her perspective as well right?
i just. idk what to do. im caught in between and I CANT play both sides because I know it isn't right to, even though every time I've been caught in such a situation I HAVE played both sides but I know that's not right. but the problem is there IS no right or wrong both sides have their perspectives
and then theres H. i don't know if I've mentioned but H lives abroad like she moved. and i just wanted to share A's thoughts and ask for a solution but it kind of turned into an argument with her defending P and R which she doesn't need to because they're my friends too, I'm not mad at them. its just kind of messed up that H just immediately takes their side and doesn't even try to stay neutral just for my sake.
and also H reads your blog so H, if youre reading this, please don't start a fight with me about this, i CANNOT. i don't want this to affect OUR friendship because it's not supposed to. thank you. i love you.
cas, no need to hide because idrc if H reads this. im really forgetful so I'll forget which part you're referring to if you hide this
Hi!
Honestly, I think you need to set some boundaries with R and A. If they try to talk to you about it, I would say something like "Of, it sounds like you need to talk to (other person) about that, because I don't want to get in the middle." When you let them vent about each other to you, you ARE putting yourself in the middle and, gently, talking to H about it is just going to make it worse. The best thing you can do is push them to talk to each other. They need to work out their own problems, you're not their mom, you know?
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broken computer anon
A random teacher i dont know just broke my computer.
Tech dept. Cant fix it
Im actually gonna cry
Wait, I feel like there has to be more to this? Like if the teacher touched your computer without permission, they should be paying for it to get fixed, you know? Or is it the school's computer? And if so, why don't they have extras?
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vocational school anon
I feel like such a hateful person lately. Like I hate everyone and everything and I can’t help it even tho I want to stop.
Two years ago I broke up with a girl in my friend group and it was rly messy bc I was pathetic and trying to get her back and it was rly embarrassing. Anyway, all of our friends chose her over me which I get in some aspects bc I was the problem, but also our breakup shouldn’t have involved our friends. And since then every time I see my ex girlfriend and ex friends I feel so resentful and sad and I want to cry and scream. They were my bsfs since like third grade and they helped me thru my depression and anxiety and OCD and I helped them thru their things. Like I thought we were bsfs. Especially one boy in the group bc we did literally everything together. I was probably a little too dependent on him but whatever. And one of the girls was in love with him and spent years trying to get us to stop being friends, but that happened before I broke up with this girl. Actually after I broke up with the girl the other girl sent me hateful messages calling me a c*nt and saying the reason all our friends were depressed was bc of me. Anyway, I went thru that entire school year crying and eating lunch alone in the bathroom bc my only friend was my sister and I had no classes with her bc I was a freshman and she was a senior. It was awful. I was in marching band with those people and I would skip performances and football games bc I couldn’t handle seeing them. I even skipped school a lot bc they were there and I only had one class with them and that girl kept sending me messages basically telling me I was an awful person and didn’t deserve to have friends. I auditioned for the school musical bc I genuinely enjoy theater but I dropped out before practice even started bc they were there. They never even showed an interest in doing musicals (which they knew was smth I was into) until we stopped being friends. Thankfully marching band ended and I only had to see them during school and SO but in SO we were in different groups. I was also going thru the autism diagnosis process which is long and hard and I just wanted friends to talk to about it. I signed up for a second year of marching band bc I thought I could handle it after most of the summer had passed. I made it up until the last day of band camp. I hung out with two seniors most of the time but when I wasn’t with them I was miserable. I literally couldn’t handle seeing my ex friends being friends. One of them (the one that was sending me all those messages) yelled at me during a sports challenge bc I was crying. And then the boy I was closest with tried to defend me which made it worse bc it reminded me of how close we used to be. Anyway on the last day of band camp I was crying and that boy came up to me and just stared at me crying. He stared at me for like a minute and then walked away. I don’t know if he wanted to say smth but it was weird. Anyway I cried the entire bus ride home and when I got home I told my parents I wanted to switch schools. They put me in an online program and that’s how I spent the rest of sophomore year. Then this year I started a vocational school and now I want to do some extracurricular activities but my ex friends are in everything I’m interested in. I literally have nothing to do but go to school. I want to be able to handle being in the same things as them again but I feel so much hate and sadness whenever I see them (bc I see them practicing marching band when I ride the bus back to the school). It’s been two years and I’m still not over it and it makes me feel awful. Like they probably don’t even think about me but I spend a lot of time thinking about them and wondering how my life would be different if I hadn’t broken up with that girl or even dated her in the first place.
Hi!
honestly, after all the shit and changes you went though, I'm not surprised you're feelings such intense and negative feelings! I think it's only natural! This is a LOT and it sounds like you never fully processed it, which is nothing to feel embarrassed or guilty about
Does your vocational school have a counselor, or are you able to talk to a therapist? I really think the best thing to do is just TALK about all of this. These feelings- the anger and hatred and all of that- can be worked through by talking to a safe adult about this really shit time in your life.
But please don't feel awful about your feelings. All feelings are valid, I promise <3
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BPD anon (new)
Um hi Cas idk who else to ask this to. Do you know anything abt BPD or something bc I’ve always felt like something’s off and I was scrolling the blogs of ppl who have BPD and it describes me perfectly but there’s so much hate and stigma surrounding the entire community idk if it’s even safe for me to try and figure it out cuz I wanna know what this is but I don’t wanna be put on meds or be treated like an outsider for the rest of my life. So um any advice?
Hi!
I do know what BPD is, and I agree, there's a LOT of stigma around it (and other personality disorders).
I think, especially with personality disorders, getting a diagnosis and treatment can be really beneficial, as long as it's through healthy and helpful resources. If you're looking at getting a diagnosis and help, make sure to ask the places you do to the right questions: how do they ensure privacy? What approaches do they offer? what are their philosophies when it comes to treatment?
Once you hear the answers to those questions, you can decide if the place seems safe for you. Treat it like you're buying a car--YOU are the customer. Do YOU like the place you're calling? If not, don't give them your business!
But yeah I think if you feel like it resonates with you, it's at least worth some research!
