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by Sarah Taylor | A former patient of Planned Parenthood recalled her experience with the organization and revealed the disturbing method one doctor allegedly said he used for terminating "stubborn" pregnancies. The patient alleged that the reported method involved breaking a newborn baby's neck if it survives the abortion...
Nothing in this world is holier than friendship.
— Gabby’s World Broken Necks
nothing in this world is holier than friendship
I’m sorry my second post is so late. It’s a pretty personal one, and I was hesitant about opening up so much, so I wanted to make sure it was good before I shared it. Anyway, as promised, a song by a lady.
Eskimeaux is a four-piece band that started out as a project by Brooklyn songwriter Gabrielle Smith. One of my favorite songs of theirs is “Broken Necks,” from her 2015 album O.K., an upbeat goodbye to a complicated relationship. Smith said in a Stereogum interview:
“There was a period in which I was wildly in love with someone who was (and still is) a wonderful, seriously talented person who was sick literally all the time. It was one thing after another with illnesses that were seriously overwhelming and that kept them bedridden for a long time and countless hospital visits. I wrote like a billion songs about feeling simultaneously in love and helpless to fix them. I think, in general, both of us were much more capable of expressing our feelings in the form of songs than face-to-face, so we would hang out together and then go home and send each other songs. In a way we had an ongoing, passive dialogue that was sometimes romantic and sometimes really hurtful to each other.
“Broken Necks” was kind of the final hurrah of that dialogue, my way of trying to break it off. Some of the lyrics are actually from a song that the other person wrote: “Nothing in this world is holier than friendship” — I was using them in an attempt to remind them of positive, hopeful feelings they had had within the negative stuff that was going on surrounding our relationship.”
That someone is Keith Hampson, who makes music as POWER ANIMAL. According to an interview with Heave Media, he was sick for about a year with mono and allergic reactions, during which time he and Smith had this musical dialogue. And their relationship is not over -- in August, POWER ANIMAL and Eskimeaux released a song together, which makes me very happy.
The ambiguous relationship described in the song reminds me of my own relationship with a close male friend. We met in high school through music and became good friends a year later. At the time he had a girlfriend, and I’d just gotten out of a relationship, so we were strictly friends. He always made me laugh, and we often shared music with each other.
After graduation, he and his girlfriend broke up.
He and I went to the same college and had a brutal 8 a.m. class together our freshman year. We’d read each other’s papers, construct elaborate inside jokes about our instructor and eat breakfast together after class. He became my closest male friend and maybe one of my closest friends, period.
The following fall, a girl in our friend group told me she was interested in him, and I was strangely bothered. At first I thought that if they dated, our friend group would fall apart, but I started to realize that maybe the real reason I was upset was that I was interested in him myself. I didn’t want to cause the demise of our friend group by pursuing a relationship, so I tried to put my feelings on the back burner and focus on our friendship. And we did become really, really good friends, sharing music together, powering each other through stress and all-nighters, coming to each other with our problems, encouraging each other when we felt lost. Having grown up in the same area, we had a lot in common, and I appreciated that shared bond.
When I had a million arms I would wrap them around all your body parts try to keep away all that could do you harm try to keep out sickness and keep you warm but every time the going got tough one by one they were falling off
Summer came; we stayed close, but away from college we didn't see each other as much. I kept reaching out, “sticking my neck out,” if you will, and getting rejected. Sometimes I would come to him with my problems and he would just ignore me or tell me to cheer up. Obviously, a relationship wasn’t meant to be, I realized. I took a step back, which was hard but the right thing to do. I wouldn’t dare jeopardize our friendship.
While you were breaking your neck trying to keep your head up I was breaking my neck just to stick it out for you
School started again, and our friendship grew strong. We dated/hooked up with other people, but we continued to confide in each other. He was my Leading Expert On Boys, who answered Very Important Questions like “Do boys care about (fill in the blank)?” and “Is this boy trying to Netflix and Chill?” I was his “Feminist Perspective” quite often, an honor I equally loved and hated. He called me an enigma once, a comment I still contemplate to this day. Did that mean I was mysterious? Am I a Manic Pixie Dream Girl?
Over the next two years, we had an “ongoing, passive dialogue” just like Smith and Hampson. Sometimes, music could speak better than we could, and there were euphoric moments when we were playing together when I wished I could just show or tell him how I felt. Other times, during late night chats, sometimes fueled by alcohol, always over text, we would confide our feelings about each other. Turns out he had a crush on me our freshman year. I told him about my own feelings for him. I would tell him something heartfelt, and he would assuage my insecurities. We’d have nights where we’d open up, and then the next day, we’d see each other in class, high five and act like it didn’t happen. Knowing about this shared attraction, our friendship felt strangely intimate but definitely special. It was hard to explain to other people.
All the eagles I still haven't seen and the trees proudly alive and green I could swear they are there just for you and me whether friends or in love there's an indisputable beauty
It wasn’t all great, though. He mansplained a lot. He’d ignore me at times but then tell me I was his closest friend and deepest confidante -- his words and actions spoke differently. He wasn’t always there for me when I would have liked company or support that he could have given. These things made me not want to risk our comfortable friendship to date him.
Recently, we graduated, and he got a girlfriend -- a long-distance one, a girl who had been his friend about as long as I had. Their relationship had been in a weird gray area for a while, he said, showing me the valentine she’d sent him before they even became official. They’d taken cross-country trips to visit each other. They had a dream future planned out together where they’d move to the same city.
And it’s been weird, ever since. I don’t think our relationship is in the same place. It almost hurts knowing that whatever I was to him, he was to someone else the entire time. I shouldn’t be jealous, because I know he’s happy, and I am trying to be a Mature Young Woman and Supportive Friend. But I miss knowing that, no matter what else was going on in our lives, we had what we had, even if we never really talked about it.
If the distance between us grows too strong I would saturate silence with your song
When I first heard this song, I identified with Smith, constantly reaching out to someone, feeling ignored and deciding to cut ties. But now I look back and think that maybe I am the Hampson. Maybe he’s sick of sticking his neck out for me. I can’t keep relying on this person to keep my head up. I can only do that myself.
I love this line from a Pitchfork review of the song: “she approaches the song's saddest realizations with a calm, collected resolve, looking to leave everything behind in exchange for a great friendship.” Maybe that’s all I have to do.
open up your hands and accept that this has ended "Nothing in this world is holier than friendship"
whether friends or in love, there's an indisputable beauty.
Open up your hand and accept that this has ended, nothing in this world is holier than friendship
Listening to Eskimeaux, Yowler, and Frankie Cosmos on repeat to soundtrack this rainy day in anticipation of Saturday’s concert at First Unitarian 😁
Broken Necks
All the eagles I still haven't seen and the trees proudly alive and green. I could swear they are there just for you and me. Whether friends or in love there's an indisputable beauty.
While you were breaking your neck trying to keep your head up, I was breaking my neck just to stick it out for you.
If the distance between us grows too strong, I would saturate silence with your song. 'Cause you'd rub my back 'til the skin smoothed out, Smoother than the glass that the sea spits out And don't forget to take your shirt off, run into the water.
The birds are singing louder and the days are getting longer. Open up your hands and accept that this has ended. "Nothing in this world is holier than friendship.”
-Eskimeaux
